She pulled her hoodie up and wrapped her arms around herself as she waited at the bus stop. I sat behind her on the bench watching her breathe on her hands in an attempt to warm herself. I looked down at my watch. It was 8:03 a.m. Right on cue, the bus came around the corner and a big smile was placed on her face. She stepped on the bus, showed her bus pass and went to the closest available seat. I followed her and stood next to her. She never noticed my presence though. But that was normal.

Every morning, 6:30 is when I would walk to her house. 7:00 is the time I would be there by and she would be downstairs cooking breakfast for herself. I would walk to her window lean against the window sill and watch as she had her normal toast with milk. Coffee once in a while but only if she was extremely sleepy. 7:30 is when she would go upstairs to change her clothes and apply the makeup which was unnecessary for her already beautiful face. The clock would strike 7:50 a.m. and we would walk to the bus stop. I’d follow slowly behind her as she would take in the fresh air.

3^rd stop. The 3^rd stop is when we would get off the bus and walk down the street and pass the lady who sells vegetables and the man who owns a bakery. She would always say good morning to them and add a respectful bow to her greeting.

9:00. 9:00 is when her classes started and my waiting began. I would walk with her to her class and then walk right back out of the University. I would wait for her at the bench in the garden patiently. But if it was cold like today, I would go to her favourite café and sit in the far left corner.

-Flashback-

Eun Hee had just got out of class and I was able to quickly catch up with her before losing her in the large crowd. I engulfed her in my arms and she let out a small yelp from the sudden contact.

“Let’s go eat! You must be hungry,” I said as I turned her around to see her face. She smiled and said, “Okay, but you’re paying hehe.” I just smiled at her response but I had already planned on paying.  I took her hand and we began walking to her favourite café.

Along the way I saw a tree that was dressed in Christmas decorations. It was pretty, but it would look even prettier with her next to it. I pulled her over to the tree.

“What are we doing here? This isn’t a café,” She said as she looked at the tree confusingly.

“Stand still.” I moved back as took out my camera. I zoomed in and –click- another perfect picture of her was taken. Eun Hee gave me a not very scary glare.

“What?” I shrugged as I took a look at the picture.

“You always take pictures!” She began dragging me but I was too caught up in the picture to notice anything else. We walked in and the sound of the bells jingling was heard. We walked to the far left corner and sat down.

-End Flashback-

The thoughts of walking to this café were fresh in my mind. I would spend my time thinking of those times as I waited for her to come here. The bells of the door jingled and I looked up expectantly. My face dropped as I saw her walk hand in hand with him; Nam Woohyun. She sat down at the table in front of mine and faced me but didn’t notice me. Of course she wouldn’t.

Woohyun came back with what seemed like hot chocolate and they began drinking it. There was a bit of cream left on her lip and I instinctively reached out to take it off but Woohyun beat me to it. Why does my hand still go up? I still can’t get used to not touching her.

--

Today was Sunday. Not just any Sunday though, it was her birthday. I woke up extra early to see Eun Hee’s bright and smiling face through her window.

23. She was turning 23 this year. It had been 3 years since we had last been face to face. It had been 1 and ½ year since she starting seeing Woohyun. 1 and ½ years of me watching the one I loved with another man.

 “Hello?” She was talking on the phone with Woohyun. I knew it. I could tell by the way she spoke and giggled. She used to that to me.

“Okay. I’ll meet you there in 30 minutes,” She said as she ran upstairs. 10 minutes later she came downstairs wearing a brown coat on top of a black dress. She had tights on and heels. Her wavy hair was left out and went down to her mid back. Just how I liked it.

She quickly came out of her house and practically skipped down her driveway. I shook my head at her carelessness. You can slip dummy.

As usual, I walked behind her, to the bust stop and to the place where she met Woohyun. He threw his arms around her and swung her around while saying Happy Birthday. She hugged him back and laughed.

The two spent the day doing everything she loved; from skating to shopping. He was being the perfect man and she was the perfect girl. A part of me wanted to run up to them when they were shopping and take her hand in mines but I knew I couldn’t. When they were eating lunch, I wanted to feed her but that too I couldn’t do. I just couldn’t.

The day was beginning to come to an end and the sun was glowing beautifully.  She had her arm around Woohyun’s as they walked in a garden. The garden was fully of statues and trees with occasional benches here and there. Although it was winter, the garden looked beautiful. The statues glistened and the sun shone through the branches of trees. It was breathtaking. She loves these types of places.

They sat down on a bench while I stood watching from afar but close enough to hear what was happening. She rested her head on Woohyun’s shoulder and started talking. He listened carefully as he played with her hands. Once again, the jealous I came and I wanted to be Woohyun. I was Woohyun initially. But I can’t be the person to hold her anymore.

Woohyun took her face in his hands and stared deep into her eyes.

“You know, it’s been 3 years since I’ve known you. Ever since I first saw you, I knew you were perfect. It was definitely love at first sight. But what could I do? You were already with Myungsoo. But that’s the past. You’re mine now and I’m the luckiest guy in the world. But I’m afraid my luck won’t stay with me. I need you to be mine forever. I can’t take any risks with you. So the only way I’ll feel at ease is if I do this.”

My eyes widened and my heart started beating rapidly. He got down on his knees and took out a box.

No...

He looked up and met eyes with her, “I love you and I need you to be mine forever. So, Lee Eun Hee, will you marry me?” Eun He nodded her head with tears coming out of her eyes.

It’s over. She was his now. She was completely his. Any chance of her possibly being mine in any way was gone now.

Woohyun put the ring on her finger and she wrapped her arms around his neck. I stood there watching as they hugged tightly. I stood there watching the joy on their faces. The joy that I wanted so badly. I wanted to go there and rip the ring of her finger and replace it with one from me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t be the one to hug her. I couldn’t be the one to see her beautiful face every morning and night. I couldn’t be the one she was going to be with forever anymore. We were over a long time ago. Why? Because all that was left of me was my ghost. My ghost that followed her around everywhere she went.

So why couldn’t I love her anymore? Because I was dead.