I was always by his side. As if our names would always be together when others would mention one of us, the name of the other would follow. I know every detail of him the way he knows me. We don’t need to mention the things we like and dislike because we know those even without speaking.

 

I was there when he first danced and won his first award. I was there when he would compose his songs and sing them for me. I was there when he first fell in love and got his heart broken for the first time. I was always the first person to know everything about him and his stories. That was why I was also the first person he told me that he had a new girlfriend.

 

I just smiled at him, not knowing what to say, what to react. But when I saw him smile, showing off those dimples that I adore too much, I just couldn’t help but smile back. He enveloped me in a hug and crushed me with his arms. I hugged him and cherished those moment because I don’t know when I’ll be able to hug him. I know how it is when girlfriends would see their boyfriends hugging another girl. Even if I was his bestfriend, I would make him happy and not be the third wheel of their relationship.

 

“Eunmi?” I turned and smiled when I saw Yixing.

 

“Hey,” I said and watched him sit beside me. “Got no date?”

 

“Yurim said she’s busy,” Yixing said and took out his phone to type a message to type for his girlfriend.

 

“Hey, mom’s asking where you are. I told her she’ll see you for Freaky Friday Cookout,” I said.

 

“Errr…” He scratched his nape and I saw him hesitate. “I’m sorry, but I guess I have to pass this Friday’s cook out. I promised Yurim that I’ll take her out to Dragon’s Treasure since it already opened,” he said.

 

“It’s okay,” I lied.

 

We haven’t had the chance to hang out ever since he has been with his Yurim, and that’s for a few months already. It’s not his first time to pass on our Friday cook out where we’ll try to cook something different and new. But it’s his first time to have the reason that he’ll be with his girlfriend. It also hurt me that he forgot the promise that we’ll eat at Dragon’s Treasure when it opens. Maybe I should get used to all of this, being forgotten because it’s only natural that he’ll prioritize his girlfriend first than his best friend.

 

 

_*_

 

 

“Where’s Yixing?” Mom asked when she came home from the grocery.

 

“Busy… out with someone,” I said and continued eating the tub of choco mint ice cream that I always love.

 

“Does he have a girlfriend?” Mom suddenly asked.

 

“Yeah, but how did you find out?” I made it sound like I was unaffected.

 

“Plus, Yixing was never too busy for you. You two practically do everything together and would make your Fridays available. I even bought bacon,” she showed me. I shook my head with smirk. I heard her sigh and took a sit beside me. “You’re hurt,” she said.

 

“What?! I—No. Mom. Why would I?! This is Yixing! I—“ She stopped me by covering my mouth with her hands. She just shook her head and slowly removed her hand away from my face.

 

“Listen, first of all, I never said you’re hurt because of Yixing,” she said and I just looked away. “You two have known each other for so long that I’m not surprised if one of you fell for the other. It’s just sad that Yixing still hasn’t realized his true feelings,” she said.

 

“Mom—“

 

“Eunmi, whether you admit it or not, you like him and I can see it. Others may not see it, but I do. The way you smile you give off when Yixing is there is different,” she said. I don’t know what to say. All I know is that it hurts when I see him with Yurim. I would wonder why I couldn’t be like Yurim so that he would finally feel the same. I feel like I’m not enough for him. Thinking about all these just made me hug my mother and cry. I don’t cry much, but Yixing is someone who could make my heart hurt so much and makes me happy at the same time.

 

 

_*_

 

 

His locker is far from mine and it’s normal that he would pass by my locker anything. But today is different. He just passed by me without a greeting, not even a smile or nod. I’m not used to being ignored by him. I sighed and look at Yurim.

 

She is someone who I cannot compete with. Her hair is straight while mine can be in curves. She’s slim while I’m just enough. Not fat, not slim. We’re both of the same skin color though. She’s taller than me by a few cm. She has a smile that can make any guy melt. No wonder Yixing likes her. She’s also part of our theater club, while I stopped my vocal training because of busy schedule. There are many things that I can’t compete with.

