I stared at the ceiling after I listened to EXO-K’s Angel. I was a hopeless fan girl living in a big city where I can’t even grab the chance to meet EXO. I came across them a month ago; my friend introduced one of their songs to me. And guess what? I liked them in an instant. No words could ever explain what I felt while I listened to their heavenly voices. (Admit it, you think that way too) I wonder how these guys act around if cameras are not present. Are they really that close or is it only for fan base purposes?

I haven’t seen them face to face but the feeling was so strong. I couldn’t explain the madness they have thrown me into.

They’re too different from other boy groups, they have THAT EDGE I just can’t define: that aura surrounding them, those voices I don’t know where came from, those eye-catching smiles and side-glances. I love every bit. And I don’t know why. I don’t understand what happened to me.

Let’s just say those guys casted a spell on us poor little girls and boys. We’re helpless human beings, they did the damage. Well, not actually damage. Obsessed ones call it a blessing, normal ones call it… I don’t know. Curse?

Oh, whatever. I’m sort of an obsessed one so, it’s quite a blessing. KEKEKEKE~

Still, others say liking something too much is bad. But I don’t think what I’m doing right now is bad. I don’t think wanting someone is bad, nevertheless dangerous. I DON’T THINK LIKING EXO TOO MUCH IS BAD. Freedom of expression, people. Get it?

But, I’m not the type to skip classes and wait for them come around. I’m not the type to scream in their faces, ‘OPPA! I’M HERE!’ I’m not the type to drop by their dorms and give them goodies. I’m no typo. I just love listening to them, how they express their emotions differently, how they progress into something better each day.

At the end of the day, when all else fails, I lean on to EXO. When something goes out of hand, I put on my headphones and say, ‘C’mon, make me feel better, EXO.’ And they never fail me. Not even once.

But then, ‘LIKE’ turned to ‘LOVE’ when I saw one derpy photo. You guess it right, EXO DERP SQUAD’s leader, Park Chanyeol.

His face, his eyes, his smile. One big hefty package. My heart started to beat in a rhythmic motion. ‘HE’S THE ONE.’ Ew, did I just say that?

I don’t know. Maybe I LOST MY MIND. (INSERT ‘WHAT IS LOVE’ SONG HERE) Maybe I’m turning into something inhuman. I don’t get it. When I saw his photo, I was like OH MY GOD, I cannot fathom.

Hey, what’s wrong? I’m just expressing my deep admiration towards him. No other intention. (HAHAHA, WHEN STUPIDITY STRIKES.) But liking him made me more desperate, the more I liked him, the more I wanted to see him. There was a driving force I could not avoid.

I know, it sounds really, really, really depressing. I’m depressed myself too. I know there are more fan girls out there in competition with me. ‘What if he’s secretly dating someone right now?’ that question always popped out of my mind at most unexpected situations. Or worse, WHAT IF HE’S DATING SOMEONE FROM SME? Or worst, WHAT IF HE’S DATING MY BIAS? I DON’T KNOW WHY I KEEP ASKING MYSELF THESE KINDS OF QUESTIONS. I don’t know why I look forward to each day though I know that I did not even cross him mind for just even a split-second. I don’t know why I keep on forcing myself that THERE’S STILL A CHANCE though I know nothing’s left for me. I just don’t understand why I have to torment myself with these stupid thoughts. It’s really useless, I’m really hopeless.

There’s one more problem I had to undergo though. One big test God has given me to prove my loyalty to them. They’re having a concert next month. And I had to save every single penny in my pocket.

What was the point in saving? It’s not like I’m the only one that’ll attend that concert. There will be thousands, if not millions, of fans. Thousands of fans will be screaming his name all over again, my face hidden behind the pearl green balloons. There’s only a tiny bit of chance that his eyes will flicker on my direction. Maybe his eyes will wander, but it won’t land on me. Too little chance, I can’t even picture it out. But I was desperate, I wanted to see him. It was my only chance.

“Mom, I don’t think I’ll be able to see them.” I muttered out to my mom who was busy baking a cake. I sat on the cold marble chair and faced her.

“You will. If you think you could.” She said and smiled at me. Mothers, these are their jobs, make their kids feel like nothing’s wrong with life. All dandy and happy.

