Bottle caps

Xiumin fiddled with the bottle caps spread out before him. There were so many. A glass one here, a plastic one there… Each one represented someone he loved. Each one carried a story, its distinct flavor on his tongue. Some were bitter, some were sweet. Some of them had their own special taste.

The first bottle cap was for Luhan.

Xiumin got it on his first day at his new elementary school. Luhan had the first one to show him kindness in this new and unfamiliar world when he offered the round-faced Korean a pencil (chipped and unsharpened; definitely used). But Xiumin didn’t mind.

The two became fast friends when they found that they had a lot in common. The rest of the school years would pass like that day – quickly and with them always side-by-side, never running short of smiles and laughter.

After school that autumn day, the two boys walked home together, chatting animatedly. They stopped by a small convenience store to grab a snack. But they pouted in disappointment when they found that they could only afford a bottle of Sprite with their small pile of loose change.

“That’s okay,” Luhan said in his cute lilt. Grabbing (reaching over the counter that was taller than them) two straws, he handed one to the older. “We’ll share.”

Xiumin smiled. “Yeah,” he agreed.

Twisting the cap off, Luhan handed it to his new friend. “To remember me by,” he said, beaming. Xiumin nodded and tucked the cap away, promising to keep it forever.

The first bottle cap was for the love for his first best friend.

~~~

The second bottle cap was for Wufan.

That Saturday, a teenage Xiumin headed to the park to play soccer with Luhan. And, once he got there, he sighed at the empty clearing. The younger was late again.

As he waited, he went to a nearby vending machine and bought himself a bottle of Coke. While going to sit on the bench, he accidentally knocked the container over. The effervescent contents spilled out upon the ground. The boy sat there and stared blankly at the quickly-emptying bottle for a minute.

Suddenly another Coke, just like the one before, was in his face. He looked up and saw a sharp-faced boy his age.

“Accidents happen,” the taller boy said gruffly. Immediately, Xiumin was attracted to the other’s quietly confident aura. He vowed to be like that someday.

Without another word, the boy turned and left, digging his large hands into his jeans pockets. He was halfway across the park before Xiumin recovered.

“Thanks!” He beamed when the other returned a crooked grin.

A few minutes later, Luhan came running up to his friend, apologizing profusely. Xiumin just laughed and, tossing the Coke bottle away, told Luhan he owed him one.

But he kept the cap, intending to put it with the one from Luhan. Xiumin didn’t find out who the taller boy was until many years later when they were introduced as bandmates. He was now called Kris.

The second bottle cap was for the kindness of a stranger who became his role model.

~~~

The third bottle cap was for Tao.

The four teenage boys had decided (more like Luhan and Chen decided) to go to the new water park. After all it was Xiumin’s and Luhan’s last summer before college. They were to meet at one at the front gates. Luhan and Chen were late. Which meant they left Xiumin with Tao, alone.

After an awkward twenty minutes with Tao leaning against the railing and looking bored, Xiumin turned away from the map that he had been intently staring at in an attempt to look busy.

“Hey, Tao…” Xiumin started uneasily. “I’m gonna run to the store really quick. Do you want anything?”

He hadn’t expected anything, but the younger glanced over at him. Xiumin secretly admired the way Tao moved lion-like and the way Tao’s raven locks glinted subtly in the afternoon sun.

“山楂汁 (Shānzhā zhī),” he told him, voice smooth.

“What?”

The dark-haired teenager rolled his dark eyes. “Hawthorn juice.”

Xiumin hesitated, still not sure what that was. But he nodded and ran to the nearby convenience store. Five minutes later, he came back and found that nothing had changed. Tao was still standing there, dark eyes boring holes into the ground, and his classmates still M.I.A.

He handed Tao one of the two hawthorn juices in his hand, earning him a raised eyebrow from the younger. Xiumin twisted the cap off and sniffed it, grimacing at the scent. Looking up, he stared at the taller Chinese boy as he chugged the drink. Tao paused a moment to flash him with an evanescent smirk. Blushing slightly, Xiumin turned away, drinking his own juice.

