It’s been 5 years ever since I’ve felt this way about you; you were the nice guy of our batch you always have that innocent smile on your face

                Always greeting everyone with your cheerful voice and undying charm, I have to say that smile of yours is your number one charm, I’ve always thought of confessing to you but I can’t since you have your over protective boyfriend by your side so I just glance at you secretly

                I’ve thought of giving up on you since it looks like you and your boyfriend is inseparable but fate decided to play with my heart, we were assigned to do a project together you were very nice and easy to get along with and as time goes by my heart started to fall for you slowly and deeply, when I’m near you I felt like my heart is going to explode, I don’t know what to do

                You started to talk to me more often like were close friends or something, you told me that you liked my presence and you wanted me to be your best friend and I immediately accepted it we started to spend more time together, we started to hang out in your house and sometimes we watched movies together like a couple but too bad you already love someone else and I’m just your best friend.

                I always tell myself not to fall for you more but I can’t help it your just easy to love and for those 5 years I never looked to anyone except you, I know you don’t like me the way I’ve liked you so I decided to just distance myself from you, I stopped coming to your soccer practices because I know I’ll just see you with that Siwon guy being all lovey dovey, this is my first step of trying to forget you for real I also stopped answering your calls and texts I know I’m selfish but this is for my hearts own good I’m scared to get hurt

                Slowly and painfully I started to move on from this five years of an unrequited love but One day I went out to get something to eat and on my way back to my apartment I saw you crying on my door step I approached you and you stood up you look into my eyes and smiled while your tears fell from your beautiful eyes I just stood there not knowing what to do i don’t want to see you crying but I don’t know what to do, you hugged me, so I hugged you back you just cried in my chest for a while and when you felt like your tired of crying you sat back down to my doorstep and told me that Siwon broke up with you with the most stupid reason you said that Siwon thought he likes boys so he decided to hook up with you but now he thought he needed girls instead, your tears kept on falling from your crystal eyes and yet your smile never leave your face

                After that incident you started to visit me regularly in my apartment we started to hang out again, even though it hurts I don’t really care as long as I can see you’re happy, you’re happy right Donghae? You’re happy when you’re with me or you’re just pretending to be happy?

                We became happy best friends that time I thought you started to like me too that’s why I finally decided to confess, I was planning on surprising you with a candle light dinner before I confess to you so I prepared everything that I need a setting near the beach which you said is your favourite kind of date everything is almost perfect and there’s only one thing missing it’s you

                I waited and waited for the whole afternoon and you didn’t came I waited and waited and waited hoping that you will come but you didn’t, rain started to pour in our date place the flowers started to wilt and the candles are out of light and I was left alone

                The next morning I went to school alone, without you by my side, you didn’t come to my apartment this morning, I saw you talking to our classmates when I came into the classroom and when you notice me you gave me your brightest smile I was about to tell you about our supposed to be date last night but you cut me off telling that you’re back on track with Siwon you look so happy so I just pretended to be happy for you too

                We started to drift apart you stopped hanging out with me and you didn’t even pay attention to me when were at class all your attention is with Siwon, Siwon the guy who hurt you and trash you and yet you still chose to be with him, you didn’t even gave me a chance to tell you that I love you, me whose the person that stayed with you when your falling apart when your dearest person left you

                Like before, I choses to be silent and just watch you from a far when we see each other you just look away and chose to ignore me it hurts like hell so I decided to forget about you completely   

                 I started to date that girl named Hyoyeon she’s a nice and funny girl I thought she can help me forget about you, and I think it works sometimes she’s always there when I needed help just like me when you’re the one in need of help even though were not really in a relationship yet she acts like were together which she said will help me forget about Donghae

                  I thought I’m starting to forget about you but fate really doesn’t want me to forget about you, I saw you again in front of my doorstep looking like a lost puppy and when I approach you I acted different I acted cold towards you to protect my heart, you were shocked with my attitude towards you but I don’t give a damn I know you’re just going to use me again to forget Siwon and I won’t let that happen again I pushed you away from my doorstep and I opened the door preparing to leave you alone outside but you suddenly hugged me from the back

