SONG SUGGESTION: Nothing Better - Brown Eyed Soul (Click on the title to listen to the song, it must be on repeat mode, okay? :D)

Jongin set the tripod down a sturdy rock when he noticed another man take a photo of the sunrise. The man was at least an inch shorter than him, wearing a black leather jacket, blue green polo shirt underneath, a cap on his head, with skinny pants and sneakers below. The man was of early 20’s but Jongin was a bit older than him. He had a simple canon DSLR on his hand, the usual cameras you see amateurs hold and wander around. Jongin continued to watch the man as he looked through the lens and tried to take another shot. He made a pouty look, the one that Jongin will never forget for the rest of his life. The man pushed his bangs aside and took another photo. This time, his lens wandered all around the place until it reached Jongin’s eyeful stare.  The man hesitated at first but zoomed in the lens and took a shot. He looked at the screen, made a ‘not bad’ look before approaching Jongin.

“You’re new here.” Jongin said before the man could come closer.

“Yeah, my friend introduced this place to me.” He said as he looked around the place.

“Your friend introduced you this mountain? I thought I’m the only one who knew this place?” Jongin said, puzzled by what the man had said.

“That’s what you think.” The man said and took another photo of the sun. Click.

“What’s your name?” Jongin asked curiously as he stared at the man.

He looked at Jongin very carefully before saying his name.

“I’m Do Kyungsoo.” He answered and gave him a gummy smile.

“I’m Kim Jongin.” He said as he extended his hand towards the man named Kyungsoo.

Although Kyungsoo’s hand was warm, Jongin felt the electricity spread out his veins, and wander all around his body. The touch, it was indescribable, but the feeling, he wanted it to last forever; he wanted to continue holding Kyungsoo’s hand like it was the only thing he could hold on to, the only thing he could live with.

“I noticed you taking a picture of the sunrise a while ago.” Jongin said as he breathed in heavily and pulled away from Kyungsoo’s grasp.

“Yeah, I love watching the sun every day.” He said as he looked at the photo again, made a dissatisfied look before deleting it.

“You deleted it?” Jongin asked as he eyed Kyungsoo carefully.

This time, he noticed how Kyungsoo’s face looked like. He had milky skin, thick curled lashes, eyes as dark as the moon, and full red lips. His face was effortlessly cute and he had no idea. 

“It doesn’t look that pretty.” He said and made another pouty look. “I want it to look perfect.”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter. You need a lot of patience when you want to get something.” Jongin cheerfully said as he patted Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

“Ha! I know. I’m still a beginner that’s why.” He spoke as he clutched the camera on his hand.

“Then maybe I can help you.” Jongin offered as he noticed Kyungsoo’s eyes lit up in excitement.

“Really? You will?”

“You know, I have a really high talent fee—“

“I don’t care. Be my mentor!” Kyungsoo enthusiastically said as he bounced like a rabbit around the place.

“Okay, okay, I will.” Jongin replied, his hands help up in defense as a smile creased his face.

“Thank you!” Kyungsoo exclaimed and bowed down Jongin.

“Please, don’t do that.” Jongin coughed and caught Kyungsoo’s arm.

“Why?” Kyungsoo asked as confusion set behind his eyes.

“Just because…” Jongin said and looked around as he took a cigarette from the pocket of his jacket and reached out for a lighter inside his bag. He lit the cigarette between his lips and a puff of smoke escaped his nostrils. Kyungsoo looked away, disturbed by the fact that the man standing beside him was a smoker. He hated cigarettes, his dad died because of that. He hated how cigarettes smelled bad to his nose. He hated the fact that cigarettes took the person closest to his heart. He hated the cigarettes just because…

“You don’t smoke?” Jongin asked as he offered and held a stick up Kyungsoo’s face.

“No. It took my dad away.” He spoke and looked away, pretending to be interested with the sight of the sun. Jongin said nothing and followed his view. Talking about dead relatives was not Jongin’s thing. It was awkward to open those kinds of topics, especially with people you have just met. Jongin glanced back at Kyungsoo, scrutinizing his features.

“I suppose you like the sun.” Jongin said as he kept his eyes on the very innocent-looking man beside him.

“Hmm. It keeps me motivated to live my life.” He muttered as he held the camera to his eyes and retook the sight.

“Why?” Jongin asked curiously.

“The sun is the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see at the end of the day. When I close my eyes to the sight of the moon and open them to the light of the sun, then that means I get to live one more day. I could still end up being happy. And maybe change the shift of my life.” Kyungsoo continued on but kept his eyes focused on the viewfinder as he tried to blink back tears and memories of his father saying those words.

“I don’t see why. What if one day, you open your eyes and you don’t see the sun? Will you continue to live your life?” Jongin asked as he watched Kyungsoo’s eyes blink for a split-second.

