Jiyeon's POV

They say 'We shouldn't try to be someone you're not.'

But what about someone you almost are? Or how about someone you used to be?

My sister, Minyoung, walked into Woollim High cafeteria, and on impulse, I sat up a little straighter. As kids, people used to tell us that we were like two peas in a pod with our perfect posture. "What little ladies!" They'd always say.

We're far from twins, but I hoped others still might notice some small similarity. Our perfect posture could be the one reminder that Minyoung's not the secret love child of Park Shinme and Ahn Saenghae. And I'm not the true offspring of Lee Taesik and an ungroomed poodle.

"Are you trying to make them look like double Ds?" My friend, Soyeon, blurted at me from across the table.

You know those moments when you say something embarrassing and everyone around you stops talking at the exact second?

Yeah.

Even Minyoung looked over to see what everyone was gawking at, and in that second, I realized how stupid I probably looked. 

I collapsed back into a slouch, wrapping my arms across my chest. Thankfully, before Minyoung could register another of my attempts to emulate her, Nichkhun raced up to give her a hug, stealing her attention away.

She leaned in and whispered something in his ear. Heat circulated like lava in my veins. Nichkhun.

As in, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. The Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. Not the quarter back, but certainly the cutest guy on the football team. I gripped my arms tighter, wondering if she was whispering about me. This was Nichkhun, the guy I'd been silently swooning over since middle school.

Nichkhun, my sister's boyfriend of three weeks, two days- I checked my watch- and about twenty-two hours.

Minyoung looked over again, but this time, the second my eyes bet hers, broke into a huge smile, like her face wasn't big enough to contain it. My embarrassment calmed with her excitement. Whatever she might have been saying about me didn't look to be bad. She leaned in to say something else to Nichkhun and then pointed at my direction. I resisted the urge to touch my chest. Who, me?

I was sitting with my friends Soyeon and Boram at our usual table, close to the cash register. Soyeon had her attention where it usually was: on her pocket mirror and eyeliner. I had to wonder, wasn't she already wearing enough? She'd overemphasized her already large eyes and lips, making her look a little like Betty Boop. She was my reason for going easy on the makeup. Well, that and my lack of skill at applying it.

Soyeon and Boram looked up just as the rest of the most popular group of seniors turned our way. Other juniors probably didn't have the same kind of senior envy we did. I think it stemmed from the fact that all three of us fit better with the freshman crowd than with our own class. Boram looked about twelve with her kid-like yet cute attitude, Soyeon had a habit of throwing juvenile temper tantrums about breaking a nail or something equally catastrophic, and I could pretty much walk upright through a doggie door. Not only was I the shortest person in the entire junior class, I was also the youngest. My parents registered me for kindergarten at the tender age of four, thinking I'd be some kind of prodigy like my sister.

It was only natural that the three of us "youngsters" had bonded, but Soyeon was the only one who seemed determined to break out of our mold. She had a broader circle of friends than either Boram or I, but always wanted to make more- especially of the senior boy variety. She practically frothed at the mouth toward my sister's friend. Boram just gaped at the group of them. 

"Hey," I said, trying my best to act normally. Hopefully, if I broke my friends' stunned gazes, we wouldn't look like the starstruck nerds that we were. "What's for lunch?"

"What is for lunch," Soyeon stated, looking Nichkhun up and down. He'd gone back to order his food, and thankfully the rest of the group also quickly lost interest in our little envy fest.

Soyeon knew I'd had a crush on Nichkhun for forever, and she said things like that to egg me on, even if he was wasy out of my league. But still, when she continued to eye him, it irked me. I motioned to a wrapped gift sitting on the table beside her.

"What's that?" I cringed inwardly at my question. I'd always been annoyed by people who made a big deal of their birthday.

Soyeon turned her attention back to our table. "For you, of course!" She passed it over. "It's from both of us." Boram started to interrupt with a "But..." when Soyeon cut her off, asking me what I got from my parents.