                  You said you missed me and you wanted me by your side forever but I pushed your hand away from me and told you, you were selfish this time you started to started to cry I turn around so I can face you but you look down instead you didn’t stop yourself from crying I look at you straight but still you didn’t look at me I asked you what happened but you didn’t answer me, I asked you if it’s about Siwon and finally you looked at me, I knew it it’s always about that guy isn’t it, I asked you if he broke up with you but you shake your head, I started to get annoyed by your silence so I accidentally shouted at you and you look so scared and fragile I pulled my hair in frustration and I asked again what’s your problem you looked at me and the eyes and wiped you tears and said sorry to me, but why the hell are you apologizing your tears keep falling from your beautiful eyes again, I looked at you pitifully what’s happening to you Donghae I decided to invite you in my Apt we sit at the couch side by side but you still refused to talk then I heard my phone ringing it’s a call from Hyoyeon I was about to answer it leaving you in my living room I can feel your eyes followed my every move you approach me and hugged my back I was shocked and I almost let go of my phone

                   I asked you to let go but you didn’t you told me not to answer my phone, Hae what do you think you’re doing, you held me tight and told me that you like me and that does it I pushed you a little hard and asked you about Siwon you told me it’s my fault that it’s because of me that’s why you feel different when your with Siwon you started to cry again while repeating those three words I can’t believe you love me too but it’s quite too late I don’t want to hurt Hyoyeon sshi but I can’t help but too fall for you again I held your face and lean closer to you and without a word I kissed you and you kissed back, I ended the kiss and looked at you, you have your eyes close and your lips were slightly parted you look heavenly beautiful I know it’s not the right word to describe a guy but you are beautiful, you look at me and muttered I love you but I let go of your hand and instead of saying I love you I said I’m sorry, I can’t let go of Hyoyeon she’s a kind and perfect girl who loves me, you ran away, away from my grasp and probably away from me forever.

                      It’s been five years now after we graduated from high school now were not teen agers anymore but a matured adult instead, I don’t know where have you gone to after the graduation I heard that you went abroad to study and Siwon’s currently courting you again, Hae are you still thinking about me after that night when I pushed you away I regretted it and up until now I’m still regretting it, I still love you Hae I thought it’s easy to forget you but I guess I was wrong, I’m stopped going out with Hyoyeon and she took it out nicely too nicely that she even asked me that shell wait for me to move on from you, yeah she knows I love you, Hae your still and always will hold my heart you are my first love after all, if I could turn back that time when you told me you love me I will definitely hug you tight and kiss you like no tomorrow but I guess it can never happen now   

                    I always wish to meet you again and this time fate is on my side I saw you at a café, you were there drinking looking good, I waited for you to come out and when you did I bumped into you on purpose making it look like an accident we looked at each other’s eyes and you gave me a sad smile we greeted each other and have a short exchange of stories after graduation, I learned that your married now and ironically it wasn’t with Siwon it was with a girl you met in America her name is Yoona and you said she’s kind and pretty that I need to meet her, your words cut my heart into millions of pieces if only you invited me and Hyoyeon to your house and I finally meet your wife she has a beautiful and innocent face, she long black wavy hair and a pair of large clear eyes just like yours.

                  I can tell that she loves you so much, we went to your garden while the girls cooked food inside, you told me we need to catch up with things, you said time is running out for the both of us, I don’t know what you meant with that but I just nodded at your words, you patted my shoulders and asked me when will it be my turn to get married I told you soon, you gave me another sad smile while saying you can’t wait to see me in my tuxedo waiting for my bride to be in the altar you also told me to hurry up so that you can be my best man, your smile slowly fade away when you look at Yoona’s direction you told me she’s pregnant and you want me to look after her when you’re gone, when you have business trip I just nodded at you, Hae I want to tell you that I still love you but the way you look at Yoona, you look at her as if your world revolves around her now and better yet you’re expecting a child from her.

