Sunggyu wasn’t the type to believe in love at first sight.  But he couldn’t deny the fact that he immediately fell in love the first time he met Dongwoo.  The first time Sunggyu entered the dance room and laid eyes on the rapper, he felt his heart melt into pieces at Dongwoo’s million dollar smile.  He couldn’t even mutter a hello when Dongwoo said hi to him.  And it took him a few seconds to realize he’d been holding his breath when Dongwoo hugged him in a friendly greeting.   

            And five years later, Sunggyu was still in love with Dongwoo.  But it was a pathetic type of love, a love that could never work out happily for him.  It wasn’t because they were fellow band members; it wasn’t because this kind of relationship was looked down upon.  It was because Dongwoo was already in love with somebody else. 

            And this is where the drama lies.  All the members are messed up.  Dongwoo is in love with Hoya.  He’s actually dating Hoya.  But it’s not a secret that Hoya loves Woohyun.  And everyone knows that Hoya and Woohyun sleep together…a lot.  Even Dongwoo knows.  It’s so wrong, but it’s how things are. 

            Sunggyu sighs as he watches Dongwoo finishes his dance set.  Hoya and Woohyun are missing from the room.  The three maknaes are nowhere to be seen.  The maknae love life was complicated as well.  Myungsoo and Sungyeol were a couple until the infamous Trouble Maker stage.  Sungyeol developed feelings for Sungjong, but Sungjong was already in love with Myungsoo.  Myungsoo was angry that Sungyeol had feelings for Sungjong so he went out with the maknae, just to spite Sungyeol.  Sungjong found out and then went out with Sungyeol, but by then Myungsoo had developed feelings for Sungjong as well.  So right now, Sunggyu had no idea who was going out with who. 

            Dongwoo smiled as he finished the song and looked around.  His eyes fell on Sunggyu and Sunggyu saw the brightness fade from his eyes.  Obviously he was expecting his boyfriend to be here.  After all, it was Hoya and Dongwoo’s special stage they were practicing for. 

           “Are you ready Woo?” Sunggyu asked as he got up from the floor.  It hurt his heart to see Dongwoo like this.  As leader, Sunggyu felt like a failure.  He should’ve made everyone realize the consequences to their actions.  He should’ve ended all this drama before it began.  Maybe if he yelled at Hoya the first time he cheated on Dongwoo or stopped Myungsoo for using Sungjong to get back at Sungyeol, they wouldn’t be here at this low point today.  If he didn’t have a soft spot for Woohyun, he would’ve kicked the kid for trying to break apart the Yadong couple.  But most of all Sunggyu felt like a failure because he should’ve been taking care of everyone.  Things had gotten so out of hand.  They were only half of what they’d been when they debuted.  Everyone was scarred and hurting.  Even happiness came with guilt.  And if broken hearts were a physical thing that could be seen, their dorm would be covered with them. 

Sunggyu tried to control the chaos.  He would be there whenever a member would cry or needed a hug.  He would try to lessen the pain by just being there for them or buying something to cheer them up.  There was really nothing you could do to solve a broken heart.  But things had changed.  s were used to feeling lost, hurt, sad, guilty and disappointed.   Sunggyu was always left trying to pick up the pieces, pick up the pieces but never actually put the puzzle together. 

It confused him why Dongwoo was still with Hoya.  It was true Hoya cared about Dongwoo too, but it was obvious that he loved Woohyun more.  Dongwoo was only torturing himself by staying with the dancer.    

            “You didn’t have to wait for me,” Dongwoo said silently as he went over to pick up his bag.  Sunggyu could hear Dongwoo’s voice tremble.  He was holding back his tears.  Sunggyu wanted to hug him, comfort him, or maybe even yell at him for being an idiot.  But he’d never been good at showing his emotions when it came to Dongwoo, so he just stood by the door and waited for the rapper. 

            They walked in silence back to their dorm.  Dongwoo was looking at the ground and Sunggyu kept glancing at Dongwoo concernedly. 

            “Maybe we should get ice cream?” Sunggyu asked suddenly.  He mentally smacked himself when he realized that it was the middle of winter and it was already freezing out.