I rolled my eyes. "You know what my mom's like. She gave me these clothes that I'll never wear." I pulled open the pink shimmery wrapping of Soyeon's gift. A few people glanced over at the flashy paper.

I barely had the back of the present open when I recognized it. More pink. Which was not my favorite color. But it wasn't just the color. Soyeon's gift was the exact same shade and texture as the tank top I'd gotten from Mom last night.

We'd had an early family birthday party because Mom and Dad both had to work late today. When I first saw the outfit Mom had gotten me, I figured there had to have been some mistake. She must have bought it for Minyoung and forgotten to give it to her for Christmas. Pink made my sister look like a fairy princess. Mom must've missed my sweats abounding wardrobe and my acreage of age.

I swallowed, turning over the gift from Soyeon. Sure enough, the same dainty white flower shone up at me like a beacon of femininity.

The beacon had the wrong girl.

I'd never liked the term "tomboy." I felt instead like I simply brought balance to the force of Minyoung's flowery life. I could understand my mother wanting me to be more like Minyoung. But Soyeon and Boram?

"Uh, thanks. Wow," I said, trying to sound happy and dazzled and all those other positive emotions I wasn't feeling. 

Soyeon pulled the tank fully from the wrapping, letting it fall open. "I hope I got the right size. Here, hold it up."

I did as she said, purposely keeping it a foot away from me, as though the distance would hide the discrepancy between the size of the tank and the size of my s. In that second, I realized what seemed really strange about the tank top: it would perfectly suit Soyeon, especially with her light skin and dark hair. Part of me wanted to push it back and hold it up to her.

"I hope it'll fit." Soyeon gave me a sideways look, scrunching her mought a little in decision. I glanced at Boram for help. It wouldn't seem so rude if she told Soyeon it would look much better on her.

But Boram's dilated eyes looked like she'd been hypnotized. I followed them a feet away.

Minyoung. Coming straight for me. With Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul on her heels, carrying a tray full of food. 

Minyoung let out his lighthearted laugh before she'd even reached us.

"Look what Soyeon gave me," I said, at the exact time that Minyoung said, "Why'd you bring that thing to school?" She glanced behind her, laughing again, and that's when I noticed how many people had followed Minyoung to our table. At least six, but it felt like a hundred. I sat there stunned, unable to speak, while Minyoung's best friend, Yuri, went on. 

"Your mom always gets the most unsuitable clothes, Jiyeon. I mean, can you see her in that tank top?" Yuri said to Minyoung. Yuri had been over for my birthday dinner last night. Minyoung had asked me if it was okay to invite her, and I figured why not? Now I knew why not.

Soyeon's face went from its normal flawless bronze to a deep tomato red. "What did you say?" She demanded.

Yuri didn't seem to notice the edge in Soyeon's tone or me motioning toward the wrapping paper. "Did you bring the miniskirt, too?" She asked me. I shook my head, silently praying that Yuri wasn't about to make any kind of judgement on miniskirts. Soyeon was wearing one.

There was an awkward pause while everyone digested what had just been said. Recognition eclipsed Minyoung's face first. She looked down at the discarded wrapping paper, then at Soyeon. She nudged Yuri.

"Oh, you got this for Jiyeon?" Yuri's word tapered off until they were almost a whisper, which made the whole episode seem even more humiliating for Soyeon. As if that wasn't bad enough, now that the seniors had joined our little discussion I could feel stares from all over the cafeteria.

"Look, it was a stupid idea," Soyeon seethed, "and it's the last time I'll ever get you a gift." She pushed herself to a standing position.

"Wait," I said, reaching for her hand, but she brushed it out of reach, spun, and marched towards the cafeteria doors. The doors smacked shut behind her.

I turned to Minyoung for help. She always knew how to deal with people, how to solve problems that required charisma and diplomacy.

"You should let her cool off," Minyoung said, reading my mind. "That Soyeon has a quite a temper on her."