When Luhan and Chen finally showed up with tickets and bottles of water, the pair threw away their empty (or almost empty) juice bottles. But Xiumin kept the cap from his to add to his collection.

The third bottle cap was for trying something new, at the cost of his taste buds.

~~~

The announcement of Kris’s and Tao’s relationship called for the fourth bottle cap.

Pushing the window open, the cold wind chilled the tear tracks on Xiumin’s cheeks. Dawn was chasing away the final vestiges of the ephemeral night he had wasted in his sorrow. He gripped in his hand a bottle of some bitter liquid that Luhan gave him to ease his pain. It helped… a little.

The city was full of scattered lights, blurred by the rain in his eyes. Each of one belonged to someone or some people. Maybe their owners were like him, through some twist of fate, were alone this night. Or maybe they were happy couples, blissfully unaware of the pain of solidarity. There were so many opportunities, so many things to offer...

But he had missed his chance. Just thinking about the tall leader’s lips kissing those full lips, and having the emotions returned, made Xiumin’s heart ache.

It could’ve been him…

Xiumin couldn’t stop the tears that cascaded down his cheeks anymore. He picked up the plastic bottle from the window pane, then with a swift throw, it disappeared into the street below. He cried in front of the same window where you could watch so many opportunities.

A few days later, when he went to clean up his mess on the stone street below, he found the bottle cap and added it to his collection.

The fourth bottle cap was for that opportunity that he missed.

~~~

The fifth bottle cap was for Chen.

Standing on the balcony, shivering the chilly night air, the two held warmed bottles of apple cider. The distinct scent of cinnamon in their drinks drifted easily in the cool breeze. Xiumin looked up to see the swollen moon rising to its zenith. As he watched his heated breath melt into the night sky, he remembered (with a pang in his heart) all those nights he longed for Tao.

Then Chen spoke up, breaking his hyung from his thoughts. “Everything will be alright,” the taller said. Xiumin gazed at him in surprise. “You’ll move on.” There is something reassuring about being comforted in Korean. Maybe he was so used to listening to Chinese that hearing his native tongue brought back the warmth of nostalgia.

Instead of answering, Xiumin gazed at the handsome man, noticing the way his high cheekbones were sharpened in the iridescent light. Then he leaned up and, closing his eyes, brought his mouth to his dongsaeng’s.

But instead of catching his lips, he got his cheek.

“That’s not meant for me,” Chen said, stepping back and smiling gently. Finishing the last of his drink, he kissed the shorter’s forehead and went back inside.

Xiumin stood there alone, watching the taller’s retreating form and playing absent-mindedly with the cider cap. Turning from that window, he wiped away a tear and slipped the cap into his pocket.

The fifth bottle cap was for the love of a friend who knew best.

~~~

Fast forward a few years and here is the sixth bottle cap, meant for Yixing.

Xiumin closed the front door of their dorm quietly and slowly found his way to the living room. Pulling off his hood and shaking off the rain, he set down the bottle of sake he had just bought and grabbed two cups. He didn’t know why he got two – he just did. Maybe it was to distract himself as he drank away his loneliness. Maybe it was to humor himself and pretend that he had someone to share the drink with. Or, maybe, it was because he was secretly waiting for someone to come.

After pouring his first shot, Xiumin raised his glass, watching the crystalline substance settle. “To loneliness,” he murmured humorlessly. After taking a large gulp, he grimaced. Such a bitter drink…

Then Yixing walked in. Xiumin froze. For a moment, they just stared at each other. Then Yixing gestured at the other glass. “May I…?”

Snapping out of it, the older Korean nodded. With a quiet thanks, Yixing settled into the seat across from him. Xiumin watched as his younger bandmate poured himself a healthy measure and drank deeply.

For a long time, they said nothing.

After his third cup, Xiumin suddenly spoke up. “Sing for me,” he said. Yixing’s raised eyebrow peeked over the rim of the glass. Too tipsy to feel embarrassed, the older continued. “I love your voice.”

Yixing blinked then nodded, closing his eyes. His long fingers came together, snapping a slow but steady beat. Then he began to hum, swaying slightly. Xiumin recognized it as their song Angel (Into your world).

“I'll block you from strong winds as your protector,” Yixing sang quietly. Leaning forward, Xiumin smiled a little, soaking in every word greedily. “You'll have me forever, even if the world is cold and indifferent. Every time you suffer and are wronged, I'll wipe your tears away. If it's you and me, no matter where, Heaven is anytime and anywhere.”

Xiumin grinned appreciatively and Yixing returned the gesture. It was a long time before Yixing finally turned in.

Sitting in the low light and listening to the raindrops creating a soft lullaby, Xiumin genuinely smiled for the first time in a very long time. The next day he found the sake bottle cap and tucked it away with the rest of his collection.

The sixth bottle cap was for the realization that he was not alone.