“Thousands of fans will be there.” I answered and bit on a strawberry.

“Don’t touch that.” She slapped my hand and laughed. “So? It’s a concert, you should have fun. No one sulks in the corner during a concert.”

“But still, mom. They’re different. They’re EXO.” I took another strawberry and stuffed it in my mouth.

“EXO. They’re still human beings. Stars fade, what about them? Fame is not permanent. One day, they’ll vanish and you’ll start to like another one. They’re just idols.” She said as she scraped the excess icing from the cake.

“They’re not just idols, mom. I won’t like another group. Fame is not permanent, but as long as fans are present, they will always be there.” I argued.

“You love them too much.”

“You love dad. He was an idol before mom.” I answered and smiled at her.

“Things were hard between us. Many things got in the way before we settled. You know it’s a bit different from yours.”

“It won’t be different unless I make a difference.” I said and smiled at her before I left.

Weeks and days were counted. Each day became stressful, but my outlook was positive. I was going to see them. I should.

I saved all I had, bargained with dad, took it all out on my grades. I succeeded. I reached the peak. (A little round of applause) What I had was enough for the VIP ticket and backstage pass. At last, I was finally going to meet EXO. And I was finally going to see him in person. Park Chanyeol, you wait.

But sadly, fate was not on my side. I HAD LOST MY TICKET.

“Ajhussi, I swear I lost it.” I said, on the brink of tears as I forced myself inside.

“I’m sorry. You have to wait here outside.” He answered firmly and pushed me aside.

“Ajhussi, please, this is my only chance.”

“I’m sorry, miss. There’s nothing else I can do.”

I cried on my way out. I did not care if people looked at me. Funny, I should have just used the money to eat outside. Then I would have felt better. I was so stupid. I should have just listened to mom. They were right, moms know best.

I sat on the cold floor just outside the building. I could hear the fans wailing and screaming.

Goodbye, my ticket. Goodbye, my Chanyeol. I should have just ignored my friend when she introduced me to them. Then maybe today, I spent my time watching television. Nothing else would have mattered besides my own life. Then probably Park Chanyeol would only be a name that did not matter to me.

I stood up an hour after, when the fans rushed outside the lot, satisfied and happy. I had finally convinced myself that today was not my chance. I never had the chance, by the way.

A male voice had stopped me on the way.

“Miss. Wait a minute.” I turned and looked back, wiped away the tears that were still rolling down my cheeks.

“You left this.” He came in closer and gave me my iPod.

I took it and bowed, dried the tears again. When I looked up to thank him, my eyes grew huge.

“Are we really that inspiring that a fan cried because of us?” he asked, showing off his signature derpy smile.

Yes, it was Park Chanyeol, standing tall in front of me.

“I-I lost my ticket.” I reasoned and stifled a broken laugh.

“You did?” his eyes widened. Another signature derpy face.

“Obviously.” I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Too bad, you missed the show.”

“I know.”

“Wanna see it again?” his asked, his eyes showed his excitement.

“There’s no second show.” I frowned.

“There is, but it’s a secret.” He winked and took my hand. I tagged along.

We entered the empty arena, his hand still attached to mine. He faced me and said,

“A while ago, when we arrived, I saw a girl crying on the line. I thought she was just overly excited so I ignored her. When I saw her today, I realized she had lost her ticket. So I decided to give her this.” He said and leaned in closer to me, just in time for me to inhale his sweet scent.

He kissed me on the forehead, and I gasped out loud.

“What was that for?” I asked, still in a daze. Park Chanyeol just kissed me on the forehead. ME. HIM. HE KISSED ME. ME!

“The fan sign. That’s my name.” he gestured towards the one I was holding.

“Oh. Yeah.” I managed to answer.

“You like me.” He concluded.

“Who doesn’t?” I asked and smiled.

“Right.” He answered and laughed.

“So, you like me?” he asked again. I answered with a nod.

“I can’t hear you.” He teased, showing his derpy smile.

“Yes.” I said as I looked into his eyes. This is my chance.

Before I could say another word, he inserted.

“Go out with me tomorrow?” he asked, smiling innocently.

I smiled back.

Maybe losing a ticket doesn’t seem that bad. It was actually worth it. :)