Don't Forget

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In the midst of the cold breeze of winter, under the shade of the freezing oak tree, beside the failure snowman the street kids made last night, and on the cold metal of the abandoned bench, there he sits―wrapped with a numerous amount of jackets, gloves, a scarf, and on top of that is a very thick blanket. He sat there with a gloomy face, deep sighs, swollen nose, trembling lips, empty eyes and most of all, heavy heart.

 

“Christmas, oh, Christmas! How happy are you to come to me while I feel like this? How dare you come to everyone while I’m feeling down and now I couldn’t do anything but envy every people who has smiles on their faces. Why I can’t smile? I can’t smile. I can’t smile. How could you, Christmas? I hate you.” He whispered and immediately thought that maybe he spoke too soon. However, he sighed to shrug his thoughts away.

 

He huffed and puffed, trying to ease the heavy feeling he had. It was painful―too painful that he can’t even get any strenght to pull himself up and walk back home. Home? Where was home? Do I even have that? I am alone.

 

He tried to stand up, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know that not eating for a couple of days would make you drain your energy. He didn’t even know he haven’t eaten. What is happening to him?

 

His hand slowly travelled to inside his jacket, searching for a device that could probably ease his sadness away. His phone is almost out of battery. It kept ringing in the morning, reminding him that Christmas time has come, but hell he didn’t even care. He turned it off but it kept on ringing. His mind couldn’t remember how to remove the alarm and he just let it ring for a few more minutes until the alarm spent half of his phone’s current battery.

 

“Even my phone is leaving me. How could you?” He fished for his earphones and plugged it onto his phone to atleast save more battery than if he let it into a loud speaker.

 

 

Did you forget that I was even alive?

 

 

The first line of the song was heard, sang by a husky voice of a girl. His playlist was on random and he did not expect the song to turn out to this. The song is like a narration of how he feels. He sang along. Did he forget? Did the love of his life forget about his existence? His love didn’t, right? He was there, always, caring for him. He was always there to massage his love’s feet everytime he comes home from work. He didn’t care if he too is feeling exhausted as long as he can do something to make his love relax. But, he is always ignored. Always.

 

 

Did you forget everything we ever had?

 

 

Did his love forget about those times? Those times when he gives off a compliment, saying he’s too cute… saying he’s too beautiful to be a man. Does his love remember those times when they would fight a child and they will fight over an elephant stuff toy? Did his love forget the times he would be speechless after tasting the food courtesy of his ‘one and only boo’?

 

 

Did you forget? Did you forget about me?

 

 

What has happened? Are we really meant to forget about each other? Is that really it? No more extensions?

 

 

Did you regret ever standing by my side?

 

 

He didn’t regret anything. He didn’t regret punching those guys who’ll laugh at them because they are a homoual couple. He didn’t regret when he did everything to get on stage with his love’s favorite male group, Tohoshinki, and asked help and even borrowed one of their microphones just to tell the whole world how much he loves his boo. He didn’t regret being disowned by his own parents just to continue his love with his boo. He didn’t regret anything―not even a bit.

 

 

Did you forget what we were feeling inside?

 

 

He loved him. He always do. He never stopped. He knew that ever since he layed his eyes on him. He knew very well that his feelings will last for a lifetime… if fate would allow.

 

 

Now I’m left to forget about us.

 

 

They left him. He was okay. Everyone left him, he didn’t complain. He went on because he knows his love will be there. Last thing he wants to happen is for his love to leave. He is not prepared for that. He can’t. He just can’t. Does he really have to forget? He can’t. That’s the hardest thing to do. He could take his life right away if it’s for his love, but to forget everthing―the person―is a competely different thing. That would be the hardest.

 

So now I guess this is where we have to stand.

 

 

He thinks he  should just accept it. His love is just falling out of it… he’s just falling out of love. Or was it just him who made his love fall back out? He thinks he should just move on. Maybe, it’s for the best. Just maybe.

 

 

Did you regret ever holding my hand?

 

 

Every winter, they hands let go of each other reluctantly. Whenever they stroll around, they’ll completely ignore everyone and hold each other’s hand. None of them complained. They just savoured the sweet feeling it gives. None complained. He didn’t regret. But does his love did?

 

 

Never again, please don’t forget. Don’t forget.

 

 

It’s his only wish for Christmas; his only prayer is to keep everything in mind. He couldn’t bear the heartbreak, he wouldn’t bear the possible crushing of his broken heart.

 

 

We had it all. We were just about to fall.

 

 

The day his love asked him whether he believes if promises are always meant to be broken, he had sensed it; he had sensed and doubted the feeling of his love. He knew this would happen soon yet he became careless and went on like nothing is wrong. He felt it, yet he did nothing to save the love they had. Now, what?

 

 

Even more in love than we were before.

 

 

They both refused and neglected any other person that comes to their lives. They only care about them and just the two of them. They did that ever since they’re in high school. They finished college and now their ages are almost leaving the calendar. Every day they wake up, the feeling just gets stronger. They will look into each others eyes and laugh at whoever blinks first. His lover will look at him with eyes that seems to speak the words ‘you’re only mine and that will be forever’. He thought so… he thought it’ll be forever. Has forever came to an end?