            Dongwoo chuckled and shook his head no.  Sunggyu looked down at the floor.  Dongwoo hardly ever laughed anymore.  Small chuckles here and there or a weak smile.  But never a loud Dongwoo laugh or a smile that spread from both cheeks. 

            They entered their dorm and saw a surprised Sungjong look up from this huge lemon cake on the table.  He dropped his spoon, “It’s not what it looks like…okay maybe it is.  But you’re supposed to be at practice!”

            He stabbed the cake and angrily entered his room. 

            Sunggyu laughed and turned to Dongwoo to say something about Sungjong’s actions but Dongwoo was frowning and heading straight to his bedroom.

            “Dongwoo yah,” Sunggyu softly grabbed Dongwoo’s arm.  Dongwoo froze but didn’t turn around.  Sunggyu wanted to kiss that frown off of his face.  He wanted to confess how in love he was with the blond.  He wanted to let Dongwoo know how much better off they would be together.  But he couldn’t so he settled with…

            “Are you okay?”

            “I’m fine.  Just tired,” Dongwoo said in a cracked voice.  Sunggyu felt like crying himself.  It killed him to see the rapper this sad.  He was about to hug Dongwoo but the younger escaped his grasp.  Before he knew it, Dongwoo was shutting his bedroom door. 

            A few hours later the front door opened and Hoya came in followed by Woohyun.

            “Is he in his room?” Hoya asked Sunggyu immediately as he got in.  Sunggyu saw Woohyun immediately frown at Hoya’s question. 

            Sunggyu glared at Hoya, “What do you care?”

            Hoya was shocked at Sunggyu’s sudden coldness.  The leader always tried to be fair without playing favorites but today wasn’t one of those days.  Hoya looked over at Woohyun and then entered Dongwoo’s room.

            “I’m not done with you!” Sunggyu raged as he tried to follow Hoya into the already closed room but Woohyun just said silently, “Leave it.” 

            Sunggyu turned to Woohyun who was now lying on the couch with the remote control in his hand.  He had no expression on his handsome face. 

            Sunggyu and Woohyun used to date.  It would’ve happened no matter what.  The two were always close and the additional pressure of fan service they were forced to do made dating simple for the two.  They didn’t act any different when they were in front of fans than they did when they were in private.  Sure they would share occasional kisses but nothing too extreme.  Because the truth was, they probably started dating to lessen the pain of their hearts when Dongwoo and Hoya started going out.  But somewhere along the way Hoya and Woohyun started having a thing and thus the popular ship Woogyu sank. 

            “He’s dating Dongwoo.  I don’t know why you’re doing this,” Sunggyu said silently.  He was angry at his best friend.  The old Sunggyu would’ve yelled at Woohyun in an instant.  But the old Sunggyu was gone.  He was used to supporting people now.  He never wanted to disappoint anybody and a yelling match would disappoint the both of them.    

            “You’re kidding right?” Woohyun asked incredulously, “I love him.”

            “Do you know how this is affecting Dongwoo?  Have you seen him smile once since everyone found out?  Are you that emotionless?” Sunggyu couldn’t contain the venom that escaped his voice.

            Woohyun looked down guiltily but still spoke with tenacity, “I can’t stop even if I wanted to.” 

            It was wrong for Dongwoo to still be going out with Hoya when he knew the dancer cared for Woohyun more.  He knew he was probably only being a burden to Hoya.  The only reason Hoya didn’t break up with Dongwoo was because he didn’t want to hurt him.  On the other hand, Hoya thought by openly showing affection for Woohyun, Dongwoo would break up with him. 

Dongwoo could feel the little bit of his old happy self slowly slip away.   Hoya wasn’t doing it on purpose, but Dongwoo could see Hoya’s love for him fade day by day.  As Hoya’s love faded, it made Happy Woo fade as well. But no matter what, Dongwoo would hold on.  Because it would hurt more if he was totally alone.  Hoya still cared about him, he knew that.  If he didn’t have Hoya by his side he would have no one.  So maybe he was being selfish for still staying with Hoya when their relationship already crashed and burned ages ago, but Dongwoo would keep on being selfish because deep down inside he still had a little hope. 

