I’d known you for a year, but I think you never knew me. Sometimes I wondered if you recognised me. Maybe by some chance you’d glance over at me and recognise my face, but never once did I see you look in my direction, and never once did I see you smile at me.

I still remember the first day that I saw you. It was almost as if I were star struck by your radiant nature the moment I saw your smile. I didn’t mean to see you that day, but when I caught a glimpse I couldn’t look away. It was just another ordinary Thursday, but on that particular day, for whatever reason, I had the urge to sit in a very particular position, facing a very particular way. I sat under the shade and I remember staring at a very tall tree.

The tree had red fruit hanging off the branches, and I didn’t think it was possible to reach them and have a taste. I wanted to run my hands over the rough bark and say hello to the tree, but it wasn’t quite possible for me. A metal fence separated me and the tree, and I didn’t know how to reach the tree. So instead of saying hello up close, I mumbled the words, the wind stealing the sound right from my lips.

I wondered if the wind would take my words to the tree, and I hoped the tree would say hello back.

That’s when I saw you for the first time. You were on the other side of the fence, and you walked up to the tree, a big smile on your face. I stared at you in wonder and you touched the bark, running your hands up and down. I felt my fingers twitch as I watched, wishing I could’ve been you. Now I don’t wish I was you, because then you wouldn’t exist anymore.

You seemed to really like the tree, and you said something that I couldn’t catch because you were on the other side of the fence. You had a big smile on your face, and even from where I was sitting I could make out your nose, eyes, lips and hair. Your hair was curly, but mine wasn’t. I watched with very wide eyes as you climbed up the tree and sat in a groove, wiping your forehead with the back of your hand. You had green shorts on and a white shirt, so it was hard to see you through the leaves. You came down, and you had a red fruit in your hand. Maybe someone called you, because you ran away from the tree and went missing.

I came back the next week, and I wasn’t supposed to, but I wanted to see if you came back. I was really happy when I saw your face again. You were just how I remembered you, except this time you had black shorts and a yellow long sleeved shirt. I thought that black didn’t suit you, because it looked unhappy. You climbed the tree again and held a red fruit in your hand, but this time you didn’t run away and you sat against the tree. You bit the red fruit, and I could see it was white underneath. I thought it was like you, a bit. I was sure you were colourful and bright on the outside, but white and pure on the inside.

I learned your name was Park Chanyeol because someone yelled it out and you stood up and said you were coming. I thought that it was a nice name. My name was Baekhyun, and you were one letter in front of me in the alphabet.

I got scolded a lot because I wanted to see you. They told me I wasn’t allowed to go outside without someone else, but I thought that it was okay because it was nice seeing you. Sometimes I felt really lonely and I would draw with a hundred different colours on a white page. Now I drew you and the tree and sometimes your yellow shirt that I liked you wearing.  

For two whole Thursdays, I didn’t see you. I asked someone where you might’ve been, and they said you were on a school holiday. I frowned when they said that, and demanded to know why. They looked confused then left without saying a word.

I saw you two Thursdays later, and you were throwing around a ball with your friend. You tried to throw it to him, but it went over the fence. The funny thing was it landed right on my lap. I wanted to keep the ball so I could remember you, but I thought you might’ve been sad if you lost it. I wasn’t good at throwing, but I somehow managed to get it across the fence. You smiled when you saw the ball, and I felt happy knowing I had finally done something for you, even if you didn’t know it.

One day I asked someone what love meant. She smiled at me and said love was a hundred different things, but one thing all at the same. I told her I didn’t understand and she laughed. Then I asked how do I know if I love someone. She told me that you do nice things for the people you love, and you want to see them happy. She said it makes you happy when you’re with them. I then wondered out loud if it was possible to love someone you’ve never met. She smiled and pinched my cheek. Love’s hard to explain, but you’ll know when it’s there, she said. That’s when I decided I loved Chanyeol.

