final:

 

We had known each other for nearly four years when I confessed to you over the phone one day. You must've been shocked, right? After all, we were both boys and on top of that, we were good friends so it was no wonder why you must've been shocked over my confession. 

 

"It's okay if you don't like me back in that way," I said. "I wasn't really expecting anything but I just wanted to tell you because we're really close and you don't like it when I keep secret from you, right?" 

 

"Hmmm..." you hummed, completely speechless but I understood. 

 

"Joon, just act normal with me, please." I was actually extremely nervous as I talked to you but you didn't know that since I'm good at hiding my emotions. 

 

You sighed. "Alright, Mir, just like normal." 

 

I was so thankful towards you, pretending as if nothing had changed, just hanging out as we normally did. You were such a good friend to me. 

 

~ ~ 

 

It was two months later when you answered my sudden confession. 

 

"Mir..." I looked at you, wondering what you must've been thinking since you seemed troubled all day as we hanged out in your apartment. 

 

"Yeah?" 

 

"Uhm... You, well, you know when, uh..." you were stuttering and I laughed. 

 

"Hey, calm down. What's up?" I asked as I stuffed another piece of rice cake into my mouth. 

 

You turned serious all of a sudden, grabbing my shoulder to face you, making my heart beat fast. Although we hang out as usual, I never allowed myself to show how much I got butterflies or how fast my heart beats every time I'm near you. I wonder if you ever noticed the effort I made not to show you. Your eyes looked deep within mine, as if searching for the words you so wanted to say. 

 

Slowly you finally gave me the answer I've been wanting to hear from the moment I confessed to you. 

 

"Mir, I like you too." At first I thought I was dreaming, or maybe that you were joking, and you must've noticed for you reassured me with a chaste kiss onto my lips. "I'm not lying. I... From the day you confessed to me, I wanted to act normal but when we started hanging out, I saw you in a different light. I really started to like you. And if you still like me back, then can we take a different step to our friendship and start dating?"  

 

Of course I said yes. Why wouldn't I? It's been what I've wanted for so long.

 

~ ~

 

Things were good, we were happy together. The way you treated me was just like how a boyfriend should act, we constantly spent time together and we always said our "I love you's" and talk about the promises of "forever", but it was different when we're with friends. 

 

Were you ashamed of me? 

 

You never told a soul about us, about what we were, what I was to you. And the way you acted around me when other people were there was so different, as if I was just another person. You'd even talk about women right in front of me just because others talked about it. Did you not realise how I would feel?

 

I even told my friends about us, not caring about whether or not they'd accept the fact we were together. 

 

I'll never forget the look plastered on their faces, it was a look that showed they thought of me as naïve, as if I was a child, not old enough to know what a proper relationship was, even though I was older than most of them. 

 

But their eyes and their lips said different things. Though I've always believed that eyes show truer emotions, I chose to believe the lies that were spoken. 

 

"That's great!" they said. "I'm so happy for you", "You two make a good couple". 

 

Lies. They were all lies. 

 

~ ~ 

 

We fought more and more, mostly because I was sick and tired about why you have to hide me away from your friends. I must've been an embarrassment to you or something, that's what I thought. But you never listened, always trying to dodge it off or say that I was being silly, saying that it doesn't matter whether or not others know about us and all that matters is just the two of us. True, it shouldn't really matter who knew but for some reason, to me, it was important. 

 

"But why can't you tell them about us?" I persisted. 

 

"It really doesn't matter, Mir." you would say. 

 

"It does to me. Are you embarrassed of me?" I asked. 

 

You sighed, scratching your hair in frustration. "I never said that! Please don't put words into my mouth." 

 

"Then why won't you tell your friends about us?" 

 

"Cz it doesn't matter!!"

 

"I'm just an embarrassment to you, aren't I? Fine! Maybe we shouldn't be together?" I yelled, completely overreacting but I couldn't help it. 

 

"Wha- Mir, stop, don't do this." you would try to calm me down. 

 

"No! That's why you won't tell them!"

 

"I'm not embarrassed of you! I never said that! Can you stop?"

 

"We're over! I can't do this! Just find someone else you can proudly tell the whole world that you love them!" I cried. 

 

You'd always walk towards me, trying to hug me as I pushed you away but you'd always grip my hands together preventing me to move and force me to look at you. 

 

"Mir. Shut up. I love you, okay? You're not breaking up with me" and then you'd kiss me. 

 

And I was stupid enough, not to mention crazily in love, to forget about what was spoken and just melt into the kiss. 