 

“Eunmi!” I felt someone’s arm and saw Soojin’s arm on me.

 

“Hey,” I weakly smiled.

 

“You know, we haven’t hung out for a while. Let’s go,” I said and let be dragged by her. If I had a girl best friend, it was her. We sat at the lunch table where her boyfriend, Minseok was there.

 

“Hi!” He waved his hand and I greeted him.

 

“Sorry I was out last week. I got sick,” she rolled her eyes.

 

“And I was busy with the student body. I don’t even know why I ran Treasurer. I’m not even good at accounting,” Minseok added. I just smiled. At least now I won’t be alone.

 

I glanced to where Yixing was, with Yurim and her friends. He turned his head towards our direction and I turned away, looking at the table.

 

“Eunmi…” I looked at Soojin and smiled. I took out my lunch and began eating with them. I guess I have to get used to a lot of things, like eating without Yixing.

 

 

After lunch, we walked towards our classroom. Minseok isn’t our classmate but Soojin and Yixing is. The class was noisy as usual.

 

“Eunmi!” I saw Kris and I waved at him. “Have you finished the homework?” He asked and I widened my eyes.

 

“Hell no. Let me copy on yours!” I said and took his paper, copying everything on his paper. I usually copy from Yixing but seeing that he hasn’t returned from the lunch date with his girlfriend, I just copied from Kris. Kris is a good friend of ours since he and Yixing are close, I got to know him too and we’re close.

 

“Thanks!” I said as I finished copying from him.

 

“Is that all I get from you?” He teased.

 

“What do you want?” I said. I know that he would always ask for something in return.

 

“I haven’t hung out with you and Yixing for a while. Let’s eat outside. Your treat,” he said.

 

“Yeah sure. Hey wait! What do you mean my treat?!” I said and hit his arm.

 

“I am hurt,” he pouted.

 

“Eew. Stop acting cute because it does not suit you,” I teased and ruffled his hair. We both chuckled when I turned my head and saw Yixing standing at the doorway looking at us. Kris waved at him while I just forced a small smile.

 

“What if we go out for pizza this weekend?” Kris whispered and I turned to see him very close to my face. “Come on, my treat,” he said and leaned back. I chuckled and agreed. I have nothing to do since Yixing is busy with his girlfriend.

 

Sitting to our seats, Yixing looked at me.

 

“Kris asked you out, didn’t he?” Yixing asked.

 

“He said we’ll go out for pizza. I was supposed to invite you, but I assumed you’re going to be with Yurim,” I said.

 

“I…”

 

He didn’t even finish his sentence when the teacher came in. The classes continued with the usual lessons and my mind being invaded by the thoughts of the person beside me. As the bell rang for the end of the period and wait for the next teacher, I felt someone holding my hand.

 

“Eunmi…”

“Apples,” I blurted out. He looked confused and I took out the two apples in my bag that I prepared that day. I gave him one and he smiled. I miss those dimples of his. Anyone would really fall for those dimples of him.

 

“I’ll eat this later,” he said. Apples are our favorite fruits and we love to eat it during break times. The day went on and Yixing and I walked out of the room together.

 

“Do you have dance practice?” I asked.

 

“Yeah.”
 

“Will I wait for you like always or should I watch? Can I sleep in one of those comfy mattresses you have?” I asked like the usual. Usually he would just nod and their teacher would let me stay and watch them practice.

 

“No,” I chuckled and stopped when he said those words.

 

 

“What no? I can’t lie down on the comfy mattress?”

 

“First, it’s foam. Second, don’t wait for me because I’m meeting Yurim later.”

 

A soft ‘oh’, was the only thing that escaped my mouth. We walked until we reached his dance school and we just nodded each other before I leave him.

 

 

_*_

 

 

Another Friday had passed that he passed at our weekly cook out. But it’s not weekly anymore since we don’t hang out anymore. It’s also the date with Kris. At least he’s happy with my company and crazy antics unlike Yixing who probably isn’t anymore. He’s probably happy with Yurim. I shouldn’t be interfering with his life, right? He probably loves this girl so much and it hurts because I wanted to be that girl he would love.