Chanyeol was sitting at the base of the tree, his shoes tracing the roots that spurted out from the tree. I was worried because it was raining and he didn’t have an umbrella, but I did. He bit the wet apple and his nose scrunched up, but then he smiled again like usual. I knew that most people seemed sad when it rained because I remembered a day I saw an old man looking out the window and watching the rain. I asked him what he was thinking about because he had an awfully sour face, and he said that he was remembering the sadness the rain brought. I remarked that I didn’t think the rain was sad at all, but he told me most people didn’t think that way.

It was hard for me to get to the edge of the fence because the ground was very unsteady, and the rain had turned the grass and dirt slippery, but I did make it. I put my yellow umbrella through a hole in the plaid fence and tried to make it stand up. I asked to have a yellow umbrella because to me, Chanyeol was yellow. I moved away as quickly as I could because I was shy, but I threw a pen from my pocket as far as I could, and it almost touched him. He looked around and then he saw my umbrella. He smiled and picked it up, spreading the plastic sun around his head like a golden halo. I remembered what I knew about love, and seeing him happy made me happy, even though the rain drizzled on me instead.

I changed all my colouring pencils to brown, green, black and yellow. Brown for the tree, green for the leaves, black for my hair, and yellow for Chanyeol. Sometimes the pictures didn’t make sense, but I thought it was okay, as long as I had yellow.  

On a usual Thursday, I went to see Chanyeol again. I sat outside the fence and waited for him, but he didn’t come. The red fruit tree looked lonely without him there, and sad. The picture wasn’t complete unless all three of us were together. The day began to feel unusual, and I was ready when I heard footsteps coming closer. At first I was scared, because people had always told me to ignore strangers, but then when I saw his face I felt my stomach flip, then I just felt nervous.    

I know you, he said.

I told him that I knew him too, and that he always sat near the Red fruit tree.

He told me that it was an apple tree, and the fruit from that tree was sour and sweet.

I’ve had apples before, I said, but I didn’t know it was an apple tree.

He smiled and put his palm out, a big red apple fruit in his fingers. He urged me to take it and I bit into it, scrunching up my nose like he did.

He laughed and I smiled because it was the first time I had heard him laugh properly.  

He asked me if I wanted to come over to the other side of the fence, but I shook my head and explained that I couldn’t.

He didn’t understand and said that they could just go up the front stairs and they could walk up there.

I said that was impossible for me, because I couldn’t walk.

He looked surprised and inquired if I could get up. I said no because I could only move my right arm and head.

He asked me why, and I said I didn’t know, but I was born like this.

He looked sad, but I told him it was okay, I didn’t know better anyway.

I went back to the tree the next day, and I saw him sitting there, but this time he saw me and walked over. He placed his hands on the fence and told me to wait before rushing away. I sat there patiently until he was on my side of the fence. He let me know that he was going to take me to the apple tree, and I asked how, and he said he’d carry me. We got to the stairs and he put me on his back, and I could tell he was struggling. I’m nine years old, he huffed. And I replied that I was eight.

He tried the first three stairs, but his legs were shaking and I told him that it was okay, he could put me back. But he shook his head and put me down on the steps, being really careful about keeping a good grip on me so I didn’t fall. He pulled my limp body from behind, his arms around my armpits, stair by stair, until we’d gone up a whole twenty five and reached the end. He took a moment to catch his breath and complained that I was heavy. He went down to the bottom again and left me lying on the floor, then he brought up my wheelchair. He did his best to put me back on, and then he pushed. He explained that this was his school. I widened my eyes at all the people – school had only been something I’d ever read about in books and heard about in stories. They said that I couldn’t go to school, because I was disabled and wasn’t like other children.  

My heart was pumping in my chest and I saw the apple tree. I smiled and clenched my right hand in excitement, and said that I always wished I could go here, for a whole year. He left my chair too far away to touch the tree, so I asked him to push me forward a bit so my arm would reach. He helped me move forward, and my fingers grazed the tree. It was rougher and bumpier than I expected. For some reason I felt like crying, and it didn’t make much sense to me, because I was happy, not sad.

Chanyeol got me an apple from the tree, and I said thank you before biting into it.

I don’t have a lot of friends, I whispered to him, but I’d like to be yours.