“The sun’s just hiding. It may look like it’s not around but it is. It’s just there, waiting to be discovered.” He reasoned out and glanced at Jongin.

“I… I don’t get it.” Jongin answered as he shook his head. Kyungsoo only laughed at him.

“You will understand, once you’ll realize that your time is running out.” Kyungsoo inserted.

“You’re dying, aren’t you?” Jongin asked. Falling for a dying person was not on his wish list. Weeping for one didn’t count too. Kyungsoo laughs boldly and answers,

“No. I’m not dying. I’m too strong; God won’t take me that fast.”

“Oh.” was the only word that Jongin could muster to say. His lips curved into a smile. He liked this Kyungsoo guy.

“Do you want to grab some coffee before we start the class?” He offered to Kyungsoo as he threw the cigarette to the ground and crushed it with the tip of his shoe.

They arrive the city later that day and had coffee. They talked about things related to photography. They talked about almost anything that came into their minds.

Jongin was sipping his vanilla latte while looking out the window, enjoying the view of cars and buses passing by. Without Jongin noticing, Kyungsoo kept his eyes on him, scrutinizing every bit of his features. Jongin had cherry lips and it was hard not to imagine how it was kissing him. His lips looked very tempting at the moment. His eyes drifted off to Jongin’s eyelashes, which was short but really thick. Jongin also had eyes like his. It was as dark as the night.

Kyungsoo wondered if things would really work out with this guy across him. He wondered if this guy was a real photographer or was he just faking it.

Somehow, they ended up at Jongin’s place since it was raining so hard and Kyungsoo’s house was still a mile away, literally. He was too lazy to run in the rain and he was very curious how Jongin’s apartment had looked like. What he expected was a room full of photographs and films but sadly, nothing was found. Maybe Jongin had fooled him after all.

“You’re not a photographer.” Kyungsoo muttered as he stood near the door, readied himself for running if ever Jongin had plans.

Jongin laughs and looks at Kyungsoo. “I don’t look like one to you?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“Your room doesn’t have any photos.” Kyungsoo answered.

“If my room doesn’t have photos then that means I’m not a photographer?” Jongin asked and smirked.

“How old are you?” Jongin questioned when Kyungsoo did not answer.

“I’m 22.” Kyungsoo answered confidently.

Jongin stared at him from head to toe. He was taken by surprise.

“How old are you?” Kyungsoo asked straight.

“I’m 21.” Jongin answered, still astonished.

“Call me hyung, then. Because I’m older than you.” Kyungsoo sneered.

“Hell no, I’m more experienced than you. Therefore, you must call me sunbae.” Jongin said, full with pride.

“I don’t care. I’m older than you.” Kyungsoo answered stubbornly as he stuck a tongue out at Jongin.

“Okay, fine. Whatever.” Jongin muttered as he made his way to the kitchen.

Kyungsoo followed along and sat on a chair, watching Jongin handle the rice cooker.

“You’re doing it wrong. That’s dirty.” Kyungsoo said as he made his way beside Jongin.

“It’s my way of cooking.” Jongin answered.

“Mine is different, get out.” Kyungsoo mumbled as Jongin laughed.

“Hey, this is my house.”

“I’m your hyung.” Kyungsoo answered and made a face.

Jongin felt all giddy as Kyungsoo made the face. It was the cutest thing he has ever seen his whole life.

“Whatever.” Jongin rolled his eyes as he shook his head and walked away.

“Make sure it’s clean. And yummy.” He added before sitting on the sofa.

“Whatever.” Kyungsoo answered and rolled his eyes. Jongin was definitely a teaser.

Kyungsoo made kimchi spaghetti that night and Jongin instantly fell in love with him. It was not because of the food, it was because Kyungsoo had finally turned his house into a home.

“Stay for the night. It’s still raining.” Jongin mumbled as he pushed Kyungsoo towards the bed.

“Is it okay with you?” Kyungsoo asked, hesitated.

“Sunbae says you must.” Jongin answered and giggled.

“You really love ordering people around.” Kyungsoo answered and smiled back at him.

“Of course, I’m the boss.” Jongin proudly exclaimed and Kyungsoo threw a pillow at him.

“Sleep beside me.” Kyungsoo invited as he pat the empty space next to him.

“You won’t mind?” Jongin asked, his face turning a shade of pink.

“Your hyung doesn’t mind.” Kyungsoo replied and before a second, Jongin was already on the bed.

They both slept on the bed, their backs faced each other. Jongin was still wide awake, he could feel Kyungsoo breathing.

“Sleep, will you?” Kyungsoo whispered.

“I can’t sleep.” Jongin uttered.

“Let me sing you a song then.” Kyungsoo said as he faced Jongin.

“What song do you want me to sing?” Kyungsoo questioned.

