Tiffany.

If you love something, set it free. No. not for me. Why would i want something i love fly away from me? if i love something, i should fight for it right? 

Kim Taeyeon. i will always remember that day, our first meeting. Everyone keep telling me to stay away from a person like you, but i just can't.

I know she's troubled from the beginning of our conversation that night, she offered me a drugs. I was a newbie at that club, it was my first time in a place like that, instead of running away, i rejected your offer nicely, showing my eye smile to you. I looked up and i saw you right in your eyes, you're beautiful Kim Taeyeon. Your milky white skin, your soft delicate pink lips. I just can't believe a person like you offered me a drugs in a place like this.

At that time, you were caught off guard too once you saw me, i can tell. You put the drugs in your pocket and offered me a hand to shake, you said "i'm sorry, let's put everything behind, i'm Kim Taeyeon" i shook your hand, and as expected... it's as soft as snow. 

Since that night, i came back there almost every single night after i finished with my job as a tour guide in one of the most famous zoo in Seoul, she always knows where i sat at the bar, she always knows what i ordered, every night.

It's been a month, and it became my daily routine to show up at the club, we talked, we laughed... one thing lend to another, we were laughing and she touched my bare thigh. I feel an electricity raising from my body, we both stay in silent and i look up to her, she gave me the same expression i gave. She caressed my thigh slowly and leaned closer to my ear.. she whispered "do you want to go to the bathroom?" 

it's a club. People don't use bathroom as a place to pee or to fix their hair or make ups, it's a place to do stuff, make love, have . i nodded to her and we walked slowly to the bathroom.

The bathroom filled with people making out inside each cabin, girls with girls, boys with boys, boys with girls, it's a chaos. Taeyeon dragged me to the last cabin in the bathroom, we walked in and she close the door behind me.

We touched, we kissed, we make love. At least for me. She had me, i'm hers.. i gave everything to her, my love, my sanity.

We had a happy love life, she almost quit drugs, she got a job, she didn't go to the club often, she was perfect... for 6 months.

but everything changes. now.. i'm here alone, almost every night waiting for her to comeback home, i don't know where she is, i don't know what she do.. but some part of me doesn't want to know where she is or what she do because i'm afraid it will hurt me. yes, call me coward but i just don't want to get hurt.

it's been almost 2 months she's like this, i don't know why.. i don't want to know why. 

She come home drunk, she go to bed instantly, she ignores me. She become a person i never knew she had it in her, she hit me, she hurt me physically, i got angry too.. i yelled and said i'm going to leave her but once that words came out of my mouth she became my old Taetae back, she hug me, begging me for forgiveness and kiss me all over the place to get my forgiveness and said "i promise, i will never do that again"  

i always forgive her even deep inside me i know it's all just a lie and she will do that again, i forgive because somehow.. i know, my old Taetae is still there inside her.

My life was a mess, i don't want to leave her but i keep hurting because of her.. every night i cry myself to sleep, in the morning i see her sleeping beside me, i just kiss her softly, this is the only time i can really kiss her, when she's asleep. i don't know why i can't let her go.. i just can't. my whole life feel like a nightmare until i met someone.. Kwon Yuri.

she likes me.. i can tell that obviously, i want to like her too and forget about Taeyeon but it's something i can't do, i keep Yuri waiting until now, but she never give up. I know i'm stupid, i can just walk away from Taeyeon and live Happily with Yuri but it's too hard for me to walk away from Taeyeon

My Taetae.. my life.. my love. I'm fighting for something i love.

Taeyeon.

Love At First Sight. The with that? no one can love a person from the first sight, it's bull.

My first meeting with Tiffany was not a love at first sight, yeah i was attracted to her from the first sight, but it's not love. It's the reaction normal people have from seeing a hot girl. 

Getting to know Tiffany i feel happy, i feel warm.. that's when i know i feel love. Her smile warms my heart, her smile make me realize i'm living in a world full of good things i can do. That's when i realize i should stay away from my current lifestyle.

I left drugs, i left drinks, i left cigarettes. I live a healthy life with the person i love... that's what i thought.

Until i met her.. Jessica Jung. That's when i realize... what i have with Tiffany is not love.. it's just a caring feelings i have for her, but what i feel when i'm with Jessica... it's far from what i feel when i'm with Tiffany

I walk in a bar for the first time after a long time, people look at me in awkward looks seeing the way i look right now, i'm clean.

