I wrote this story in less than three hours and then re-read it once, added some stuff here and there and I'm done. It's one of those fics I'd like to keep imperfect since I'd like to focus on the actual emotions I wanted to convey when I wrote it. Please enjoy! 

CAN'T MAKE YOU

How many times had I walked into our house only to be welcomed by darkness and silence? I couldn’t help but feel as though I was alone again, living life without anyone around me. I clutched the bouquet of flowers in my hand in disappointment. How many weeks had it been since this started? How many times had I fallen asleep alone in our room? How many times had I woken up without her beside me?

As I turned the light on, I bit my lower lip and sighed. I couldn’t pinpoint why things happened; she might have had a reason to why she had been very distant, and I simply didn’t look hard enough to know. She might have had a reason as to why she turned to someone else, and maybe there was something I couldn’t provide. It was sad that we had come to where we were now - two strangers living together, trying to resuscitate the love that barely breathed. Even though I knew of her infidelity, I still wanted to change things between us - be the couple we used to be.When she would come up to me and tell me she loved me. Those time when she wrapped her arms around me to keep me warm, and told me how she wished that moment would last forever.

What happened to us?

I couldn’t help but laugh at myself, feeling as though I had gone crazy. We were very much so in love with each other, and despite all the thinking I had done, I still couldn’t come up with why this happened. Did she fall out of love? But how could that be when she still came home. There might be some feeling in there, right? If she still felt that love for me, even for the slightest, I’d do everything for her. That was supposed to be my job, right? I was supposed to keep this relationship alive, to try to reach out to her, to make sure that I support her the best way I could, to at least show her I was still there for her, right?

But knowing what my role in this relationship was didn’t help at all. She was never home to receive my flowers; she never returned my smile like she used to; she never said she loved me anymore; she was just a completely different person. With these thoughts in my mind, I couldn’t help but choke up. However, what if she walked in and saw me in this state? Would she worry like she used to or would she simply walk past me as though I didn’t exist? If I cry now, I wouldn’t be strong enough to hold this relationship together. Quickly, I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and headed straight to the dining table, leaving the flowers there and then back to our room.

On our right side of the bed - her side - beside it sat a photo frame with our picture in it. I recalled we took it when we first celebrated our anniversary five years ago; we were both smiling so wide, as we hugged each other. I couldn’t believe how much time had passed, and how much changes we had been through? How much love seemed to no longer be there...

No. I could only permit myself with a tiny amount of self-pity, and I already did that. My tears already poured out, and that should be enough. There was no point for any more of this feeling.

~

I felt the bed droop and so I turned my body, facing Tiffany’s back. “Tiffany?” I looked at my watch to know the time. “It’s pretty late. Where have you been?” When Tiffany was close enough, I smelled a hint of that familiar fragrance - not her perfume, but the scent she usually had every time she came home - emitting from her.

“Work,” was all she said as she laid her herself comfortably.

Despite knowing it was a lie, I didn’t want to ask any further since I was afraid to actually hear the truth. “Don’t overwork yourself,” I said. I tried to reach out my hand to touch her back and hold her tight - tight enough to never let her go - but I couldn’t. My hand trembled in fear that she would reject me, that she would finally tell me she didn’t want me anymore. Just the thought of that frightened me.

“I’ll sleep now.”

I swallowed the lump the built in my throat. Just like every other night, I would shut my eyes to fight the tears from falling, lay beside her, and pretend that nothing was wrong. If I couldn’t see, I would be able to convince myself just for one more night, for another night, that she still loved me.

~

“How can you let her do this to you?” Minyoung looked at me as she held my hands. “Jessica, how can you let her hurt you like this over and over again?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“Are you some type of masochist? Do you love being hurt?” She squeezed my hand as it laid on top of the table as we were in a coffee shop. “Jessica, you don’t deserve this.”

I looked at her with a smile on my face. I didn’t know why, but Minyoung’s words never reached my mind. I knew she was right, but why did I still love Tiffany? Why did I still want to hold on to what was left? It seemed like what was left was nothing anyway. But I still chose to beat myself every day just to be with Tiffany. “Minyoung,” I bit my lip for a while, gathering my thoughts and feelings together. “Don’t you think we can still go back to how we were before?”

“No!” she exclaimed right away, certain enough that things wouldn’t happen. “Jessica, it’s been like this for awhile now. You can’t go back to what you used to be anymore. You need to learn to let go.”

