(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_d2CBvvHLw) =The Gaze By Ga-In and Yoon Jong Shin

Minho was all he was left with in his miserable life. He was nothing before that; Taemin had no family, no friends, and a school drop-out without a pleasant future ahead of him. To make things worse, he, being totally deranged from his future, was only 19. Instead of searching for his self-identity like everyone else his age, he gave up completely on himself. Dying wasn’t an option for him, because he had already decided that a trash like him in society should end his life as soon as possible.

That was until he met him—Choi Minho. This special person was a sophomore he met at the pub one night after getting totally intoxicated by cheap beer. Minho was nothing like him, the type of person where Taemin couldn’t even bear to look at without feeling suicidal. It’s only people like that Choi guy who would make him reconsider his path of killing himself by jumping off the river.

So, Minho was 21 when they first met. It was his first time drinking at a sleazy pub where Taemin worked as a waiter and he was totally disgusted, somehow saddened by the sight of that young man drinking from the customers’ leftovers. After watching him for 10 minutes, he got up from his seat and grabbed on to Taemin’s wrist.

“Hey… I see what you’re doing there.”

Taemin giggled.

“So? Are you going to file a complaint on me?”

Minho was taken aback.

“No… No I wasn’t going to do that. If you want to drink, I can buy you beer. So stop drinking from leftovers.”

The waiter stopped giggling and placed the beer bottles roughly on the black tray.

“Why? Do I look so cheap in your eyes?”

“Sorry, but yes. I’m gonna buy you a drink okay?” Minho looked at his nametag, “Lee Taemin.”

“I want a Carlsberg Vintage 3.”

“I will buy you 10 bottles of flavored Soju, fair enough?”

Taemin scoffed at the offer, “You cheap . But I won’t reject a kind man’s offer.” He smiled and juggled the bottles back into the kitchen. Minho stared at him in disbelief but never tried to leave. He sat there for ages till 2am in the morning for Taemin.

They didn’t expect things to turn out the way it did; from 8 bottles of Soju at Minho’s apartment nearby, to a passionate one-night stand and eventually fell for each other, badly. In Taemin’s distorted mind however, a guy like him could not really be trusted. He was too caring, too gentlemanly, and too perfect to fit into the stereotypes of being gay. That was when he bluntly concluded that Minho was just playing with him.

Despite that, Taemin wasn’t able to let him go—he allowed Minho to dominate his soul and his body every night. Sometimes when things get too heated up, Taemin would wake up without a single trace of memory for what they did the night before. For one, Minho might still be by his side, or he might wake up all alone in the room with messy sheets and a sore lower torso. Sometimes, Taemin suffer from bruises all over his body as if he was used over and over again mercilessly.

However, it all summed up to one thing six months after their relationship. Taemin was right. Minho stopped talking to him on one particular night and that was it. They became complete strangers from then on despite living under the same roof. Minho would return home without saying a single word as if Taemin, his lover, was non-existent.  The couple would sit through dinner and the young desperate boy would be left unanswered for any questions he asked.

“Can you talk to me? Is there anything wrong?”

“No.” He croaked and continued eating.

“Then can you talk to me?” Taemin called out desperately, only to be replied with a cold answer,

“There’s nothing I want to say.”

As he reached out for Minho’s hand, he was slightly taken aback by how foreign it felt. He was no longer affectionate like he used to be—as if he was dead.

“I’m full.” Minho muttered quietly and shifted his hand away from his touch. Without even taking a glimpse of Taemin, he made his way back to the room and slammed the door shut. The sound of the banging door acted like a trigger to his already distorted mind. Taemin overturned the dining table and watched as all the dishes smash on the floor.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” He screamed at the top of his lungs and collapsed on the floor. If he were to look at his reflection in the mirror, Taemin might not see himself as someone who deserved any concern. Even in his eyes, he looked like trash trying to make things right. Taemin closed his eyes in exasperation after realizing that all those attempts he made to savage their twisted relationship was futile. He gave up on everything.

… … …

Taemin was awakened from his sleep in a white and bare room. He ruffled his hair in attempt to make it look a little more presentable in front of that stranger sitting on a stool.

“Who the hell are you?” Taemin grumbled and looked at how terrible his pajamas were. He looked like harry potter with a white cloak.

“I am Lee Jinki, a forensic psychologist working for the police.”

“Why are you here? Do I look crazy to you?” He hissed and sat closer to Lee Jinki.

“No, of course not. I’m here to listen so we can work things out okay?”

“What do you want to know? What makes you think we can work things out? Work what out?”

“You and Minho.” Taemin shuddered and lowered his head when he heard his name. “I heard you wanted to file a report for assault.”

“Have you heard about the part where the doctors used Thioridazine on me? That means that I’m insane and not thinking straight. There’s nothing wrong between Minho and I.”

Jinki reached out his hands gently for Taemin and examined all the bruises on his arms. Rubbing his thumb in a circular motion over those inflicted wounds, the psychologist looked into his eyes solemnly.

“What about all this wounds?”

“Are you going to file a report and send Minho to jail? If you do that, I’m going to kill you.”

“I’m not! All I want from you right now is to talk. If we talk and everything is fine, then I can get you out of this place. I’m sure you hate it here.”

Taemin nodded his head and played with the rim of his white pajamas.

“But where is this place, Mr. Lee? Why am I here?”

