You were so tired. So tired.

But even if you’ve been waking up late every day, you never felt like you’ve slept enough.

You even looked tired, with dark circles around your eyes which were pretty obvious, as you were currently staring at your reflection in the mirror, disgusted by what you saw there.

Your complexion was dull; your face was too chubby; your hair was frizzy; your shoulders were wide enough that you felt you could join a football team and not need any padding; your arms and legs were flabby… You could look at every part of your body and find something that you thought made you look horrifying.

You put on a shirt carelessly laying around the floor and a pair of shorts, and walked to the kitchen, as it was almost time for dinner.

You sat there, thinking about what to eat, but you just didn’t have any appetite. You know that your boyfriend will check up on you, asking if you’ve been taking care of yourself and eating right while he’s gone, but for the past few weeks, you were never really hungry. Sure, you’d eat at the right times, but mostly you ate way less than you used to.

So whenever he called, you’d always lie, saying you cooked something absolutely delicious, but all you really had was a bowl of cereal.

You picked up your phone from the kitchen table, and went through your pictures, stopping at a selca he took a month ago and sent to you. He wasn’t goofing around or being cute, but it always took your breath away. He was just looking directly at the camera, with a small smile on his face, looking very gentle.

However, tonight, it just made you feel worthless. Like you didn’t – no, scratch that – never deserved him.

He was perfect; very nice, hard-working, patient, funny, caring…

He was the best boyfriend anyone could have, but he was with you.

You who was completely flawed; boring, ugly, rude… You know you were dragging him down.

And it made you sick to your stomach. Every single day.

Maybe that’s why he’s been gone for the past two and a half weeks. Maybe their dance practices, polishing the songs and other engagements were actually over and he was just staying at the dorms because he was tired of you.

Maybe he’s found someone better, and is just waiting for the right time to tell you that it’s over, that’s why he’s calling; he might be backing out every time because it doesn’t feel right yet.

Maybe you should end it yourself.

You could call him right now, or when it’s a bit later, and tell him that it’s time for both of you to go your separate ways.

You know he’ll go along with it, because it’s the right thing to do.

And that is what you’re afraid of.

You want him to attempt to save your relationship, to fight for you, but you knew he wouldn’t.

Tears were starting to fall from your eyes as you stood up, opened one of the kitchen drawers, and walked to the room that you both shared.

You thought of this for what seemed like a million times, and you knew what to do.

Instead of breaking up, you’ll just end it all. It’ll be your time to go.

You had your ‘farewell letter’ ready. Written on it were the reasons why you had to do it, all your thoughts for the past weeks, and a message for him; you wanted to be sure that he wouldn’t feel guilty about what has (or what is about to) happen.

You placed it on the bed and sat on the floor beside the one of the bedside tables, your back turned to the door.

Looking at the frames on the table, you smiled. They were mostly pictures of the two of you together, always smiling or having fun.

This was what you wanted, you repeated to yourself. You were tired of everything; tired of feeling worthless, tired of feeling guilty. You can’t back out this time.

You wanted your last memories to at least be the happiest ones so that you wouldn’t feel so bad about your decision.

So, looking at the blade you got from the kitchen drawer, you positioned it on top of your left wrist and deeply slid it across, cutting your skin.

As blood started to trickle out, you leaned back against the bed, and closed your eyes, focusing on the happiest memories you could think off before you felt something similar to sleep overtake you.

Hello there! So, how was it? I wanted to post something before the scheduled maintenance tomorrow [which is today in where I’m at].

Actually, I had this typed out in Word, and I got carried away. I was planning a one-shot [or whatever you call] it, and I felt like it would be lacking if it was just a one-part scenario. 

Anyways, if any of you are going through something or just want somebody to talk to, my ask is open. 

Take care. Mwah~