“Hmmm. Nothing better.” Jongin said and smiled excitingly while Kyungsoo made a face.

“You don’t know the song?” Jongin asked, disappointed.

He sat up, made a ‘trying hard’  face  and sang. “It goes like this.. Nothing better, nothing better, than you.” 

Kyungsoo laughed and sat up beside Jongin.

“You just murdered the song.” Kyungsoo teased. “Of course I know the song. It’s my favourite.” He inserted.

“You do?” Jongin said as his eyes lit up in excitement.

“Here, let me sing it to you.” Kyungsoo said and started to sing the song.

“It always appeared before me, your face, I remember my heart that stopped short. You spitefully took my dysfunctional heart and with your bright smile. That’s how you easily opened my heart. It’s true, that is how I became your man. All my unpleasant memories, I no longer recall. Because the hand that holds me tight is as warm as spring…” Kyungsoo watched as Jongin’s eyelids started to close a little. He smiled and continued to sing.

When he ended the song, he brushed off the hair from Jongin’s face before he turned off the lamp beside the bed.

Things became much better between them. They usually met during the weekends for lessons and photo shoots. During the weekdays, Jongin would call Kyungsoo from work and invite him to hang out somewhere.

One month has passed and they grew closer. Jongin still continued to smoke though Kyungsoo has banned it from him many times.

“What’s your dream?” Kyungsoo asked as he sat beside Jongin on the grass.

“I have lots of dreams. I don’t even know where to start.” He answered as he watched the clouds in the sky.

Kyungsoo pouted and Jongin laughed. “Okay, okay. I really want to see my photos make it to the biggest magazines in Seoul. That’s my first one.”

“Then?” Kyungsoo asked as he scooped in closer.

“I want to work with different artists.”

“What else?”

“I want to be a world-class photographer. Hey, stop asking questions about me, let me ask about you.” Jongin asked as he took Kyungsoo’s hand and traced circles on his palm.

“Stop, that tickles.” Kyungsoo said and tried to pull away from Jongin’s grasp.

“Hold still. What’s your dream?” Jongin answered and continued to trace circles.

“To be happy.” Kyungsoo answered, his eyes focused on the kids running around.

“That’s it?” Jongin asked.

“Yeah. I’ll get the rest when I’m happy.” Kyungsoo answered.

Jongin looked at Kyungsoo before whispering, “You know, I like you.”

Kyungsoo looked at him instantly before smiling and answering, “Finally.”

Nothing was said after that. They met almost every day. Kyungsoo noticed how Jongin lost his weight though they met almost every day. It was quite disturbing because Jongin never really liked to work out.

Sometimes, Jongin would sleep at Kyungsoo’s house. Sometimes, Kyungsoo would sleep at Jongin’s house. Kyungsoo cooked for Jongin. He’ll act like a mother and command Jongin to clean his room. Jongin would agree, after Kyungsoo kisses him.

One night, when they were eating, Jongin choked from his food.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked as he offered some water to Jongin.

“I’m okay. I’m just too excited to eat.” He answered and swallowed the food difficultly.

Kyungsoo became more worried when Jongin’s abdomen started to hurt every time they finished eating. Sometimes, Jongin would pass and won’t eat dinner.

One night, Jongin suddenly invited Kyungsoo over for dinner. They laughed and talked but Jongin’s face looked much stressed, like something bad was happening with him. Kyungsoo tried to open the matter but Jongin only dismissed it with a smile. Something was wrong and Kyungsoo could feel it. But he didn’t know what it was.

Jongin was nowhere to be found after that night.

Kyungsoo was exceedingly nervous about him. He tried calling him, sending him messages but then, there was nothing. Jongin was gone.

Until that next week, he went to the studio and met Jongin’s colleague, Baekhyun.

“You didn’t know?” Baekhyun asked, his face full of pity.

“What should I know?” Kyungsoo replied, his heart pounding intensely.

“He’s in the hospital right now. You did not know he was sick? Hey, you’re Kyungsoo right?” Baekhyun answered. Kyungsoo could feel his whole world shatter.

Before he could hear another word, he ran outside and halted for a taxi. Tears were starting to fall from his eyes. Jongin, he lied to me. Something was wrong with him. Why didn’t he tell me?

Kyungsoo rushed towards the hospital, tears streaming down his cheeks. He had managed to ask the nurse where Kim Jongin’s room was and he ran to get there. When he arrived, Jongin was sitting up, a camera on his hand; busy with whatever he was trying to take a picture of. When he had finally managed to notice Kyungsoo standing near the door, he smiled weakly before gesturing him to sit beside him. Kyungsoo, although shaking and crying, had achieved to walk towards him.

“Babo, how could you not tell me?” Kyungsoo asked gloomily.

