There are times that Kibum thinks horrible things about Jonghyun, but sometimes he thinks horrible things about everyone. Other times he thinks about how much he loves Jonghyun, adores him and his mismatched features and stupid, dorky grin, but sometimes he thinks about how much he loves other people too; Jinki being unable to stay standing on his feet for more than fifteen or twenty minutes at a time, Minho’s inability to lose with any form of good grace at all, Taemin’s belief that being maknae got him everything, even though it usually did.

He’s not sure why Jonghyun’s special, though. He doesn’t get, never will get, why it’s Jonghyun’s stupid, dorky grin that makes Kibum smile even when he just wants to slam the door in his face and tell him to go away.

He knows that he loves Jonghyun. That’s not a question. He knows that it’s Jonghyun and only Jonghyun that he will accept into his bed at night and into his heart always. He’s loved Jonghyun since before he had to start making the distinction between Kibum and Key, just to keep himself sane.

Jonghyun’s loved him just as long. It was Jonghyun who had cornered Kibum one day and informed him with only a few flickers of terror in his eyes how he felt and almost demanded that Kibum return the feelings. It wasn’t as though he had any say in the matter anyway. He followed Jonghyun and blindly and as willingly as he does now, at least in matters of the heart. Mostly.

Kibum lets Jonghyun take the lead, always has. He lets Jonghyun decide when they can hold hands for more reasons than skinship. He lets Jonghyun decide when the backhugs start to matter, when Jonghyun squeezes a little more tightly, hangs on just a little bit longer, than he does when he catches Taemin from behind and tries to spin him around, even though their youngest’s legs are almost as long as Jonghyun is tall. Or that’s what Kibum tells him anyway, just to see that pout on Jonghyun’s lips so he can kiss it away.

That’s not to say that Kibum just lets Jonghyun have his way. Definitely not. Kibum just knows when it’s worth fighting him, like when he runs his tweets past Kibum first, just to see how funny they are, and Kibum is forced both by the ‘Good Friend’ code and the ‘Looking out for Humanity’ code to insist that he not post them. Occasionally Jonghyun ignores him and posts one anyway (like the Nick Fury photocard one. Kibum had vetoed that with everything he had). Now Jonghyun just ignores him and tweets whatever he wants. He laughs when Kibum tells him he’s ruining his image.

Kibum also knows when it’s not worth fighting Jonghyun. Most of the time it isn’t, like when he pouts or grabs Kibum’s hand and twists their fingers together. It’s especially not worth fighting him when Jonghyun catches him in his arms and pulls him in close, resting his forehead against Kibum’s.

He does it too often in places a little too close to public for Kibum’s comfort, but the look on Jonghyun’s face when he protests is too heartbreaking for Kibum to do anything but throw a mild insult his way and then press himself against Jonghyun until he thinks he can hear the other man’s heartbeat.

It’s one day, with Jonghyun’s arms tight around his waist, both of them smelling like hair dye, sweat, and makeup, that Kibum decides he loves Jonghyun because he’s the only one that Kibum could love like this. Jonghyun’s the one that enfolds him in his arms when he gets stressed and wants to cry or hit things. Jonghyun’s the one that told him it was stupid to make some sort of formal ‘Key vs Kibum’ declaration, because it wasn’t like he was going to get confused, and clearly Jonghyun was the only one that mattered. Jonghyun was one who told Kibum what he already knew, tells him what he already knows, and doesn’t put up with any sort of attitude if it’s making Kibum unhappy. He’s more than willing to let Kibum rant and rail about whatever is pissing him off at the moment, but if it becomes more serious than that, Jonghyun sits him down, and takes his hand, and suddenly everything gets just a little bit better.