 

The doorbell rang and I stood up. I just knew that it was Kris. I checked myself for the last time before opening the door. Jeans, white top, brown cardigan and black flats are just enough for me.

 

“Ready?” Kris said, leaning like a model. I shook my head and pushed him out of the door.

 

We were supposed to eat at the pizza restaurant he promised but we ended up in Dragon’s Treasure, after telling him that I’ve been wanting to eat there.

 

“You still owe me pizza,” I said as soon as we sat down.

 

“Don’t you mean you because you copied my homework?” He raised an eyebrow and smirked.

 

“You mean helped me,” I said and chuckled.

 

I was about to pick up the menu when I saw a familiar face walking in. I thought I’m seeing Yurim with another guy, but that’s impossible. The girl was in skimpy clothes and has another guy in her arms. As soon as the girl and guy she’s with came closer, I was shocked to see that it was really her. I let out a soft gasp and Kris turned to see where I was looking at.

 

“Eunmi…” Kris held my hand.

 

“Yixing… He loves her,” I said.

 

I don’t know why even at this moment, Yixing’s the one I’m thinking. I didn’t get mad first because Yurim is with someone else. I’m hurt because I can’t picture Yixing get hurt. I don’t think I can stand it.

 

“The girl… Tell me I’m not seeing things clearly. Tell me that I don’t see Yurim with some other guy. Tell me I’m not seeing her flirting with that guy.”

“Eunmi… I’m sorry, but I also see the same.”

 

I tried not to think about it, but I couldn’t. Yixing is someone lucky to have by anyone deserving, but Yurim doesn’t. Dinner went on with the atmosphere between me and Kris awkward. I apologized to him when he took me home.

 

“It’s okay. I hope you tell Yixing,” he says and leans down to plant a kiss on my forehead. It was a normal thing for him to do when he has a chance. But it’s been a while since he did it. I chuckled and tiptoed to ruffle his hair.

 

“Stop that,” he said and tried to fix it. We kept laughing until we got tired and I had to say goodbye to him. I turned, about to enter my place when I saw a figure standing nearby. I looked up and saw Yixing.

 

“How was your date?” He asked as he approached closer.

 

“It wasn’t a date and it was good. I finally got to eat at Dragon’s Treasure,” I said.

 

“Oh,” he said as his face fell. He probably remembered when he promised me we’d eat there.

 

“Where’s Yurim?” I asked.

 

“She said she’ll be in piano lessons,” he said. I looked at him and wondered if I should tell him.

 

“Yurim…”

 

“Yes?”
 

“Do you love her?” I asked.

 

“Of course I do. She makes me happy and I would do a lot for her,” he said with a smile.

 

I smiled because it hurts. I don’t know what hurts more, his answer or that I can’t say it to him.

 

“Why are you crying?” Yixing asked and wiped my tears.

 

“Nothing. I have to get in,” I said and immediately tried to enter the house, almost tripping. Yixing caught me and if it weren’t for him, I’d probably on the floor already. I looked at his eyes and the way his eyes reflect are so beautiful. His face was leaning towards mine. I need to avoid it, so I immediately went out of his hold and waved him a goodbye before entering.

 

I wanted him to hold me longer, but I can’t. There’s a line between being a best friend and a girlfriend. And I’m the former.

 

 

_*_

 

 

I don’t know how I ended up being at the same table with Yixing and Yurim. It’s awkward on my part, but I don’t think it’s for them. I was being more quiet than usual. Yixing hasn’t been talking to me because his whole attention was at Yurim. I look at them and even if she dresses up like a rich and elegant looking girl, her actions portray otherwise.

 

“Yurim, don’t you like singing? Eunmi sings well too,” Yixing said with a smile.

 

“I just do that during my pastime,” I chuckled.