Dongwoo opened his bedroom door and slowly walked out into the living room.  It was strange.  Everyone usually stayed in their own separate rooms unless they had a schedule.  No one wanted to interact with one another.  Dongwoo remembered the days where they couldn’t go a second without talking but they had all grown apart.  Interaction was strange, alien and an uncomfortable burden. 

He saw Woohyun sitting on the couch, watching a TV program.  Woohyun turned his head in his direction before turning back to the TV.  Dongwoo slowly went over to Hoya’s room and knocked on it.  There was no answer.  Dongwoo’s mood dropped.  He was hoping the dancer would be around so they could talk.  It'd been a while since he and Hoya actually talked, excluding the angry arguments they had almost every single night.  Dongwoo just wanted to hear some comforting words.  He’d been feeling useless these days.  The CEO wasn’t hiding his disappointment in the rapper anymore.  Every time he rapped it was like he was holding back tears.  And the CEO didn’t want that.  If only he could hear Hoya say he wasn’t as useless as he thought he was.    

Dongwoo felt like steel wool was scratching his throat as he choked out a question to Woohyun, “Do you know where Hoya is?”

“He went to the dance studio to practice for next concert’s special stage,” Woohyun answered without emotion, his eyes never leaving the TV.

Dongwoo could feel tears well up in his eyes.  Of course Woohyun would know where his beloved Hoya was.  That part was okay.  He expected that, but he didn’t expect Hoya to be practicing their dance without him.  Dongwoo remembered spending countless hours with Hoya trying to choreograph the dance to perfection.  He remembered hours of sweating out their frustration on not finding the right moves but at the same time the tears of happiness they laughed out when they finally put it all together.  They were happier then…or at least that’s what Dongwoo thought.  Those hours together felt like the good old days. 

That’s why it felt like a shot to the heart to know that Hoya was dancing without him.  It was a joint performance.  They were supposed to be partners.  But apparently Hoya wanted to practice alone.  Or at least he didn’t want to be alone with Dongwoo. 

Everyone thinks that Dongwoo’s good point is that he’s always happy.  It’s a rarity to see him sad or angry because he’s always smiling and laughing. Dongwoo never gets angry because he’s supposed to be the happy member of the group. 

But it turns out this good point is also Dongwoo’s bad point.  

Dongwoo's always optimistic. And it was this optimism that kept him holding on.  It kept him holding on to something that was already broken.  It kept him hoping that things would change when they never would.  He never hated Hoya for loving Woohyun and he never got angry that Woohyun stole his Hoya.  Dongwoo isn’t like Sunggyu, who temporarily loses his temper from time to time.  He isn’t like Sungjong who lashes out with furious words and he isn’t like Myungsoo who punches walls in frustration to prove his point.  Dongwoo never gets angry at anyone. 

But it doesn’t mean that Dongwoo never gets angry because the anger always goes towards himself.  He was disappointed at himself.  He was angry at himself for being useless and pathetic.  Dongwoo hated that he couldn’t be enough for Hoya.  He tried to be the best boyfriend.  He supported Hoya whenever the dancer needed support and he was always smiling happily around him so he could unload the guilt that Hoya felt every waking moment.  But I guess it wasn’t enough to win the rapper’s heart. 

Dongwoo was never quite good enough.  His rapping which was great at debut sounded generic now.  His dancing would never be as wonderful as Hoya’s and his singing was scratchy and pitchy.  Dongwoo tried so hard every day to perfect his rapping, dancing and singing.  He composed his own songs and wore a good smile every day.  But despite all his efforts, he was still one of the least popular members.  And he didn’t have a good friend to fall back on like his other members. 

Dongwoo is the happy member, the member who always laughs.  But no one knows what goes on behind that smile.  No one knows the internal struggles Dongwoo goes through all day.  Dongwoo smiles each day thinking that maybe this day will be different.  That Hoya will kiss him and say he loves only him, that the fans won’t call him a gullible fool, because he’s tried so hard not to be the fool in INFINITE.  Dongwoo wishes to be better because he thinks he’s useless and that if he doesn’t smile then he really will have no one in the end.   