“I’m dying anyway.” Jongin smirked before looking through the viewfinder and zooming in the lens. Click.

“No, you’re not gonna die. Nobody is dying.” Kyungsoo sniffed and Jongin eyed him sympathetically. He left the camera on the table and his hand immediately rested on Kyungsoo’s before he softly squeezed it.

“I have gastric cancer.” Jongin whispered, and the line echoed all throughout the room.

“You’re not dying.” Kyungsoo breathed in repeatedly, he covered his ears with his hands and his body rocked back and forth.

“They said the tumors had already spread outside my stomach. A cure is impossible and the goal of the treatment is to improve symptoms. But I don’t want that, I don’t want to spend my whole life here.—“

“Jongin, please.” Kyungsoo pleaded as he looked into Jongin’s eyes.

“I want to spend my life with you. Even if it’s only for a day.” Jongin uttered as his sorrowful eyes looked down into Kyungsoo’s.

“I want to see the sunrise and sunset with you. I want to end each day with a kiss. I want to cuddle with you in a warm bed. I want to feel your arms around me every night. I want you, I want us.” Jongin whispered as Kyungsoo wept hardly.

“Jongin… Jongin…” Kyungsoo whispered in between sobs, his face hopeless and worried.

It was reality they could not escape, it was fated to happen. Jongin’s days were already numbered and there was nothing they could really do about it. His fate was concluded, written down in paper before it’s about to be published.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo. I’m really sorry.” Jongin smiled at him.

Kyungsoo’s face rested on the bed and Jongin bit down his lower lip forcefully, which caused it to bleed a little. Tears brimmed on Jongin’s eyes as he reached out again for his camera. He cannot cry in front of Kyungsoo. He focused his lens on the sun that was about to go down. It was an early evening. Click. He looked at Kyungsoo again who was still weeping, and a tear from his eyes rolled down towards the camera’s screen. Click. He focused back on the sun, which was almost fading from his view. Click. He set the camera on his lap and touched Kyungsoo’s head. The smile was still on his face but the tears were slowly rolling down his cheeks. Kyungsoo was still weeping, murmuring Jongin’s name again and again.

“I want to live… but not this way… I want to live happily with you.” Jongin whispered as he looked up the ceiling, his tears falling down one by one and landed on Kyungsoo’s head.

Jongin sniffed and continued to disturb himself with the camera on his hand. Time was running fast.

“You know, we never watched the sun together after that day we first met.” Jongin whispered as he played with Kyungsoo’s hair.

“We won’t watch it until you get well.” Kyungsoo answered, his head still on Jongin’s bed.

“I want to see the sun. Then you know, maybe I’ll get to live one more day. One more day with you.” Jongin spoke in a hushed voice. Kyungsoo looked up to the sight of Jongin crying. He slowly made his way up Jongin’s bed and cradled his face with his hands.

“I’m scared. I… I don’t know why, Kyungsoo but I’m scared…” Tears rolled down Jongin’s face and Kyungsoo caught them between his fingers. “I don’t want to die yet, not this way, not this time.”

“Shush, Jongin. You will live. We’ll prove the doctors wrong. You must live.” Kyungsoo answered and cried with him. Jongin reached for Kyungsoo’s hand and held on it tightly.

“We’ll watch the sun every day, I’ll cook for you. I’ll make you kimchi spaghetti. You’ll help me clean the house and I’ll sing you to sleep. We’ll do things we haven’t done before.” Kyungsoo continued on. Jongin’s tears were uncontrollable, and so were Kyungsoo’s.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for you.” Jongin whispered on Kyungsoo’s ear.

“Fool, you’ve brought me happiness.” Kyungsoo answered as his lips touched Jongin’s. It was one of the many kisses Kyungsoo will never forget. Though Jongin’s lips were trembling, he had managed to kiss Kyungsoo back. It was a kiss filled with love and tenderness, one kiss that will melt all their fears away. One simple kiss that would make them forget reality.

Kyungsoo watched Jongin drift off to sleep before heading outside to breathe fresh air. Instead, he was greeted by Jongin’s doctor.

They both sat on an empty bench just outside Jongin’s window. Kyungsoo breathed in hard, preparing for whatever problem and conclusion was coming.

“It was just a simple infection at first but Jongin had ignored it.” Mr. Joonmyun said.

“Is there something you can do? Can you make him live a bit longer?” Kyungsoo pleaded as he swallowed back the lump on his throat. Don’t say no, please.

“Gastrectomy is the only way to help him. Radiation therapy and chemotherapy may also help. For many patients, chemotherapy and radiation therapy after surgery may improve the chance of a cure. But Jongin, he doesn’t want any of them. He wouldn’t take the therapies. Well, he did, once. But his body did not respond according to what we were expecting and it wasn’t normal.” Mr. Joonmyun continued on.

