I watched the sun struggle among the dark clouds through the massive windows of my new apartment. I saw droplets of water continue to slide down the glass as I sat, hugging my legs, by the window. I unconsciously reached for my long hair, forgetting the fact that I had chopped it off yesterday. I looked at my barely visible reflection on the window. My once long black hair was now short and brown. I noticed that my other eye was color blue while the one was still brown and so, I figured out that I must have forgotten to put on one of my contact lenses.

I turned my head and look at the apartment I just moved into. It was small and it didn’t even have a heater on it. The paint on the walls was fading and there was no carpet to make the floor warm. The flush on the bathroom was not working and I could barely use the shower. I wasn’t used to this kind of life. But then, this was home to me now.

I slid off my seat, shuddering a bit as my bare feet touched the cold floor. I walked towards my bed where all the papers and fake identification card were. I grabbed the papers and read it out. I was no longer Kwon Minyoung, I should be called Bang Jaerin, an orphan and had no live relatives left. There wasn’t special with the name Bang Jaerin. To be honest, I frowned by the time I received this papers. But then, I just wanted to get rid of Kwon Minyoung. That name was cursed! And as long as I have that name, they would continue to haunt me.

If people heard my story, they would ask me why I would change my identity. I used to have everything. My parents were the children of the wealthiest business clans in South Korea. I had everything—except my parents.

I had always been the only exception to everything that deals with parents. Every kid, except me, looked up to his or her parents. Every kid, except me, thought that his or her parents’ love story was the most ideal love story in the world. Every kid, except me, grew up loving his or her parents just as they love each other. Every kid, except me, thought that his or her parents were good.

I never looked up to my parents; they were hardly called good examples. I never thought that my parents’ love story was the most ideal; my dad killed my mom and killed himself afterwards. I didn’t know my parents since that tragedy happened when I was two years old. And according to the things I heard from my paternal and maternal grandparents, my father and mother weren’t the most moral human beings that ever stepped on this world.

I was quite not sure if I would believe in what my grandparents say though. For one, they hated each other. My paternal and maternal grandparents were like the Montague’s and the Capulet’s—the Park’s and Kwon’s were always fighting with each other. When I was still young, I would spend a month under the wing of my father’s parents and they would talk ill of my mother’s family and the same thing would happen once I live under my mother’s family wing.

Considering that both families had been very famous, I had been told by other people of their version of what really happened. Some said that my father, Kwon Jiyong, my mother, Sandara Park. Some said that my mother got herself knocked out and told everyone that Kwon Jiyong her. Either way, I ended up being a mistake.

For eighteen years of my life, I had been fed of lies and more lies and I reached to the point where all I wanted to do was puke it all out. But could I? No, because the only way I could do that was when I would finally know the truth. And I could never learn the truth. My parents were dead. Whatever the real story was, whether my dad killed my mom and killed himself afterward or they shot each other to death, it wouldn’t change the fact that they were still dead. And sadly, they carried the truth to their graves.

But it all changed one day. I lived in a hotel (owned by my paternal grandparents) when I turned 18 because I was tired of going back forth into my grandparents’ houses. What I loved in living in the hotel was that I felt a sense of independence. And not being under my grandparents’ wings made me stop hearing lies from them. I thought that I didn’t have to hear anything about my parents, because I think I heard enough already. But then, I heard two bellboys talking while I was about to return to my room. They talked about the rumours that the offspring of the owner of the Park Group of Companies and Kwon Group of Companies killed each other in the underground parking lot. I realized that they were talking about my parents. And so, even though it was supposed to be illegal, I sneaked to the security room where they kept all the past video tapes. The tape wasn’t too hard to look for. They were stupid enough to keep it on a book which had a “do not open” sign. They even placed a label for the tape and had the decency to put a “confidential” word after it.

And that video tape was the reason why I run away. That video tape was the reason why I changed my name. That video tape was the reason why I chopped my hair.

And after watching that video, I realized that my parents’ story was yet another tragic tale of Romeo and Juliet. All the lies vanished; I could only see the truth.