 

“Well, singing is not just a hobby. I take voice lessons and I plan on taking voice in college and hope of making a name for myself one day,” she said.

 

Well, someone’s proud. I didn’t say anything else anymore. Obviously, Yixing doesn’t want to say anything anymore. I averted my eyes and met with Kris’s who held up a bottle of my favorite apple juice. I smiled towards him and he smiled back. I looked back to see Yixing looking at me. He wasn’t smiling. He turned to look at Kris who was looking at my direction.

 

“Yixing,” Yurim called for him.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I have to go.  I have to call someone important. Probably regarding my recital,” she said and left us.

 

I don’t know why it’s not the same when we’re together now.

 

“Hey, let’s hang out. I miss our times,” Yixing said. I nodded and smiled widely. It’s been a while since we hung out.

 

“After class, let’s eat our favorite noodles,” he said and I agreed.

 

We stood up and we saw Soojin and Minseok. The four of us walked together, looking like two pairs of couples than a group of friends. The school sees us like this, but when they saw Yixing dating Yurim, it’s different.

 

As we exited the cafeteria, I saw Yurim talking at her phone with all smiles. She’s probably talking with the guy I saw her with. I don’t think I can tell Yixing about that yet.

 

 

_*_

 

 

“I miss this,” I said as we lie down on the same grass we used to. If there was anything I would want to continue, it would be days like this. I turned to look at him. His eyes were closed and I wish I could watch that perfection forever. I looked down and saw our hands an inch apart. I wish I could hold his hands, but I can’t when those belong to others.

 

Sometimes I feel that Yurim doesn’t deserve Yixing. But what can I do?

 

“Hey,” I looked up and smiled seeing his dimpled face. “Friday cook out?” He said and I nodded.

 

We talked a lot of things, like things that he has been missing since he began dating Yurim.

 

“So, what’s with you and Kris?” He asked.

 

“Oh you know. Still the same. We still hang out like we used to when you were still with us. The difference now is that you’re not there. He misses you,” I teased.

 

“Eew. Tell him he should get a girlfriend,” he rolled his eyes.

 

“Maybe I should get him as my boyfriend,” I joked. It was nothing serious, but he nodded with a straight face.

 

“Great. It does look like that. A lot think you two are dating already,” he said a little bit cold.

 

“But that was a joke,” I said.

 

“Kris is a nice and perfect guy. You fit for him,” he said and suddenly stood up.

 

“Yixing, listen, I don’t want to be with Kris.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I don’t like him that way,” I said.

“Why? Is there someone? I don’t think anyone would be better than Kris,” he said, beginning to walk away. I kept up with his walking as I try to continue talking.

 

“There’s someone and it’s not him,” I said. He stopped and looked at me.

 

“Then who?”

 

I couldn’t say it to him. I couldn’t say that it’s him. It’s not about Kris being better or anyone else, but it’s about who my heart keeps calling for. And in this case, it’s him.

 

“If you can’t say, then I guess there’s no one,” he said and left me. I ran after him and pulled his arm.

 

“I have to tell you something,” I said and he crossed his arms.

 

“Say it now.” I’ve never seen this side of him. I’m not used to it.

 

“Yurim…”

 

“What about her?” He asked worriedly, thinking that she’s probably in trouble or has a problem.

 

“I saw her with another guy.” Yixing was silent for a few seconds before he looked at me. It was a look he never gave me. It was the look when he was disappointed.

 

“Are you accusing her of cheating?”

 

“I’m saying the truth! I was with Kris and we saw her dressed like some , clinging to another guy! They were so sweet that I—“

 

“STOP!”

 

“Yixing…”

 

“Stop saying those lies about her!”

 

“But I was just telling—“

 

“Maybe you just saw someone who looks like her, because Yurim is not like that. She can never do that! She loves me and I love her too! Besides, why do you have to interfere with our relationship?! You’re just my best friend!” He yelled.

 

Just my best friend. I see where I am now. It was probably late when he realized what he said because I was already on the verge of tears.