I jerked my head in what might look like a nod, barely being able to function with Nichkhun in such close proximity. I would just have to stay as still as possible until they made their way to their usual table near the window. Then I could calmdown and talk over Soyeon's hostility with Boram.

"It's Jiyeon's birthday," Minyoung announced, picking up the gift wrap and folding it. "Do you mind if we sit with her?"

Her friends surrounded our table like the Northern Lights, bright and brilliant in all their glory. I cowered in my seat. I wasn't sure who Minyoung was asking, but if it was anyone at my table, I doubted it would be taken as anything but rhetorical.

Minyoung knew how much the upset with Soyeon would eat away at me and was trying to make me feel better. My sister wouldn't want my birthday ruined if she could help it.

I thought Minyoung would squeeze in beside me, but instead she took the seat across the table. Boram shifted to make room for her. A few other seniors sat at the far end of the benches on either side. Yuri and Taecyeon- aka Yul and Taec, a nickname Yuri had come put with before they were even dating- stood staring down at Boram.

This was a problem. Yuri obviously wanted to sit beside her best friend, Minyoung, and I wondered if in Boram's awed state she'd able to figure that out.

"Hey, Boram, could you..." I nudged my head to the side.

Suddenly Boram looked like she'd been woken up by electrical currents. "Oh! Of course!"

She grabbed her bag lunch and cleared out of their way. Only I guess she'd taken my suggestion more drastically than I'd intended, and moved to the next table. She sat down and picked at the bottom of her short hair like she always did she she was embarrassed. 

Great. Now I've alienated both of my friends. I opened my mouth to call her back, but when I glanced at the empty seat still beside me, my mouth went dry. Nichkhun stepped over the bench and his leg brushed mine as he sat down.

Sure, he was sitting across from his girlfriend, my sister. But I had never, ever been this close to him. Close enough to smell his musky boy scent. Even though I'd crushed on him for years, it's not like I ever expected to do anything about it. It was more like a celebrity crush, and I felt as nervous as I would sitting three inches away from Lee Taemin. I was certain my heartbeat was as loud and erratic as a pinball machine.

Minyoung slapped one of her schoolbooks on the table in front of her, interrupting my cardiac arrest. It was kind of bittersweet, Minyoung dating Nichkhun. It irritated me and yet gave me these beautiful opportunities to be near him I'd otherwise never have.

"Happy birthday, Jiyeon," Nichkhun said quietly, like it was a shared secret. I met his eyes and his adorable, slightly off center smile made my lips tremble. 

I cleared my throat for some composure. He's my sister's boyfriend, I reminded myself, though I was as likely to score and Olympic gold in men's pole vaulting as I was to have a chance with someone like Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul.

"I hope you like my gift," Nichkhun half-whispered in my direction.

Suddenly I had no feeling in my hands and the rest of my body, for that matter. Nichkhun got me a gift? He must be joking. But he was so absorbed in his lunch, it was impossible to tell. His hand brushed my leg as he shifted on the bench and my heart stopped dead for a few seconds. Get a grip, Jiyeon.

Minyoung and her other friends chattered about classes and teachers and after-school plans. I could barely keep up. Boram watched from a few feet away with a huge grin on her face, like she couldn't believe her luck getting to hang out with these people. Or at least near them. 

Even though all the conversation at our table centered on my sister and her friends, it was way more entertaining than any normal day for me at Woollim High. I wondered how my sister handled living with this kind of adrenaline.

Purely out of nerves, I opened my sandwich and scarfed it down as though I was watching a really good move. But I couldn't get what Nichkhun had said out of my mind. He had a gift for me. Seriously?

Minyoung scrunched her nose at me and I realized how rude my gorging probably looked. A couple of the other girls at the end of the bench were also raising their eyebrows.

"Did you forget your lunch again?" I asked Minyoung, to divert the attention from me. Minyoung forgot her lunch on the kitchen counter so oftend I'd started counting on it for my after-school snack.

