Every day I would live the same life. No excitement. I am not like any other kid.. I make look "normal" to you maybe even too normal but I am not like any other... I have a question, do you guys like to smile? Have you ever tried not smiling for a day? a Week? A Year? Not being able to get excited or angry at anything? Try doing that for your whole life. Everybody who knows me would know about my illness. Yes, I have a illness. I have a very weak heart... If I get happy, sad, or even angry there is a chance I could die. By now death is not a surprise to me, I expect this sooner or later... It's not like I can do anything about it. I just have to go with it. My mother thinks I should just stay home and get home schooled but I want to be treated the same as others. Get a diploma, make friends, hate teachers, and go to prom with my "prince charming". When I die I want to go knowing I was normal instead of being the one who was sick..

Another school year, great, more explaining to do to the new ones. I sat down in the back of the class so I can daydream without getting called at. The bell rang and the teacher started introducing himself, he seemed like a nice person. Science was never my best subject so I would always use this time to think or daydream. When I was deep in thought...a guy came in late causing the whole class to look over at the door, I looked at him and I felt weird... I turned away feeling pain.
"Take a seat next to the girl in the back" I heard the teacher say... Please don't be me please dear god. I felt the table shake as the guy sat next to me. My heart was beating faster and faster, and it felt like it was trying to escape but my rib cage was keeping it in place... the pain started to get overwhelming. I kept my head turned to the window hoping he wouldn't talk to me.
"Hello, my name is Kwon Jiyong" damn it.. My heart started aching even more.... I quickly took out my ear plugs and put them on. I took a couple of quiet deep breaths slowly calming my heart... I took out my notebook and started writing

'Sorry, please accept my apology
My name is Sue' 

I closed my eyes and handed him my notebook in a couple of seconds I felt a tap on my shoulder, his hand was warm... my grandmother would always tell me that people with warm hands have warm hearts. I opened my eyes and I saw the notebook in front of me...

'Hey Sue
What's wrong? Am I that ugly?'

I kept a straight face

'Hahaha no'

I passed the notebook emotionless but I looked him in the eyes, I felt a spark inside of me... I felt the pain slowly coming back in my chest. Deep breaths Sue, deep breaths....

'It's cute how you wrote "hahaha" without even smiling:) '

He passed it back trying to get eye contact with me but I made sure I didn't see his mesmerizing eyes that could me in.

' :) '

I passed it to him but I didn't get the notebook back. Class ended, I took off the earplugs and headed out not caring about the notebook. It could be used as an excuse to talk to him next time..
"HEY!" It was his voice, I turned around and saw him running after me. At that moment... I wished I could smile without feeling pain...
"Here! You forgot this" he was smiling brightly at me, but all I could give him was my cold emotionless stare that looked right through him.
"Thanks..."
"Hey uhh can I... can I have your number?" He seemed nervous almost scared of me. I flipped to an empty page and wrote my number down with a smile on the paper... Hoping it would make up for not smiling in real life. I handed it to him and he smiled and ran off cheering. I have never met anyone who made my heart ache just by looking at them.. I guess he is a keeper.

After school my friends and I went to the park to study for our quiz. They knew about my illness but they were nice enough to invite me along even though I am boring. I would usually just lie to them knowing they were only trying to be nice but today they dragged me with them. I would always feel bad for my friends who trying to make an effort in involving me into things.. But I tried not to think about it because it hurt mentally and physically. I had my earplugs on and I quietly reviewed the hand outs alone. I felt someone tapping on my shoulders.. Warm hands, it was Jiyong again, he sat down next to me and looked over at what I was doing.
"Hi" I wanted to sound nice and friendly but I only sounded bored and almost annoyed.
"Oh... Hey! I was just with my friends and I saw you so I wanted to say hi!" He chirped happily... I wish I could do the same to you.
"Oh that's very nice of you" I sounded sarcastic with my emotionless facial expression, I felt bad.
"umm... Thanks!" He looked confused but he still had a smile on his face. "Well gotta go now, I'll call you?" I nodded and he ran off to 4 other guys.
"Sue! Who is he?" My friends started to huddle around me.
"He's cute!"
"I think he likes you~"
"Does he know?" The last question got me... I didn't want him to know. What if he thinks I'm weird? I didn't say a word to the girls and put the earplugs on... Silence. Took over.


 

7 MONTHS LATER

He still doesn't know... And I hope he doesn't find out. I've gotten pretty close with him, I would spend most of my time just to be with him actually.. I've noticed he has been trying to tell me jokes, which is painful to me... He would get annoyed at times but he wasn't the type to stay mad at me..

"Hey Sue! Guess what! I got accepted!" He was jumping up and down holding my hand.
"Congratulations" I kept my expression the same, he stopped and he started to frown.
"Why can't you smile for me?" He slowly raised his voice... My expression still didn't change I tried to calm myself but my heart would increase its rate..
"How come you never smile at me? You could at least fake it can't you?!!"
"Jiyong..." My heart started to ache again, I couldn't breath properly and my fingers felt numb and useless
"Sue... I don't know how you feel about me or anything! I like you! No! I love you! but I have never seen you look at me other than those emotionless eyes!!!"
"I am so sorry... Let me-"
"No! You don't look sorry too me!" He looked hurt... He was slowly waking away.
"I-I-....." I didn't know what to say, my heart was aching more and more. I felt like my heart was about to fail on me any second. I knew this was it... 
"JIYONG! I LOVE YOU TOO!" He quickly turned around and I smiled my first and last smile and collapsed on the floor.

I always knew this would happen to me... Like I said it's not like I could do anything about it...