“I---”

“You know, even Yoona’s really worried about you. She doesn’t want you to be hurting anymore. We’re here for you, Jessica. We worry because what you’re doing to yourself isn’t healthy. Break u---”

“I can still fight for her though...” I said in a low tone as I hung my head low, although loud enough for her to hear.

“Fight? What fight?” She lifted one of her hand and pressed the bridge of her nose. “There’s no such thing as ‘fighting for love.’ If you have someone hindering that love, sure. You have every right to do so. Fight. Fight together.”

“B----”

“Together, Jessica. You need two people to love each other to work a relationship out. You simply can’t do both jobs. That’s not the right love.”

“How about if I fight for her affection again? Just like befo---”

With a sad smile, Minyoung looked at me as she shook her head, stopping me from saying any more. “If you’re the only one fighting for that love you think you will share, the love you think she still has for you, the love you still want despite everything. Well, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but Jessica you need to have a reality check.” She looked me in the eyes, holding my gaze with hers. “You lost the moment you needed to fight.”

With her words, my tears couldn’t help but fall as though I had bottle them up for so long. Was this the realization I needed? Was this the slap to my face that would finally wake me up from fantasy? Did my brain finally accept the fact that I lost this fight? But why did I love Tiffany so much even still? Despite all that, I still loved her very much.

I buried my face in my hands, letting myself cry out the feeling. Maybe if I cried enough, I would lose the love I felt for her. Maybe this would be enough to make me let go of her. If I didn’t have tears anymore, I wouldn’t have feelings for her any longer.

I felt arms wrapped around my shoulders, and so I buried my face in Minyoung’s neck and cried to my heart’s content.

~

Days had passed since I talked to Minyoung, and my mind still never listened. Despite knowing the truth, I still couldn’t leave. I wanted to hold on to this relationship in every but of my strength, I wanted her. There was still hope, right? I would still be able to hold her after all this, right?

My thoughts were stopped by that very same fragrance I smelled every night. Tiffany sat on the empty chair in front of me as we ate dinner at home. “How was your day?”

“Work,” was, like always, all she said.

“Oh? You shouldn’t tire yourself out.”

“Yeah,” she said as she sighed, seemingly annoyed. I looked at her, wanting to reach out to her and tell her that we should change. But something stopped me. I clenched the utensils in my hands and then dropped them on my plate. Though her hair covered her neck, I still noticed the reddened spots that painted her porcelain skin. Everything that was Tiffany used to be mine. I was the only one who hugged and kissed her, but now, that seemed to no longer the case.At that point, I couldn’t take it anymore.

She didn’t bother covering them up anymore. Was this her way of telling me things should had been long over?

Why did it take that long for me to realize she was no longer mine?

~

“Tiffany,” I called the moment she opened the front door of our house. She looked at me as I sat on the couch, and then her gaze moved to my luggage that was beside me. “This is goodbye.”

She looked at me, face still blank and then finally she said something. “Don’t kid with me.”

“I’m not kidding. Minyoung and Yoona are waiting in the lobby.”

Her face still didn’t show any sign of emotion - not a hint of sadness. Were all the years we had spent together in vain? Were they nothing to her?

“Do as you please.”

I told myself I wouldn’t cry in front of her; I convinced myself to never cry in front of her. But there was that one tear - that treacherous tear - that fell before I could even wipe it away. “Before I leave, I have one question though,” I stated as I remained glued to the couch. There was this urge to leave and never face her again, but there was also this need for clarity - to know what happened to us and why we fell apart. I tried to buy as much time as I needed, but I still ended up choking the words, “Was there another woman?”

“No.”

“Then what happened?”

She scoffed as she eyed me down. Was I being ridiculed? Was it only my imagination that I was no longer loved? Clearly, it wasn’t as she was still stoic even right now as I bid her farewell. Minyoung was right all along. This was beyond salvation. This love was beyond salvation.

I stood up from my seat and dragged my luggage along with me. Finally deciding that I had enough of whatever this was, I headed for the door. When I was in front of Tiffany, she then said, “You’re the one leaving and you’re asking me what happened? You must be kidding me.”

I couldn’t help but raise my hand on her, hitting her cheek. “Don’t kid with me, Tiffany!” For the first time in my life, I hurt Tiffany. I purposely hurt her. I should feel ashamed for hitting her, but the way she looked at me, back at me, as though it didn’t even affect her irked me. Had I been loving this kind of woman - this emotionless woman all this time? But what about the smiles she flashed for me? What about the tears she shed when we argued? How could she be so cold now? What happened to her? What happened to us?