"No." She concentrated on the paper she'd pulled out to doodle on.

I could dazedly daydream for hours, but Minyoung couldn't let thirty seconds go by without doing something with her hands. "I have a big history test after lunch. Nerves," she said.

As the girls started talking again, I felt a nudge to my arm.

"I love a good sandwich with lots of protein," Nichkhun said, as if to make me feel better. "Makes me strong and fast." The football player in him clapped his hands together and rubbed them like even lunchtime was a competitive sport.

I was tempted to push the rest of my turkey sandwich in his direction so he could enjoy it, or inspect it for protein levels, but thankfully caught myself. He had a full plate of shepherd's pie in front of him. And besides, passing a half-eaten sandwich to someone you barely know is just weird. "It's good, too!" I said, cringing inwardly at my overenthusiasm.

Minyoung slid her black-brown hair behind her ear as she doodled. It wasn't a picture, just her name in big, embelished letters. Her full name first: Park Hae Minyoung. Then just her middle name with a loop from the middle a all the way around to the H. Then just "Minyoung" in letters so ornate I decided someone should name an opera after her. 

My name wasn't nearly as pretty. Park Jiyeon. No middle.

Ji meaning low - This will get me started on my life. This name links so many things in my life; low man on the family totem pole, low grades in school, and low as in height. I'm shorter than Minyoung. Then there's the second half: Yeon- aka ordinary. Take everything flashy in the world: metallic eye shadow, sparkly clothes, red sports car- Minyoung- and wipe it all off the face of the earth. Basically, I'd be what's left. I've always wondered if people grown into their names of if it's just one big coincidence when someone like me ends up with a name like Jiyeon.

As if Nichkhun could sense my insecurity, I swear his foot touched the top of my sneaker. Nibbling at my crust, I waited a second to see if he'd do it again.

A little blond Superman fell onto his forehead and I had the urge to reach up and twirl it in my fingers.

He caught me looking and, pulled on the curl, letting it spring back up again, like he was teasing me with it.

Then. He winked. 

I breathed in through my nose slowly and convinced myself I'd misread it or it was nothing or maybe he was just being nice because it was my birthday or sandwiches and shepherd's pie gave him a homey feeling and I reminded him of his sister. Or maybe, oh, I don't know! Maybe he was just way too nice and God, why couldn't I stop thinking about my sister's boyfriend?

My stomach started to bulge with a turkey sandwich and about a million acrobatic, caffeine-overdosing butterflies. the girls at the table all laughed at some joke I missed. I took one deep breath after another, trying to bring my body temperature down from a boiling point.

Taec stood, saying something about wrestling practice and a coach and something else I didn't hear. Yuri gathered her things and said she'd go with him. To wrestling practice? Whatever. They were pretty much a weird couple.

But Taec obviously had the same thought. "You can't come into the locker room, hon. You know that."

She gave him a pouty look, so he leaned in to wipe it off with his lips. Nichkhun got up too, and seemed to have a silent, nodding conversation with my sister.

"I'll be right back," he said, as he followed Taec out of the cafeteria. As sad as I was that he'd left, I was glad he'd be back. And that I'd have a chance to catch my breath.

"So, I wasn't going to say anything yet," Yuri said, watching the boys walk away, "but I'm just way too excited! I got into the U!"

This grabbed the attention of the entire table. There was a pause while no one reacted. I admit, I felt a little stunned. Yuri could barely think her way through a traffic light and it was hard to picture her walking the grounds of the University of Tokyo.

"Seriously," she added.

This seemed to kick everyone into excited banter. The girls at the end of the table let out squeals of excitement. Comments flew so fast I couldn't place any of them. "No way!" "I got in, too!" "When did you find out?"

Minyoung smiled with her own congratulations. But even though she had gotten early acceptance to the same university, I could see something else in the way her eyes drooped slightly and didn't light up with the rest of her face.

