I sat down with a pen and a piece of paper, filled with determination. Today was the 9^th of January. The day Kris broke up with me, 3 years ago.

“Okay Xiumin.” I said to myself. “You can do this. It’s not that hard. Just a letter.”  I straightened my paper and began to write.

“Dear Kris…

It’s been a long time since I last saw you… 3 years now. I wonder if you still remember me. You probably don’t, you moved on a long time ago. How are things? I haven’t heard from you since the day you left me. I wonder if you remember how things used to be. Even though you must be happy now, do you ever think about us? About how we used to be when we were together? Do you remember the memories we shared? I don’t think so. You have surely made a million more since those days. I don’t know why I’m writing this, you probably don’t care about what I have to say but I’m going to write it anyway. I have been thinking a lot recently. About everything. Like the first time we met.”

I paused from writing my letter to remember the very first time we had met.

It was in our final year of high school. My parents got a job in a new city, so we had to move. So for my final year of high school, I went to a completely new school, which felt kind of crazy. At first it was okay, people were nice to me but I didn’t really make that many friends and even the friends I did make I wasn’t particularly close to. After about a month, people started to turn away from me. At first I had no idea why, but I quickly found out… people kept muttering something whenever they walked by me. I couldn’t hear what they were saying but then someone said it out loud, straight to my face.

“.”

I was shocked. I had no idea why people would say that to me! I mean, someone had clearly started a rumour about me. But the worst thing was… it was true. I knew I was gay. I liked guys better than girls, nothing else to it. But there was no way anyone here could have found out. I have never told anyone, nor been in a relationship with a guy… there was no way that anyone could actually know that, so I was certain that it was a rumour. It all got worse from there, people started to tease me more, shoving me when they walked past in the hallways. It went on for about another month, until the worst thing of all happened.

I was walking home from school at night. I had been in the library working on an assignment so that’s why I was late. I took a shortcut through an alley where I ran into some of the guys from my school. Long story short, they beat me up and left me lying there to bleed to death. But I didn’t. I heard footsteps come into the alley. They stopped right by me. I opened my eyes to see a handsome guy looking down at me. I recognised him as one of the popular guys from my school, Kris. I don’t know what I expected him to do, but certainly not something of a nice nature. But he surprised me, and put his hand out to me. I grabbed it and he pulled me up but I stumbled into him. He didn’t say a word, just supported me as we walked. I didn’t know where he was taking me, but it ended up being his house.

I smiled to myself as I remembered this. Kris took care of me. He treated me like a brother. But in the end… we did fall in love. I turned back to my paper and continued to write.

“I’m sure you remember that time. You pulled me up and out of that alleyway. You treated my wounds and gave me medicine. You saved me Kris. If it weren’t for you, I’m sure that I would have bled to death. Do you remember how after that, we started to spend lots of time together. We hung out almost every day. You always talked to me in school and all the people who bullied me stopped. They stopped because if the “handsome popular Kris” was talking to me, they felt that they should too. You were so influential Kris. It makes me smile to think about it like that. And then we fell in love. Do you remember how you confessed to me? You gave me a box of steamed buns. And then for every special occasion we would always eat steamed buns. We were so happy Kris… do you remember that? We didn’t care what people thought. We only cared about each other. We graduated, had plans for college. We were happy for a whole year. But then it changed so suddenly. You started to be so deep in thought whenever you were with me. You were always busy and cancelled lots of our plans. And then that day came. I remember that day so vividly. It was the 9^th of January. It was snowing and it was freezing cold. You sent me a text, telling me to meet you at the park. I was so happy to finally be able to hang out with you again, since you had been so busy. I met up with you at the park and you hugged me. You looked at me seriously and then you said the words that crushed me. “Xiumin… I… let’s break up.”

I looked at you incredulously. “W-what?” I asked.

“I’m breaking up with you... I’m sorry Xiumin… but I really can’t do this anymore...”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t love you anymore Xiumin… I’m sorry…”

And then you left. It felt like you ripped my heart out. And I was sad for so long. But today is the 9^th of January again. Today marks the third year since that cold snowing day that you broke up with me. And that’s really why I am writing this letter to you. I feel like I have spent so much time being sad over you. Sometimes I feel like I’m over you, and other times I don’t. In the end Kris there is really only one thing I want to say. Don’t forget. Don’t forget me. Don’t forget us. Don’t forget how everything used to be. How happy we were. How perfect everything was. Never forget It Kris. Because it makes us who we are. Don’t try to remove it from your mind and heart ever. Please just remember it, just for me. I love you Kris… Don’t forget that.

-Xiumin.

I folded up the letter and put it into an envelope. I had no intentions of posting it though. I grabbed my car keys, and the box of steamed buns that I had made earlier. I locked the door to my apartment and took the elevator to the ground floor. I left the building, to where my car was parked outside. I put the letter and the box of steamed buns on the seat beside me, and drove along the route that I knew so well. The route that took me to Kris’s apartment building. I took the elevator up to the floor his apartment was on. I took a deep breath and set the steamed buns and the letter down right next to his door. Part of me wanted to ring the doorbell and watch him from around the corner. Watch him open the letter to see what his reaction was. But I knew that it could be too painful if he didn’t care. If he didn’t remember. 

So I rung to doorbell and ran straight back to the elevator. I waited for the doors to close and even once they had, I didn’t press the button that would take me back down to the ground floor. I just stood there. I stood there for a good few minutes before curiosity took over. I pressed the button that opened the doors and peeked out. My eyes landed on the patch of floor right by Kris’s door. The Buns and letter were gone. I smiled to myself. That meant he had taken them. Hopefully he was sitting in his apartment reading that letter right now. Even if he wasn’t, the fact that he had taken them was enough for me. He would know that it was me because of the steamed buns. Smiling to myself, I took the elevator down to the ground floor. I walked out of the building and glanced up at the window of Kris’s apartment. I smiled again.

“Don’t forget Kris, not ever. Because I won’t.”

I hope you guys enjoyed it! ^^

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