Where is this?

What am I seeing?

There’s someone over there, right? His hair is dark. He looks surprised…I wonder why. Is he here for me? Why would he be?

Oh…there’s someone else next to him. Who is that person?

I wonder if they’re waiting for me to speak.

“Where am I?”

They look relieved now, or maybe they look worried still? I can’t tell. Am I supposed to know them?

“You’re in the hospital,” a doctor responded, “Can you tell me your name?”

What a weird question. “I’m Ryeowook, aren’t I?”

“Do you know what year it is?”

Why do you keep asking me silly questions?

Do you know what month and day it is?”

Ryeowook stared at him for a second longer than he probably should have. “It’s July 2^nd, I think.”

The doctor started talking about a flurry of things. Ryeowook couldn’t keep up with him, but when he finally slowed down, the patient managed to get a less crazy explanation from the man. “Ryeowook,” the doctor said gently, “you’ve been asleep for a little more than thirteen days. You are at the hospital because you received a concussion from a severe fall over a ledge. I’m assuming you don’t remember any of that?”

“No…,” he said, shaking his head a little bit. Ryeowook’s eyes drifted over to the two people staring blatantly at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t know who any of you are. Could you please tell me?” his voice was soft, eyes half-lidded.

“That’s the other thing,” the doctor began, “you have selective amnesia. From what I can tell, you don’t recall anything from your first term of school. Today’s date is November 17^th. Furthermore, it seems that anyone connected with the accident has been forgotten completely. It’s understandable that his brain would block out any traumatic memories to the best of its ability.”

The dark haired boy stepped forward, his tightly crossed arms slowly dropping. “You have to be joking. He wouldn’t forget us that easily.” Ryeowook felt the person’s gaze flicker to him and then that voice was speaking. “You…have to be playing dumb, right? You can’t wake up after so many days and say that neither of us is recognizable.”

“Who…are you?” the patient asked quietly, brow furrowing in true confusion. Why is he speaking to me like that? Did I upset him? “I’m sorry. I don’t know who you are…”

“My name is Kyuhyun. That other guy is Donghae,” he answered immediately.

Ryeowook closed his eyes again, sighing. “Okay…then what are we? Friends?” he questioned. Before he heard the reply, he was going back to sleep, chest rising and falling easily.

The doctor and the two students reconvened out in the hallway. Kyuhyun then proceeded to clench his fists and grind his teeth. “You’re a doctor. You’re supposed to make sure that he comes out safe and sound! How can he have missing memories?”

“Shouldn’t you be happy about this?” Donghae scoffed.

Kyuhyun flinched and went quiet.

“It may be temporary, but often times when the brain suppresses traumatic experiences, they do not resurface,” the doctor explained, “I’ll get his release forms prepared. You could bring him home tonight, but just know that he’ll be extremely tired and very confused.”

“Wait, who is he staying with?” Kyuhyun asked, finding his voice.

Donghae glanced at the boy. “Is that even a question?” He watched the doctor start off down the hallway and then he turned away from the younger male. “Someone like you is just going to mess up this second chance.”

His heart tightened, but he tried to ignore it and walked back into the hospital room. It looked like Ryeowook was falling in and out of sleep. The boy’s eyes were opening again and Kyuhyun had the inexplicable urge to crumple and thank god.

“Hey…how do you feel?” he asked, walking up to Ryeowook and taking his hand hesitantly. Kyuhyun’s heart skipped a beat at the lack of a reaction. This boy…he really didn’t remember anything.

“I’m tired,” Ryeowook answered, staring at their hands. “Who are you again?”

“Uhm, I…I’m Kyuhyun,” he managed, trying to smile and cover up his fumbled words. “You know me from school. And that other person, Donghae, he’s been letting you live with him…I don’t really know why, but you’re going to go home with him tonight.”

“Do you live with us?”

He shook his head, laughing the tiniest bit. “Do you want me to live with you?” Kyuhyun teased, expecting Ryeowook to act like he normally did when jokes like that were made.

Instead, his lips parted and he said softly, “I’m okay either way…”

“Oh,” he looked down and then back up with a forced grin, “right, sorry, I keep thinking that you would know what I’m talking about.” Kyuhyun squeezed their locked hands. “I’ll make sure you remember everything, okay, Ryeowook?”

He nodded, but said nothing. Why does this person care so much?

***

“You’re always following me. What are you trying to do?” Kyuhyun snapped, walking up to the tiny person some feet behind him.