Kyungsoo buried his face in his palms, tears streaming down again. There was no way he’d let Jongin go that easily. He hasn’t even yet told Jongin how much he loved him. He needed more time, just a little bit.

“How long will he live?” Kyungsoo had finally mustered to ask after a minute of silence.

“If there’s no progress with the medicines he’s taking, then he’ll only last for two weeks.”

Two weeks. He’ll live for two weeks, like a food about to reach its expiry date. No, foods could even last for two whole years. Why would Jongin last for only two weeks?

“Then do something about it! Let him live longer! He’s your patient, you’re a doctor!” Kyungsoo appealed, grabbing the doctor by the arm.

“If he won’t accept the therapy then there’s nothing we can do. I’m sorry, mister.” Mr. Joonmyun said and left before Kyungsoo could do something worse.

Sorry. It’s always the same word. Repeated over and over again. He heard it before, when his dad was dying. It was a terrible mistake to trust the doctors. He should have known better. He should have just never asked, doctors were good at lying.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes after gazing at the stars, allowing tears to run endlessly down his cheeks, as dried ones were replaced by new ones.

There was nothing he could do for Jongin and that was his problem. He couldn’t dare to watch Jongin suffer every minute while he stood there, feeling all mighty and glorious for being too healthy. Jongin deserved to live longer; he had too many dreams, too many ambitions. And God was summing up all his time, taking it slowly and painfully. He couldn’t just look at Jongin every day, he wanted to do something. He wanted to believe in small possibilities. Maybe the doctors had overlooked, maybe they mixed up Jongin’s files with another dying person. Maybe this was just a plain, faked story and he’ll wake up one day with Jongin beside him, healthy and dandy. Maybe nothing was really wrong with Jongin, maybe he just had a fever, something like measles of what kind. Maybe Jongin was just playing around, trying to make a fool out of him. Maybe he was just imagining things and hallucinating. Maybe nothing was real.

Maybe… It always ends up with maybe and false hopes. Nothing else than those.

Kyungsoo, what would he do without Jongin? He has already left a mark on Kyungsoo’s heart and now that he’s about to leave, what should Kyungsoo do? Will seeing the sun next day give him motivation to live alone? Will the sun save his life? No. No one else will save his life except Jongin.

Kim Jongin was his sun now. Jongin was his sky, his clouds, his moon, his stars. He would anticipate the days he lived with him and only him. He anticipated every moment with him, captured or not.

Save him, please. Kyungsoo pleaded to the sky as he opened his eyes.

I can give my life to him, I can give him what he needed. He could take my stomach, he could rip my body and take my goddamn stomach. What else? He might need my lungs too, he loves to smoke, and that’s why he’ll need another pair to save his life. Just please, save him. I know you can. If you exist then listen to me!

Kim Jongin. Jongin. Kyungsoo wished he never met that man, then maybe he’d still be an amateur in photography, maybe he’d end up living and loving someone else, and maybe he’d never hurt and cry like this.

But what could he do? He has already reached the point of no return, where he left everything else just to be with the person he loves. Loving Jongin was the most perfect thing he could do, and he couldn’t ask for more. He was purely satisfied with what he has right now. And God is trying to take it away from him. His happiness, his one and only.

Kyungsoo doesn’t understand why life was so unfair with him. It took away his dad, and now, it was trying to take Jongin away from him. It was just so unfair, so inhumane, and so unacceptable.

Kyungsoo slowly made his way to Jongin’s room, tried to dry the tears and kept them from falling again. Two weeks, we’ll prove them wrong, Jongin. We’ll say it’s more than a miracle. We won’t need them after a while.

With trembling hands, Kyungsoo opened the door. He went in, tried as hard as possible not to wake Jongin up. He watched the young man sleep calmly and serenely. Though he was biting his lips so hard, tears started to fall from his eyes. Just watching Jongin sleep in a hospital bed made Kyungsoo very weak. It pained Kyungsoo to watch Jongin sleep like a lifeless human being. It pained him to see Jongin hurting. It pained him to know that Jongin’s time was running out.

Kyungsoo held Jongin’s hand, traced lines and circles on his palm. His eyes fleeted to the calendar on the table beside Jongin’s bed. He reached for it and stared at it. It seemed like the two weeks were written boldly than the rest of the numbers. His fingers throbbed painfully before he had managed to throw it in a corner of the room. Two weeks.

He gazed at Jongin again, his lips trembling from the pain. Kyungsoo continued to pray fervently as he drifted off to sleep beside Jongin’s bed.

Kyungsoo woke up to the light of the sun entering Jongin’s room. He expected a hand to be intertwined with his but all he saw was blanket covered around him.

“Jongin?” he called out and rose from his seat, ignoring the pain that shot all the way down his spine.

