Who Will You...?

"You're better compared to last week," the handsome doctor says to his regular patient. This girl has been visiting him for two years now, but the thing is, she doesn't even look weak or ill. She looks the complete opposite--healthy skin color, dynamic eyes, and a robust body.

"I told you I'm fine," the girl affirms, flicking away her long locks of ash blonde hair away from her shoulders.
The doctor eyes her, unconvinced, and frowns.
"I?m serious," she insists, huffing.  Her reassertion comes out too strongly, and she cringes inwardly at the tone of her own voice.  It sounds insincere and exasperated, but she doesn?t mean it at all, and just like all other instances, she?s being misunderstood.  She means to assure the doctor that?s she earnest about being okay, but it?s been a known fact that what she tries to convey and what others perceive are completely different.  Her beautiful icy cold face doesn't help much, either, since it portrays her as an icy cold person--indifferent, snobby, and haughty.
The doctor sighs, fatigued by how the girl keeps denying how ill she really is.

"Just take it easy. We?re still not sure if there will be a donor compatible with your body." He grabs his stethoscope. "Breathe," he instructs, listening and examining her lungs.  With a nod, he pulls back.  "Okay, you're good. Just take your medicines on time and eat on time, too."

The doctor takes his leave and the girl sits on her bed. It's been her bed ever since she's been admitted in the hospital. The thing is, this girl refuses to accept her sickness, even to herself, since she?s still stuck in her past.

She's born to a prestigious family, raised to be perfect, to fit in. Being a leader is an easy task for her ever since her childhood days.  It seems natural for her to take over a task and complete it with close to flawlessness.

"Jessica?" a petite girl with pale white skin calls timidly, peeping from the door of Jessica's private suite. "Good, you're awake." She flashes a smile as she walks towards the ill girl.  Behind the petite girl follows another short girl with an aegyo glow. She seems perky--just by looking at her bright face could make one conclude that.

"What are you guys going here?" she questions the petite duo. "I keep on reminding you every day that you should go on with your lives. I don't need daily visits," she reprimands them.  The petite duo has known Jessica ever since high school, so they have no trouble deciphering what she really means: I miss you but you shouldn?t trouble yourself.

The petite aegyo girl giggles so cutely that even the stern looking Jessica smiles. "What are you giggling about, Sunny?" asks the healthy-looking but sick girl. "Is there something that I said that was funny?" She might be smart and born and raised to be a leader, but she is practical and doesn't think out of the box.

"Nothing," the other petite girl assures.  She fails to convince Jessica and Taeyeon since they join in unison with Sunny?s laughter.

Luckily for Jessica, she knows how to twist things with these girls. They've been together for so long that words are no longer needed between them. She gives them her ultimate weapon--the trademark icy glare. No matter how many times she's used it, it never fails her expectations. The two girls shut up right away and panic, shoving the flowers they bought right in front of Jessica.

"We know you love lilies." The two look at each other, worried about their friend's health.

"You always bring me lilies every morning, Taeyeon," she says with a smile blooming on her face. She looks angelic and the purest when she smiles and appreciates others, unlike the scary and icy facade she always has on. "Thank you, though." Her face lights up with a wider smile. Anyone can say that she is an actual angel who came down from heaven.

"What are you talking about?" Sunny frowns. "You deserve our visits and flowers every morning. You've helped us a lot." Sunny is very thankful of Jessica's existence. Jessica's the very reason that the petite duo is an actual romantic couple.

Jessica made them realize that they care for each other in that way, but the couple also knows that Jessica only pays attention to other people. She never seems to notice what's in front of her nor the things that concern her.
There's another knock from the door, another angelic girl, wearing a hospital gown, is standing outside.

"Hey Jessi!" the girl calls as she invites herself into Jessica's room as if it's her own. "Have you eaten?" she asks, looking at the cold untouched hospital food that Jessica has loathed since day one.

"I have," Jessica lies, hoping Tiffany won't worry. She isn't a breakfast kind of person, and whenever she eats, she only takes in food little by little, but of course, she never leaves herself hungry.  She knows how to take care of herself.  Though she thinks that never being hungry is the only thing she needs to stay fit.

Sunny and Taeyeon notice a different aura around Jessica whenever Tiffany is around. She seems to glow brighter and happier. Some people may not see it that way, but the duo know about Jessica's infamous personality, and they can read her like a book.
"She's so in love with her," Taeyeon whispers to Sunny.

Jessica hears their conclusion, "Yah!" She exclaims, causing the guilty duo to jolt up. "I'm straigt!"
There's a hint of hurt and despair in Tiffany's eyes when Jessica says that. It stabs her like a knife. Jessica's presence is a constant reminder of how they can never be. Every time Tiffany sees Jessica, it hurts her of how she locks all her love for Jessica inside her heart so much that if it cracks even a little, she would just drive Jessica away from her.

She doesn't want that. Tiffany is too afraid of losing Jessica, so she decides to keep everything bottled up inside. Jessica's presence gives Tiffany hope to live again, and even though they have only known each other for three months, she knows that what she feels is real, that her love for her is not an illusion or infatuation. It's genuine, real feelings of love.

