I don't miss you. Really I don't.

            I don't think of you all the time; when I'm eating with the members, when I'm working with strangers, when I'm sleeping in my room. I don't dream of you.

            I don't spend hours picturing the way you smiled at me when I said something funny, whether or not we were on camera; I don't imagine the way your hand felt when it held mine, even when we were onstage in front of thousands of fans. I don't dream about the warmth I got from hugging you, or about the butterflies in my stomach that appeared anytime you kissed me, in our dorm where no one but us saw. I really don't.

            I don't sit by myself in the dark pretending that when I turn on the lights, you'll be there, somehow. I don't cry myself to sleep most nights because you're not sleeping next to me, because you didn't tell me, "Sleep well."

            I don't miss you. I promise I don't.

            I don't search for news about you on the internet, hoping to see that maybe you're not as happy without me, though the last thing I want is for you to be miserable. I don't look at all the pictures uploaded and curse the people with you because they're with you, instead of me, and I know I can never be in that position again.

            I don't go to the places we used to hang out at, wishing that you'd be there too. I don't look for your face in the crowds, despite knowing that you're far away now. I don't do any of that, I promise.

            I don't miss you. I swear I don't.

            I don't get heartbroken any time someone brings up your name, and the past; I don't get upset when they ask us to tell the story yet again, when they ask how we feel about your new, better life. I don't hate your success or your fans because you became everything you wanted. Without me there.

            I don't get mad when I can't call you, probably because someone's stopping us from speaking to each other. I don't think about the fact that we're practically strangers now, and even if we saw each other in the future, we couldn’t speak without being awkward. I don't have to hold back tears when I see you on some TV show, smiling or laughing with someone else. I swear it.

            I don't miss you. I don't.

            And I certainly don't love you. I never have.