Ryeowook's POV                              
                              
                              
"Everyday now I look at myself in the mirror, and no matter what I do, I still look the same; fat. It's like I'm cursed, as if I have to spend everyday of my life in this wretched body. I try to help myself but It's still here, all this fat." I pulled at the almost non-existent flesh on my ribs.                            
                            
                            
I had been like this for several years now "I'm really a liar; I lie to all my friends, I tell them I'm okay. I eat with them to make me seem normal but after I finish eating, the inner Anorexia kicks in."                          
                           
                          
~~~                       
                         
                         
"And then she said I wasn't calling often enough!" Kyuhyun ranted about his current girlfriend "Why don't you just finish with her then" Leeteuk suggested, Kyuhyun sighed "Well, I thought about that but, I can't leave her..." Leeteuk shook his head and the others all laughed. I wasn't paying attention to my friends, I was more interested in the food I just consumed. I was beginning to panic, my gag reflex kicking in. The small salad I had just eaten contained ten calories.                         
                         
                         
Standing up I looked at my friends, Leeteuk, Yesung, Kyuhyun, Eunhyuk and Sungmin. "I need the bathroom, be back soon..." I jolted to the bathroom quickly, the others at the table just looked at each other "What's up with him?" Yesung asked, Leeteuk shrugged and they continued to eat.                         
                         
                         
"Why am I like this?" I asked myself before putting my index and middle fingers together and down my throat. Retching, I quickly removed my fingers from my throat before the vomit came up. Spattering down the toilet, the little vomit that came up was discoloured with a hint of blood "I must of scratched my throat again..." I mumbled to myself as I looked at my long nails.                      
                      
                      
Breathing heavily I stood up from the floor beside the toilet. After flushing away the evidence, I headed out of the cubical. I washed my hands and mouth and returned to the table with my friends; who were oblivious of what just happened.                 
                   
                   
~~~         
         
         
I turned to the side and pulled my shirt tight around my waist "They always say I'm too thin; I always tell them it's just my build now but when they buy me size small clothes and they're to big, thats when they worry." I looked at my clothes label 'size XS' "Still loose..."                 
                 
         
 ~~~~         
         
                
"What about this one" Heechul held a pink shirt up against my torso "I don't know..." I said politely "Okay then, what about this one!" Heechul now held up a low cut white vest top. "Heechul, although I appreciate the help, I'm fine choosing my own clothes." I tried to be as polite as I could "Fine" was all he said as he put the clothes he had tried against me back where they came from.                
                
                
Leeteuk came towards me "Wookie" he called me "What clothes size are you?" he asked innocently, I looked down. At this moment i was wearing baggy jeans and a baggy hooded top "I don't really know..." I lied. "Well, I would guess you're in a small" he said before bouncing off to collect an item of clothing.               
               
               
When Leeteuk returned he did the same as Heechul had done moments before, he held this white T-shirt with a print up against my torso "I think this will look great on you; go and try it on!" Leeteuk pointed to the changing rooms. I sighed before I grabbed the T-shirt and headed to the changing rooms.            
            
            
In the changing room, I looked around and spotted the camera. Quickly I pulled my shirt off my body and flopped it over it "I don't want anybody to see me like this..." I mumbled as I pulled my hooded top off. After I put the T-shirt on, I headed out the changing rooms to show Leeteuk. "Oh my god! You're so thin!" he exclaimed loudly "Heechul, Donghae come here a minute" Leeteuk called.           
           
           
After they arrived outside the changing room "Whoa Ryeowook, you need to eat a sandwich or something!" Heechul, who was always truthful said "Wookie...you look ill. Are you okay?" Donghae asked me, his eyes glossy.           
           
           
I was hurt, Donghae's words hurt me the most because I care for him deeply "And that's a size small?" Heechul asked, Leeteuk nodded "Are you okay?" Leeteuk asked me this time. I exhaled loudly "Yeah I'm fine! I don't know what you guys are making a fuss over!" I lied again.          
          
          
Before they had time to say anything else, I ran into the changing room and got dressed. After I came out the changing room the other three kept looking at me, I couldn't take it no more "I'll see you guys later. I've got something I need to do" I lied again "Okay, bye" they all said before I exited to shop.          
          
          
~~~         
         
         
"After that, they treated me differently. I told them I was okay, but they never listened. I had to prove I was okay, I did whatever they were doing, including drinking." I looked at my reflection again, disgusting.         
         
         
~~~         
         
         
"Two pints and two glasses of white wine again please? Oh, and another packet of smokey bacon crisps please?" Shindong asked the barman at our favorite pub. A few moments later the barman handed the drinks plus crisps to Shindong after he'd paid the man.         
         
         
Shindong came back over to where we were all sitting "Here you go!" Shindong handed me and Sungmin the wines and he gave the beers to Kangin and himself and the crisps, of course were for himself.       
       
       
We all began to drink and Shindong began to eat....eat, just the word eat made me feel sick. "Hey does anybody want one?" Shindong asked as he pointed the packet at everyone. Kangin and Sungmin had one, so the spotlight was on me now. "No thanks" was what I said "Come on! One crisp won't hurt!" Shindong's face was too cute to say no. "Okay then" I said as I looked inside the packet and picked out a smaller one, then ate it.      
      
      
I was strangly fine, my gag reflex wasn't happening, It felt sort of good. That was until the night got later and the guilt set in, 'how many calories was in that?' was all I could think. But because I had an almost empty stomach, I got drunk pretty quickly.  
  
  
"You know I love you" I slurred as I leaned on Kangin's shoulder "Yes, i know" he replied. It was then when I felt it, I was going to be sick. I put my hand over my mouth and lept to the bathroom, into the toilet cubical and threw my head over the toilet. Retching, all that came out was this thin liquid like subtance not vomit. It was just like the wine I had been drinking all night.    
    
    
After finishing emptying my stomach, I flushed and washed my hands and mouth. I stopped to look at my self in the mirror in front of me, was this really me?    
    
    
I returned to the table where we were all sitting "Are you okay?" Sungmin asked me, I nodded "Yeah, I think I've drank too much, thats all" I told yet another lie "Would you like me to take you home?" Kangin asked.     
    
    
"No, I'm okay" I replied before almost stumbling over. Kangin caught me "Whoa, are you okay?" Kangin looked shocked "Ryeowook, why are you so thin?" my heart dropped, not another one. I stood up straight and pulled away from Kangin's grip "I'm okay, I just need to go home" Kangin sat back down "Okay then, see you later" he said "See you later" I said before exiting the pub.   
   
   
~~~   
   
   
"It took ages before anybody would leave my weight alone, but still now, Leeteuk keeps watching me. My life; is this what it's going to be like forever." I pulled my shirt off, looking at my body directly infront of the mirror "I look like a stick insect. My ribs stick out, my hip bones stick out, I have no muscle left but I think to myself, this is me..."