Everything I had kept locked inside my chest could finally be released. I didn’t have any reason to hold them and so I explained, “It’s so easy to tell me you don’t love me anymore! It’s so easy to tell me you fell out of love, Tiffany...” This would be the last time she would hear from me, and I wanted her to know my feelings. “You should’ve told me you don’t love me anymore! That you fell in love with somebody else!”

She held my wrists with her hands, stopping me from any pain I could inflict on her. But then, that was nothing compared to what I had to go through. I didn’t want to stop now. This was goodbye, and I needed to tell her everything she had done to me - every pain she inflicted on me. “There was no one else!” she kept repeating as our arms flailed in the air. How could she lie to me when we both knew there was? Every single night, she would meet up with this woman and kept me waiting in the dark? How could she still say false things straight to my faces and look me in the eyes as though I was the one in the wrong. That fueled my desire to hurt her. I wanted to so badly that my body shook in anger. She didn’t care if we broke up, and it seemed like she liked it. If we did, she finally would be a free woman.

“Liar!”

“Jessica, I’m not having an affair!” she bellowed as she slapped me across my face. She looked at me with eyes wide opened, seemingly stunned with what she did.

I quickly drew back my hand, for this moment she let go of it, I swung it, hitting her already reddened cheek for the second time. “Don’t you dare hurt me more than you already have.” I spat my words as she cupped her cheek.

As though my words finally reached her, she bowed her head low. Did she finally felt ashamed of what she had done? “I fell out of love.” She paused, breathed heavily and continued, “I just feel bored now that we’ve shared so many years together. The spark isn’t there anymore.”

“So was that why you cheated on me? Because of this spark?”

“Jessica, there’s no other woman.”

“Liar! Every night, you smell different from your perfume. You think I’m stupid enough to not notice that at least?”

There was a long pause from Tiffany. “I just met up with this woman. We just talk. I never slept with the woman though. I swear! Jessica, believe me, I didn’t sleep with her.”

She swore that she didn’t cheat? She met up with another woman despite knowing I was alone at home, waiting for her, she met up with her. And they may have had this connection that we not longer shared, and she was telling me she didn’t cheat on me? Who was I kidding? Myself? Maybe I really was. Why was I even still here? I wanted to hear an explanation from her, but I would never avail that. I would just have to go on with my life, not needed her presence in it.

“Sure, we kissed and I’m sorr---”

“Enough. I’m done listening to your bullsh!t.” Tiffany finally showed emotion as I heard her sob, shaking like a leaf. Why did it seem like I was the bad guy now? Why was she the one looking weak now when all this time she was the one cheating on me?

“I’m sorry...” she muttered, which irritated me even more. “I’m really, really sorry...”

I shook in frustration, trying to suppress myself from hitting her more. I tried my hardest to be the better person, but my emotions took the better of me. I reached for her shoulder, gripped it as tight as possible. She looked up, wincing in pain, but I paid no attention. This would most likely be the last time she would have any type of eye contact with me. And so I held her gaze with mine, making her look me in the eyes to see what we had become. “No you’re not! Because if you are sorry, you would tell me you no longer loved me before anything! If you were truly sorry, you would have the decency to break things off with me before you start talking to another woman, Tiffany! If you were sorry, if you ever, even for a moment, thought of me before you go behind my back, flirting, you would come back home, hug me and ask for my forgiveness! If you were sorry, you would’ve told me that I no longer hold a special place in your heart.” I let her have a good look of me with my face drenched with tears, eyes furious. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t do this to us.”

“I--I’m s---”

“Shut up!”

I pushed her aside, not letting myself drown in this emotion that would only harm me. I walked out of the door, not bothering to look back to see if Tiffany was there. I headed forward, this may be hard for awhile, but wasn’t it like that with Tiffany anyway? I was hurting regardless with or without her anyway, so might as well be alone than be hurt by the one I expected to love me back.

As I exited the elevator, I saw Minyoung and Yoona waiting for me. They rushed towards me, and hugged me so tight. “I’ll be okay,” I told them. It might not be now, but I knew I would. As much as I hated to be alone, I never realized I truly wasn’t. I couldn’t make her love me anymore, and I knew at least this much. I wanted to hold on to Tiffany as much as I could since she had always been there, and I didn’t want to lose her. But my thoughts were clouded by the idea of having to live day to day by myself and maybe that was the reason I didn’t let go any sooner. I forced myself to think that being alone was painful, but I didn’t realize that it was more painful to be with her.

-----

This fic was inspired by the song I Can't Make You Love Me

[media]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfwylq9ZDyw [/media]