< p > and < / p >

I can't live without you, but I had to, she tells herself, over and over again.

He was never within her reach. She knew it right from the beginning. But her eyes subconsciously followed him wherever he was, whatever he was doing, whoever he was with.

She couldn't help it. She just couldn't stop loving him.

She wanted to stop being so freaking pathetic. There he was, clad in tattered jeans and a causal tee, sitting across her with a coffee in one hand and the other - 

~~~

"Jessica, what are you looking at?" Her best friend, Yuri interrupted her observation as she asked her while setting her eyes on the same scene she was witnessing. "Isn't that Donghae?"

She shrugged, pretending to be fine as she held up the book she was reading earlier on. However, her eyes would somehow wonder to his side, gazing at him longingly, again.

"He's such a jerk," Yuri continued, "I can't stand looking at him for another second!"

Jessica's brows were now knited together as she heard that one word - Jerk. Yes, he was such a jerk for dumping her for another girl. What wrong had she done to deserve this? She loved him whole-heartedly but what about him? A cassonova? He was far worst than that. 

Deep inside, she was hurting. Badly. Very badly. He was talking to a beautiful girl (apparently named Yoona), whispering words of love to her while his hand wrapped around her slender fingers tightly. Donghae used to hold her hands too, but now when she saw him holding another girl's hands, she found it plain disgusting. Sometimes, she wanted to stand up and give a slap across his face.

"Jessica," Yuri shoke her softly, "Why are in a daze?"

Yuri jolted her out of her pondering before giving her a pat on the shoulder.

"Nothing much," Jessica replies, "Just thinking about tomorrow's examination."

It was a lie.

She was thinking about her so-called 'Jerk'.

"That's good," Yuri smiles, "I'll get going then."

"See you tomorrow," Jessica waves before putting down her book (she was supposed to read) and sighed silently to herself.

~~~

As she left the library, she caught sight of him again. See, it wasn't that Jessica didn't want to forget him and start her life without him. It was just that, fate seems to be playing a trick on her.

He smiled at her.

"Jessica," he called, "Long time no see."

"Oh, yes," she couldn't meet his eyes. And unknowingly, her heart started to palpitate. She told herself to calm down and that he was just another boy, a jerk. But she couldn't. She knew only he could make his heart beat this way.

"How have you been?" Without knowing, Jessica kept up with his pace towards the school gate. He had this control over her and both of them knew it. It was like that when they were dating too.

"Fine," she lied through her teeth. I was miserable without you, that was what she wanted to tell him.

"Where are you going?" He asked, "I can give you a lift."

In front of her was her classmate whom she had forgotten his name, waving excitedly at them. She remembered he was part of the school's dance team with Donghae and he was the talented lead dancer. A plan struck him like a bolt of lightning as she looked at Donghae who was happily living without her in his life. 

"Hello," he greeted nicely.

"It's okay, Donghae," she declines his offer flatly, "I'm leaving with him."

The surprised boy was pulled away by Jessica, leaving Donghae speechless and in shock. She wanted to show him that she could live her life properly without him too.

"Jessica, I-" The boy stared at the pretty girl beside him who was still grabbing his hands.

"What's your name?" Jessica cut him off rudely, not casting another look back at Donghae and walking off swiftly.

"I'm Hyukjae," he replies, "People call me Eunhyuk."

"Eunhyuk, can you be my boyfriend?" She proposes boldly, "A temporary boyfriend. You've nothing to lose anyway."

"What?" He gaped, "We don't even know each other well."

He shook her hands off but she grabbed onto his hands tighter. She had to make this work if she wanted to catch his attention. Being with his best friend would probably be the best plan to have him to notice her.

"Please, I need your help," she begged, "This is just a pretense. I won't take advantage of you, don't worry."

"But I-"

"Help me." 