 

~ ~

 

The peace between us didn't last for very long. We would always bicker about the smallest things and your jealousy didn't exactly help. 

 

You were cautious of everyone, girls and guys who were my friends, suspecting them as someone I was with or like just because I'm close to them. 

 

"You're cheating on me, aren't you?" you'd accuse. 

 

"What the hell are you on about?" I would say, completely taken aback by such an accusation.

 

"That girl we hanged out with. You're with her."

 

"What?! No! She has a boyfriend already, and I have you, so why would I cheat?"

 

"I don't know!"

 

"God, Joon, don't be so stupid."

 

"So I'm stupid now?!" 

 

"Oh, for goodness sake." 

 

"Sorry for making sure my boyfriend isn't cheating on me."

 

"Stop accusing me of cheating. I'd never cheat! You have to stop being so damn jealous over nothing."

 

"How can I not get jealous when you seem so close to them?!"

 

"They're my friends! Of course I'm close to them!"

 

"Too close."

 

"Urgh. I'm leaving."

 

"What?"

 

"I can't take your constant jealousy anymore."

 

"You're leaving? Seriously?"

 

"Yes."

 

But it didn't take me long to go back to you, all you did was show up at my door and apologise then I'd forget about the whole thing, it was like a constant cycle. 

 

~ ~

 

As time passed by, our fights became too much to handle and I got tired of it. 

 

Although I was still in love with you, I decided to end it. 

 

"I don't want to do this." I said. 

 

"Mir, don't do this again." you pleaded. 

 

"We fight too much, it isn't healthy."

 

"Yes it is. Relationships always have fights, it's normal." 

 

"But if we're constantly fighting then it's beyond normal. It means we're not happy with how our relationship is."

 

"Are... Are you not happy with me?" I bit my lip. "Do you not love me anymore?"

 

I looked at you straight in your precious, deep, brown eyes and lied. "I don't love you."

 

I wanted to cry at that moment. I didn't want to lie to you but during that time I thought letting you go would be a great decision. We weren't happy, we weren't working out. Maybe it wasn't our time yet, maybe in the future we could work but not right now, those were my thoughts. 

 

"If that's how you feel, fine, we can break up. But... I'll always be here, I'll wait for you because I know you'll come back to me. We promised each other forever. I love you, Mir, remember that." 

 

~ ~ 

 

We didn't hang out much anymore. Our friendship was totally awkward, every time we talked you would bring our previous relationship or our break up that would make me feel uncomfortable and slightly annoyed. I tried to look past it because I still wanted to talk to you but it got to the point where it was just too irritating that I just blocked you and we never spoke ever again. 

 

Seeing you after a couple of months of not talking was weird. You looked the same, although slightly more handsome with a more mature feel. We shared a cup of coffee, spoke briefly and those old feelings came rushing back up, only to be crushed right back down. 

 

"It was good seeing you, Mir, but I hope this is the last time we'd see each other." Wait, what? "You were right." I don't want to be right anymore. "We needed space away from each other and during the time where we weren't talking, I realised that we just weren't meant to be." You don't love me anymore? "We rushed everything and we were so young, completely in love with the idea of love." You stood up. Is that it? Are you really gone? "Anyway, I have to go. It was nice seeing you though, really, and thank you for breaking us up." Then you left.

 

What happened to waiting for me?  What happened to forever? What happened to you loving me? Was I the only one who remembered? Am I the only one stuck in the past? 

 

~ ~ 

 

"Mir, did you hear?" I looked at one of my friends. "Joon is engaged."

 

My heart suddenly began to ache. I should've been over you by now, it's already been two years but my heart yearned for you. 

 

"She's a friend of mine as well, I didn't even know her fiancé was Joon, so I was completely shocked when I saw him in the engagement party. I was really annoyed though, when I asked him about you and if you two still kept in contact, he just said that it was just a phase and he was young. I mean, what a douche. It's a good thing you two never worked out, he was just so possessive of you and I hated how he always questioned me about our friendship." 

 

"Haha, yeah..." 

 

My mind completely shut down. I couldn't hear anything my friends were talking about, all I could hear was my heart being shattered into a million tiny pieces. 

 

Was I the only one who thought our relationship to be real? Was I the only one who was waiting for the right moment? Was I the only one who continued to love you? Did you ever think about me? Did you even wait for me or did you just forget about me as soon as I stopped talking to you? 

 

Was I really just a phase to you? Because to me, you were my everything.