Question My Existence
Question My Existence
Jinki didn't know what to feel when Joon woke up from being in coma for 6 months. He was happy that Joon finally woke up. He was shocked when Joon asked him who he was. He was sad and angry to know that Joon remembers everything but remembers nothing of him. What kind of sick joke was fate playing with between him and Joon?!
Every time Joon had a new visitor, Joon's eyes would shine in recognition and he would say their names aloud.
"Dad!"
"Mom!"
"Cheondung!"
"Mir!"
"Brat!" The naughty kid from the neighborhood decided to be a good boy and visited Joon with chocolates. Joon recognized him even though he never really liked the kid because he was always the victim of the kid's pranks.
Jinki's heart sank a little deeper each time Joon recognized somebody, but not him. Joon even had to ask for his name four times before finally memorizing it and remembering to call Jinki by that name.
Then Joon asked, "I hope you won't get offended or anything, but who are you in my life?" He panicked a bit as he saw Jinki's crestfallen expression. "I'm sorry!!!" Joon immediately apologized to Jinki before murmuring himself. "I really hate the fact that I'm tactless."
"A friend." Jinki replied and hated how Joon easily believes him.
"Don't feel sad. I probably have other friends out there who I can't remember too. They just haven't visited yet, I guess." Joon said, trying to make Jinki feel better. "Why don't you just tell me some nice memories we had?"
Jinki doesn't know where to begin. "Maybe some other time. You need to have some rest know."
"I was in coma for a month." Joon pointed out. "I'm pretty sure I had a lot of rest during that time."
Jinki wondered if Joon would believe him because how they first met was something that can be called extraordinary. Jinki opened his mouth to begin his storytelling, but before the words could come out of his mouth, there was a knock on the hospital door. Joon had another batch of visitors.
Every time Joon had visitors, Jinki would quietly slip out of the hospital room. Joon took his chance to ask his friends about Jinki. What shocked him was that none of them knew who Jinki was. When he asked his family about Jinki, they also knew nothing of him.
"My friends and my family know nothing about you. Did we have some sort of secret relationship?" Joon asked late at night when Jinki was sitting on a chair beside his hospital bed again.
"I guess you could say that."
"Are we lovers?"
"We did it a few times. I don't know if you had any feelings for me, but seeing how you can't seem to remember anything about me, not even feeling any sort of familiarity with me, I'm guessing that you didn't." Jinki shrugged and tried to act cool about it, but his facial expression couldn't really hide the hurt he was feeling inside.
"I'm sorry." Joon apologized softly.
"Don't apologize for something you can't even remember." Jinki stood up from his chair. "But then again, even if you had your memories, it's really not something you should be apologizing about. I'll visit you again tomorrow. Goodnight." Actually, Jinki didn't want to leave yet but he didn't like where their conversation was going.
Joon could sense Jinki's hesitancy to leave. "Why don't you just stay for the night? I promise I won't ask you to talk anything about our past for the rest of the night."
Jinki nodded and went to sleep at the couch. He feel asleep first and didn't wake up from the soft knock on the hospital door and a nurse coming inside the room.
"Can you bring a pillow and a blanket for my friend sleeping over there?" Joon pointed at the couch where Jinki was sleeping peacefully.
The nurse looked at the couch before turning her attention back to the patient. "I am sorry, sir, but there is nobody sleeping on the couch."
"Oh! I guess my friend went out without me noticing." Joon lied, but deep down inside, he felt his blood running cold in his veins. When the nurse left the room, Joon went to stand beside Jinki. His fingers ran through Jinki's hair and he was surprised at how soft it was. He was actually expecting for his hand to go through Jinki's head. Wasn't that supposed to happen if Jinki was a ghost?
Jinki woke up from Joon's touch. He could see Joon looking at him weirdly. "Is there something wrong?" He asked sleepily.
"The reason why our relationship is a secret is because other people couldn't see you, right?" Joon asked.
Jinki felt more awake now and sat up. "Yes, you are right about that."
"But you're not a ghost. I can feel you." Joon pressed his fingers on Jinki's nape where he could feel a beating pulse. "If you're not a ghost, then what are you? Why can't other people see you? Or are you a part of my imagination? Am I actually a crazy person?"
"I don't know what I am either. When we first met, I was supposed to die. You tried to stop me, but I succeeded in jumping off building. Then I woke up and felt alive. You were surprised yourself that I was alive. I went home and found out that my family couldn't see me. Other people couldn't see me either. I panicked and tried to look for you again because I was pretty sure you saw me being alive right after the suicide. When I found you, I was able to confirm that you are the only person who can see me. Please believe me." Jinki begged and hoped that Joon would believe him.
Jinki held onto Joon's arms, making Joon believe that this person in front of him was real. "I'm sorry, but that just... sounds crazy." Joon said and felt Jinki's hold loosening on his arms.
"That's why I didn't want to tell you." Jinki dropped his hands to the sides. "I know you wouldn't believe me without your memories." He stood up and walked towards the door.
"Where are you going?" Joon asked.
"I'm going to do you a favor by staying away from you, so you can stop thinking that you're a crazy person or that I'm just a figment of your imagination. If you ever regain your memories, you'll know where to find me." Jinki didn't sound too hopeful because honestly, he felt really hopeless right now.
When he stepped outside Joon's hospital room and closed the door behind him, he felt his loneliness creeping up to him. Back then, he survived a few days in panic before meeting Joon again but this time, how long does he have to feel lonely before Joon regains his memories and meets up with him again? The answer could be forever as Joon might never be able to regain those memories.
The only reason for his existence right now was Joon and if Joon doesn't want to acknowledge his existence anymore, then maybe he should just wipe out his existence completely. Maybe he should start planning for his second suicide.
THE END
A/N: So it's supposed to originally end here... BUT I will make a sequel. I hope I'll be able to write it on time for the deadline of the contest tomorrow @_@ If not... well... I'll still make a sequel for my pleasure XD
Subscribe, comment, and wait patiently for the sequel. Love you lots~!
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