“My name is Ryeowook,” he bowed his head formally, blushing and looking back up at the tall, dark haired boy, “I’m sorry for following you…but I really want to get to know you better. There was no chance to talk to you during school because you’re always surrounded by people, so I’ve been trying to talk to you since we go the same way home everyday but then I just ended up following you instead of starting a conversation with you,” he blurted.

“So what? Why do you want to know me?”

“Well, I always see you at school and you seem like a really cool person so I wanted to get to know you,” Ryeowook responded, smiling.

Kyuhyun’s surprised face quickly melted into a smirk. “It’s like a love confession. Fine, if you want to know me, then we can walk home together from now on.”

“C’mon, school’s over,” Kyuhyun prompted, standing over the still seated Ryeowook.

The latter looked up at him blankly. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you do this every day?” Ryeowook asked, standing up nonetheless. He pulled his book bag on, but didn’t move anymore.

“Because this is what we always did.” Kyuhyun reached for the boy’s hand, but then stopped himself. “…So let’s go already.”

“Wait, Kyuhyun!” Ryeowook called, rushing to catch up with the quickly departing boy. Once he reached the taller boy, he touched his arm, looking up with a slight frown. “Why did you say we could walk home together and then leave without me?”

“Maybe I should’ve been clearer. You can walk home with me if you leave on time,” Kyuhyun stated, pulling away from the boy’s touch. “Besides, a stalker like you can definitely find me no matter what, right?”

Ryeowook swallowed the lump in his throat and then nodded. It was probably just a joke anyway. “Y-Yeah, of course I can!”

“It makes no sense to go with you,” he said, point blank. “We don’t have to do this.” Ryeowook backed away from the guy, eyes focused on Kyuhyun as if challenging him to follow. “I know that you said you would help me get my memory back, but life isn’t based only on the past. I don’t need to live every day like I did before. That doesn’t matter to me.”

“Why are you acting so strange?” Kyuhyun retorted, clenching his fists. “So what if you lost your memory? That shouldn’t change you this much. You still remember who you were over the summer and from last year.”

That was when he frowned, confused. “…I’m sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. This is who I am.” Then Ryeowook backed away, slowly turning and walking off.

***

Donghae took a small sip of his drink. The bench was a little chilly in the late November air, but he didn’t mind too much. Beside him was Kyuhyun, who was looking incredibly unsteady. It had to be the first time he had ever seen the boy like that. Whether or not he was pleased… “So why do you want to talk?”

“Why is Ryeowook being so…strange? His personality couldn’t have been changed that much. He still knows how to do a lot, yet when he speaks to me, I can’t even recognize him,” Kyuhyun was looking down, jaw taut and eyes strained.

“A better question is why do you care so much?” Donghae tilted his head to gaze at him. “You didn’t care about him at all before this happened. In fact, didn’t you want him to—?”

“—I know what I said!” he cut off the older boy, “…but…but people can change, can’t they? I’m allowed to change my mind.”

“Yeah, you are, but what about if he gets his memory back? Will you still be acting like this if he’s chasing you again? Aren’t you just feeling guilty?”

Kyuhyun glowered at his own hands. “Why is he so different? Just tell me that.”

Donghae sighed, standing up. “He’s not different.”

“Yes he is.”

“He’s not different,” Donghae repeated, “he was different with you. He’s just normal now. Maybe this is a good chance for you to know the real Ryeowook – not the one that was infatuated with you.” He shrugged, “I still wonder what made him like you in the first place. He’s so sensible, yet he let himself fall so hard for someone like you.”

“Why are you doing all of this?” Donghae sighed, “He doesn’t even care about you. All he wants is to see you in pain.”

Ryeowook looked over at the doorway and smiled at his roommate. “But it’s my pain to take. I’m the one bothering him, so he has a right to his own opinions. I just want to be selfish and do as I please.”

“You’re setting yourself up,” the older boy argued.

“I’ll make him see me and then everything will be okay,” Ryeowook assured as he picked out the perfect outfit for tomorrow.

Donghae gazed at the young boy for a long moment. “…what do you see in someone like him? You know what he’s capable of…or at least, you have an idea of what he does. So why do you still bother with him? To be so faithful to someone after knowing them for only three months is ridiculous.”

“The way I see it,” he stated, “is that I’m attracted to him. Falling in love with him can come over time, isn’t that okay?”

“I’m home,” Donghae called, kicking his shoes off and walking to Ryeowook’s room. He pushed the door open to see the boy holding a handful of photos.

“Hi, hyung,” Ryeowook smiled a little, seemingly excited, “I think I’m starting to remember things.” He waved the photos in his hand. “Well…I remember some stuff about you. I don’t know why I forgot you since I’ve known you for so long. I’m sorry.”