"We'll leave you now. We have classes. This professor is strict," the duo says as they walk away the room, leaving the other two girls alone.

"How'd it go with Doctor Dennis Oh?" Tiffany asks with nothing but hopeful feelings.

Jessica shrugs. "I told him I was fine, and he didn't believe me last time." Jessica scoots over, leaving space for Tiffany to sit on her bed. It has always been Tiffany's spot. "He said I'm better." Jessica doesn't mention: better compared to last week. She isn't lying to him.  He really did say she's better. Leaving some parts unsaid doesn't hurt anyone. Luckily for Jessica, Tiffany can never read her like a book unlike the duo.

"I'm bored,'' Tiffany complains.

Jessica looks at Tiffany, confused, but she is used to her personality. Tiffany is always bored, but that just annoys Jessica. She's not sure if she feels aggravated or anything, since she's not very good at making sense of her own feelings, though it might be irritation or hurt. She's just never bored when Tiffany is around her. The other girl's presence gives so much joy that time flies by quickly whenever she's with her. She doesn't understand this feeling, but that's just the way she is. "What do you want to do then?" she asks to cover her inner babbling.

"Okay, let's play a game. I played this with Hyo last night," Tiffany says in excitement, clasping her hands together.

Jessica doesn't really care what they're doing as long as they are together. "In a burning building, you can only save one. Who--" Tiffany begins to ask, but Jessica cuts her off with her heavy sigh.

"I don't like these games," Jessica deadpans.

Tiffany pulls out the 'Puppy Eyes' card.

It's not fair, Jessica bemoans, crumbling under Tiffany's stare. It's not fair that Tiffany can manipulate her and persuade her so easily. "Fine, go on."

"Who will you save, Daniel Henney or Sunny?"

"Sunny," Jessica says firmly.

"Taeyeon or Sunny?" Tiffany asks with a smirk on her face.

Jessica takes her time to answer, thinking things carefully. "No one," she finally decides with a straight face.
The candidness of her reply startles Tiffany. She could've sworn that Jessica would pick Taeyeon over Sunny any day.

"Why?" she asks.

"Just think about it, if I save one and let the other die, isn't it more painful for the one that's being left behind suffer the pain daily?" she answers, her gaze icy and pensive.

"The one that's being left behind can always find someone new," Tiffany counters. Jessica doesn't want to argue further since she doesn't even understand the whole concept of love.

"I guess I'm wrong then."

"Okay, moving on. In a sinking boat, there are only two life vests left, and you're holding both. Considering one is yours, to whom will you give the other one?" Tiffany asks. She thinks of the people she knows who are connected to Jessica, but she has an urge to ask about herself, too--whether or not Jessica will pick Tiffany over anyone else. She wants to know how much concern Jessica holds for her. "Doctor Oh or Daniel Henney?"

"Daniel Henney."

"Hyo or Daniel Henney?"

"Daniel Henney." Tiffany understands why Jessica picks him over Hyo. They aren't close since Hyo is from the other side of the hospital. They've only met twice.

"Daniel Henney or me?"

It takes Jessica a second to answer, but she voices her answer resolutely. "You."

Tiffany frowns inwardly at the fact that Jessica takes time to respond. It's always like that with Jessica?she takes her time to answer each question honestly and never wants to hold anything in.

"Me or Taeyeon?" Tiffany knows it's a stupid question to ask since she already knows that Jessica will pick her best friends over anyone else.

Jessica takes awhile to answer as she weighs the importance of the two. She really likes to take her time, Tiffany thinks impatiently.

"Taeyeon," she responds, looking outside the window reflectively.
Tears briefly sting Tiffany's eyes. She wants to cry, to drown in sorrow about the fact that she isn't important to Jessica, but she can't. She holds it in because she doesn't want to scare Jessica away. She knows asking that question was dumb but she gave in to temptation of that hope. That tiny hope that she might get chosen. She could have avoided the discovery that the truth hurts.

Jessica turns from the window to Tiffany. "And I'd give mine to you," she says with the purest and most honest declaration. When thinking of that situation, Jessica would rather be left behind instead of Tiffany. Tiffany is too dear to her that living without her makes being alive meaningless. She doesn't know if it's love or it's simply just friendship, but she is willing to give up anything for Tiffany, including her life.

Her words touch Tiffany's heart and melt all her worries away.  Knowing that she's important enough to Jessica is alone enough. "Thanks," is the only thing she says, and all the questions of ?Who Would You Pick? ended.

She's too happy and nervous to even ask anything, so she instead grasps Jessica's hand and interlocks their fingers. Big butterflies flutter in her stomach at the contact with the other girl, and her giddiness makes her unable to speak.

Little does Tiffany know, Jessica's also feeling those big butterflies in her stomach as well.

Jessica comes to the conclusion that she likes Tiffany--not just like, but she loves her with all her heart. She imagines life without her, and it's meaningless for Jessica. Life without the person she learns to live for would be the end of her life as well. Like what she imagines, she wouldn't be able to bear it if she would be left behind as Tiffany drowns away. And now, she has found the reason for living.