 

“Yeah. I get it. I’m just your best friend. I shouldn’t be interfering with your relationship because I’m only concerned with you,” I said as I try my best to stop the tears from falling on my face.

 

“Eunmi, I—“

 

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t say those things about Yurim. Starting tomorrow, I shall draw a line between us so that I won’t go overboard. Also, since we’re in this situation, I’ll just make a complete fool of myself of telling the truth.”

 

“What truth?”

 

It’s now or never.

 

“The truth is that I have spent the past years of looking at only one person. I have spent all the times I have dated guys thinking and wishing it was someone else. I tried to erase it, forget it, and avoid it and any other ways so that my feelings wouldn’t come in between our friendship. But you know what? I’m risking all of that now. All those years that we’ve been friends, it’s only now that I’m saying to him that I’ve been in love with him ever since. I don’t care what will happen afterwards. We’ll probably drift away. We’re already drifting apart anyway. What’s there to lose anyway, right? He’s happy with his girlfriend and I should probably find someone else. Like Kris, perhaps, because he thinks he’s just perfect. But I don’t care about perfection. I don’t care about that, Yixing! I can’t force my heart to love someone else when it can only love you!” I said in between my gritted teeth.

 

I tried to hold my tears but I can’t. It just fell as I spoke the words. Upon realizing that he won’t probably respond, I just left him. I don’t care if he screams or chase me. Today is the last day we’re friends and the beginning of ex best friends. Tomorrow is the day I’ll start forgetting about him.

 

 

_*_

 

 

I pretended I was sick so I skipped dinner. Good thing my mother didn’t bother me. She just said that I should call her if I needed anything like food, water or medicine. I just took out my phone and called Soojin.

 

“Why are you crying?!” She said when I greeted her.

 

“I told him.”

 

“Oh my god. What happened?” I told her everything. From the laying in the grass on how I wish time would just stop to the telling about Yurim, confessing and until I came home.

 

“Wait, Yurim cheated?!”

 

“Yes. Kris and I saw her.”

 

“I knew that girl was never good for him. Anyway, how are you feeling?”

 

“Lost. Broken. How could I when I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling the worst because Yixing is mad at me and I risked everything?”

 

“Do you regret telling him your heart?” I thought for a while. Am I happy with this? Do I regret telling him what I feel?

 

“No. Mad at myself for telling at the wrong timing, but for telling him what I feel, no. Never. I put up years trying to hide it away from him. It’s about time I tell him.”

 

“But your friendship?” Soojin sounded.

 

“It won’t be the same anymore. But I wish he thinks that no matter what happens, I’ll forgive him.”

 

“That’s sad. I’m the number one fan of your love team,” she sounded sad and I chuckled.

 

 

_*_

 

 

I was at my locker when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

 

“Soojin told me you were sick,” Kris said and took out an apple, medicine and apple juice. “But it seems to me that there’s another story about it.” He probably noticed my swollen eyebags. “If you won’t tell me, I won’t force you.”

 

I weakly smiled at him. I saw Yixing passing by. He looked at me with apologetic eyes but I looked away. When he was far, I looked at his back figure. He wasn’t holding Yurim like before. She was clinging into his arm though.

 

“I think I know what happened, but I don’t want to assume. If you’ll tell me, I’m okay. If not, I’m still okay with it. For now, I’ll be your doctor,” he smirked and I just rolled my eyes.

 

He pulled me to class and he made me sit on my desk. He was caring, making sure I would drink my medicine. He would make me smile even though he’s making a complete fool of himself. As soon as Yixing sat down beside me, Kris didn’t mind. He only left when the teacher arrived.

 

The atmosphere between me and Yixing was the worst. I couldn’t try looking at him, but I could feel that he would glance at me once in a while. The day continued with us ignoring each other. He was with Yurim. He looks like a decoration rather than a boyfriend for her. As for me, I hung out with Soojin and Minseok still. As bad as it may sound or look like, Yixing was replaced with Kris. At least he cares for me. As our paths would cross Yixing, they would ignore him, as if they were the ones hurt. I would just ignore him but not look mad at him. I could never look at him.

