*

Just a few doors down the hallway, Yesung was having his own sort of existential crisis. All the confidence he had felt when he had messaged Sungmin had fled the moment he heard the front door open. Well, maybe it had been a more gradual disappearance. He had cleaned his room while watching Sukira and then he had showered and brushed his teeth four times while waiting for Sungmin to get home. Just cleaning his room gave him all sorts of unanswered questions. Should he get some candles and wine and aim for some sort of romantic atmosphere, should he put on a cd of love songs? He had no idea what to do. He realized he still didn't know Sungmin well enough, but he suspects his dongsaeng is on just this side of cheesy when it came to romance. He finally decided that romance could wait. For now they just needed to spend some time together as something slightly more than friends. He still brushed his teeth for the fourth time, you know, just in case.

*

All signs of existential crises were safely hidden when Sungmin finally knocked on Yesung's door. Yesung had settled on playing his iTunes on shuffle, this way he was not the one responsible for setting the mood. He left it to fate and complex mathmatical equations or whatever the hell computer faery that decided which song would come next.

"Come in." he said, hoping Sungmin couldn't hear the shake in his voice through the door.

Sungmin did hear it, but it made him feel a little bit better to know that Yesung (no, Jong Woon, he reminded himself) was just as nervous as he was.

When Sungmin came through the door, cheeks flushed and eyes looking everywhere but at Yesung, Yesung's heart skipped a little. He was still not used to seeing Sungmin as a platinum blonde. He knew he shouldn't always be so shocked by it, having spent a large portion of the last year with Marilyn Mingroe, but Sungmin with a woman's blonde hairstyle was one thing. Sungmin with his own masculine hair cut and blonde hair was something else entirely.

He could see that Sungmin had taken his advice and had dressed comfortably in a white tshirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. He was wearing his usual black sleeveless undershirt and black sweat pants. He rarely saw Sungmin in his night clothes, it felt very strange and incredibly intimate. What had he been thinking, inviting Sungmin to his room. He wasn't ready for this. He was starting to panic when a small voice somewhere inside his head (that sounded suspiciously like Heechul) told him to man up. Sungmin looked awkward standing in the middle of Yesung's room, head bowed and cheeks still flushed.

Yesung stood up from his bed and approached Sungmin.

"Welcome home." He said. "I'm glad you could make it."

"I'm glad to be here," Sungmin replied.

Yesung just smiled and reached out and took one of Sungmin's hands, entwining their fingers, and led him to the bed. He pulled the younger man to sit closely next to him with their backs to the wall. When they both caught themselves staring at their still entwined hands, they both started laughing at themselves.

"And people thought we were awkward before," giggled Sungmin.

Yesung laughed. "You know, for some reason I though maybe we'd be less awkward now, but if you really think about it, it's probably good we are actually more awkward."

"How do you mean?"

"Because it means that this," he held their joined hands up and waved them around, "has meaning. It means something to each of us to hold one another's hands. It's always a little strange when your fantasies come true. As soon as you walked in my room I couldn't believe you were actually here because you wanted to be with me. I've imagined it a thousand times. So it makes me feel even more awkward than usual now that it is real."

"I understand. I feel the same. It's like when you are little and there's a toy you want. You look at it in the window of the toy store for months imagining what it would be like to own it. Then on your birthday, the last present you open is that toy, and you are so overwhelmed that it's yours you can't even play with it. You just sort of sit there and hold it and look at it and marvel that it belongs to you."

Yesung used his free hand and gently pulled Sungmin's chin so they were looking into one another's eyes.

"That's exactly how I feel right now." Yesung really hoped that didn't sound as cheesy as he thought it did. But it was true, he was terrified of making the wrong move, of wrecking what was only just beginning between them.

Sungmin felt the tears begin to well up in his eyes. The sincerity in both Yesung's voice and in his eyes flooded over him. Without much thought he found himelf leaning towards Yesung and closing his eyes.

Yesung saw the tears that didn't fall and knew that Sungmin hadn't found his words cheesy at all. When he saw Sungmin lean towards him and his eyes flutter closed, he did the only thing he possibly could. Still holding Sungmin's chin in his hand he pulled him the remaining distance between them and very gently kissed him. When the kiss was over they looked at each other and blushed.

"Well," said Sungmin as he sat back against the wall again, " I guess not everything about us is awkward."

"I guess not."

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Jong Woon, can I ask you something?"

Yesung smiled at the use of his real name. It did unmentionable things to his heart to hear his name from Sungmin's pretty (and soft) lips.

"Of course. How else are we supposed to get past the awkward."

Sungmin smiled then became pensive.

"How long...How long have you been interested in me?"

Yesung thought about it for a minute.

"I think I first really noticed you around the promotions for Miinah. I mean, I was aware of your existence of course, but it was then I started to want to get to know you better. You are the only dongsaeng that never let me care for them, and I could see what a difficult time you were having. I still don't know why you were so sad then, but I kept finding myself wanting to go up and hug you and tell you everything would be all right. Also, Miinah was a good look for you."

Sungmin punched him lightly on the arm.

"Well, it was. Although your new look is probably my favorite. Anyway, I guess it all just grew from back then. Wanting to get to know you, then finding you attractive. I just tried not to let it go too far. I didn't want to get hurt like I did with Ryeowook. I was sure you were only interested in girls. As soon as I knew you were not interested in girls, I realized that I might have a chance. I certainly wasn't expecting you to confess tonight. Not that I minded."

"I wasn't expecting to confess tonight, either. It just kind of happened. But I am glad I did." He leaned onto Yesung's shoulder.

"I've liked you pretty much since we were trainees. There were one or two other guys I started to like, but I always compared them to you, and they never measured up. I had imagined a much more elaborate confession involving balloons, and candles, and rooftops."

Yesung laughed. "I had a feeling you were the cheesily romantic type."

Sungmin blushed. "I am, but I know you are not. So I wanted to do something that you would appreciate, not just something for myself."

"Thank you. That just makes it that much more meaningful to me, to know that you thought about what I would like."

They sat quietly for some time, talking of this and that, getting to know one another better to ease the awkwardness that still lay between them. Finally when they couldn't contain their yawns, Yesung sent Sungmin to bed.

"I'd let you stay, but I have to be up in two hours for schedule."

"It's okay. We'll compare schedules tomorrow to find some time to spend together."

Sungmin put his arms around Yesung in a hug.

"Good night, Jong Woon." And before Yesung could say it back, Sungmin reached up and kissed him quickly and ran out of the room.

The next afternoon when he returned from his schedule, Sungmin found a vase full of pink roses in his room. The note simply said, I saw these and thought they would be something you would like. He just smiled to himself and buried his nose in the soft petals. They were exactly what he liked.