From Sunset to Sunrise

Henry was completely out of breath when he finally reached the hospital, but that didn’t stop him from rushing to the lift which would bring him to the right floor, ignoring the startled looks people were giving him. Just like he was ignoring all the red lights on his way here – it was bare luck that he didn’t cause any traffic accident by crossing the streets without paying much attention to all the vehicles. He only wanted to be with the person who needed him the most right now, and also the person he needed the most as well.

But he had this unwell feeling that he wouldn’t have the chance to be with that person any longer … It came out of nowhere actually. This feeling. But, on the other hand, he had never heard that person as weak and helpless as he did just a few moments ago on the phone …

When Henry finally reached the second floor and the doors of the lift opened to let him out, he stepped out and looked on each direction of the corridor to find out which way he had to go to find Amber’s room. It was on the left, so he quickly walked along the corridor and finally stopped in front of the door. He reached out to the door handle, but held in then before he even touched it – what would be waiting for him behind this door? He was scared, properly scared, and he knew it was the dumbest thing he could do in that moment. He needed to be strong, strong enough to give his best friend some last courage before … Well, before what? Henry knew the answer to that, but he refused to believe in it.

When he took a deep breath and slowly opened the door to get in, he widened her eyes as soon as they got sight of his best friend. In all the time they’ve been friends – well, since their childhood – he’s seen her in her weakest moments, like whenever she had a breakdown or something. But this was worse … Because he knew that this time, she wouldn’t get better.

And yet, Amber still managed to let a slight smile appear on her lips, surrounded by the paleness of her face. “That took long, man”, she greeted him with a fragile voice.

Henry closed the door behind him and slowly got closer to her bed. He often went through this very moment in his imagination, just to be prepared – well … it didn’t really work. No matter how hard he tried to be prepared for this so he could be strong enough for it, this was worse than anything he ever thought of.

“Don’t make such a face”, the amused but still weak voice of Amber pulled him out of his thoughts. She tilted her head a little and pointed to a chair which was standing in the corner of the room.

Henry gave her a slight nod before he walked to the chair, grabbed it and brought it next to her bed. He slowly sat down on it then and looked at her, seeing that she was still smiling a little bit. Even if he felt like crying, he gave a soft smile back at her.

“That’s better”, she whispered and closed her eyes for a moment.

He nodded again and added a “Yeah” then when he realised she wouldn’t see his nod. He tried hard to look away, it hurt him seeing her like this, but still … Henry just couldn’t avert his gaze from her, because even if she was in the worst condition of her life, she still was beautiful in her own very special way. Even though the most beautiful part of her was about to leave her …

“You’re doing it again”, she mumbled suddenly.

“Mhm?” Henry frowned a little, looking at her closed eyes. “What do you mean?”

She shrugged weakly and slowly opened her eyes. “You’re feeling bad for something which isn’t your fault. And you’re making a sad face.”

“Do you expect me to be all happy-go-lucky right now?” He sighed a bit and looked down, ruffling his hair. “I’m sorry, Ambie … But how can I not feel bad …”

“Smile for me then”, Amber said and chuckled slightly. “Since my smile right now.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Henry immediately shook his head, looking at her. “It doesn’t .”

Amber’s cheeks reddened a bit, giving her face some colour back. Then she shook her head. “Come on, a smile is supposed to be full of life, man”, she said and grinned a little. The grin disappeared quickly though and she cleared . She wasn’t sure if it was a good thing to make jokes like that – for her maybe, but not for Henry. She knew it was already hard enough for him to see her like this, and she almost felt guilty for letting him come here.

But, Henry was her best friend – maybe even more than that … He was the person she wanted to be with when she leaves this world, she wanted him to be the last person to hear her voice, to see her smile, to see some life in her eyes. Even though she knew it’d kill him inside. She knew it was selfish, but she also knew that even if she would send him away, he would insist to stay with her. “Thank you for being here, Henry.”

“Mhm?” He lifted his eyebrow a bit before he grinned lightly, poking her leg with his fist. “Don’t be silly, you knew I’d come.”

Amber nodded slowly. That’s what she meant. But, there was something else … “Henry, d-do you … The promise …”

He slowly dropped his gaze, nodded then though.

“Will you do me a favour, Henry?”