 

 

I won’t forget, I won’t forget about us.

 

 

Definitely… his heart has been locked since he was highschool and the only key is his lover’s heart. How could he open it if he still holds the memory? How could he unlock it if the key is gone?

 

 

--

 

 

A pale man, having the same feelings spotted a hump of clothes under the oak tree which is coated with snow. He walked nearer to the clothes just to realize it is a person. The man seemed to be singing something and he listen. He looked at the man and gasped when he recognized who it was. He listened to the voice. He missed it. He sat beside the man who seemed to be oblivious of his presence. Maybe he thought I am some passerby. It’s better this way for a while.

 

 

But somewhere we went wrong.

 

I hear him say. Yes, everything I did was a mistake. I didn’t mean to… I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was… I was wrong. That was the biggest mistake I made. I shouldn’t let myself be carried away. I shouldn’t have let you leave. I was being too careless. I didn’t thought of the times we had. I realized it just when you walked away. It hurts to see you leave. I was wrong. I made it wrong.

 

 

We were once so strong.

 

We were so strong. You were always strong yet I let myself fall into the deep hole of s. You never gave up, despite the fits I’m throwing you and the misunderstandings. It was me who gave up. And it was not so smart of me to do so. I realized how hard life is without you―without some who maybe can’t solve everything but can replace my sorrows into joys. I let you fly away knowing that my net to catch you is broken. Could I still be able to catch you… back to me?

 

 

Our love is like a song, you can’t forget it.

 

Not ever will I forget about the rhythm of our life. Neither will I forget about the lyrics of our love nor the soothing hymn of our heartbeat. Will I ever hear that again? Will I ever feel you warm again? Will I ever feel your heart beat next to mine again?

 

 

And at last, all the pictures have been burned.

 

 

All the pictures of bitterness and sadness―all pictures of sorrow and loneliness have been burnt. Everything was replaced with laughter. It’s all because of you. You made me happy, you made me complete. Now, will you let me be back to you?  Will you let me capture another memory with you? It won’t fade. It won’t fade.

 

 

 

 

 

He felt like someone unplugged his earphones but he kept his eyes shut. Maybe it’s just the feeling of mising someone terribly. The music faded before it even finished. He sighed and thought of moving soon to get his battery replaced. Was it really the battery? He heard the song continues but the lyrics was changed. It also seemed that the singer’s voice got lower which sounded like a man’s. A man?

 

“All the past, we should never forget. I won’t forget. Please, don’t forget us.” The pale man sang, his empty eyes staring straight through the other man’s soul. He could only find sorrow and emptiness. He knew it was his fault, and he should correct his fault, even the mark of erasures are still visible, he should correct it.

 

“Jaejoong…”

 

“Somewhere I went wrong. Our love is like a song, but I won’t sing along. But I’ve not forgotten about us. Don’t forget.” Jaejoong’s eyes disobeyed him by letting all his tears fall. “Y-Yunho, I didn’t mean to. I was eaten up by my current feeling, I didn’t mean to push you away. Hell, I didn’t even think of everything we’ve been through. I didn’t mean to―”

 

“Sssh, Jae. It’s been said and done.”

 

“Do you mean, we can’t continue it anymore?”

 

“We can, but the damage has already been done―”

 

“I’m―”

 

“―and I am grateful to have you here again to replace those damages with a new and fresh memory that could heal the damage.”

 

Jaejoong’s face lit up, literally it if is possible. He never knew Yunho would accept him so easily. Maybe he was wrong―too wrong to underestimate the love they have for each other.

 

“I’m sorry, Yunho, for my carelessness but I love you. I loved you more when I realized that I can’t live without you. I loved you more when I pushed you away… because of that, I learned the word consider. I realized how much percentage of my heart you will take with you if you leave me… if I let you leave me. I can’t say anything else but sorry and I love you. Yunho, I really do. Let’s start again.”

 

“We need no another start. We just have to take this experiece as a reference… as a resting point whever we get tired. And then we’ll remember how much love we gave to each other. At this point, we will remember how much we love each other. And by that, we will never fall out. We will always be in love. That, my dear Jaejoong, we will always live with our promises.” Yunho kissed his lover’s forehead and all the energy that had left him seemed to comeback. He smiled and hugged the other man to his chest. He let him cry there, they both cried. He smiled and looked above and thanked the heavens for answering his prayer. He was right that he spoke too soon. It was the best Christmas he ever had.

 

“I love you, Jaejoong. Keep in mind that I love you. Don’t forget about us.”

 

 

 

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Thank you, Demi. Thank you for the song. My heart is aching while writing this. I was supposed to write about my OT5 but it would hurt me more so I just wrote it in YunJae version. Please leave a comment.

Also, read Paper Planes, Planes, Love. That's my chaptered YunJae story. Bye! :D