In the end, Eunhyuk, being a kind man, decided to help the pretty girl out. Somehow, he was enchanted by her. Maybe it was her beauty, maybe it was her determination. He didn't exactly know.

~~~

Their relationship was made known and spread across the whole school in a few days' time. Afterall, the popularity of the ice princess and the dance machine was not uncalled for.

"We're getting a lot of attention, aren't we?" He whispered to her, as they walked through the hallway. Murmurings and whisperings could be heard as boys and girls turned their heads towards the couple.

"Not yet," she snapped back at him, "We need his attention."

That was right. Jessica didn't need anyone's attention, except for his. She wanted him to be jealous and notice her.

"All right," he rolled his eyes at her.

As expected, Donghae who was standing at the students' lockers area, widened his eyes when Eunhyuk and Jessica approached him. Not only that, Jessica could see his hands clenched into balls of fist.

She was glad. Maybe, just maybe, he was jealous for once. 

At least he cares about her, she thought to herself smugly.

A grin spread across her flawless doll-like face as she held Eunhyuk's hands tighter. Yes, her plan was working. He was getting jealous at their intimacy. She decided to give him one more push with words tinted with obvious malice. 

"Aren't we compatible?" 

~~~

For a few weeks, Jessica had intentionally bumped into Donghae with Eunhyuk by her side. They acted lovingly in front of him and she was certain that he took her bait. He broke up with his girlfriend, Yoona and is often seen alone in the dance studio. His reaction told her that Donghae was still in love with her.

"What are you going to do now?" Eunhyuk asked innocently.

"What else?" She smiled at him.

He looked at her blankly.

Unlike Jessica, Eunhyuk was a simple-minded person with no plot. His dream was to become a world-class dancer. And that was all he wanted. He had no experience with woman but sometimes, he thought Jessica wasn't as icy-cold as what the rumours described her as. He thought she was just a simple girl who worked hard (harder than anyone else) lover's heart. He applauded her for her unwavering determination.

"Of course, it's to get his heart," she declared proudly.

"I see," he acknowledged her wits and determination but he did not really approve her of her devious actions. Afterall, Donghae was his friend and the way she was acting would definitely hurt him. He didn't like to see his best friend in pain.

"Thanks for your help, Eunhyuk." That expression of gratitude stabbed him spot-on as it reminded him that he was also her accomplice in hurting his best friend. 

The final thing to do now was to confront him now.

~~~

"He's in the dance studio again, alone," Eunhyuk informed her.

Jessica gave him a heads up and immediately rushed to the place where the person she had been looking at, she had been breathing for, she had been longing for, was.

She peeped throught the small rectangular clear window. There he was, swiftly dancing to the beat of the music, with beads of perspiration dripping down his forehead. He was an amazing dancer and that was what attracted her to her. When he was dancing on the stage or when he was practicing, he was truly another man.

As the music finally came to a stop, Donghae cursed at the reflection of himself in the mirror before lying lifelessly on the ground, staring at the ceiling.

Jessica smiled. She knew he was angry for letting her go. She knew he regretted and she was more than happy to know that. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door of the stuido and approached him quietly.

She wanted him to confess to her, like the first time they had met. As those sniplets of memories flashed through her mind, she felt that she was one step closer to the man she loved.

"Donghae," she calls, "Are you okay?"

He kept silent, closing his eyes to avoid her gaze. 

"Look at me," she commanded, "I know you're hurting and let me tell you why. You, Lee Donghae, love me, Jessica Jung. That's why you're feeling like that."  

He opened his eyes, looking at her with pain evident on his face. He was hurting, the way she was, when he was with Yoona.

"You're wrong," he remarked.

"No, you're jealous of your best friend and that's why-"

"You're wrong," he repeated, cutting her off this time.

"Why?" She asked in bewilderment, unable to control her emotions anymore. Staring back at her was a pair of dark orbs that reflected pain and misery. It was not the happy ending she had expected. 

"I don't love you," that four words stabbed him in her heart.

"Why?" She screamed this time, grabbing the collar of his shirt. "Tell me!"

"I'm in love with Eunhyuk."

~~~

She lets go of his shirt.

She lets go of her tears.

She lets go of her first love.

She lets go of him.

All she had left was nothing but a worn-out and broken heart that had stopped bleeding ever since then in her hands. She mockingly chuckled at herself at the sight of the crimson red oozing out her of heart slowly. 

I can't breathe without you, but I had to, she tells herself, again and again.

Even if it hurts.

So badly.

~THE END~

AUTHOR'S MESSAGE:

Hello, how was it? Comment below and let me know, okay? I hope it's at least a decent read! XD This is my debut story, I'll be back with more stories, people! :D