~~~

The trophy was beautiful and the applause was deafening.

Tonight, EXO had won their very first award. As Kris raised it above his head and conveyed EXO’s many thanks, Xiumin watched the award glint gold in the light. It was not only beautiful because of its design, but also because of the sweat and tears that went into earning it. Gazing around, he felt his heart swell with pride and love for all of his brothers.

That night, they partied until dawn. It was the first time in a very long time all twelve members were together and they weren’t going to let this chance pass by.

At midnight, Xiumin wanted a breather and, taking the chance when everyone else was distracted by the Derp Squad, slipped out onto the balcony.

The rowdy calls and laughter was replaced by the soft wind. He stood there alone, leaning against the railing and enjoying the sweet night air.

There was the soft sound of the glass door opening and closing. Wordlessly, Tao moved to stand beside him, setting a large bottle of water between them.

The silence between them was comfortable. They were much closer now that Tao and Kris had separated. It happened a while ago and no one knew why, but, since it involved the -faced 队长 (Duìzhǎng) and the Kung Fu Panda, no one bothered to ask. 

Reaching over, Xiumin grabbed the obstacle between the two of them and twisted off the cap. He poured the clear liquid into each of their cups, feeling Tao’s dark eyes never once leaving him. Then he raised his glass. “To us…” he grinned.

Tao didn’t answer right away. “…yes,” he agreed after a moment’s pause, picking his up as well. “To us…” Xiumin had meant EXO, but the way his younger bandmate repeated it, the older felt another meaning behind it. They clinked their glasses in a toast and drank.

“Hyung?” Tao said quietly, when he finished.

“Yes?” the older replied, pouring another cup for them and looking up to let him know he was listening.

“I…” Tao said, looking away. “I want to tell you… something.”

Xiumin just set the bottle down, waiting patiently.

The dark-haired man blushed. “It’s… It’s hard to explain my feelings…” he tried, still not meeting Xiumin’s bright eyes but not turning away. “I’m still trying to…” He swallowed. “What I’m trying to say is… I like…”

And then Xiumin was leaning over and pressing his lips to Tao’s. The younger stood frozen in shock for a moment. Then his lips curved into a smile when he realized that Xiumin had understood what he couldn’t say. Wrapping his long arms around the other’s waist, he tilted his head for a deeper fit. Xiumin loved the way the other’s lithe body fit with his.

When they finally break apart (reluctantly), Xiumin rested his forehead against the taller’s. “I love you, too,” he murmured.

Tao was about to respond when they hear a tap against the glass door. On the other side of the glass, the other ten members (with mixed expressions of amusement, playful disgust, and embarrassment to varying degrees) waved for them to come inside for celebratory cake.

Giving Xiumin’s hand a light squeeze, Tao left first to fend off the other members, and ducking to avoid their congratulatory gestures. Xiumin couldn’t help a smile when Kris and Chanyeol managed to grab Tao and gave him a noogie.

Pausing a moment to look at their beaming faces, Xiumin turned and grabbed the final cap. He clutched it tightly in his hand against his heart, enjoying the dulcet tones of everyone’s laughter. Then he followed his lover into the arms of the ones who loved him most.

The final bottle cap was for their love and all their dreams that came true.