He knew Taemin wasn’t normal from that moment on. Jinki sat closer to him and closed his notebook.

“You are in an Asylum right now, Taemin. I’m here to help you and all you’ve got to tell me is about your relationship with Minho.”

“I’m…I’m in an asylum?”

“Yes… nothing is wrong with you. But you were extremely agitated and we had no other options.”

He crossed his legs on the bed and bit his bottom lip nervously.

“Okay.”

“So, tell me every single detail of your life with Minho. How you guys met and what you felt about him.”

They met in a sleazy bar and Minho bought him eight bottles of soju. They spoke for the rest of the night about themselves in his apartment while watching ‘2012’. When the credits rolled with Adam Lambert’s voice blasting on the stereo, they started kissing and making love throughout the night.

“Do I have to go into details about how we make love?”

“No.” Jinki was in shock and Taemin began to laugh.

Thinking that it was just a one night stand, Taemin was proven wrong when Minho told him that they could make things right. Minho loved him. That was when Taemin decided to move in and made an almost-successful attempt to turn his life into a much better one. He did for the first six months when Minho was supportive and loving.

They had their meals together every single day and snuggled on the couch to catch a rented movie. It was an awesome life, he was lucky and they were happy. One thing for sure, Taemin never figured out how they ended up in this manner overnight and was clueless about how he ended up in an asylum.

“There were times where I can’t remember anything about what happened in the night. But yea, Minho was there for me the whole time.”

Jinki jotted something down on his notebook and replied “mmmhmm” every now and then. Then Taemin asked,

“Did something happen to Minho?”

“Well… I will tell you next time. My time is up.”

“Something happened to him?”

“No. Stop worrying okay? I will visit you this Thursday.” Taemin nodded his head and waved at the stranger. As he was finally left alone, Taemin curled up in his bed and waited for Minho to visit him. Well, he should visit, shouldn’t he?

But he didn’t.

… … …

Jinki visited him during the evening on Thursday. He wasn’t smiling like he did the previous time they met and Taemin managed to figure out that Minho might be the reason why. The doctors led him into the room and he sat on the stool in front of Taemin.

“Now can you tell me what happened?”

“Okay. It would be good for you to know.” Jinki placed his hand on Taemin’s shoulder and began to explain. “You are here because your neighbors called.”

“Oh, you mean my dumb neighbors Kibum and Jonghyun?”

“Yea. So…they called the police to report about you and your queer behavior.”

“That was it? Did you enter my house without a restraining order?”

“You don’t have to worry about that Taemin. Now the thing is…” Jinki fidgeted in his seat and Taemin crossed his arms in front of his chest. “When we found you in your house, you were lying in bed with Minho.”

“And?”

“And Minho was already dead when we found him, Taemin. He died a week before we came.”

Taemin stared at him, frozen and confused.

“What? How can Minho be dead? I ate with him every single night for 8 months and now you’re telling me he’s dead?”

“You killed him, Taemin. I’m trying my best to help you so that you would receive a lighter sentence.”

Cupping his ears with his hands, Taemin let out a loud screeching scream and scurried away from Jinki.

“You are lying. YOU ARE LYING. GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.” Burying his head into the pillow, he stretched out his legs and kicked Jinki hard on his abdomen. “GET OUT LIAR.”

With tears rolling down from the corner of his eyes, Taemin reminded himself of what happened that night when he threw a fit after dinner. His past was awakened like a terrible dream.

Minho had no idea when would Taemin stop. Despite his desperate calls to wake him up from his terrible nightmare, nothing seemed to help. There were times where he would return home at night and spot the boy curled up at a corner the room with shattered glass all around him. Those tears never failed to fall whenever Minho picked the broken frame in his arms.

“Can you please stop doing to this to yourself, Taemin? Please I beg you.” He pleaded while dressing those wounds for Taemin in the bathroom. His dangling legs will eventually find its way around Minho’s waist to sooth the stinging pain.

“Can you…can you f*** me, Minho?” Taemin whispered harshly into his ear and his lover would oblige every single time. Minho was willing to do anything that could make him happy—even if Taemin chose to push him into their bathtub that was filled to the brim.

Choked. Suffocate. But he was contented when Taemin smiled in this terrible nightmare.

Terrible

Terrible nightmare.

He caressed the dead man’s hair between his fingers as he hummed the haunting song over and over again. Reaching out for the soap left beside the sink, Taemin wrapped his arms around Minho and began to wash his body. He ran the soap up his chest, across those broad shoulders and down his arms. Taemin finally came to a halt at Minho’s wrists—the only time where he was ‘awake’.

He had no pulse, no warmth, no heartbeat.

Minho was just like an empty shell after Taemin fed on everything he had.

But it only took a moment before he fell back into his deranged state, and there he was all alone in that same nightmare that he relived every single day of his life. Maybe it was a way for him to hide from the demons within him, but when he was reminded of his deeds all over again, there wasn’t a way for him to forget.

As the sun rose the very next morning after Jinki’s visit, Taemin was found dead in bed with a wound on his neck. Despite how distorted his mind was, there was one thing that never changed. He loved Minho.

A/N: YAY!! Please leave your lovely comments ((:  I love my twisted mind because I come up with all this weird crap ^^;;; The part in italic is the past. So... Taemin was kinda sick in the head right from the beginning and he killed Minho by mistake.