Look Only At Me…
Don’t cheat on me even if I cheat on you
Don’t forget me even if I forget you
Sometimes, I don’t contact you and I drink
And even if my lips meet another’s
Look only at me…

Siwon sped up his car looking at the time nervously.  How could he leave? Did he really think that Siwon was in the right state of mind when he said those words? Siwon prayed that the plane would be delayed as he drove to Incheon Airport.  Donghae wouldn’t leave him…he promised.  But, Siwon knew what he said was wrong.  It was probably the worst thing he could ever say to Donghae.

He had just been irritated with his repetitive life.  He just wanted to spice things up.  This is why he had hooked up with Heechul for a night.  It meant nothing to him.  It was simply lust.  It wasn’t love at all.  So he panicked when Donghae had walked in his bedroom that morning.  Heechul had been next to him bed and both of them were completely covered with a blanket.  Donghae’s hurt expression was burnt into his mind.  Siwon was passing the speed limit when he hit the brakes at a red light.

Why had he done it? He didn’t even know.  The words he said to Donghae were out of panic and a hangover that he was experiencing.  Siwon closed his eyes remembering the way Donghae had left his bedroom and he had run after him.

- Flashback –-

“Hae wait!” Siwon shouted grabbing his boxers and pulling them on.  He closed the door behind him and grabbed Donghae’s wrist before he could step outside of their apartment.  “What?” Donghae shouted looking at Siwon with hurt eyes.  Though the older male clearly wanted to appear strong he was breaking down inside.

“Will you listen to me?” Siwon asked.  “What’s left to hear?” Donghae asked in a cold tone.  “We’ll get married, live in a beautiful house and live happily…was all lies wasn’t it? I foolishly believed you…” Donghae mumbled biting down on his lip.  “What did I do wrong…?” Donghae asked looking up at Siwon who stared back.  “Siwon…I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you.” Donghae said attempting to pull his wrist free.  “Let go! Let go of me!” Donghae said trying to pull his wrist free.

Siwon forcefully pinned him against the wall and towered over the older male.  “Do you want to know why I did it? It’s true…you weren’t enough!” Siwon shouted.  “I am sick of seeing your same boring face! I am sick of doing the same things every day! I’m sick of your cooking, your childish antics…your body!” Siwon shouted.  “All in all…I’m sick of you Lee Donghae.” Siwon said letting out the last of his frustration. 

Donghae looked up at the man who roughly let go of his wrists.  He bit down on his lips to stop the tears threatening to fall.  With one last glance at Siwon he left the apartment.

- End of Flashback –

The light changed and Siwon started to drive again and remembered the note he saw 20 minutes ago after sleeping in the entire day.  Donghae had told him he was leaving.  When Siwon had been asleep Donghae had taken all of his things and left.  It was fortunate Siwon had woken up just in time to see that the flight was at midnight.  

Siwon couldn’t believe how disgusted he was at himself.  He shouldn’t have done it.  He shouldn’t have been so selfish. His words were cruel and the older man hadn’t even done anything in return.  All that he did say in his note besides the fact that he was leaving was ‘Thanks for loving me, for some time. Thanks for acting like you cared…’ Those words pierced through him like shards of glass. What had he done?

He had hurt the person who mattered most to him.  Siwon could see the airport coming into view.  He couldn’t loose him.  He couldn’t.  The only person who had managed to crack the hard shell that Siwon had placed around him for years was…Donghae.  Donghae is the only person who can give him strength, stand his cockiness and arrogance.  The only person that knows how to bring the small child out of him.

Siwon pulled up into the large parking lot and knew it would take him at least 15 minutes to park his car.  When he finally found a spot he check the time and realized that he had less than 2 minutes before it was time for the flight to leave.  He ran inside trying to look for an available main desk.  Everything seemed pack.  Everything around him was becoming a blur.  He looked around for the familiar childish grin, the milky white skin and the goofy smile.  But none was in sight.