Henry looked over to her and tilted his head, playing with the basketball in his hands. “Mhm? Like, letting you win?” He laughed a little. “Sorry, girl – ain’t gonna happen”, he added and casually threw the ball into the basketball hoop.

Amber, which was standing right under it, caught the ball in her arms and looked down. “No, I don’t mean this …”

“Then what?”, Henry asked and walked over to her. “Are you out of money again? Want me to treat you to some hot dogs?” He rolled his eyes before a grin appeared on his lips. “Can’t say no to my best girl, can I?”

“When the day comes, can you arrange it that I won’t have to die in a sticky, empty hospital room?”

The grin on Henry’s lips faded with each word Amber spoke. When she finished asking her question, he needed a moment to regain his voice. “What did you just say?”

Amber nodded slowly and looked up to him, but he wouldn’t even let her repeat it.

“How can you– … Are you mad?!”

The girl bit her lips and looked away. “Henry, please, I’m just asking for this … You’re my best friend, you’re the only one I trust like this, so …”

“It’s not that, damn.” He run his fingers through his hair and sighed. He knew about her weak heart, he knew she was waiting for a transplantation and he knew her heart wouldn’t be strong enough to wait any longer. He just didn’t want to believe in it. His gaze slid over the basketball court, and he spoke in a very low voice. “I don’t want to think of any of that yet …”

“I don’t have any other choice, you know …” Amber took a deep breath and slowly looked over to him again. “It’s not like I’m giving up – I’m not, you know me. I will wait for this transplantation, as long as I need to”, she said and lowered her voice with the next words she said. “Even when I literally feel how it’s getting weaker …”

Henry felt tears coming up in his eyes and turned a little. He didn’t want her to see his tears – not because he was ashamed of them, but because he wanted to be strong for her. She needed that.

“So … Henry, please … Promise me to get me out of there, if I really am gonna end up like that …”

He gathered all his courage to finally answer her question without bursting in tears. “I promise, Ambie.” 

A weak smile flashed over Amber’s lips and she nodded. “Thank you …” She took a deep breath before she stepped back a little and threw the basketball in her hands up into the hoop. “As you can see, I don’t even need you to let me win”, she chuckled and stuck her tongue out at her best friend.

“Yes”, Henry said in a low voice and looked up at her again. “I don’t intend to break that promise.”

Amber bit her lips and sat up slowly, causing the older boy to frown a little, but he didn’t make any move to stop her. “Can we … I mean …”

He tilted his head a bit and reached out to put his hand over hers, which made her smile a little bit and apparently gave her enough courage to finish her sentence.

“Can we leave n-now? I don’t … I don’t know if I have that much time left …”

Henry needed to listen carefully so he could understand each one of the low-voiced words. A shiver ran down his spine as he realised what she just said – again, he knew all this, but … he just didn’t wanna hear or even believe it. He wasn’t in the right place right now though to make his decisions conditional on what he wanted to believe or not. So he just nodded slowly, and that little gesture literally tore him apart inside. His gaze slid out of the big windows on the opposite site of the room, where he could see the sea and its beach. Henry nodded again before he slowly got up.

Amber watched him as he leant over to her and carefully pulled her up in his arms. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck to hold onto him as good as she could, and she immediately felt so much safer than in that hospital bed before. Of course she knew that in the end, it wouldn’t make any difference to what was gonna happen to her. But, still … It just felt better.

She kept looking at him when he left the room, looking around to check if the coast is clear before he quickly walked to the lift. Amber knew that Henry tried to act cool for her, but she also knew that he was having a battle with himself deep inside. He was trying hard not to cry in front of her, to not make her feel guilty for leaving this world in any way. And she loved him for that.

Since it was already evening, luckily there weren’t too many people on the corridors anymore. There was just a nurse running around when they got out of the lift, but she didn’t pay any attention to them and walked off to do whatever she was intending to do.

Henry gave the weak girl in his arms a quick glance to check if she still wanted this – if she still wanted him to carry her away from this building, and when she nodded slightly he finally walked out of the hospital. Without paying much attention to all the cars passing by on the streets, he carried the girl around the building and down a path which led them to the beach. There weren’t many people around anymore, and the few ones were about to leave since the sun was going to set. Henry walked along the shore, still carrying the girl which slightly snuggled against him now, hiding her face against his neck.