He felt instantly nervous. He looked everywhere, the bathroom, the garden, even the emergency room. But Jongin was nowhere to be found.

Where is he? Kyungsoo asked himself. He was sure Jongin was still with him when he fell asleep.

It was after an hour when Jongin came back, a smile on his face, a camera on his left hand and a little blue envelope on the other.

“Where have you been? I was worried about you!” Kyungsoo said as he rushed beside Jongin.

“I was just trying to take some photos around. Don’t worry, I’m fine.” Jongin answered as he draped an arm around Kyungsoo, putting the envelope on the table.

“Hyung—“

“I’m here now, don’t worry. I won’t leave you anymore.” Jongin said as he kissed Kyungsoo’s forehead.

That day, Jongin’s body has gotten much better and Kyungsoo was thankful because it was a miracle. Maybe Jongin would live longer than what the doctors had expected. Maybe they had chance after all.

Kyungsoo lulled him to sleep that night, his fingers intertwined with Jongin’s.

Kyungsoo woke up, his fingers still laced with Jongin’s. Jongin was still sleeping, his chest rising a bit due to his shallow breathing. Kyungsoo brushed the strand of hair off Jongin’s face before planting a kiss on his forehead. Two weeks starts now.

He left Jongin’s bed and stood beside the window. He opened the curtains a bit, just to allow a small amount of sunlight to enter the room. He greeted the sun a good morning and pleaded that it hears his prayers. Just let him open his eyes and live. He deserves more than I do. Take me away, if it only means he’ll live.

Kyungsoo knew it was hopeless. Each minute, Jongin’s body grew weaker and tired. He doesn’t want to watch Jongin moan in pain, whimper like a lost puppy every time needles pricked his pale skin. He doesn’t want to watch Jongin lying in a hospital bed. He doesn’t want to watch Jongin forcing a smile in front of him. He doesn’t want to watch Jongin reach out for the camera and pretend that he’s busy with something. He’s sick of everything. He’s tired. It was painful. Everything was painful for him. Just watching Jongin’s eyes light up in anticipation for the coming of the sun hurt him. Jongin’s actions, even the simplest ones hurt him.

“Kyungsoo?” Jongin called out from behind.

“I’m here.” Kyungsoo spoke in a soft manner as he rushed beside Jongin.

“Help me get to the restroom.” Jongin said as he lifted a hand in Kyungsoo’s way.

Kyungsoo took his hand and led him to the restroom. Jongin smiled feebly as he closed the door behind him. Kyungsoo stood by the door, listening to whatever Jongin was trying to do inside the other room. He heard Jongin gasping for air and he felt really nervous.

“Jongin hyung, are you okay?” Kyungsoo asked as he extended his hand toward the door knob.

“I…I’m fine. I’m just washing my hands.” Jongin answered weakly as he stretched his hand towards the faucet. Kyungsoo shouldn’t know I’m hurting. I don’t want to give him pain.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo called out again, his voice shaky. He knocked on the door twice.

“I…Don’t worry hyung. I’m okay.” Jongin responded and tried to wash his hands. His stomach was really painful at the moment and he was afraid that he might fall any time.

“Scream if it hurts babo. Don’t pretend that you’re okay.” Kyungsoo replied as his hands fidgeted with the door knob.

“I told you, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry.” Jongin answered weakly as his hands fumbled with the faucet. The pain hurt but it was more unbearable for Jongin to listen to Kyungsoo’s words repeated all over again. He could not afford to listen to Kyungsoo asking if he was okay because obviously, he wasn’t. He couldn’t afford to watch Kyungsoo cry secretly when he thinks Jongin is already asleep. He couldn’t afford to watch his hyung hurting because of him and his stupidity.  He couldn’t afford to imagine what Kyungsoo would do without him.

Four days have passed, and Jongin’s body became weaker. No progress was made, and matters became worse. Jongin had to accept food through a tube. He couldn’t swallow the food because it was a difficult thing for him to do. He vomited blood without Kyungsoo knowing. He had kept too many things from Kyungsoo. He did not want him to worry, or even cry about him. There was nothing more he could do. What he wanted was to make Kyungsoo happy. If he told him everything then each day he’d live would be very painful.

Kyungsoo, on the other hand, tried to look at the brighter side. Though Jongin was responding weakly, he started to spend more time with him. Their relationship, though nothing was really confirmed, started to become closer and stronger. It didn’t really matter what state they were right now, they both knew they love each other, even without the words. And that’s the only thing that mattered to them. Love.

On the fifth day, Kyungsoo arrived with a magazine on his hand, and a smile on his face.

“Care to tell me why you’re so happy today, Kyungsoo?” Jongin asked excitedly as he reached out for Kyungsoo’s hand.

“I made one of your dreams come true, Jongin. I made it.” Kyungsoo said as he gave Jongin the magazine.

