❝ chapter three: remembering
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                                   chapter three of forever mute, a -byungkitty-  storyline

"Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to become a singer!!" I said, tugging at her sleeve.

"Oh, is that so?" She said, looking down at me.

I nodded. "Yeah! And I'm going to be a really famous singer! Super famous!"

"Aw, my little seven-year-old daughter is already dreaming big." She smiled and ruffled my hair. "I'm sure you'll become a very famous singer one day, Amy."

I peered at her with wide eyes. "You think so, mom?"

She picked me up onto her lap and gave me a warm hug. "I know so."

"Thanks, mom! I won't let you down, just wait and see!"

-- ♥ --

"Myungsoo, you're late again."

I stood, frozen, at the doorway of the music room. All the students were sitting in their seats, arranged in three rows, and the teacher was standing in front. Ms. Kang, a tall woman with her hair in a neat bun, was looking at Myungsoo sternly, who was standing with his hands in his pockets and was staring coldly back at her.

"How many times has it been? I expect you to be here on time like the others." She told him sternly.

He rolled his eyes and tilted his head over at me. "I was helping the new kid out. She didn't know where to go."

I felt all eyes on me as I bowed and turned my face towards the wall to hide part of my burnt cheek, but not before catching a glimpse of Ji Eun, sitting in the back and staring at me wide-eyed. She had this class too?

"You must be the new student, Lee Ye Jin." Ms. Kang looked at me. "Is it alright if I call you by your Korean name?"

I nodded and Myungsoo stalked off to his seat, smirking as he sat down right next to some of his gang-friends, a few seats away from my cousin.

"This is Lee Ye Jin, a transfer student from America." The teacher introduced me to the class again for the millionth time today. "As some of you may know, she does not have the ability to talk so she will be using sign language. Myungsoo will be our translater."

They turned to each other and began whispering and I looked away, obviously knowing what they were whispering about. What else would it be?

"I hope none of you will treat her differently because of her disability." Ms. Kang carried on. "She does know how to play piano, so she still has a musical ability, just like everyone else. Please welcome her warmly."

Too late for that. I thought bitterly.

Ji Eun raised her hand and pointed at the seat next to her. "Amy- er, Ye Jin! You can sit with me here!"

I glanced at Ms. Kang, who nodded for me to go on, and I reluctantly sat down. My innocent cousin smiled at me brightly. "This is going to be so much fun!"

No, it won't. I just stared at her, not showing any emotion to what she was telling me.

"Right now we're just filling out these theory sheets and stuff, so don't worry." Ji Eun continued, taking out a folder from her backpack and handing me several papers. "Since you already know piano, you'll finish these in no time."

I took them silently from her and nodded, taking out a pen from my own pocket and writing my name on it in Hangul. The Korean language was so unfamiliar and my symbols came out rigid.

I filled out the theory sheet in silence. They were indeed easy, a bit too easy, and I put my pencil down when I was finished. Ji Eun looked content and I didn't want to bother her, so I looked around the room. Everyone else where happily talking to each other, joking around and talking about whatever Korean teenagers usually talked about.

"Amy?" Ji Eun said, not looking up from her paper. "Can I call you by Ye Jin too? I'm still used to calling you by your American name though, so sorry if I keep messing it up..."

My just shrugged and my eyes wandered over to the corner with Myungsoo, where he sat with his circle of friends. He was in the middle of a sentence when he caught my eye and smirked. His stare made me freeze and for some reason, I couldn't look away.

Sunggyu turned his head my way to see what Myungsoo was staring at. I blinked and shifted my gaze to the older boy, who just looked back at me blankly. Sungyeol, sitting with his back facing me, let out a laugh after hearing what Woohyun had said and they both looked away from me.

Gripping my pencil tightly, I lowered my head back to my theory sheet. Why was I even in Music? All this class was doing was reminding me of what I didn't have anymore. My voice, my love for singing, they've all vanished into thin air.

I look up to see Ms. Kang writing notes on a music staff on the chalkboard. When she finished writing she turned back around. "Class, please sight-read these four measures in groups. The first row will go first."

I paused for a moment as I stood up, realizing I was in the front. Ji Eun stood up next to me and Ms. Kang cued for us to begin. The others sang the note names out loud while I could only stare at the board.

"Amy, if you want to become a singer, you have to learn the notes first." My mom told me. She drew five horizontal lines on a piece of paper and drew circles, filling each of them in completly. "There are eight notes total. Let's start with 'Do', okay?"

