alternate
The A Team
A black sky hangs above Kyungsoo's head, the smoggy pollution of the city hiding any stars that had decided to come out that night. A white moon sits full and bright in the black sky, casting a dim light on the dewy grass beneath Kyungsoo's feet. The granite slab is the grey area of it all, sitting silently in its spot among many friends, making no effort for conversation. It only introduces itself, just a name. Kyungsoo sits in the grass in front of it, staring until his body tells him that he has to blink, and Kyungsoo wishes his body wouldn't because now there are tears in his eyes and Please don't cry he promised he wouldn't cry. It's probably the only promise he's ever broken, and it's one he hadn't really planned on keeping anyway. (How could he?) It's a chilly night for already being March, people still wrapped in wool coats and fleece scarves. The path of the moon's light has shifted over the last few hours, now a straight beam that interrupts the darkness of the trees and whatever may lurk in their branches. Kyungsoo closes his eyes to get rid of the light; without light, he can't see anything but the images in his mind, and those are the only images he wants right now. When he opens his eyes, the light has faded and moved behind a grove of trees. His eyes have to adjust to the new darkness, and he blinks a few times to make sure he isn't hallucinating. It's snowing.
Jongin's lips are soft, too soft, and Kyungsoo wants to melt under his touch. It only feels natural. But there's also that nagging thought in the back of his mind that he really shouldn't be doing this. Shouldn't be letting this almost complete stranger sneak into his life, take up his thoughts, mind, and heart. It's like Jongin's crawled under his skin and broken through his rib cage, settling to wrap his hand around Kyungsoo's heart and squeeze it mercilessly whenever Kyungsoo spots those familiar tufts of black hair and miles of tanned skin. It hurts. It hurts so bad, but Kyungsoo can't seem to live without the pain.
Jongin is bad for Kyungsoo, bad for his health, bad for his safety, bad for his already falling grades, bad for his everything. The only thing improving now is Kyungsoo's happiness -- if he can call it that. He's not even sure he's happy when he's with Jongin, but there's an indescribable feeling whenever he feels deft fingers drumming an unknown rhythm on his thigh, a strange constriction in his chest when all he can hear is Jongin's soft breathing and feel a chest rising and falling in sync with his own. Jongin fills his senses; he smells his cologne, feels his body heat, hears his voice, sees into his eyes, tastes what can only be defined as Jongin. It's all Jongin and it's sending Kyungsoo into sensory overload, but he doesn't know what to do about it.
The first time they meet is peculiar. Jongin is standing by a bus stop, one without a covering, and the snow that tangles in his hair is a stark contrast. Black and white. The smoke he breathes out is the grey area of it all. He's wearing a trench coat, and hasn't bothered to close the front of it up. Kyungsoo notices the abscense of the part of his gloves that should be covering his calloused fingers. He isn't sure what to think of the tall, dark figure beside him, and keeps a good enough distance away from it. They become too close, though, when a car decides to ignore the fact that it had just rained before the snow flurry, and drenches both Kyungsoo and his bus stop partner in icy water. He hears a string of curses fall from the stranger's plush lips, and can't help but feel bad for him even though they're both soaked. The man looks around for a split second before he catches Kyungoo's eyes (it's not like he was staring or anything). His lips immediately twist into a somehow charming smirk from the previously thin line they were pressed into, and the voice that tumbles from his mouth is the most addicting sound Kyungsoo thinks he's ever heard. "I don't mean to be weird or anything, but do you live around here?" He asks, and Kyungsoo can feel the tips of his ears burning despite the below freezing weather outside. "Yeah, around the corner." Kyungsoo manages, and that smirk transforms into a dazzling smile, teeth and all. "My place is across town. Is there any way you could help a man out?" And that's how Jongin ended up in Kyungsoo's living room, half with a towel around his waist. Kyungsoo cursed his embarrassment when he felt his face flush at the sight of defined abdominal muscles and tanned skin, stretched taut across protruding bones. He learned the man's name while handing him a pair of sweatpants that were just a bit too big for Kyungsoo and a freshly dried cotton t-shirt. It fits Jongin too well, and the sweatpants hang much too low. Jongin had insisted on paying Kyungsoo at least something, and Kyungsoo accepts a bit of change only after Jongin offers instead to go out for dinner. Jongin chuckles as he makes his way to the door. "I'm usually the one getting paid in situations like this."
Jongin is free, or that's what he tells Kyungsoo. "I go wherever I want, do whatever I want with whoever I want." He says. But Kyungsoo knows that's a lie. Sure, he believed it at first, but now that he's known Jongin for longer than he should, he recognizes that look in the other's eye when he's trying to put up a front; usually a front that he's okay and that his life is, too. Kyungsoo wants to call him out on it, wants to slide another dumpling over to his plate when he sees Jongin only eats half of the broccoli that's put in front of him and nothing else. Wants to stop him from walking out that door right after he gets a phone call that doesn't last long and consists of "Address? Cash?" and "I'll be there." But he doesn't, because Jongin always leaves him with a soft whisper and the touch of his lips.