Jessica isn't afraid of death. She is more scared of the pain than death itself. But now, she's afraid of leaving and being left behind. She now understood what love really is--to value life more because of a special person, to value life more because that person's presence is what makes life so colorful, so amazing, so worth it.

"Hey, Jessi?"

"Yeah?"

"I have a check up so I'm leaving now," Tiffany announces, reluctantly parting from the other room and walks out on the spacing girl.

After she leaves, Jessica suddenly feels cold.

*****

Wanting to relieve her thirst, Jessica heads out to the vending machine by the corner by the nurse's station. "They found a heart donor for Miss Jung just minutes ago," a nurse says. Hearing her name, Jessica perks her ears curiously. "They are operating today in six hours, and the Jung family is really happy about it."

She's been waiting for the moment where she can be free and run again. She loved running in track during her high school days, and she can't wait for the moment where she can experience that adrenaline rushing again.

But running reminds her of the day when she had discovered her heart problem.

It's the national competition, and she's leading by two meters. There's nothing in her mind but the happiness of running, the joy it brings her whenever she stomps her feet on the ground. She can practically taste victory, seeing the finish line so close. A burst of joy fills her as she passes the ribbon. She wins the competition.

She walks to her team, with sweat pouring down her face. If she were anyone else, it would have been an unpleasant sight, but because she's Jessica Jung and because she has that beautiful, haughty smile on her face, it doesn't matter how much she perspires.

But suddenly, her chest tightens, and she flinches in pain. Her smirk is replaced by a panicked gasp. She places her hand by her heart, pressing it as hard as she can, hoping it could ease the twinges, but it doesn't.

The torturous throbbing persists, and her feet grow numb. She kneels in agony, willing the shocks of pain to go away, but it becomes too much to handle, and she passes out. Her teammates and coach run to her unconscious body. She's thankful that she's unconscious and that she can longer feel the pain in her body. She's scared of feeling that ever again, and that is the very reason she's been following her doctor's orders.

"Doesn't Tiffany Hwang need a donor, too?" asks another nurse, pulling Jessica from her inner thoughts and back to reality.

"Yeah, they are both compatible. They are both in the same case, and they need surgery within a month or two or they expire. But Miss Hwang is new here. Jessica's more of a priority."

"But Tiffany's on her last stage, too. I really hope to get a donor for her," the other says sympathetically.

The exchange between the nurses makes Jessica weak to the knees. She drops drink she's holding onto the floor, and the nurses to look her way. Their eyes widen at the sight of Jessica's pale complexion. It is paler than usual, all the color dragged out from her body. She's shaking and confused.

Jessica finally has a donor, but she isn't happy. The life she has always wanted to be back is just a grasp away, but she can't seem to take it. She can't seem to embrace the new opportunity to have a normal life again.

She walks to Tiffany's room, not even bothering to knock. Tiffany is asleep. Jessica knows how beautiful Tiffany is, but this is the first time that her heart thumps this badly for someone.

Why now? she asks herself.

She walks towards Tiffany's sleeping body and fixes the younger girl's bangs covering her celestial face. Jessica's hand trembles. "I'm sorry. I love you but let me be selfish enough to do this." She leans forward, her tears falling on Tiffany's cheek. She brushes her lips against the other girl's and wipes the tears that have fallen unto her celestial maiden's perfect face.

Tiffany doesn't know what happens, but she is awake the whole time. She feels her heart pound against her chest, and she's ecstatic that Jessica sees her the same way.  But she knows that there's something that's wrong, but she's too afraid to ask.


***

The next morning, Tiffany walks to Jessica?s room like any other. "Jessica?" she asks as she peeps in the room and was startled to see Jessica's parents and the whole family. There were about ten sorrowful looking people in the room. "Where's Jessica?"

Her question stabs each and everyone in the room, and they respond to her with an unbearable silence. "Tiffany, Jessica wanted us to give you this," Mr. Jung says, offering the envelope with Tiffany's name on. There's something about the air that's not right, and even her body begins to shiver at the atmosphere. With quivering fingers, she reaches for the pink envelope.

She reads it with her hands shaking. Tears flow from her eyes like a torrent, falling freely from her cheeks, and she sobs like a baby, not caring that there were other people in the room.

Dearest Tiffany,


I'm sorry for being selfish, but remember when I told you that I hate the feeling of dying?

Tiffany nods her head exaggeratedly as if Jessica can actually see her. Tears drip onto the letter.

I'd rather feel the pain all over again than live without purpose. I realized I love you so much, to the point where I want to give up my life for you. There is only one choice here. There are no two life vests in this boat. There's only one, so I'm giving you this one. Learn to love and be loved by someone else.

Share this precious heart I'm leaving you with someone who can love you back.

I will be watching from heaven and I'll whisper to God to look after you. Love,

Jessica.

You didn't realize that you are my life, but I will take care of this precious gift you're leaving me. I will share this heart with only you until the day after tomorrow fades from me, and we'll meet again in heaven.

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Check out my other works as well. :) Comments? Concerns? Make me feel welcomed here! I'm new to the AFF community! :> I'd appreciate your input, really. :)