I knew something was wrong when I spotted a sleek black car parked outside our little house from way down the dirt road. We never get visitors who drive such fancy cars. Never. I mean, who in this small rural town could afford such a thing, and why would they need one when a good bike could get you anywhere you needed to go?

With that said, this meant they must be strangers. I sped up immediately at the thought that someone dangerous might be in the house right now with my defenseless mom. Different scenarios flashed through my head as my legs furiously peddled the worn out bike that I owned. If they hurt her, I’m going to kill them all.

I really couldn’t get home fast enough, or at least it felt that way. When I finally reached the house’s gate, my bike was carelessly tossed aside where it crashed into the side of the car (I threw the bike a quick apology) as I jumped over the short gate and ran as fast as I could into the house. The door slammed harshly against our thin walls with the force of my entrance and what greeted me inside was pretty anti-climatic. Mom was sitting demurely at the eating table/meeting table/whatever table with a man whose face I couldn’t see yet since his back was towards me. Or…at least she was, until I scared-the-ancestors out of her with my rash actions and now she just looked shocked as hell. Crap, now I feel bad.

“Jae Min! You scared me!” Mom’s eyes were wide open and her hands clutched her heart.  The strangers, there’s another guy in a black suit standing near the corner, also looked surprised as they both turned towards me. I take this opportunity to make a quick assessment of our ‘guest’. The sitting man looked so polish and rich that he clashed severely with our obviously poor living arrangements and for the life of me I couldn’t think of why a man like him would be even a mile near our house.

“Sorry Mom…I thought you might be hurt or something, since I don’t know anyone who drives that car,” I gave her a sheepish smile while walking towards them. I noticed that the closer I got to the table, the more intently the man stared at me, and it started to creep me out a bit. Mom seemed to notice too because she was staring at him staring at me. What the hell?

“So…what’s all this?” I asked gesturing to the tea party they seemed to be having on our small table.  Mom really went all out, all our best cups and plates were being used.

“Min-ah, sit down with us for a bit,” she pointed to the empty seat on her right, “I want to introduce you two.” I sat where she wanted me to, but my suspicion was getting roused. Who was this man, and what does he want with us?

“Young Soo, this is Jae Min,” she told him while placing a doting hand on my head. Now I’m really shocked; she is so familiar with this man and I never knew about it?? Where are your formalities Mom?

Then, for the first time since my barging in, he spoke, and I was taken aback by the gentleness of it. “Hello Jae Min. It’s so wonderful to finally meet you.” It was as if he really meant what he said, and not just being polite because his eyes bore into mine longingly. His hand reached out to touch the other side of my head but I jerked away quickly and returned his soft gaze with a stony one. 

“Why?” I questioned bluntly. I don’t find it endearing that an unknown man have been wanting to meet me. And with the whole trying to touch me thing, that’s just creepy. My hostility seemed to have caught him off guard because he looked back at Mom confused. I looked at her too, my expression demanding an explanation. “Mom?”

There was overwhelming sadness in her eyes when we both looked at her. I’ve only seen that look a few times, and it’s usually when she’s thinking about her past and about the man who... Suddenly, things clicked. I realized I knew exactly who this man was. My heart froze. “Jae Min, please don’t be so rude,” she scolded gently. RUDE?? You haven’t seen rude yet! “This is Kim Young Soo, your biological fa-“

“Don’t! Don’t say it!” I stood up and slammed my palms on the table, rattling everything. My eyes were squeezed shut, and I tried to will away what I almost heard. This time I shocked my mom into silence.

“Jae Min, calm down, you are scaring your mother,” he dared to say. My head snapped towards him.

“Since WHEN did you start caring about how my mom feels?! Since when do you have the right to even come near us?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” I literally shrieked.  I didn’t think it was possible to feel so much anger and hatred towards one person. I’ve hated him since I was old enough to understand how he had wronged Mom, but this rage that I’m feeling now that he is here, it is unbearable. I felt consumed by it, like it was ripping apart by the seams inside of me, taunting me to pay him back all the hate that I owe him.

He doesn’t say anything after this, a wise decision on his part, because at that moment, I would’ve taken offense to anything he said. I was still shaking from anger when I felt her warm touch on my arm. The furious look I had directed towards him melted away as I looked down at her. Mom, I’m so sorry…She was crying, and it was all my fault.

“I-I in-invited him…” she managed to say in-between sobs. “Jae Min please…let me explain.” It was hard, but to avoid distressing her even more, I willed myself to calm down for her sake. The last thing I wanted was to be the cause of her tears; there are already too many things for that. I moved my chair so that it sided Mom’s, sat down, and instinctively wrapped a protective arm around her. Her crying subsides, and she lets out a weary sigh.