A few days ago, I had the video tape converted to a DVD since it was more efficient; I destroyed the tape after. I took the DVD from its case and played the video on my laptop. I didn’t know why I kept on watching it over and over again. I didn’t know why I had to watch my father kill my mother and kill himself over and over again. Somehow, the video was the only thing that could tell me what really happen. And I deserved to know the truth.

The video was low quality, but could see the anguish on both of my father and mother’s faces. My father’s parents were there and grandmother was holding the sleeping me. My mother was about five feet away from them and she was unconscious and was tied up. I heard voices but it took me three views to finally understand what they said.

“Kill her Jiyong! Her father killed your sister—he killed Dami! Let his daughter pay the price for killing your sister!” Grandfather said as he handed a gun to my father. I saw my father froze and he just stared the gun as if he didn’t know what it was. My father didn’t even reached out for the gun and I knew that he couldn’t just kill my mother. I saw my father play with the ring on his finger and I figured out that it was his wedding ring. He just couldn’t do it—I just know.

My grandfather might have read my father’s actions and so, he raised the gun and pointed at me. I saw my grandmother gasped and my father’s eyes grew wide. My grandfather didn’t even show any remorse for pointing a gun at me.

“Blood is thicker than water Jiyong. But if you choose her, I will kill your daughter.” Grandfather spat at my father. I saw my father lowered his head, hiding his eyes under his hair. I saw him clenching his jaw and fist before he turned around and walked towards my mother. He grabbed her harshly on her arms and judging from his grip, I knew that his nails dug on her skin. My mother stirred slightly as might have felt the pain. She slowly opened her eyes and she hissed as she felt the pain all over her body. It didn’t take long for her to realize that she was tied up.

I saw how she stared at my father, how her lips quivered. The look on her face was full of emotions—she looked betrayed, angry, and hopeless at the same time. With her shaky voice, she asked my father: “Why?”

My father smirked, hiding the pain behind his arrogant smirk. “Do you honestly think that I, Kwon Jiyong, would fall for you?” He said it in a disgusted tone. “Didn’t it ever come into your mind that I was only playing with that little head of yours to make you pay for the crime your father did?”

I saw my mother’s face and she was now angry. She looked like she wanted to slap my father if she weren’t only tied up. “I never loved you.” My mother spat angrily.

If my father was surprised, he never did show it. He just gave out a weak smile before he answered. “Good.” He removed his hands off my mother. “Loving me won’t do you any good.” He took his handkerchief from his jean pocket and folded it. He used it to cover my mother’s eyes—my mother struggled as he was tying it.  “I don’t want to see the look on your face when you die. I want to sleep peacefully tonight.”

He walked away from my mother as she started to scream profanities at him. He acted like he didn’t hear anything at all. He took the gun from my grandfather’s hand and he pointed the gun on my mom. He began to tremble and I knew that he was crying silently, making sure that my mother wouldn’t hear. And even if he did cry out loud, she wouldn’t have heard it—she was still screaming at him. I saw him mouth the words ‘I love you’ (and I could tell that he was glad that her eyes were covered, making her not see what he just did) before he pulled the trigger, making my mother howl in pain as the bullet pierced through her chest. Just as when my mother had fallen to the ground, my father turned around, facing his father and mother. Both of them had a satisfied look on their faces—feeling quite happy that their daughter had been avenged.

But then, my father looked at me as if it was the last time he could ever look at me. He said out loud, “I hope you won’t live a life like mine.” He ran towards my mother, hugged her lifeless body before he pointed the gun on his temples, pulling the trigger soon after.

My father’s last words echoed in my head. That was the reason why I did all of these. I couldn’t let my grandparents control me forever—pulling my strings like I was their puppet.  And so I ran away. I changed my name. And I knew that this was what my father wanted me to do.

I closed my laptop and rolled on my bed. It was a shame that I wasn’t able to meet my parents—I knew that they would have been great parents. But then, this world ruined them.

And even though my parents love story wasn’t the sweetest, I could say that their story was one of the greatest. Even though it had to end that way, I was sure that went to some place better where they could continue the love story that both of them deserved.