 

Days went home until two weeks later did I see him without Yurim. He was down and alone walking home on a Friday afternoon. I’m not used to seeing him going home alone now. He suddenly stopped walking and our eyes met. I turned around, hurrying my way back home, when he grabbed my arm and hugged me from behind.

 

“Yixing-ah... Please let go,” I said, trying not to hug him back. I like it when it’s like this, him hugging me. But it hurts not knowing what to do.

 

“I’m sorry,” he said.

 

“There’s no reason for you to apologize. I’m the one who should be—“

 

“Yurim… You were right about her,” he said. I remain frozen as he buried his head on my hair.

 

“Can you not do that? It feels weird. We’re nothing but—“

 

“Best friends? But what if I want more? What if I want us to be like what we were before but we include hugging each other tighter, holding hands and kissing?” I was just probably blushing. Why is he suddenly saying these things? “We could also change titles from best friends to lovers, how does that sound?” I pushed him away and faced him.

 

“What do you want, Yixing? You’re creeping me out,” I said and rubbed my arms. He sighed and apologized.

 

"You were right about Yurim. I saw her in the act. I didn’t make a scene and just broke up with her the following day. She tried a little bit, but when I told her to stop, she didn’t hesitate again. I just felt like she really doesn’t care. I thought she would try to prove that I was wrong, but she didn’t,” he said.

 

“I’m sorry, Yixing.”

 

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault,” I said and held his arm.

 

“Do you know what I hate about myself?” He looked at me and took a step closer at me. “The fact that I was so blinded with Yurim that I failed to see someone who was better than her.” He sighed and held my hand.

 

“Eunmi, forgive me,” he said and kissed my hand.

 

“I’d really like it if we’d talk somewhere better than here,” I said and he nodded. We went to his home with our hands together. I don’t know if I should accept him this easy. When we were at their place, we just sat at their sofa.

 

“I’m sorry. Give me a chance,” he said.

 

“To be what? Best friend? Boyfriend?” I asked. It can be one of them anyway.

 

“Both. I want us to be what we were, only better,” he said.

 

“How will I know if you’re saying that because that’s what you feel rather than because it’s what you feel?” I asked. I was scared. What if he’s only saying it because I told him my feelings first?

 

“Then I’ll show you.”

 

 

_*_

 

 

Yixing is a man of words. It’s been a year since he promised me that and he was fulfilling his duties as a good boyfriend. Our Friday cook out is still there. We do hang out like the same, but he’s sweeter and more caring. Like he wanted, we’re still the same, plus the extra hugs, holding hands and kisses though. Things we’re better with us.

 

“Let’s make these caramel bars this Friday,” I said.

 

“No. Let’s make this on Friday!” He said as he pointed at a stew.

 

“But that’s hard,” I pouted.

 

“I do most of the work anyway. You’re just there to eat what I cook,” he said and we chuckled.

 

He went back to resting his chin on my shoulder as we flip the cookbook we bought.

 

“Hello, people,” Kris said and sat across us.

 

“What are you doing here?” Yixing asked him.

 

“Well, Tao’s been trying to trick me into buying him a whole cake. A whole cake. Who would eat that on your own?” He said and we laughed.

 

“I see the couple and third wheel is there,” Soojin remarked, followed by Minseok.

 

“I am getting myself a girlfriend. I’m sick of being called a third wheel,” Kris rolled his eyes.

 

“Baby, I love you,” Yixing whispered on my ear and nuzzled his face.

 

“Stop!” I said because it was tickling me.

 

“This is my nightmare at the thought of you two being together,” Soojin remarked and decided to be sweet with Minseok.

 

“We are not going to be like those two!” Minseok said and pointed to us, who have been giggling.

 

“I love you too,” I said and gave him a quick peck, hoping no one sees.