“Young Soo, perhaps you should step out and let me talk this over with her first,” she suggested to him. He contemplated the idea, and for a moment I thought he was going to refuse, but I guess seeing my death glare changed his mind.

He nodded solemnly. “I’ll be right outside, call me when you are ready. Come Hyun Ki.” When they were both gone, Mom moved out of my hold and grabbed both of my hands.

“Listen dear, whether you want to accept it or not, he is still your…father,” I tensed at the word. “And I made the decision to let him come to meet you. It was the right thing to do.”

“How can you say that? You know how much I hate him…I thought you hate him too…”

“I do. But at the same time, I don’t. How can I fully hate the man that gave me you,” her hands my cheeks as she says this, and I know she meant it. We are each other’s everything, and while I hate to admit it, we are together in part because of him. It didn’t mean I hate him any less though.

“Why now Mom, why after 17 years of nothingness?” She hesitated to answer this question. “We don’t need him now anymore than we needed him 10 years ago.” At the mention of what we went through a decade ago, Mom tensed.

“Yes, it’s true that life is not as rough now as it was back then, but…Jae Min, I felt that now is the time that you need him most. He has something that I could never give to you.” I hated how sad she sounded, like she was berating herself for failing me somehow. Where was this coming from?

“I don’t understand, what could he possibly give me that I would want?”

“An opportunity.” It was so ambiguous of an answer that I didn’t get it at first. An opportunity…to do wha-…oh. When the answer hit me, I lowered my eyes in understanding. I knew exactly what she was talking about. “You see it too don’t you?” Mom asked knowingly.

“I see it. But I don’t like it. If I have to result to asking HIM for money just to go to school, then I rather not go,” I tried to sound convincing, but Mom knew me best. Ever since I was young, I excelled in school, and it was actually something I loved. It was my dream, my ultimate goal to go to college, become a doctor, and start making money to support her. A large portion of my childhood was spent daydreaming of the type of house I would buy for the two of us, places we would travel to, and how I would take care of her properly. It would’ve happened, I’m sure of it, if bad luck didn’t strike our town. Two months ago, our neighborhood high school was burnt down due to a large fire and the government had said that they wouldn’t be building a new one. The next option was for kids to commute to the next town, a whole 2 hours away by bus, and attend their school. For some, that wasn’t so bad an option, but for me, it was impossible. I couldn’t leave Mom alone the whole day, and we can’t afford to move. Plus the tuition there was impossibly high and I couldn’t afford it anyways. It really because I only had one more year left of high school, and already had a scholarship reserved for me for when I get into college, but all of that didn’t matter if I never finish. And just like that I found my dream slipping away. I tried to pretend it didn’t matter, but it was a bitter pill to swallow. I was so close, but now I am farther than ever.

“Never ever go to school again? Is that really what you want in life?” It was an unfair question, because she knew the answer. She knew! “What happened to the little girl who promised me a house with a large yard and garden right next to the beach?”

“Mom…I…”

“What about the girl who said she’s going to be the best doctor in Korea and save so many lives? And all the donations she was going to give to poor neighborhoods like this so that people won’t go hungry ever again…so that a child doesn’t have to become a beggar and pick through trash for a meal…” I didn’t realize I was crying until her thumb was wiping away my tears. Who was I crying for I wonder, for the child me, or for the future children I wouldn’t be able to help? “Don’t cry Jae Min…everything is still possible. If you are willing to take this chance.”

“It wouldn’t make a difference Mom, even if I could get money to go to another school, I still wouldn’t leave you.”

“I know you wouldn’t. Not when you think that I need help. That’s why I talked to your father about this and we came up with a few solutions.”

“You told him about everything??” I couldn’t imagine her telling that man everything we’ve been through and about my dreams.

“Not everything. Just about what happened to your school and how we can’t send you to the other town’s. I told him…that if he wanted to make up for his wrongs, now would be the time. He wants to Jae Min, he wants to help out as a father would.”

“As a father would…” I scoffed.

“I know you are skeptical, but to me, I am ready to forgive him. Given that he help you reach your goal. I think it is a fair trade…”

“Mom you are too forgiving! How can this EVER make up for what he put you through? Nothing would ever be enough!” Sometimes, Mom’s gentle nature really makes me mad.

“To see you succeed, that is the ONLY thing that will make it enough for me,” Other times, it reminds me what an amazing woman she is.

That was when I knew, no matter how I felt about him, no matter how much I hateloathedetestdespiseabhor him, I loved Mom more, and couldn’t bear to let her down.