Ever since I moved here, I feel that I am no longer in control of what I do, what I say.

I was born in Qingdao, a beautiful city on the east coast of China. I loved it there, it was where I grew up, where I had a family and where I had friends.

I miss that place, more than words can describe. My place of belonging, I missed the people, the food, the sea, the air itself. Each morning I would take a walk along the beach, I did it in Korea too, though the Han River really can’t compare.

My heart ached each time I thought of what I had left behind to chase a futile dream.

Why did I choose this path? When was it that I had made the decision to leave everything I loved behind? You could consider my decision as an act of impulse, a sudden urge to fulfil a childlike desire.

I had always thought that martial arts were my calling. It was something that I was good at, that I enjoyed, something which I never thought would lead me to where I was today.

The details of my casting into SM Entertainment were always vague. I never spoke about them in interviews, I was sure that none of my fellow members even knew. It was not like I won any singing competitions like Xiumin or Chen, in fact I did not audition at all. Most people would consider it laughable that I was chosen because of a talent which has no relation to singing. I knew I already had haters, people who were just as confused as I was about my role in the group. “Maknae Tao”, “Kungfu Panda Tao”, “Romantic panda”, all those names which meant nothing. Perhaps SM wanted me to be like Hangeng when they accepted me, a martial arts and dance genius, but Yixing was in charge of dance, he was far better than I was anyway.

I joined the line up only a year before we made our debut. I was the last Chinese member to join. Luhan, Lay and Kris had all had several years of experience, years of learning the language, the culture, and were not ignorant as I was.  They fit in, they were in control. They knew what to do, what to say, whereas I stood there awkwardly and smiled.

It was the 100^th day since our debut and everyone was back at the dorm celebrating, everyone apart from me. I had left after an hour or so, mumbling about going to bed early but I went down to the entrance of the building, sitting on the concrete steps which led into the building. The air was warm but not uncomfortable and I sat there alone, staring at the starless sky.

After a few minutes I heard the door open behind me, and I looked up as someone ruffled my hair.

‘Tao, why aren’t you joining in?’ Wufan asked, standing beside me.

‘I’m tired.’ I answered, a poor excuse.

‘Tired? Of what? You don’t like it here?’ He questioned, I could hear the concern in his voice.

He caught me off guard. Had he noticed?

‘N-No, of course not.’ I muttered.

Kris sighed and to my surprise he sat down on the step beside me.

‘It’s not something to be embarrassed about. You miss home, don’t you?’ he asked, voice quieter than before.

I nodded, staring at the spot on the ground, avoiding eye contact.

‘We all do, even if we don’t show it.’

I stayed silent, not sure of what to say. Was he disappointed in me? Did he think that I was being dramatic and selfish?

‘I hate calling my parents.’ Kris admitted. ‘It’s painful.’

I turned to look at him and saw the sad look on his face as he stared into the distance. I had never seen him like that before and the sudden confession confused me.

Then I remembered something. A few days after I joined SM as a trainee, we were practising a dance routine late into the night. When it had finished, I made my way back to the dorms alone, not wanting to talk to anyone else. As I approached the building where we stayed, I heard someone talking in the darkness of the night. Curious, I wandered around the outside of the building till I found the source of the noise. Wufan was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall of the building, his face in his hands, his phone lying next to him. I didn’t know how to approach him, so I left him there alone. But when the moon light reflected off his face, I saw tears silently running down his face.

‘I didn’t want them to worry about me so I contacted them less and less.’ Kris shook his head in disappointment. ‘But that worried them even more.’

I nodded, knowing how he felt.

Wufan turned to face me once more.

‘But the day we made our debut, I decided something.’ He said, placing his hand in mine.

‘What did you decide?’

‘I decided that I would make them proud, that I would become successful, for them as well as myself.’ He said, his eyes echoed his determination.

Kris then smiled gently at me. He watched my expression for a few moments.

‘Tao, do you know what our chant means?’ he asked.           

I frowned at the obvious answer. ‘That EXO is one?’

‘It means that every member is just as important as the next. That we are a family.’ He said soothingly, squeezing my hand.

I looked to where our hands were entwined and I could feel the soft warmth of his palm against mine. I nodded.

‘I’m right here beside you.’ Kris whispered as his body drew nearer.

His arms wrapped around me and pulled me close so that my body was pressed against his. Our lips touched and we kissed.

And there in his arms I felt it: the feeling of belonging which I had missed so much.

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You should all visit Qingdao, it's an awesome place :D (I come from there too)

Comments please~^^