A weak smile played around the corners of Henry’s mouth. He kept walking, far away from the few people behind them, until they reached a spot behind some small rocks. They’d be hidden from curious eyes here, so Henry slowly sat down onto the still warm sand, placing his best friend in front of him.

Amber leant back on him right away and closed her eyes with a slight smile on her lips. “Much better”, she mumbled quietly, almost unhearable.

Henry just nodded lightly as he wrapped his arms about the weakening body of hers. They’ve been pretty far away from the streets now, so that they could barely hear any traffic sounds, except the sound of a car horn from time to time. What they could hear though was the calm sound of the waves in front of them, a repeating and somehow really soothing tone. For a while, they just sat there and listened to it without saying a word. Even though there was so much left to say …

Finally, Amber’s fragile voice broke the silence between them. “You’ll so get in trouble for this.”

Henry didn’t know how he managed it, but he chuckled a bit. “So what”, he shrugged. “That won’t make me regret fulfilling the last wish of my best girl …”

She nodded slowly and put her arms around his, lightly clinging onto them. “Thank you f–“

“No, stop”, he interrupted her and shook his head, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Don’t mention it, okay? I made that promise, and you know I’d do everything for you ...” Even though I couldn’t give you my heart, he finished in his thoughts and gasped a bit. And again he realised that those were the very last moments they were going to spend with each other. What do you say in a moment like that? He thought he was prepared for it, but he just wasn’t … He wasn’t at all. He didn’t want to let her go yet … Or ever. He needed her, so much, and he had no idea how he would go on without her after this … They’ve been friends since their childhood, they shared everything together – well … Everything except a love story. “I’m gonna miss you” were the only words he could think of.

Amber turned her head a little bit to look at him. Henry returned her look and, for a moment, he thought he was seeing tears in her eyes. But then she just grinned a little and shook her head. “You’ll find someone better than me.”

“No”, he replied right away, staring at her with widened eyes. “Don’t think like that. You know there isn’t anyone better than you …”

The grin on her lips slowly disappeared again and she slid her look back to the sea in front of them. When she spoke, her voice was even lower than before. “Of course there is. All the time we’ve been together, you always had to take care of me. I was a burden.”

“I would have taken care of you even if you wouldn’t have had a weak heart, so don’t be ridiculous.”

Amber laughed a little in disbelief. “Why would you do that, huh?”

“Because –“ Henry bit his lips and looked away. What was the right answer to that? He knew it, and he knew she did too, but … Was it the right moment to mention any of this? Or was it maybe just the right moment? He wasn’t sure of that, so he just sighed lightly and answered: “I just would.”

For a moment, he thought she’d be satisfied with his reply – but she wasn’t. She spoke again, letting him widen his eyes once more. “Don’t think of confessing to me now …”

Henry looked at her, frowning a bit. He didn’t want to mention any of that, but now it was her who started this … Well, kind of. The young man swallowed and slid his gaze over the horizon where the sun was slowly setting. “I already did.”

“Mhm?” Amber turned her head again to face him, blinking a little confused.

“Would you believe me if I told you I love you?”

Amber widened her eyes and turned to look at Henry, just to find a surprisingly serious expression on his face. Did he just … It wasn’t a confession or anything, was it? Impossible. He was just making fun of her, like he always did. Amber was kind of impressed – if she wouldn’t know him so well, she would have actually fell for what he just said. Instead though, she just burst out laughing.

“… What?” Henry lifted an eyebrow, staring at the younger girl which was apparently making fun of the confession he just made. Well, it wasn’t a confession really … But he was hoping that Amber would get the little hint behind his “what if”. He should have known her better though. “I’m just saying, idiot. So, would you?” He shrugged lightly and looked at her, casually sipping on the bottle of coke he was holding in his hand.

Amber slowly stopped laughing, but the grin on her lips wouldn’t disappear. “Seriously?! Don’t be ridiculous, Henry”, she replied and punched his shoulder playfully. “But, no worries, baby – I love you, too.” The grin on her lips got a little wider and she started giggling again.

Henry rolled his eyes, faking a grin back at her. “You better do.”