Was this one area in which Minyoung thought she'd trumped Yuri, and now she was sad because Yuri had caught up? Or did Minyoung, for some strange reason, not want to go to college with her bestie?

Minyoung met my eyes, blinked a few times, and then her whole face brightened. I had the feeling she wasn't that happy to see me. She just didn't want me to read her right now. 

And that was one thing we had always been good at. She'd succeeded in distracting me from Soyeon's outburst, the same way she'd realized I needed help talking to our parents when I got a D in math last year. I didn't save her the way she did with me, but I at least understood.

And right now I understood she didn't want to talk about this.

"Nichkhun's back," I blurted, and then gave an inconspicuous slap to my chest to kick-start my heart again. 

He walked toward us, wait. Towards me, holding a gold wrapped, toaster size box with flouncing ribbons in his hand.

Nichkhun placed it in front of me, then sat down again, leaning in even closer. I hesitated, a little afraid to get fingerprints on the wrapping.

"I came up with the idea myself." Minyoung beamed.

So the gift was from both of them? Even though another twinge of jealousy hit at the idea of them doing "couple things" like this, my foot bounched under the table. I'd never dreamed that Nichkhun would give me a gift.

I dug a blunt fingernail along the tape and yanked at the ribbons. All eyes at the table stayed on me and my shaky hands. Eventually the wrapping came free and I pried open the cardboard box inside.

At first I couldn't tell what was inside, and I had to pull the heavy object all the way out of the box to see it.

"It's a camera," Minyoung confirmed, clapping her hands.

A camera? Okay. But this wasn't the miniature digital kind of camera Mom had. It was a gargantuan fossil of a thing with a large, round lens sticking off of it like the cannon on a tank.

"Do you.." Minyoung ducked her head down to try to meet my eyes and I realized I was grimacing. I forced a quick smile.

"So cool!" I said, looking between Minyoung and almost at Nichkhun.

"It's used," Nichkhun said with a shrug. "But Minyoung saw it ay my place and thought it might be your kind of thing."

It was his! My cheek warmed. I rotated the camera, starting at the zillions of buttons and sliders and gizmos to adjust. When I help it up and pressed the button on top, the mechanics inside sprang to life, suprising me and making me nearly drop it.

"You've always been so artistic," Minyoung said, scratching her nail into a dent in the table. "Those paintings you brought home last year, and with drama."

Okay true, I've always taken art and drama, but only in an attempt to make up for my waning academics. Still, my face felt like it was about to catch fire with all this attention and compliments.

"Here's some instructions from the Internet," Minyoung went on. "But I don't know, they seem pretty complicated."

"I might be able to help you figure them out, if you need." Nichkhun nudged me with his elbow again, and in three seconds I pictured our entire lives together: taking picture in our yard, hanging them in our house, inviting our couple friends over to see.

The others at the table had lost interest quickly after I'd opened the gift, and I could tell by the way Minyoung kept picking at the table that she felt unsure of whether to keep focusing on me or turn her attention to them.

I gave her a nod to let her know it was okay if she ignored me now, but instead she said, "I know you don't like being in front of the camera, or onstage... " She flipped her hair and that garnered the attention of the girls at the table. "But you're the perfect person to meld into the background and capture everything around you."

My hand slipped on the edge of the camera box and I gave myself a paper cut. on my finger, I tried to process her words. Did she really just say I might as well just fade into the background? In front of everyone? Okay, I knew I was no match for her talent and grace and beautfy, but was I that unimportant? 

I looked over at Nichkhun and he was nodding, but I couldn't tell if it was at me or at Minyoung or at the story Yuri had just started telling.

The bell rang, and I swallowed my embarrassment. I didn't want Minyoung's words to end my birthday lunch. 

"Thanks for the camera!" I said, forcing some volume as they all stood and the din in the cafeteria rose. 

"And for saying I was creative," I added, practically shouting, but I don't think a single one of them heard me.

Before I could think of another way to get their attention, they were gone.