“This will be my last song for tonight. I offer this to all those who have regrets…” She announced before the music began. ‘I offer this to you, my love.’

I’m sorry that I cannot forget you

She closed her eyes as she immersed herself into the heartbreaking song. The face of her loved one appeared. Her lover had a sad smile, telling her that she had been forgiven – that she had been cleansed of her sins. But she knew deep down in her heart, that it was only wishful thinking that’s giving her illusions.

My love, come back to me

She found herself almost screaming – screaming for her loved one to come back into her arms, wishing fervently that the prayer she offered in song would be answered.

Don’t leave my side, please…

Her eyes started to water as she perfectly executed the last note of the song.

The crowd cheered fervently for her soulful performance. Her eyes scanned the ecstatic sea of fans cheering her on, as she finally finished the last song of her solo concert. She can very well see from the stage that majority of them were now in tears.

She tried to smile as she pushed back the tears that were threatening to fall, but there were stray blobs already making their way down her face. To prevent anyone from seeing her tears, Taeyeon bowed to the crowd until the lights faded.

Still drowning in her emotions, she silently prayed, ‘Please, come back to me.’

***

The sound of the haunting melody invaded her ears.

‘No. Not this song again,’ she thought as she sat there inside the luxury car, waiting. A bouquet of roses that have been given to her during a successful branch inauguration, sat neglected beside her. The tune began to increase its pace, pausing for a moment to lure her into its trap, beguiling her to sing along.

Within that dark, claustrophobic space, Jessica succumbed to the temptation; humming along to the tune before releasing the first lines of the lyrics in perfect synchrony with the song.

For a moment, it was as if she had been the singer herself and the song was hers. The powerful, lilting voice, that coaxed her to sing along to its tune, had managed to accomplish its intention as she immersed herself into the drowning message that the ballad conveyed.

The fact that the song was effective enough to tip the bottle, which held her emotions, irked her. She must stop listening to this song – the song that had been composed and sung by the one who had broken her heart – but she couldn’t. She just couldn’t summon the courage to turn off the music.  

She sighed, surrendering to the addicting tune of the ballad as she stared out the window. Heaven seemed to have cried on her behalf. With a solemn face, she examined heaven’s tears that have stained the window of her car, as the song rekindled her long-buried emotions.

I feel alone in this empty room

I’m not used to this…

It’s over, guess it’s over.

***

Memories began to flood back, drowning them in its stampede. Scenes of the irreversible past returned to taunt them for everything that they had done and had failed to do. They recalled the previous winter, spring, summer, and finally – fall. The seasons cycled, but they found themselves trapped in the past – a past that can never be relived, only remembered.

Both sighed at the same time: one from within the confines of her empty dressing room, the other from inside the suffocating car, counting the number of days that had separated them.

‘Please, give me a time machine.’ Both prayed at the same time.

***

Winter’s Past

The snow was blinding to the eyes, who sought any tint of color from the blanched landscape. The streets were void of living souls, except for a lone girl basking under the snowfall. She strolled leisurely about, enjoying the beautiful flakes that fell and melted on her crown, oblivious to the brunette watching her from the window with an amused expression.

The young woman reached out to catch some of the white flakes on her palm. Her glossy lips tugged into an upward curve as she felt the cold bits landing on her hand, sending a feeling of euphoria over her bundled body.

“Enjoying the first snowfall?” A delicate voice called out, pulling her out of the white trance.

She turned to see a brunette of her age walk calmly towards her. The stranger gave her a close-lipped smile, one that seemed haughty yet charming at the same time.

She nodded in response, not bothering to mutter a proper reply, as she immersed herself once again in the snowy bliss that she had been enjoying before the other girl’s interruption.

She hadn’t noticed though, that the newcomer bundled in white raiment, had remained. Like toddlers in individual play, they quietly enjoyed the blessings of winter’s downpour without bothering one another.

It was only when the other had to leave, did she notice her company. Taeyeon was already witnessing her companion’s back turned to her, when she realized that she was not left alone under winter’s drizzle.

“W-Wait!” Taeyeon called out to the brunette, who was about to leave.

“Huh?”

She was met with the most beautiful pair of eyes and for a moment, Taeyeon lost herself in the stare.

“Did you call me?”

It was only when the other girl had asked that she had awakened from the spell. She nodded, albeit too hastily, which elicited an amused smile from the brunette.

“What for?”

Taeyeon scratched her head for a moment, trying to find the proper words to say to the stranger, who had provided company for her in silence.

“I – I,” Taeyeon fiddled with her fingers before looking up to see the brunette waiting for her reply, “Want to go grab some hot chocolate with me? My apartment is just nearby.”

Her companion acquiesced to the suggestion and soon enough, they both found themselves lounging lazily in Taeyeon’s humble flat, sipping the warm, sweet, homemade concoction.

“Thank you for inviting me.” The brunette gave her a grateful smile as she took another sip of the delicious drink.

“My pleasure, although I’d like to ask, what were you doing out there in the cold with me?” Taeyeon questioned, curious of the stranger’s motive.

She was met with a look of incredulity, which in some way, made her uncomfortable and in need of explaining her query. “I mean I was enjoying my time alone, until you showed up and asked me if I was enjoying my first snowfall.”

“I saw you from the window of my apartment. I thought you needed to share that lovely moment with someone, so,” the stranger sheepishly smiled at her, “I kind of stepped up to help you accomplish that.”

This earned a thunderous chuckle from Taeyeon, which infected the brunette into laughing at the silly intent as well.