“I meant it”, Henry said, and a sad smile appeared on his lips. “I mean … It was true.” He watched the waves on the sea, not sure if it was right to tell her that now. But, on the other hand, it was the last chance he had … So …

“Why didn’t you tell me …”

His eyes widened again as he heard the girl whispering – she sounded so … sad? Disappointed? It’d be understandable to be sad in a moment like that, but why was she disappointed? “Well …” He tried to find the right words, which was pretty hard. “I … I don’t know really … Your heart was so weak, and I was scared I could break it … Not even by choice, just in any way, somehow … I would have never forgiven me that.”

Amber slowly looked down, biting her lips. Of course Henry was the best friend she could have, she trusted him with her life – and yes, of course there was more. She had those feelings for him for a long while, but since she already felt like a burden to him, she never thought of confessing to him … Which was stupid, because right now she would have needed him not only as her best friend, but maybe as her lover, too. On the other hand though … Wouldn’t it be even worse for him to not only lose a best friend but also his girlfriend?

Although, maybe they haven’t been only best friends all along. What was that again? They shared everything except a love story? – It was wrong. They did share a love story indeed, but not like they both would have wanted it …

“You’re so stupid”, she whispered, clinging to his arms as tight as she could.

“I know”, he just replied and placed a soft kiss on her temple. When he closed his eyes, he already felt how tears ran down his cheeks, and this time he didn’t care anymore. He couldn’t hold them back, and he didn’t want to anymore. He already was hiding his feelings for her all the time, so he should at least be honest about his feelings in this moment – even when those feelings were nothing but sadness, fear and guilt. Sadness for losing her, fear of being without her, and guilt for not being able to keep her alive.

Amber though was still trying hard to keep her cool exterior. She wanted to leave with no regrets – even when her biggest regret was not being honest about her feelings for him, but it was too late to change that. Now she wanted at least not make him feel even worse than he already did, so she tried to smile again. It became harder for her to smile, or even to move at all … How many moments were left for her? What was she supposed to say now? I love you? No, that felt like the worst thing for her to say now. “T-Thank you”, she whispered instead.

Henry shook his head, giving her another kiss on her cheek and biting his lips hardly to stop his tears from falling. When he felt how Amber’s grip on his arms slowly loosened, he tried to hold her even tighter, as if he could make her stay for a bit longer by doing so.

“Is the sun already rising?”, she asked quietly, looking at the horizon with half-opened eyes.

Henry instead widened his eyes hearing her, trying even harder to keep himself under control. “I-It’s going down, silly …”

“Is it?” Her voice got quieter, just as her words got slower. “But it’s so bright …”

“Mhm.” He just nodded and swallowed hard, pulling her even closer to him. Don’t go yet, he thought, please just stay a little longer … “H-Hey, Am …”

“Y-Yes?”

“Remember how we used to tell people we’re siblings?”, he asked her, smiling weakly.

Amber gave him a slight nod. “It was fun … They a-always believed us.”

“They did”, he said, chuckling low. “O-Or when you invited me for dinner for once and forgot your money at home.”

“Like always”, she whispered, grinning weakly and almost not noticeable.   

“So true … I’ve never ran so fast in my whole life”, Henry replied.

Again, she just nodded slowly, and this time she kept quiet.

Henry bit his lips. “Or when I taught you to play the guitar and in the end you were even better than me … Like, way better.” He smiled lightly, remembering how he used to hide under the windows of her room just so he could listen to her playing the guitar and singing along with her amazing voice. But then, when he remembered again how he wouldn’t ever be able to hear this again, his smile faded slowly.

Amber didn’t answer him. Henry tried to believe that she was just too tired to answer, but when her grip around his arms loosened completely and her hands slid dropped on her lap, he just couldn’t lie to himself anymore. Hardly biting his lips, he looked to her still beautiful face – her eyes were closed, forever, and on her lips there was a very slight smile.

Henry breathed hardly, still trying not to cry. “F-Fell asleep?”

There came no answer.

“Y-You’re smiling …” That was the last thing he said before he buried his face against her neck, finally letting go of all the tears he was trying to hold back so hard all the time. Now it was too late anyways, so no need to act stronger than he actually was … He clung hard to the girl in his arms, his best friend, the girl which he was willing to give everything to. But now, he wouldn’t ever have the chance to do so.

The sun disappeared behind the horizon, and took Amber with it.