                    We keep in touch after that time and we hang out like there’s no tomorrow and after a few months I decided to get married with Hyoyeon and as your wish I made you my best man I honestly wish you were the one walking down the aisle right now but no she’s my soon to be wife Hyoyeon one of the most amazing girl that I ever met, I look at your direction and you nodded at me then gave me a smile I took her hand and the ceremony begins I glance at you from time to time and I saw your eyes glistening with tears what was that tears supposed to mean Hae are you happy for me or the opposite.

                    As time goes by we rarely meet due to our obligations as husbands I tried to give the love that Hyoyeon deserves but I couldn’t gave it all to her somehow in my heart I know that you have feelings for me those tears in my wedding know what it was you were sad that I’m getting married Hae why can’t you just admit it, we occasionally meet each other to have drinks I notice that you rarely drink and you always talks about how short time people have.

                     One night I finally get you drunk you talk about how life’s unfair for you, you told me that night that if only I stopped you that time then maybe just maybe you’re the one I’d marry and we’ll leave a happy life, but no you said I chose to let you go and I picked Hyoyeon instead of you, I wanted to hug you that moment but I can’t you passed out on me that night I brought you to a hotel and cleaned you up now I know why you don’t chose to get drunk you’re so talkative when your drunk, I slowly damp a wet towel to your beautiful face then your hand I noticed you’re not wearing any wedding ring on your ring finger but I shrugged it off.

                       We decided to have a party to welcome my baby well Hyoyeon is just pregnant and too far from giving birth but you said you wanted to celebrate it with all of us I can see Yoona never left your side that day and your baby is noticeable already, you approached me and hugged me you said you were proud of me because I’m going to be a father soon and I hugged you back while saying you’re the first one to welcome your baby but your big smile turned into a frown.

                        I went to visit you from your plant and I heard you quit your job there already I know its stupid sniffing out on you but I’m curious you stopped hanging out with me and you rarely go out of your house, I went to check up on you I saw you sitting at your terrace looking pale I asked you what’s wrong with you but instead you gave me that stupid smile of yours I hate to see that smile because I know something is wrong with you

                       We had a little chat and you told me once again to take care of Yoona and your soon to be baby, I nodded just accepting whatever your saying without a question, then you look at the sky and asked me if there were chance that before in that night when he confessed to me is there a time or a moment that I felt like stopping him from walking away from me I looked at him and gave him a smile and I told him the truth I told him that even now if I could only turn back that time I would stop him but he just can’t do that and he thanked me for my answer he held my hand and muttered thank you and finally he can finally sleep with a peaceful mind I saw Yoona standing at their door crying holding her apron I saw Donghae’s eyes closed and oh my god he’s not breathing evenly I called his name again and again but he never move even an inch wait don’t tell me Yoona called an ambulance and we waited outside the emergency room

                       Yoona looked terrified while she clutched her stomach she started to feel pain and it’s a good thing Hyoyeon’s with me she brought Yoona to the other E.R while I’m waiting for the doctor to come out, Hyoyeon called me and said Yoona’s giving birth early it’s a good thing Hyo is a doctor and she knows this stuff so I don’t have to worry about your baby and my baby, Hae you need to wake up you’re going to be a father any minute Hae just hang in there, everything came to me like a dagger is that why you wanted me to get married is it because your sick Hae ah please be fine I saw Hyoyeon came to me I asked about Yoona’s condition she said she delivered successfully and it’s a healthy boy I stood up and put my forehead in the door Hae did you hear that you’re a father now and it’s a boy Hae so be ok there.

                         After a long 4 hours the doctor came out with a sad face no please don’t say it please no, the doctor he’s dead my Hae is dead why is fate so cruel to us Donghae doesn’t deserve this, he’s too kind to deserve this kind of thing why, why now that his baby is finally in this world I fall to the ground while I watched Donghae’s dead body being pulled out of the room Hyoyeon cried with me and she held me.

                           We decided to tell it to Yoona after she recover from giving birth she frequently asked about Donghae and finally Hyo had the courage to tell her, Yoona cried after she heard the news she cried like she has a river inside her eyes, she continuously called Donghae’s name I watched as Yoona clasped the scarf that Donghae gave her.