"'Do'?" I repeated after her.

My mom clapped her hands together. "Yes, like that! Next is 're', and 'mi', and then 'fa'. Each note is higher than the one before it. You're basically just going up the scale."

"Like a staircase, right?" I said.

"Yes, like a staircase." She smiled at me. "Just like a staircase."

Just like a staircase. I thought again, recalling the day my mom taught me the notes after coming home from grade school. But mom, now there's no more staircase for me to climb. I can't even fall to the bottom anymore.

I hear a few snickers and peek behind me. Myungsoo and his friends were laughing at me. I blink as my fingers began to shake. Was this the reason why Myungsoo had helped me get to class, to humiliate me? To make me feel worse than I already do?

When the first row finished and the second row stood up for their turn, I sat down and blinked faster this time, forcing any tears to stop forming. Ji Eun looked over at me. "Ye Jin, are you okay? You know you don't have to do any of the sight readings, you can just-"

I jerked my head sharply, nodding, and looked away. There was only one thought on my mind; Will I ever be able to hear myself again?

-- ♥ --

The rest of my day was spent in math, social studies, gym, and science. Fortunately, Myungsoo wasn't in my science class. Unfortunately, his friend Hoya was and he became my lab partner. I tried to avert the gazes he directed towards me and instead try to take more useless notes, but the atmosphere stayed suffocatingly uncomfortable throughout the one-hour period.

"You know, you ‘re not that bad." He said as the teacher dismissed everyone. "If not for that burn on your face, I bet all the guys here would be all over you by now."

I could feel my face heating up as I turned away from him. What was this dude's problem? Girls, looks, and playing around. Was that all he cared about?

I quickly gathered my stuff along with my black bag and headed out the door to my assigned locker. I put in my combination number and was about to close it and leave when a group of girls appeared behind me. One of them stepped forward and shut my locker door abruptly with a loud clang.

"You're from America, aren't you?" She sneered.

The girl beside her piped in. "You mean that place full of white people?"

“Yeah, that garbage dump.” The girl replied.

I couldn't answer so I just stood there, trying to shrink away from her as far as I could. She nudged the other girls around me and smirked. "That's stupid. Why are you even here? You should go back to where you came from."

"Yeah, get out of our sight." The others said, just as menacingly. "You're such an eye sore to look at." The girls nodded in agreement and I looked away. 

"Ew, she's half-white. That's disgusting."

"Yeah, and look at what's happened to her."

"It must be a warning to never mix races, all that ."

I just stood there and and slowly slumped against the wall. I slid down to my knees as memories came flooding back.

"Hey, Jap! Come over here!"

"Why does your mom talk so funny?"

"Gooky gook gook! Ching ching chong!"

"Look at her, she's a banana!"

"You no speak English? Why you no say anything?"

I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories, all the memories that I wanted to forget and erase. There was nothing wrong with being Korean-American, so why were they doing this?

"Aw, are you scared now?" The girl mocked, pulling me upwards by my shoulders. I swatted her arm away before stumbling and running out if the locker room. I ran as fast as I could away from the girls, away from the malicious comments, away from all the harsh words that weren't true.

I hugged my bag to my chest and didn't look at where I was going when I bumped into somebody.

"Amy- Ye Jin? Are you alright?"

It was Ji Eun. She looked at me worriedly. "What's wrong?"

Everything. Everything was wrong. Not answering, I ran past her and outside to the front of the school. There was a crowd of kids huddled there, talking to each other and making plans for after school activities.

Trying to get through the sea of people, I crashed into somebody again and fell down to the ground, dropping my bag. I heard a familiar voice above me and I was suddenly pulled back up by my hair.

"Why, look at who we have here!" Myungsoo smirked at me as he let go of my hair, causing me to stumble. "How was your day? Did everyone welcome you well?"

A small crowd had formed a circle around us. The girls from before were now standing in the front, laughing at me. I saw his friends Sungyeol and Woohyun standing behind him and I felt so vulnerable. Myungsoo was about to give me another push when somebody ran in front of me, blocking his way.

"Myungsoo, stop!" Ji Eun panted, probably from running after me. "Leave her alone!" I gasped as another memory came to my jumbled mind.

The girl gave me a push and I fell to the ground. Being the little defenseless kid I was, I began to cry. The girl laughed and her friends did too. Suddenly I heard a boy's voice call out.

"Leave her alone, you big meanie!" He cried at her. She looked shocked at his sudden appearance but he planted his short legs firmly on the ground, not leaving. "Go away or I'll tell on you!"