            Sunggyu searched the city frantically.  He left the dorm three hours ago.  He went to every hot spot in Seoul and even went to Dongwoo’s hometown.  He’d searched everywhere, but the blond was gone.  It was like he dropped off the face of the planet. 

            He collapsed onto a bus bench, a piece of paper crumbled in his hand.  It was barely readable.  Not only was it crumbled, obviously read many times and then grasped in anxiousness, but there were tear marks on it. 

            Maybe I was stupid for making you love me.  I’m sorry for keeping you with me for so long.  You love Woohyun.  You always have and it was wrong of me to make you stay by my side when I knew the truth long before we started dating.  I kept you because I’m scared of being alone.  I think I’m more afraid of being alone than losing you.  I love you, Hoya.  I always will.  I wish you could say the same.  I’m finally letting you go.  I’m breaking up with you.  You deserve to be happy, and I think the best way for you to be happy is if you don’t have to see me every day.  I think it’s better for me to leave INFINITE. I’ve become useless to the group anyway.  Tell the others I said bye.       

            “Dongwoo!” Sunggyu yelled in frustration.  He punched the wall with the city map so hard that it broke.  He was angry at himself for never telling Dongwoo how he felt.  He should’ve told him he loved him.  He should’ve comforted Dongwoo more when he was sad.  He should’ve done something.  He loved Dongwoo.  And he felt like a failure that the man he loved was now gone. 

            “I just want to tell him that someone does care about him.  I just want to make him smile again,” Sunggyu had tears in his eyes as he looked up to the moon. 

            Someone must have answered his prayers because when Sunggyu turned around, he saw the blond sitting on one of the playground swings nearby. 

            “Dongwoo!” Sunggyu yelled.  He ran over to Dongwoo and hugged him, making them both fall down on the sand.

            Dongwoo quickly got up and held out a hand to help Sunggyu up.  Instead of saying 'thank you' Sunggyu said what he'd been wanting to say for five years before it was too late.

            “I care about you, Dongwoo.  I love you and I don’t want you to leave. Please just be with me.”

            “What?” Dongwoo’s mouth was open.

            “When I thought you left…when I couldn’t find you, it was like a part of me left.  I’ve loved you since I first met you.  And I just…just please don’t go,” Sunggyu grasped Dongwoo's hand even tighter, “You don’t have to be alone.”

            Dongwoo gulped, “You love me?”

            “I’ve always loved you,” Sunggyu stared into Dongwoo’s eyes. 

            Dongwoo turned around so his back was facing Sunggyu, “Why would you play some kind of joke like that?  It’s really cruel, hyung.”  Sunggyu could see Dongwoo starting to shake as he tried to hold in his tears.

            Without the usual hesitation he felt, Sunggyu quickly grabbed Dongwoo into a hug.

            “Stop it.  I love you because you’re selfless.  I love you because you’re kind.  You put others in front of you when you should really be caring about your own damn self,” Sunggyu turned Dongwoo around so they were face to face, “So I’m going to do that for you.  I’m going to take care of you.  I’m going to make sure you never cry anymore.  I’m going to put your heart back together.”

           Dongwoo’s hands were limp in his so Sunggyu squeezed them.  He wanted Dongwoo to understand.

            “I want to be the person who makes you smile again.” Sunggyu put a hand to Dongwoo’s cheek.

            “Because you have the greatest smile on Earth.  And you deserve to feel happy every day.”

            Dongwoo felt tears fall down his cheeks, but for the first time in a long time, they weren’t tears of sadness but of happiness.

            “I want to love you.  And I want you to love me.”      

            Sunggyu moved closer so their foreheads touched.

            “Because you deserve better.  You deserve to be treasured forever.” 

Sorry if the ending was too cheesy!  But I like cheese so deal with it! I orginally wrote this as a Yadong story but because I love Donggyu so much recently, I changed it a bit.  It was also supposed to be a chaptered story but I think it's good as it is :=D  Hope you guys found it an enjoyable story to read!  

if you ship Donggyu then you should also check out my Donggyu Fanclub for everything Donggyu! 

UPDATE: The PDF copy of this story is now available. Please PM me if you would like a copy.