Chanyeol sighed as he felt the rough pave of the road under the sole of his sneakers. He whipped his head side to side,looking for someone. When he finally saw the familiar silhouette of his best friend, he ran without hesitation. Kris looked up at him but said nothing. Chanyeol stared at the man hunched over, his face in his hands and wondered just how serious the fight had been this time.

“Talk to me.”  Chanyeol said, sitting beside Kris.

      Kris scooted over to make room even though the bench wasn’t all that big and could hardly fit both of them. He stared out at the night sky and sighed. He was embarrassed to be honest. Every time he and his boyfriend fought, Chanyeol would get dragged into the mess. It’s not that Chanyeol was complaining but it was inconvenient nevertheless.

“I didn’t come out here to just sit down you know.”  Chanyeol mumbled softly. “Tell me what happened.”

“Tao cheated on me.”  Kris finally answered.

“Don’t you mean again?” Chanyeol snapped. “Kris, why don’t you just break up with him? This is already what, the fifth time he’s cheated on you? Why not just get the done with?”

Kris shrugged. He didn’t know the answer himself. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?!”

“For calling you. It’s the middle of the night. I shouldn’t have called you.”

Chanyeol whacked his head. “You’re really stupid, aren’t you?”

“I know.”

        They drifted on to an awkward silence after that. There were a thousand words stuck in Chanyeol’s throat. He wanted to tell Kris that he didn’t care if it was the middle of the night because HE was his top priority, that even if there was a storm between them,Chanyeol would  go through it just to see Kris. The words were at the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t get them out.

“Chanyeol, do you ever wonder. . .” Kris let the statement trail off, not knowing how to say it exactly.

“Wonder what?”   Chanyeol asked.

“Do you ever wonder what if it was us? What if we got together instead?”

Chanyeol stared at him, not knowing what to say.

Kris smiled at him weakly. “Don’t tell me I don’t even have a chance with you?”

“It’s not that.”  Chanyeol blushed. “I just  . . . what brought this on?”

“I don’t know. It just suddenly popped in my mind. If it’s weirding you out, you don’t have to answer me.”

Chanyeol sighed and looked up at the stars. “If we were together, I guess we’d be fighting a lot. We always have different opinion on things anyway. I’d be disgusted at how cheesy you were too.”  Beside him, Kris started laughing and he briefly joined him then turned serious again. “But . . . if we were together, I wouldn’t cheat on you. I’m not as popular as Tao so you wouldn’t have to worry. I wouldn’t give you a reason to.”

Kris stared at Chanyeol, taking in what he said. To be honest, the idea seemed to get better the more they talk about it. “You know, I used to have a huge crush on you when we were in high school.”

Chanyeol raised an eyebrow. “You’re lying?”

“No, I’m serious. I liked you way before I fell for Tao. I was supposed to confess to you but I overheard you and Baekhyun talking about me. You told him that I was just a best friend for you so I chickened out.”

      Chanyeol remembered that day. He just said that to Baekhyun to get him off his back but even Baekhyun didn’t believe him. He could feel tears stinging at the back of his eyes. To have Kris so close to him yet he lost the chance.

“Anyway, a week after that Tao confessed then I just said yes. So here we are.” Kris sighed. “If we were together, would I have to hurt this bad?”

       Chanyeol turned to him quickly but before he could say anything, Kris’ phone rang. The taller checked the caller’s ID and looked at Chanyeol sadly. The younger already knew without saying that it was Tao. Kris answered the call then stood up. After a while, he hung up and looked back at Chanyeol.

“He said he’ll change this time and that he means it. Tao said we could start together again.”  Kris scratched the back of his neck. “Do you think I should do it?”

Chanyeol chewed on his bottom lip and watched the older’s face. He didn’t buy what Tao was saying but he knew that it was a lost case. Kris had his mind made up the moment Tao called. “Yeah, go for it.”  He mumbled hoarsely.

Kris looked disappointed for a second but it was gone quickly. “Thanks,Yeollie.” He patted Chanyeol’s cheek quickly then ran back to his and Tao’s place.

       Chanyeol watched as Kris ran, regretting every word he had said. He lost his chance yet again. What if he hadn’t talked to Baekhyun that day? What if he didn’t tell Kris to go? What could happen? Chanyeol’s tears fell before he could even notice. He pulled his knees up and sobbed harder than he ever had in his whole life. He could fill his life with what if’s but he knew that he lacked the courage to do something about it and he hated himself for it.

      If you and I were together, I would never cheat on you. I’d make you feel your best.  I’d show how just how much I love you every single day that we’re together. I’d make the silly faces you love so much. I’ll even accept your cheesiness. I’ll learn how to cook those Canadian waffles you love so much. I’ll tell you I love you when we wake up, when we eat and before we sleep. I won’t ever hurt you because you’re the best thing in my life. I’ll make you feel just how you make me feel. I’ll show you what it means to really be loved.

    If we were together,would  I have to hurt this bad?