Jongin looked at it, expressionless. The cover photo of the magazine was his work. His very first photo.

“Kyungsoo…”

“I’m so happy, Jongin. I’m very happy you made it. I… I’m just so happy.” Kyungsoo said as tears welled up his eyes.

“Hyung…” Jongin whispered as he took Kyungsoo for an embrace.

Jongin was more than thankful for Kyungsoo’s presence. He was a gift.

“Hyung…” Jongin whispered again as tears spilled from his eyes.

“I’m so happy.” Kyungsoo spoke in a soft voice. I’m happy because I made one of your dreams come true.

Sometimes, they would stay outside, breathe fresh air and talk about things that just pop from their minds. They clicked, they understood each other perfectly. They would hold hands, just like the usual and joke about each other’s faces, how Kyungsoo’s eyes were all puffy from the crying and how Jongin’s body looked like a skeleton from all those medicines he took. They would take pictures of them together, hugging and holding each other. The other day, Kyungsoo made Jongin kimchi spaghetti but he couldn’t eat it because kimchi had a strong flavor; it was quite dangerous for his stomach. If he ate it then he might throw up any moment. Even swallowing the food was a problem. So Kyungsoo just placed the food beside Jongin’s bed and made him smell it. Jongin smiled though he wanted to eat the food badly.

Kyungsoo never went back to his house. The hospital felt like home to him, because Jongin was with him. Anywhere with Jongin felt like home to him. Kyungsoo didn’t waste any time, he made sure that each second was spent with Jongin. The two-week expiry date was still on his head but he tried to set it aside every time Jongin woke up from his sleep. Kyungsoo knew Jongin was about to leave, and he tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Jongin won’t stay with him permanently. Jongin won’t get to live longer. Jongin’s time was running out, last grains from his hourglass about to fall. Jongin’s candle was about to burn out.

It frustrated Kyungsoo to know all those. Jongin did not deserve any of this. The man, he had lots of dreams. He had too many of them. And it hurt Kyungsoo how he couldn’t make them all come true.

That night of the sixth day, Kyungsoo lulled Jongin to sleep. He sang him their favorite song, nothing better, the one Jongin would belt out but couldn’t so Kyungsoo got in the way and helped him.

“It always appeared before me, your face, I remember. My heart that stopped short. You spitefully took my dysfunctional heart and with your bright smile, that’s how you easily opened my heart…”  Kyungsoo sang the first part of the song and felt tears stinging his eyes as Jongin’s lips followed along though no sound escaped from his mouth.

“And now like breathing, if you were to always rest by my side, if you were to always remain this way. Nothing better, nothing better than you. Nothing better, nothing better than you.” Kyungsoo tried to hide the pain and smiled at Jongin as he sang the last few lines of the song. Jongin was asleep now; his face leaned on the other side of the pillow. Kyungsoo stood up and brushed away Jongin’s bangs before planting a kiss on his forehead. The usual thing he does every morning and night.

He sat beside Jongin’s bed, grasped his hand and cried himself to sleep. They had a lot of things to do tomorrow.

Kyungsoo opened his eyes to see Jongin staring down at him. He was tracing circles on Kyungsoo’s palm. Just like he always does.

“Hyung, let’s go see the sun in the mountains.” Jongin whispered weakly to Kyungsoo when he woke up. He tried to give Kyungsoo a smile, but in the end, all he could manage was a cough. It was 4:00 a.m. Why so early? Then it came to him all of a sudden.

One week left. Jongin only had a week left.

“You’re not okay yet.” Kyungsoo answered as he rubbed his eyes.

“I’m okay, look at me. They said I’ll live long.” Jongin reasoned out and showed a weak smile.

Jongin, don’t do this please.

“Jongin—“

“Kyungsoo, just this one please?” Jongin pleaded and before Kyungsoo could open his mouth in protest, one of the doctors came in.

“Mr. Kim, I want to go out.” Jongin pleaded, showing his puppy dog face.

“Are you sure you want to, Mr. Jongin?” Mr. Joonmyun asked, worry obvious on his face.

“Just this one, please. You’ll never know when I leave.” Jongin joked.

“Don’t talk that way, Jongin.” Kyungsoo snapped at him. Jongin looked at him sourly.

“Seriously, do you think I’ll last for a week? I’m dying, Kyungsoo. Get over it.” He replied as he bit on his lower lip and tried to prevent tears from spilling down.

Before Kyungsoo could talk back, Mr. Joonmyun tapped his shoulder and gestured him to go outside. He sighed and followed, glancing at Jongin before closing the door behind him.

Jongin’s temper could be a pain sometimes but right now, he couldn’t care less. Jongin was right, he wouldn’t last long. He only had a week left. Funny, only a week left. And it was still not enough for them. Too many things to do, so little time.