“Silly girl, you are so random.” Taeyeon mused when their laughter had died down, “I just realized that we haven’t introduced ourselves yet. My name is Kim Taeyeon, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Taeyeon. I’m Jung Jessica.” The brunette smiled, shaking Taeyeon’s hand.

“Jessica, that’s a lovely name.”

Taeyeon amused herself at the blushing brunette who took her compliment to heart. ‘I like this person already.’

***

Spring’s Present

The sound of silence was deafening, but it provided the needed refuge for someone who wished for solitude. That was just what she needed in order to contemplate. It had been years since the fall and she never found that opportune moment to think about it at all – except now.

She sat there in the secluded garden of her new home – one that she had intended for her loved one to enjoy. But then, that plan never became reality. The very place where Taeyeon now stood, became a grim reminder of her failure to keep their relationship.

She strode silently, her footsteps hushed.

‘What could she be doing right now?’

‘ Where could she be?’

‘ I missed her. Does she miss me too?’

‘Does she think of me as well?’

Taeyeon found herself asking a tirade of questions about her loved one. Despite all these years after the break-up, she still couldn’t find herself to move on, lest even let go. She found a stone bench and as soon as her eyes had been set on it, her feet began to protest, coaxing her to settle down. She complied, feeling the temporary biting cold as she sat down.

The bitter feeling that swept from her behind up to her spine reminded her of winter. ‘Ah, I remember the time we met. It was winter – the first page of our romance novel.’

A soft breeze swept the golden strands partially obscuring her beauty. It was a comforting gesture made by nature, as if the wind had sensed her internal turmoil. She seemed more relaxed now, but there was always that tinge of regret lurking at the back of her head.

“I cannot move on,” She finally admitted to herself as she admired the roses blooming around her, “We have already written our story. Why must it easily crumble? Why must it come to an abrupt end?”

She laughed bitterly at her own monologue of regrets. The blooming sea of claret that hung from the blue-splashed wall seemed to join her self-mockery as they danced to the wind’s discreet tune.

“Why did I make that stupid mistake? Why did I let her go? Why did I follow the whims of the company?” She cursed herself. Now, look at where her cowardice had gotten her.  

Pathetic.

‘I was pathetic.’

***

She busied herself with work every day since the breakup. ‘The past must be forgotten,’ she resolved. And as an excuse to forget the past, she drowned herself in her career.

Everyone who knew of the heartbreak was worried, but she assured them that she was fine, although there were seven who saw through her façade.

And every night at home, she found herself crying to sleep. The pain was still fresh, even though it had been years. It was as if she had just cut herself at that very moment.

Tears threatened to fall as she laid in bed, thinking. All those images, which she thought she had forgotten, began to resurface like a submarine emerging from a sea of well-kept secrets.

‘No, not this again.’ She silently cried as she curled herself into a ball. She found herself shivering at the sudden rush of memories hitting her.

“Jessica, I’m sorry. I have to leave.”

“Sorry, I’m late. My schedules have been packed these days.”

“I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.”

“Sica, I love you. Don’t overwork yourself, okay?”

“Sica, I need to talk to you about something…”

“I’m sorry. We can’t be together. I – I found someone else…”

LIES! 

Those hurtful words of betrayal and abandonment struck the last cord. She found herself drowning in tears, her pillow now soaked with her sorrows. Then, a soft knock came from the door.

“Unnie?”

She didn’t respond. She tried muffling her sobs as she silently pleaded the concerned one to leave. To her dismay, the door creaked open. She mentally scolded herself for forgetting to lock her bedroom. She tried to even out her breathing, suppressing the sobs and the tears, hoping that the intruder will mistake her for sleeping.

“Jessica-unnie, I know you’re crying.” The other person said, apparently able to see past the barrier she had put up.

Jessica felt the other side of the bed dip to the weight of the newcomer. Then, soft arms wrapped themselves around her, protecting her from those spiteful memories.

“Unnie, you can’t forget about her, can you?”

The question was left hanging in the air for a while, before Jessica turned to face her angel, who had always been by her side. Jessica placed an arm over her companion.

“Yoong, I – I can’t. I tried everything to forget her. But every time I’m alone, she always comes back to haunt me.” She replied as she wiped her tears away.

The one she called Yoong her hair lovingly. “Unnie, she has retired from her career. You’ve seen the news. Perhaps, you can – “

“No. I don’t want to get back with her, Yoona. I never wanted to see her again.”

“Why, unnie? Haven’t you heard of her songs? They were always about you. She had always offered them to you.”

What Yoona said was true. The songs were always meant for her. It had always left her a message – that she was still waiting for her – that Taeyeon cannot move on as well.

How many times had Jessica received VVIP tickets with backstage passes for Taeyeon’s concert? How many times had she refused to attend them? How many times had Taeyeon alluded to her whenever the singer would receive awards? Jessica had been invited every time, but she never showed. And she had just missed Taeyeon’s last concert.

“Yoona, what had transpired can never be relived.” Her own words surprised her.   

“You’re wrong, unnie. You can never run away from your past. You’ll need to accept it for you to carry on with life.”

“But, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if accepting what happened will make any difference now.”

“You’re afraid, unnie. You’re afraid to take the risk.”

“I am. I’m afraid that history might repeat itself again. I can’t have my heart broken twice by the same person.”

“I may not be able to understand how it feels to be in your shoes, Jessica-unnie. But I can see that she is hurting as well. You’ve seen her dye her hair in your re