Snow suits Jongin well, Kyungsoo thinks. It lands in his smooth waves of hair like sprinkles on a cupcake, and dusts his black jacket with a perfect layer of white. Jongin's nose doesn't get too red like Kyungsoo's does, and his hands stay warm in his jacket pockets, unless they're holding one of Kyungsoo's. Then they both brave the cold and use each other's body heat as a source of warmth. The problem is that Jongin doesn't like snow. He says it's because he gets too cold, but Kyungsoo knows he's just worried about him, about Kyungsoo's well being. Kyungsoo wishes he wouldn't.
When Kyungsoo asks Jongin about his life, Jongin just says it started in his senior year of high school. His parents had divorced, leaving the eighteen year old Jongin to do whatever he wished, considering his mother was too busy all the time to even remember she had a teenage boy waiting at home for her until midnight every night. So he does. Jongin moves to a low-rent, run down rooftop apartment on the other side of town, too afraid that he might run into anyone from his past. He intended to leave the past behind and wanted to take no risks. "I had to get a job, of course, to pay for the rent and at least some food." (Kyungsoo figures this is when Jongin developed the habit of eating the bare minimum to stay alive.) It started one night at a bar. The drinks were on sale anyway, and Jongin figured that he could eventually get someone to buy him a drink or two. And someone did. He vaguely remembers the name, he thinks it might have been something like Sehun. He can't really remember. Some underaged kid looking to forget about end of the year exams who decided to sneak into a bar to accomplish just that. They ended up at Sehun's house (his parents were on vacation or something) and Jongin found himself addicted. Not to Sehun, not to the , but to the fact that he could manipulate people into doing what he wanted, what they wanted, but to have it still benefit Jongin. That's when he started charging for his services.
There's this feeling in Kyungsoo's chest when Jongin isn't around. It's strongest right after Jongin leaves, and Kyungsoo doesn't quite know what it is. It isn't like he misses Jongin (well he does, but it's not this feeling) or his heart hurts because Jongin is leaving. It's a burning pain, like someone is setting him on fire from the inside. It reaches his bloodstream and nervous system, spreading much too quickly throughout his body like a virus, except there's no medicine he can take to make it go away. It's a pressure that constricts his heart and builds up behind his eyes, makes his body go numb and his fingertips tingle. It should go away when Jongin returns, but it only stays, except it's on the outside now. His chest still hurts, and wherever Jongin touches burns. Goosebumps spread all over his body, and no matter how shot his air conditioner is that day, he still shivers with every searing touch of Jongin's fingerprints. Kyungsoo thinks if he were to end up in a morgue, under a blacklight, that's all they would find.
Kyungsoo hates when Jongin smokes. He can almost see through Jongin's perfectly tan, smoothed chest and into his lungs, black smoke swirling around, staining perfectly white ribs with a poisonous dark grey. The smoke that comes from his now pale lips, face an unusual pallor, mixes with the fog that Kyungsoo's warm breath produces against the biting winter air. Between puffs, Jongin complains about the rent of his apartment building, how he shouldn't have to pay as much as he does, considering he isn't even there half of the time. Finally he puts out what's left of his cancer stick, crushing it under scuffed up black boots, the remaining ashes melting and mixing with the snow on the ground. Jongin now breathes in snowflakes. Something less deadly, Kyungsoo thinks. He's gotten used to the taste. Jongin almost always tastes like smoke and nicotine, but Kyungsoo doesn't really notice anymore. He's just thankful for the days when it rains, and Jongin doesn't have the patience to try and light a cigarette in the middle of a downpour.
It's late February, and probably one of the last snowfalls of the year. Kyungsoo wants to go out and enjoy it, breathe in snowflakes for the last time in a while, stand in the middle of the park and sip on hot chocolate while the snow dusts his nose and Jongin's hair. He shivers just thinking about the chilling sensation that will hit him once he walks outside. He sees Jongin pull the sleeves of his sweater farther over his hands, nursing his cup of apple cider with fabric-covered fingers. He notices the red color staining Jongin's lips, the returned caramel color of his face. The question rises in Kyungsoo's throat, but it suddenly dies and his mouth goes dry. The flames in his fireplace at the brick around them and reflect in Jongin's impossibly dark eyes. Jongin's hair looks especially soft today, falling perfectly around his ears and above his eyes. Perfect for catching snowflakes. But Kyungsoo pushes back the idea Don't you want to go outside today? It might be the last time it snows this year and sidles up closer to Jongin, as close as he can get, leaning his head on Jongin's shoulder. He's still surprised every time when his head fits perfectly into the little crook of Jongin's neck, and how, like a puzzle piece, Jongin can lean his head on top of Kyungsoo's without it being uncomfortable for either of them. The question runs through his mind one last time, but Kyungsoo finds a way to push it back to the recesses of his mind, where he probably won't pull it out again until next winter. It's too cold outside for angels today, anyway.
~
so this is an alternate "ending" even though i changed the beginning (NO I DON'T MAKE SENSE)
um yeah, do you guys get it? if not i fail. i probably fail anyway but
/skips away to write hunhan fluff
p.s. no snowflakes this time; i'm too lazy ╮(─▽─)╭
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