Mr. Joonmyun came to him after a few minutes and motioned Kyungsoo to sit beside him.

“Let’s be prepared.” It was the only sentence that came out from Mr. Joonmyun's mouth but Kyungsoo knew better. Two weeks was not the final answer. He could die any moment. He could leave without Kyungsoo even knowing. He could just disappear from his life any time.

“Can I see the sun with him today?” Kyungsoo asked, his lips were trembling and his body was shaking.

“There’s nothing more I can do for his happiness so I’ll have to let him go.” Mr. Joonmyun answered before touching Kyungsoo’s shoulder and walking away.

Kyungsoo took that answer for a yes.

They reach the mountains just before the sun came up. It was 5:59 a.m. and Jongin was pale but he was still smiling. He had never felt happier than this day.

Kyungsoo looked back at him and a smile appeared on his face. Though he was afraid for the next moments, he tried to look strong in front of Jongin. He had to. Jongin needed him.

Jongin took his hand and scooped in closer, just in time to see the sun rise. It took his breath away.

“You see? I get to live one more day. Mr. Sun said so.” Jongin whispered.

Kyungsoo couldn’t answer. He just stood there and looked at the sun. It had never looked this beautiful. It was breath-taking.

Without warning, Jongin pulled him for an embrace.

“Thank you for bringing me happiness.” Jongin whispered, kissed Kyungsoo on the lips and Kyungsoo tried to blink back tears. Today was not a day for crying. He was supposed to be happy that Jongin had lived another day.

“Thank you for giving meaning to my life.” Jongin continued on, his arms holding Kyungsoo tighter than ever. Kyungsoo raised his arms and embraced him back.

“Thank you for being my sun when there was darkness.” Jongin spoke as he drew in breath slowly. Kyungsoo could feel Jongin’s chest rise slowly.

“Thank you for the life you’ve given me when I was lifeless.” Kyungsoo couldn’t bear to hear more but Jongin continued to talk. Kyungsoo tried to blink back tears. Don’t cry, Kyungsoo. Be a man.

“Thank you for the time you’ve spent with me.” Kyungsoo swallowed hard the lump on his throat. This could not be it. Jongin still has a week.

“There’s a lot more I want to say but I know I don’t have much time. So let me get it straight to the point.” Jongin murmured on Kyungsoo’s ear. Kyungsoo just stood there as he tried to fight the bad feeling.

“Thank you for loving me.” Jongin said and whispered, “I love you, Do Kyungsoo.” as he kissed Kyungsoo’s forehead.

Kyungsoo, trying his hard to blink back tears, had successfully answered, “I love you too, Kim Jongin.”

“Do you mind if we continue to stay like this for a while?” Jongin whispered as he tightened the embrace. Kyungsoo responded with a tighter one. He wouldn’t mind. Holding Jongin in his arms was the only thing he could do right now.

“I love you, hyung.” Jongin whispered for the last time as a tear fell from his right eye. A tear of happiness.

Finally, Jongin drew his last breath and slowly dropped his arms beside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo continued to support Jongin’s weight as he cried.

Jongin only lasted for a week.

Kyungsoo cried and smiled, thanking the sun for giving Jongin time. For giving Jongin one last chance to see the sun. This was finally it, Jongin has finally rested. No more pain, but he left Kyungsoo with sadness.

I never told you how much you meant to me. I never told you how much I needed you. I had so much to say, but we had so little time.

“I love you, Kim Jongin. Forever and always will.” Kyungsoo whispered as he tightened the embrace, spilling tears on Jongin’s shoulder as he watched the sun grew brighter.

Kyungsoo woke up, the darkness welcoming him. No sunlight entered his room, the windows were all covered with curtains. He hated watching the sun after Jongin died. The sun had lost its meaning when Jongin left. His life had lost its meaning too.

Kyungsoo stood up, greeted Jongin’s picture with a ‘hi’ before kissing it. He made his way towards the kitchen and made some coffee and toasts. He ate it, sipped a bit of the coffee and immediately went to the bathroom and took a shower. After showering, he got a towel and dried his hair with it.

He walked his way towards the living room and that’s when he noticed an envelope inserted under the door. He hasn’t noticed it before but the envelope was pretty familiar. He must have seen it somewhere.

Kyungsoo eyed the envelope carefully before finally picking it up. It was a thin, blue one with no return address. He opened it and found a photo inside, the photo of the prettiest sun he has ever seen, and behind it was a note. The date was back four days ago before Jongin left and message was written in black ink, with a heavy penmanship. A penmanship besides his that he will always remember.

Kyungsoo hyung, it said.

You wanted to catch a perfect photo of the sun and here it is, I had finally done it right. You get to live one more day. I love you, forever and always.

-Jongin