Aria woke up with the scent of him still lingering on the ends of her hair, she felt suffocated. She thought she was hallucinating, right until he exhaled on her . As Kris tightened his hug over her, her wide opened eyes were not focused anymore and she stared into space immediately looking at nothing, as if he just pressed a button and the thoughts in her head drained out just, like, that. She only knew that she was still breathing, through her blurred view she saw the blanket on her body rising up and down steadily listening to the piercing sounds of silence. Her hands were on his which were around her waist, until her finger glided through the cold ring on his ring finger.

Then morality hit her.

Then he is married.

Then she isn’t the wife.

Yet he didn’t care.

That’s why they are here.

She pushed his hands away swiftly yet carefully, he groaned mildly and turned his back at her. All her innerwear clothing were under the bed so she just simply slid his boxers and went out to make some breakfast, the weekend routine after the long night. The weekends’ habits. She took out some greens and tomatoes from the fridge with an absent mind as she gulped half the carton of the fresh milk while opening the drawer to get the knives. As she washed the greens and soaked the tomatoes in a small white pail, the same thoughts hit her again every weekend morning. The weekend routine, the weekend habits. She wanted a normal man, a normal boyfriend, a normal guardian, a normal body that isn’t on birth control pills and also normal period circles. She thought she should two-time Kris and gets herself some guy who plays the guitar for an indie band while smoking in underground clubs and plays with only cats at home, reading comic books and eats endless instant noodles.

Hey, at least he isn’t married.   

“Hey I was looking for my boxers,” As he nibbled on her ear while she was cutting the tomatoes. “so you really like stuffs like this huh?” Then he raised the hand which was on her waist to pull the few strands of her hair from her loose bun to the back of her ear and planted faint kisses on her jawline. The suffocation swallowed her, she couldn’t breathe. Aria set the knife on the chopping board and attempted to push him away from the side. He tightened his grip and her actions made him wanted to tame her down, on the spot.

Aria then shrieked out loud, because she couldn’t breathe anymore. She managed to push him away far from her when he was shocked from her sudden possession. Kris was rooted on where he was being pushed to, puzzled and waiting for an explanation about what the heck was going on.

“Baby what is wrong?”

She held on the kitchen counter with both of her hands, she felt dizzy as if it was the first breathe after a coma and it was her first time appreciating oxygen filling up her lungs. As she unintentionally caught a glimpse of him trying to approach her, out of self-defence to protect both her lungs and the precious feeling of breathing she pointed the nearest knife she could reach at him.

“This isn’t love, this is not a kind of love, Kris,” she took a few steps to the side wobbly because her dizziness hadn’t subside, as he wanted to take advantage of getting the knife off her coincidently she came back to her senses and pointed the knife at him again, which caused him to take a few steps back to his initial distance. “we can’t keep this kind of love going on.” A few red droplets dripped from the tip of the knife, must be the tomatoes.

One was rotten out of the few.

you and your terms and conditions.

-

She ignored everything about him after that weekend, and he went back to appearing on newspapers headlines and magazines cover pages all over the place. She got up early today, went for a jog and started fretting in front of her wardrobe. Tiffany had set up a blind date for her and she was all set to be typical again.

Hey, at least typical is normal.

Aria arrived at the coffee shop earlier than the scheduled date, she wanted some reading session on her own. From across the table she saw Kris sitting just right opposite of her, keeping a breathing distance for her. While she looked like she was staring into space expressionless at him, she wanted to pierce through his eyes. Then the new guy came and took over Kris’ face, turned up he really is a guitarist for an indie band and plays with only cats at home. They had coffee, cheesecake and also Nutella ice-cream.

He walked her home and they exchanged cellphone numbers, he walked backwards singing ‘Call Me Maybe’ out loud at her until he reached a junction. The smile plastered on her face looking at his actions was genuine after all that she had been through.

A force pushed the door back opened when she attempted to close it, she knew that was going to happen, it was just a matter of sooner or later. Kris pushed her violently on the wall as he slammed the door closed, he stared into the pair of eyes which were not looking at him as he caressed her face and gradually filling the gap between them painfully slow.

“Please keep your distance, I couldn’t breathe.”
“Then don’t breathe.”

I’m going to regret this again, she told herself as she gave into him.