“Did the flight heading to Tokyo already leave?” Siwon asked breathing heavily as he managed to find a clear desk.  “Hold on please-” He cut her off.  “Hurry!” He said waiting as his heart pounded in his chest. “It left 5 minutes ago…”

Numb…that’s how he felt.  His whole world felt numb.  He felt as if the pieces of his broken heart were piercing his eyes.  His vision was being blurred by hot tears.  He his heels without a word and sat down at one of the chairs.  He didn’t care about the man had just sat next to him.  Or that fact that some lady had just pointed him out at being depressed.  Part of his soul had just left him.

Tears escaped his eyes and Siwon found that there was no use in holding them in.  He held his face in his palms looking down at the ground.  A handkerchief appeared in front of him.  “No thanks…” He said shaking his hand not bothering to look at the person handing it to him.  Despite the fact that he said no thanks the person didn’t retrieve their hand.  Annoyed Siwon pushed the hand away.  Again it appeared within seconds again.  He stood up in rage. “I said no than-”

He froze mid-sentence and found himself staring at Donghae.  His concerned expression never left him.  “Donghae!” Siwon said pulling them man into a hug but felt Donghae grip his shoulders and push him away.  “Stop! I might misunderstand…” He said coldly.  “Misunderstand?” Siwon asked.  “I might think…that you want me back.  That you aren’t tired of me…that kind of misunderstanding.” Donghae said turning around with his luggage rolling behind.  “Donghae wait!” Siwon shouted grabbing the male’s wrist and turning him around.

Before Donghae could protest, Siwon had planted his lips on Donghae’s.  Donghae attempted to resist but Siwon had his hands gripped to Donghae’s elbows pulling him closer and keeping him in place.  Once he pulled away Siwon grabbed Donghae’s hand and luggage and dragged him out of the airport.  He put Donghae’s luggage in his car and forced Donghae in the passenger seat.  “This could be called kidnapping!” Donghae shouted in through the window.

Siwon got into the driver’s seat and pulled out.  “Let me go! Didn’t you say-” Siwon cut him off this time stopping the car.  “Donghae, I’m sorry.  I was wrong. I said things that weren’t true.  Do you know how bad I felt when I saw your note? When the lady told me your flight was gone? Do you know that my life felt meaningless? I’m sorry, I was the one who cheated and you’re the one who suffered-”

“Siwon-” Donghae was cut off again.  “No let me talk! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I cheated on you! I am sorry I said all those words to you! I am sorry I hurt you!-”

“Siwon would you-”

“I’m not done can you keep quiet? I didn’t mean for those words to be said! I was just…frustrated.  I felt like I was doing the same things everyday.  Like I was a robot…do you know what that feels like?”

“Siwon can you-”

“No you don’t know what the feels like! It’s the worst feeling in the world.  It may seem like I am making excuses but really I am not!”

“Siwon!”

“What is it?” Siwon shouted looking at Donghae.

“There are cars behind you that want to move but you’re blocking their way!” Donghae shouted and Siwon just realized he had stopped in the middle of the road.  He heard a couple of honks and waved his hand in apology and started to drive again

Donghae had been quiet the whole ride back to the apartment.  When they arrived in the parking lot Donghae got out of the car when Siwon spoke.  “Why didn’t you go?” Siwon asked.  “I mean…you were supposed to go to Tokyo why did you not go?” Siwon asked curiosity burning in his eyes. “Because I couldn’t let you go…” Donghae answered.  Siwon took steps closer to Donghae until he was pinned between the car and Siwon.

“I’m sorry…” Siwon said with a smile and leaned in closer to Donghae who didn’t bother to resist this time.  Siwon cupped Donghae’s neck to deepen the kiss.  Donghae had to stand on his toes because of Siwon’s height and kissed him back nevertheless.  Siwon’s hand wrapped around Donghae’s waist pulling the male closer under the dimly lit parking lot.  A moan escaped Donghae's lips and Siwon smirked in response and pulled away. 

"I love you Hae..." Siwon said and Donghae nodded smiling lightly.

I want you to stay innocent forever
This is the truth, my belief in you
Even if you die, please don’t leave me