                         After a few days Yoona’s out of the hospital with the baby she looks sad I always watched her just like how I promised Donghae she’s often with Donghae’s ashes I can’t believe life’s too cruel i said as I look at Donghae’s baby, Yoona approached me while saying that her baby doesn’t resemble Donghae I told her its ok at least Hae left her with an angel then she started to cry she said sorry to me I asked her why she told her story to me I learned that she met Donghae at America she became close to Donghae that time and slowly she fell for her but Donghae said he loves someone else and she got drunk due to her depression of being rejected she told me Donghae is not the baby’s father she said Donghae took the responsibility because they learned that he’s sick and dying he said time is running out but he never did marry her I cried with her as she tells her story now I know why he’s not wearing wedding ring, why he’s not exited of being a father and why he tried to stop loving me he did for Yoona and for her soon to be baby Hae you really are an angel

                           Yoona stood up and took something inside and she handed me Donghae’s ashes with the letter she told me that the letter contains Donghae’s last wish and last message to me I cried as I received the letter and the ashes

I went to my office to read Donghae’s letter and as what I expected Donghae’s letter really is like Donghae, I cried a river while reading it

DONGHAE’S LETTER

Dear Hyukjae,

                Hey Hyukkie I know when you received this letter I might not be by your side anymore sorry for hiding everything away from you, sorry for lying Hyuk you know after I turned my back from you that night I never stopped thinking of you I want to say I love you with all of my heart now and forever sorry for making you believe that Yoong is my wife I just want you to finally get married with Hyoyeon sshi even though it hurts me a lot to see the two of you at your wedding I have to endure it because I know it’s for your happiness and see you’re going to be a daddy soon I’m proud of you Hyuk I know we wasn’t able to show our love for each other and we never got a chance to be together because were not honest about our feelings so please don’t do that to Hyoyeon sshi Hyuk she’s a nice girl so don’t hurt her, Hyuk can you do me a favour please spread my ashes in our high school were we started and please take care of Yoona and her baby for me, Hyuk I’m sorry that I can never see your baby but please do remember that I’ll be watching you guys from wherever I am.

                Hyuk I know we regretted our decisions back then but if only  could turn back time if only I could have a time machine I’ll start it from the start and I’ll pay more attention to you but too bad time machine is not true and maybe, maybe this love really is not for us maybe you really are destine to be with Hyoyeon sshi and maybe I really am destined to be like this but Hyuk I want you to know that I’m still happy despite that I regretted running away from you but Hyuk I’m glad that you didn’t hold me back because you were able to have a beautiful wife and now she’s even pregnant you’re going to have a family now Hyuk, let’s just treat everything that happened to us as a dream, we really are not for each other Hyuk maybe in the other life we can be together hehehehe, I want to tell you that I let you go not because I don’t love you but because I love you that’s why I let you go I know you can never be happy with a dying person like me please love Hyoyeon with all of your heart Hyuk for the last time I want to tell you ‘of all the people in this world I chose to love you before , now and forever even though there’s no forever for the two of us’

See you in the other life Hyuk I love you

Love,

Donghae

                I Love you too Hae maybe in the other life we can be together I cried as I read his letter we felt the same way all this year but now I have to let you go let you free so that I can love Hyoyeon with all of my heart Hae for the last time I LOVE YOU

                I said as I let his ashes flow to the wind in our High School where all of it began

                It’s been a 16 years since He died but in my heart he’s still alive, I look at his picture and talk to him saying how I named my daughter Donghae even though Hyoyeon hates it and Yoona named his son after me to remember that you chose to love 

               i watched from rocking chair as the two teens bicker around on whose smarter, then hyoyeon approached me as she wrapped her hands around me while saying maybe God is giving you and Donghae's love a second chance i smile at her and look back at the kids

              Ironically Hae the two is inseparable like us maybe this is the love that we didn’t have a chance to grab maybe they were our afterlife maybe they were our TIME MACHINE.

THE END