I come here to give away the last drugs i have with me, i walk to the bar and there i see a blonde girl, she's a new face.. i've never seen her before. She's drinking and a guy approach her, at first i thought it's her boyfriend when he start caressing her thigh but i know it's just another drunk bastard when the girl push him away from her. i walk closer to them and i can hear her say "stay away from me" 

Her unique voice echoed in my head and i walk up to them, i know that guy.. he was my friend "the lady said stay away from her" 

The guy look surprised seeing me, he's afraid of me and he walk away. People here respect me, they're scared of me.. Kim Taeyeon. At once i felt happy, it's like i'm back to my real life where this club is my territory. 

The blonde girl look at me and give me the coldest smile anyone could give me "thanks"

My stomach flinch from her voice, her face.. her everything. "how about another glass for the pretty lady?" i told the bartender, "I'm Taeyeon" she glare to me and give me a y.. cold.. flirty smile "Jessica" she said

Since then, i realized i gave my attention less to Tiffany and slowly becoming my old self again. I met her every night at the club, i'm back in there.

One night i just can't hold it anymore, Jessica and i are inside the bathroom, i her hair and lean closer to feel her lips, that's when i feel it.

I don't feel guilty knowing Tiffany's waiting for me in my house, i don't feel guilty betraying what we have, i feel.. right. i'm feeling the best feelings i know in life, the feeling i have when i'm on drugs.. she's my drugs, at that moment.. i know i'm addicted to her.

Seohyun.

Fall in love with your bestfriend, is the best love.  It will be.. unless she's with someone else.

"Yes oppa, i miss you too... i will, love you" She hang up the phone and look back to me who's sitting across her in the cafe, "so.. Seohyun ah, you said you want to tell me something? what is it?" 

I know i'm stupid for choosing to tell her how i really feel, all this time i thought it's because she's my bestfriend and i care about her, but i feel like 'care' don't describe my feelings for her, it's not care.. i know, it's love.

love between friends, how beautiful could it be? yes it will be.. but she has someone. She's in love with someone, and that person is not me.

"I love you Yoona" i said and i see her in confuse looks, "well ofcourse, i love you too. we're friends right? what's wrong?" she ask and i give a big sigh to her

"i love you.. more than friends" i said, Her smile fade away, this is what i don't want. i don't want to be the person who case her smile to fade away like it just did, i just don't want to see her like she is right now in front of me

"I know it's stupid but i just can't- -" "Seohyun ah.. you know i'm with Donghae oppa now right? you know how much i love him right? i love you too Seohyun ah.. but as my friend..." 

I expect this is what she's going to say, she's happy now with the guy she loves and who love her too. 

Lee Donghae is a good guy, i'm not gonna lie. He's a perfect guy with a perfect everything including a perfect girlfriend.

i stand up and walk away from her, i can see her still in shock but she force herself to call me but i chose to ignore her, for the first time.

i walk out the cafe in a rainy day with our friendship flashing through my mind, why did i chose to tell her? i know i can't chose a person to fall in love with but i can chose to keep it inside and just pretend like nothing's going on. that way.. my friendship with Yoona will never be apart

Yuri.

Knowing the person you love is happy.. makes you happy. But she is not happy and i know she will be happy if she's with me

"That way, the female lion is the one who chase for foods while the male wait for them to comeback and finish the food himself, call that selfish but that's the law of nature in lions life" She said and keep smiling with her eyes, i look at her from a far as she stand in front of everyone wearing a safari girl like outfits 

"if you have questions, you can fine me over there" she said and she point to a booth, she walk there and lots of kids approach her to take a picture or to ask about animals

i walk slowly to her and she's talking to little girl "that's because the male lion is strong, that's why he can make the female lions fall in love with him" she said and laugh, the little girl smile from her answer and walk away leaving her alone.

Tiffany stand up and see me in front of her, "oh.. Yuri" she said and i smile to her "i have a question, why is the male lion likes to sleep that much?" i ask and she wrinkled her forehead "i didn't know you are interested in animals" she said

"i'm not, i'm interested in you.. i paid $30 just to see you today" i show her my ticket and she sigh "Yuri.. you know i can't" 

"no i don't. look.. i'm not a pusher, i don't wanna push you in anything, i just want to make this $30 worth it ok? will you be my personal tour guide? i would like to know more about the animals" i said and she sigh 

"fine, follow me" she said and i walk with her

I know why she kept me waiting, but i don't mind. She's the one for me, and no one.. including Kim Taeyeon can have her if she can't make her happy. 

If being with me can make her happy... so be it.