“I hate this.” I honestly didn’t know how much I loathed social events, until I stepped out of my car, into this venue. I mean seriously, pink and white? As wedding colors? How much of a sissy, push over is Taemin really? I mean I asked him to make me a sandwich once during senior year, yeah let’s just say I got the sandwich, just not pieced together. Including the mayo. He must really like this girl.

Puke.

“No you don’t. Can’t you just be happy for me? I mean come on, this is supposed to be a happy day, filled with excitement, love, care, and, and… well happiness. Jesus, just it up and be a man, being here for a couple hours won’t be that bad. Plus I’m super nervous right now, so can’t you help a brotha out?” Obviously Taemin doesn’t know what it’s like being a guest at one of these.

“First, please don’t call me brotha, what in the hell is that? Second, I am excited for you, just not to the point of crying hysterically for you. And third, you’ll do fine, what’s so hard in standing, saying a couple things and kissing the bride?”

“Ugh, you don’t even understand what I’m going through right now. GET OUT!”

“Wait, what?”

“Get out. I’m going to hyperventilate if I have to look or talk to you again.”

“Bu─”

“No, just leave my sight, dirty peasant.” I slowly retreated from the unpredictable being of Taemin. You never really know what he’s gonna do when he explodes, I mean the whole room could be covered in banana milk if he exploded. And the tux is gonna be sooo ruined.

Yet I still have no idea what just happened.

• xxx • xxx • xxx • xx•

And I was right. As the guests came piling in, I was regretting my decision, and my sanity, in coming here. There was Chanyeol hyung trying to hit on everything that looked female with a pulse. He even hit on Taemin on accident at one point. Yeah, he got slapped a couple times. Then there was Jonghyun hyung, wearing the biggest insoles he could possibly find, who looked like he was gonna fall and collapse at any moment. Don’t even get me started on Xiumin. Let’s just say he didn’t come empty handed and wasn’t planning on not stuffing his face later. And can we please not talk about the unsociability of Tao and Kris.  I mean you would think they would at least say hi to the other guests like I am, but nope, there they go standing in the corner of the venue drinking their champagne.

• xxx • xxx • xxx • xx•

“Now you may kiss the bride.” And there he goes. Taemin going in for the kill, and once his target locked on and in reach, he fires, the target is successfully taken and the ‘awws’ and ‘ooohs’ seem to go off like fireworks, one after another. And I have to say I’m glad that there’s only the reception left, meaning I finally get to eat, damnit, and get away from the sappiness of the actual ceremony. I mean come on, do people really have to coo every minute of the ceremony?

As I got out of my seat to follow everybody else to the reception area, I caught a glimpse of this woman, with a camera in hand, looking through her photos, guessing she was some distant relative of Sulli’s since I’ve never seen her before. And I am pretty positive I know everybody in Taemin’s family like the back of my hand. Which sounds weird, who really knows the back of their hand that well?

“Hyung, congrats.”

“Thanks Kai, I haven’t felt this way in a long time. The last time I felt like this was probably the beginning of junior year.” What happened in then that was so special?

“Is that when you met Sulli? Is that why you feel so happy?”

“No silly, that was the year after the summer when I finally learned what…, you know, was.”

“What do I know?”

“You know, . I felt so nervous and I felt like I was gonna throw up whenever I looked at a girl. God, who knew that the marriage process could take so much out of you.”

“Taemin, you’re kinda, how do I put this lightly? An idiot? Fool? Twit? Yeah I like twit.”

“Kai, you know what, you’re a-“

“Hello Taemin, or should I say son-in-law.” Holy face. That’s Sulli’s dad, he’s like the hulk. Good luck Taemin, good luck.

I quietly stepped away from the situation, even though Taemin kept giving me the stay-with-me-I’m-gonna-die look, and looked for the others, when I spotted Xiumin at the buffet table.

“Xiumin hyung why do you have 5 plates already?” How does this kid eat so much and not gain weight? I mean is that even fair?

“I’m just getting one of everything to see which one I like to get more of later.” They don’t call him ‘golden bun’ for nothing.

“Whatever you say hyung.” I found my seat at the table next to the groom’s and wife’s table. Great, I get the dagger eyes from Taemin for ditching him with the Hul- I mean Sulli’s dad.

That’s when I spotted the women from earlier. She didn’t really dress for the event though. She wore black harem pants a white blouse, black vest and a black fedora. I mean aren’t girls supposed to wear dresses or something? I saw her pull out a Nikon camera, a humongous one at that, and all the dots finally connected.

She’s the wedding photographer.

”Ooh, checking out the photographer Jongin? Nice pick, not my type, but still hot.”

“God no Chanyeol, what the hell is wrong with you?” Chanyeol was like that one scar that you picked at all the time when you were younger and ended up staying on your skin by how many times you picked it, and by the time you’re older you regret even picking at the dumb thing, you’re used to it being there, but still it’s a pain in the sometimes.

“I’m just saying you’re not getting any younger.”

“Jesus you sound like my mother…” Why does it seem like everybody’s on my case on this you-should-date-you’re-not-getting-any-younger shtick? I am only 22. Taemin just got married at an early age, 23, and now people are all up in my grill on getting married too.

“Here she comes dude, make your move, play on your charms, let your inner man come out, accentuate your muscles, swoon her, win her over.” I look at Chanyeol disgusted to catch him wiggling his eyebrows at me, and I look away trying to stop myself from puking and I see her walking towards our direction. I stand up straight; straighten out my suit, fix my hair, then I stop myself. What are you doing?  Have some pride.