It Has To Be You…
Today, i wander in my memory
I’m passing around on the end of this way
You’re still holding me tightly
Even though i can’t see you any more
I’m losing my way again…

Yunho sat down trying to clear his mind.  But everything he did only reminded him of how much he missed Jaejoong.  He missed waking up next to him, seeing his smile early in the morning and hearing his angelic voice wake him up. It all was out of place without him. He felt like he was a thirsty traveler trying to find water in the middle of a desert.  The small apartment seemed to be caving in on him, suffocating him into solitude. He covered his face with his hands trying to relieve stress as much as possible.  He tried many different things.

Breathing exercises, yoga, sewing he even went as far as trying to cook.  But whatever he did, Jaejoong still lurked deep inside his mind…his heart. Changmin was back in his hometown enjoying a vacation while Yunho stayed back.  He had to manage things for the two member group now.  He stared out the window of the apartment with crossed arms.  It was a clear night.  The stars could be seen twinkling brightly.  It would have been a good night to just go out for a nice walk.  The air was moist with a light breeze.  Yunho tried to look like he was happy thinking it would make him feel better.  Like the feeling you get when you’re sick but after a shower you feel a bit better.  He wished that would happen to him.

Couldn’t he just forget and move on? Was he really head over heels for a man who didn’t even tell him he was going to leave? With a soft sigh Yunho entered the kitchen grabbing a glass and the water pitcher.  Right when he was going to pour himself a glass his phone rang.  He set the pitcher and glass down on the counter and grabbed his cell phone.  The call was blocked? He shrugged guessing it was a wrong number and set it down again.  He poured himself some water and started to drink when his cell phone rang once again.  He stared at it as he continued to drink and waited for it to stop.

It didn’t…

He groaned and grabbed his phone.  “Hello?” He said into waiting to hear a telemarketer or a fan. He waited and right when he was going to said it down someone spoke. “Yunho-ah~” Came a slurred tone.  That voice…he knew it.  He knew it well.  The voice that would slowly twirl around his heart.  “Who is this?” Yunho asked finally relieving from the shock.  “Yunho-ah~ where are you…?” Said the voice. “Jaejoong?” Yunho asked hesitantly.  “Didn’t you recognize me?” Jaejoong said his tone still slurred and off.  “Why did you call?” Yunho asked his tone slightly cold. “I…miss you…” Jaejoong said into the phone.  Those words…seemed to hug around Yunho’s heart.

“Yunho…I’m…a bit drunk…” Jaejoong said laughing into the phone. Yunho instantly dropped the cold act.  Jaejoong was drunk…where was he? Who was he with? “Jaejoong where are you right now? Do you have someone with you that will drive you home? Don’t you dare drive back drunk or I swear-” Yunho was cut off by Jaejoong.  “Don’t worry…I’ll be fine…oh! Yunho…the whole room is spinning…why is it spinning?” Jaejoong curiously said into the phone. “Jaejoong! Where are you?” Yunho asked concerning overflowing in his tone.  “Yunho…the sky looks pretty tonight…” Jaejoong said in a blank tone. “Jaejoong! Where are you?” Yunho repeated himself only louder.

“Where am I? I don’t know…I was in the bar to drink with friends…now I see water. Lots of water…it’s very pretty.” Jaejoong replied innocently clearly not in his senses at all.  “Water? Are you at Han River?” Yunho asked praying Jaejoong was.  “Ah! Han River! That’s where I am…but how did I end up here?” Yunho didn’t even bother this time.  Jaejoong was clearly not in the right state of mind right now.  “Jaejoong, listen to me. Sit down somewhere…wait for me I’m coming.” Yunho said slowly.  “Wait? For you…okay.” Jaejoong agreed his tone changing from surprised to childish.

My bruised heart…
Is screaming at me telling me to find you
Where are you?
Can’t you hear my voice?

Yunho grabbed his jacket and car keys.  Han River wasn’t too far but he was afraid that every wasted second would allow him to loose Jaejoong.  It had been so long…so many months since he had actually heard from him.  Yunho rushed the down the stairs not bothering with the elevator.  He went to the indoor parking lot finding his car and starting it up.  In a few minutes…he had pulled out and was heading towards Han River.

Why had it taken so long for Jaejoong to contact? Was he only contacting him because he was drunk? Jaejoong was impulsive but he knew how the male was when he was drunk.  Yunho sped up his car trying to waste no time.  His heartbeat had increased rapidly, pulsing through his veins were the memories he shared with Jaejoong.  Time seemed to automatically seem longer.  A second felt like a year.  When he finally stopped his car at a bar nearby the river he ran.  He couldn’t see anyone in sight.  The lamp posts only illuminated a bit of light.