She scoffed at him but was unsure if she should stay or not. Her friends told her to just go and when they left, the boy went over to me. "Are you okay?"

All I could do at that moment was cry. The boy went down to his knees to meet my eyes and hugged me tightly."It's okay, they're gone now. It's okay."

He patted my back and out came a few sobs and a choked up "Nobody likes me! Everybody hates me! I hate everyone!"

"It's okay." He kept on saying. "I don't hate you."

These memories from so long ago... It was happening all over again. I was being told I wasn't accepted, that nobody wanted me. This feeling was so familiar, I hated it.

"Ji Eun, why are you trying to defend her?" The question from Myungsoo interrupted my train of thought and I snapped back to reality.

"Because she's a human, she's just like everybody else." My cousin answered. "Nobody deserves this kind if treatment! It isn't fair!"

"Well, guess what? Life isn't fair and never will be." He pushed her to the side and stepped towards me. "Now get out of the way so I can deal with this ."

I stumbled backwards as he moved forwards. I backed up until I hit the brick wall and had no other place to hide. Myungsoo saw me, frightened, and smirked even bigger this time.

"Myungsoo." I heard Sunggyu's voice from a few feet away. The younger boy ignored the older who had appeared out of nowhere and raised his hand up to my face, but he called out again, warningly. "Kim Myungsoo."

The boy turned around and locked eyes with Sunggyu, who just shook his head. Myungsoo looked back at me with a glare, hand still raised. Closing my eyes shut, I braced myself for the worse.

I expected him to slap me, to push me, to hit me, to kick me. I expected him to say something that insulted me. I expected him hurt me both physically and emotionally.

Instead, he put his hand down and reared his head back. Then, in slow motion, he leaned back forward and spat on me.

He ing spat on me.

His glob of spit had flown through the air and had landed flat on my cheek, smearing straight across my burn. The crowd around us gasped, whispered, pointed, and laughed.

With one last smirk, he turned around and stalked off, but not before walking past Sunggyu with a shove. The older pursed his lips at what he had just seen but followed him anyways. Sungyeol and Woohyun did the same.

My gaze stayed on the ground because I didn't have the guts to look at Ji Eun right now. She must think I was really pathetic.

"Ye Jin-" She called out when the crowd slowly began to disperse. I angrily wiped my cheek on my sleeve and swatted her hand away. The next thing I knew, I was running all the way back to her house. I didn't check to see if my aunt was home yet, all I did was rush upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom.

The sound of cold water rushing out of the faucet and hitting the sink echoed off the tiled walls of the bathroom. My fingers trembled as I splashed my face repeatedly, shivering but not caring.

"Amy!" Ji Eun's voice called from outside the bathroom and she banged on the door. "Ye Jin, come out! Please, Amy!"

Ignoring her pleas, I stared at the reflection in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot red and my lips were quivering. My skin was a sickly white color, my hair was a tangled mess and my uniform shirt was disleveled. My burn stood out from the rest of my face, like always.

"Ye Jin!" She pleaded again.

Who was I? Amy and Ye Jin, these two names just showed how I never fit in, anywhere. Was I just that one mute girl? Even I didn't know who I was anymore.

At this point, Ji Eun had stopped banging on the door. She had probably gotten tired and had given up. I turned off the faucets and slumped against the countertop, breathing heavily and touching the part of my burn where Myungsoo's spit had landed. No matter how many times I washed and scrubbed my cheek, I felt as though his spit was still there. It was like his hatred towards me was lingering on my fingertips.

Surprisingly, no tears were falling. I wasn't crying, but why did it hurt so much? I've already gone through this so many times, so why does it surprise me?

Myungsoo's mocking smirk appeared in my mind again. He was exactly like everyone else, yet he was the one who stirred the most emotion inside of me. He made me feel vulnerable, scared, frightened, pitied. He had stained me, and I felt exactly like the piece of everyone was calling me.

I disgusted myself. I scared myself. I hated myself.

And apparently, so did everyone else.

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✉(A/N);

Hey there. I decided to come back from the dead and update in celebration of Infinite's comeback kwoeiujdldomfgican'twaitanylongerorelselmweriowj Anyways, all fangirling aside, I hope you all realized that anything in slanted italic dark gray text are memories from Amy's childhood... also, this chapter hasn't been proofread yet, so sorry if there are any confusing mistakes and whatnot. also wtf, why are people even subscribed to this ty story, i haven't updated this thing in like half a year