“It was probably from shock and fatigue,” he brushed off the matter. Donghae sat down on the bed and grinned easily up at the younger male. Even though he wasn’t saying anything, it really was relieving to know that Ryeowook could recall who he was. “I’m glad you didn’t forget me for too long.”

“I agree,” he chuckled. Ryeowook sat down beside the older male. Flipping through the photos, he stopped at one that depicted him and Kyuhyun. “…that person…was he special to me? I don’t understand why he’s always trying to stay nearby. I can’t imagine feeling anything for him,” Ryeowook admitted quietly.

Donghae patted his head. “I would’ve never said this in the past, but I guess what’s done is done and forgotten. Next time you’re with Kyuhyun, talk to him about it.”

***

“Even if you cry, I won’t know what to do. You’re getting upset all on your own.”

Ryeowook wiped the tears away as best he could. “I-I know that already…I’m sorry…I’m sorry I won’t cry anymore.”

“You can cry whenever you want,” Kyuhyun rubbed his forehead tiredly, “Just don’t do it in front of me. You’re such a nuisance that way.” He turned and walked back towards the restaurant. “Look, if you know that I’m out on a date, then don’t just come along and try to intrude. That’s pathetic.”

“But you said that you would meet me today and I just thought…,” he trailed off, just wanting to curl up into a ball a die.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, smiling in a pitying way. “Really…if I say that I want to meet you, it definitely has to mean that I need you to do something for me – not go and disrupt my plans. Don’t forget that in the future. Now go home already.” Then he disappeared through the door.

“What am I to you?” Ryeowook questioned as they walked home.

Kyuhyun stiffened a bit, eyes averting. His mind raced with memories as he searched for an answer to that question, but in the end he couldn’t think of a satisfactory one. “…What…do you mean?”

“Tell me why you care so much,” he responded.

“I care because we were close to one another,” Kyuhyun stated. “Isn’t that enough?”

Ryeowook sighed witheringly. “No it’s not. I keep finding you everywhere. You’re on the computer in my room. You’re in photos and journals and in unsent letters, too.”

“Really?” His eyes widened, but not out of surprise. He already knew that the old Ryeowook was obsessed with him. What made him question those words was the bluntness in his voice – as if there was a detachment from those things. Ryeowook spoke as if he could’ve never done such things. And as Kyuhyun spent more time with the boy, he really wondered if Ryeowook could’ve ever been the lovesick puppy he had come to know.

“Yes,” he nodded, seemingly frustrated, “Please don’t take my next words as an insult. I can’t see why…,” Ryeowook looked at Kyuhyun seriously, maybe even a little desperately, “…why I would ever like you. I read things and I see things about you and me, but I don’t feel anything.”

“Please go out with me on Christmas!” Ryeowook held his breath after speaking, both eyes shut tightly. He had stopped in the middle of the road, waiting for an answer from Kyuhyun. It was all he wanted – just one date.

The young male’s facial expression didn’t change. “Are you really that crazy about me? It’s only November, so why are you asking me so soon?”

“I don’t want anyone else asking you,” he said quickly, “So please? Will you spend Christmas with me?”

Kyuhyun exhaled softly, “Fine. We can do something.”

“Thank you!” Ryeowook stuttered, blushing and smiling.

“It’s no big deal,” Kyuhyun assured, hands curling into fists inside his pockets, “we weren’t lovers or anything. You…don’t have to worry about that stuff.”

“If we weren’t lovers, then tell me what we were.”

“It’s hard to say,” he responded a little too quickly. Kyuhyun cleared his throat and began again. “If you read those journals, I’m sure you’ll understand what I mean.”

Ryeowook stopped walking and pulled out a beaten up notebook. “You tell me if there’s anything in there. I’ve already read through it and I still don’t understand.” He side stepped Kyuhyun and started up the steps to Donghae’s house. “Have a safe trip home.”

The door shut without hesitation and all Kyuhyun had were a stinging in his chest and a battered book in his hand.

They reached the front door and Kyuhyun was already walking off, not wanting to wait around for Ryeowook’s normal ritual for goodbye. Before he could get even a few steps away, there were two slender arms wrapping around his waist from behind. Kyuhyun stifled a sigh and waited impatiently for the boy to release him.

“Have a safe trip home, Kyuhyun.” Each word was always drenched with sincerity and affection. Yet he didn’t care for any of it. All he wanted was to go home already and get away from this delusional boy.

Kyuhyun covered his face, trying not to let the lump in his throat rise. “…those words…,” he mumbled, slowly starting to walk forward, “…they don’t work if you don’t care about me.”