He panted turning and running in different directions trying to find Jaejoong.  His eyes scanned the area until he saw a staggering figure.  It was him…it had to be him.  There was no one else here.  Yunho acted on impulse.  It had been so long so he had seen him…besides seeing him on television.  He walked forward slowly watching as the figure slowly took steps away from him, oblivious to the fact that someone was watching him.  Yunho slowly caught up to him stopping in his tracks.  “Jaejoong?” He called out and heard a gasp.

Jaejoong turned slowly with a childish grin planted on his face.  “Yunho!” He shouted laughing and wrapping his arms around Yunho’s neck.  He was stunned.  His heartbeat felt like it was racing more rapidly than before.  He could hear Jaejoong’s heartbeat, feel his pulse.  It was all too real… Yunho waited for Jaejoong to let go.  “I…miss you so much…” Jaejoong said in small whimpers resting his head on Yunho’s shoulder.  “I…” He trailed and Yunho could feel his arms loosen.  He grabbed Jaejoong’s waist before he hit the ground.  He had fainted…he was unconscious.

Yunho was still stunned and held Jaejoong up by the waist.  “Jaejoong! Jaejoong wake up!” He said trying to shake him awake but he was out.  Yunho pressed the palm of his free hand on Jaejoong’s forehead and could feel the burning sensation.  He had a fever.  Yunho sighed holding the man up by his waist and taking Jaejoong’s arm and wrapping it around neck for better support.  He could care less if people saw them…Jaejoong was sick.  By the time Yunho had gotten to his car many fans had seen them.  He could almost predict headlines for tomorrow.

He set Jaejoong in the passenger seat and got into the driver seat.  Once he had reached his apartment he carried Jaejoong up and entered his room.  This wasn’t how he pictured how he would meet Jaejoong again.  Concern seemed to overwhelm him.  He placed Jaejoong in his bed putting the blanket on him.  He touched his forehead again and knew he had to find a way to bring down the male’s fever.

 He grabbed a towel and brought a bowl of cold water from the kitchen.  He carefully dipped the towel into the cold water and squeezed out the extra water before placing it on Jaejoong’s forehead.  Despite Jaejoong’s lack of consciousness Yunho felt like he was dreaming.  He pinched himself a couple of times and realized it did hurt concluding that this wasn’t actually a dream. He stared at Jaejoong’s features.  His smooth jaw line, his sculpted cheek bones, his sharp nose and his plump red lips.  He trailed his finger down Jaejoong’s cheek and stopped right at the corner of his lips. What if he was hungry when he woke up?

Yunho walked into the kitchen seeing if he had anything to eat that was ideal when a person was sick.  Honestly everything seemed far too overwhelming in flavors. He decided to make some porridge.  Time passed like this and when he had finished he grabbed a tray and put the bowl of porridge on it with a spoon.  He walked inside the room and found Jaejoong up.  “Yunho…” He said sitting up touching his forehead.  “My head hurts…” He groaned while Yunho placed the tray on his lap.  “Eat…I’m not sure how it will taste…” He trailed while Jaejoong looked up at him.

“I’m sorry…” He said looking down.  Before Yunho could ask why Jaejoong had started to eat.  Yunho sat on the edge of the bed staring at Jaejoong while the male ate.  “It tastes good…” Jaejoong said and soon enough tears where dropping.  “Jaejoong…don’t cry.” Yunho said reaching a finger out to wipe the tears away.  “I didn’t tell you…I’m such a…” Again the male trailed.  “Eat…we’ll talk after.” Yunho said in a gentle tone trying to hide the pain in his voice.  Jaejoong nodded and ate slowly.  When he finished he set his tray on the night table and looked at Yunho who hadn’t stopped staring at him since.  He knew that by the time morning arrived, Jaejoong would have to leave.

“I don’t want to know why you did it, or any of that.  I just felt like you kept it from me…” Yunho trailed looking at Jaejoong.  Truly this was a difficult subject to discuss.  Really he didn’t want to worry.  He didn’t want the questions to be answered.  With that thought in mind he pulled Jaejoong closer wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug.  Jaejoong just melted into his arms.

Who know how long they stayed like that? Just listening to the sound of the other’s heartbeat.  Just feeling the pulse of the other. It felt like they were just going on for the other, living their life for the other and waiting for that one day that they could truly be together. 

The next day…everything went back to normal.

If it’s not you…then it can’t be
I can’t be without you
Being like this for days, months even years
Even if I’m hurt, its fine
Even if my hearts hurts, it’s fine
That’s right, it’s because I love you…