“Never mind I’ll find someone like you…” – Adele

            Kim Heechul exhaled as he stepped out of the airport. He was in China. He didn’t know what had possessed him to defy his managers and book a ticket to the homeland of his lost lover. He didn’t know what compelled him to ignore the pleas of his dongsaengs and of Leeteuk as he haphazardly packed. He didn’t know what he hoped to find here. He had seen the articles about the Chinese man he loved going on vacations with other women. The words made his eyes sting and his chest ache. Hankyung had always denied the rumors but Heechul kept hearing about them. It had been years since he spoke to Hankyung. Maybe all Heechul wanted was to see Hankyung before it was too late.

            Heechul picked up his luggage and found a cab. He directed the cab driver in Chinese out of a tourist guide to his hotel. He checked into his room and sat down on the large bed. He let out a loud sigh into the empty room. He was beginning to wonder if he would even be able to see Hankyung. He was busy with his solo career after all. He was famous in China and it wasn’t like Heechul could just drop in unannounced to say hello. No, there was probably some sort of process.

            Heechul felt his resolve slowly crumble. What was he thinking? Why on earth did he take off and fly to China on some hare-brained scheme to see Hankyung? How would he even accomplish that? Heechul lowered his head into his hands and sighed. Here he was – the impulsive Kim Heechul – in a foreign country, close to no language skills, and limited money. Why did he have to be stupid?

            When tears threatened to drip down his pale cheeks, Heechul sat up straight and sniffed. “No,” he said to the silence. “You are Kim Heechul. You do not cry.” He pulled a scrap of paper from his pocket. It was a wonder the paper hadn’t torn yet. The night before he left, Hankyung had written down his contact information in China and placed it where Leeteuk could find it. Leeteuk had reluctantly given it to Heechul before he left for his flight.

            “You can’t find him without a phone number,” the leader had said. “He didn’t want you to have his number. He wanted you to move on.”

            Heechul had snatched the paper out of Leeteuk’s hand. “Is he stupid? Move on? Move on!? Teukie, I haven’t been able to move on. I don’t think I will ever be able to! Do you know what I do just so I can hear his voice? I go on the internet and listen to every single one of his songs every day, even though I can’t understand anything. I do it just to hear his voice.”

            Leeteuk just nodded tiredly. “I know, Chullie. We don’t think you should go and look for him. Hannie wanted you to move on; what if he already moved on?”

            “Hannie wouldn’t do that. We were in love. He wouldn’t do that to me.”

            “People change, Chullie.”

            People change, Leeteuk’s ominous words echoed in Heechul’s mind as he tapped in the phone number to his cellphone. He brought it to his ear as it rang. He heard a voice on the other side say hello in Chinese. “Hannie?” he croaked. “Hannie, it’s Heechul.”

            “Heechul? Heechul-ah, is that really you?” Hankyung’s blessed Chinese accent hit Heechul’s ears and he wanted to cry, he had missed it so much.

            “I want to see you Hannie. I’m in China, Hannie. Can I see you?”

            “You’re in China? Chullie-ah, why are you in China?”

            “Never mind why I’m in China, Hannie can I see you?”

            “Yes, yes, I would love to see you.” Hankyung rattled off an address that Heechul quickly scribbled down on a hotel notepad. They set up a time and hung up. Heechul felt his heart beating loudly in his chest.

            He knew that it would be amazing to see Hankyung again, but he knew they would have to part. Could he live through leaving Hankyung again? He would have to see.

            “What am I going to wear?” Heechul muttered to himself, sorting through his clothes. He did have to look fantastic when he reunited with Hankyung. Kim Heechul never looked anything short of spectacular. When he had picked out an appropriate outfit, Heechul washed up and went to bed. The flight had left him feeling tired and he would not allow dark circles to ruin his face.

            Heechul bounced around anxiously, waiting for Hankyung. They had agreed to meet at a small tea shop Hannie liked. The Chinese man was coming from a schedule so Heechul knew that his timing could be off, but he felt as if he’d been waiting forever. Heechul began to wonder if he was being stood up. No, Kim Heechul did not get stood up…

            At that moment, Heechul looked up and through the window saw Hankyung. A smile lit up his face, Hannie looked so healthy and handsome, but then he saw a woman standing very close to his Hannie. Heechul gasped as Hankyung pecked the woman’s lips before she walked away and he pushed the door of the tea shop open. He felt his heart shatter.

            Heechul could barely breathe. Were the rumors true? Had Hankyung found love with someone in China? A woman in China? What about Heechul? Tears pricked Heechul’s eyes as he asked himself that question. “You said you loved only me…” he whispered to himself. “We used to be so happy together.”

            Hankyung slid into the seat across from Heechul. “Heechul-ah! It’s so nice to see you. You look good.” Hankyung smiled warmly at his friend.

            “You look good too Hannie,” Heechul said. “Hannie, who was that woman?”

            Hankyung’s brow furrowed. “Heechul-ah, I told you I wanted you to move on…”

            “Is she your girlfriend, Hanykung?”

            “Yes, Chullie…”

            “Don’t call me that!”

            “Heechul-ah…”

            Heechul stood up abruptly, his breaths coming out short and shallow. “Hankyung, I loved you! How could you hurt me like this? I’ve been waiting for you to come back to me since you left! I jeopardized myself coming here to see you! I have no idea what the managers are going to do when I come back! Teukie was right… people change. You’ve changed, Hankyung.”

            “Heechul, please don’t be like this. I’ve missed you too. But… but I moved on. I want you to move on too. I’m happy, Heechul. And I want you to be happy too.”

            “You’re our one in one point three million miracle! I was happy with you, you bastard!” Heechul wiped at his eyes furiously, trying to stem the tears that threatened to flow.

            “I’m sorry, Heechul. I’m sorry.”

            “Goodbye again, Hankyung.” Heechul forced himself to walk away from Hankyung and back to his hotel. He dejectedly packed and made his way back to the airport. He called Leeteuk and broke down on the phone, sobbing out the story. The leader tried to calm down his friend but Heechul wailed, “How am I supposed to find someone else like him? He’s the only one I want.”

            “You’ll find someone else, Chullie.” Leeteuk soothed.

            Heechul sighed at looked out at the Chinese airport scene. “Never mind. I’ll find someone like you.”