"Hey, I have good news! Guess who's coming home early! I know it's been a while, too long actually but, you don't have to wait any longer! I'm coming home soon so be ready!" your voicemail relay, cutting off with a sharp beep. That's the last message you received from your boyfriend, Baekhyun, since he left for his audition. You've replayed the message at least fifty times since receiving it-four weeks ago. He said "soon." this is not your definition of "soon." Soon is within the next week at the latest. No, this is not soon, its way past soon now.

With a heavy sigh you set your phone down in resignation on the barren coffee table before you. Usually it's littered with sheets of music and little lights set up for those long nights of practice. You'd curl up next to Baekhyun while he sang his audition piece and just have him belt wonderfully off key into your ear. It's been well over month since your last late night song session. The coffee table has remained clear all the while, its glossy glass surface mockingly spotless.

Your own fault and handiwork stares you down with mirth. That's all you've been doing, just cleaning everything until it's inhumanly clean. It's all you've been able to bring yourself to do since he left. Cleaning is the perfect distraction that doesn't last long enough. In all honesty the apartment has never been nicer. Every single surface in the small apartment has been wiped down and cleaned multiple times with far too much unnecessary attention.

Now that your home is spotless (after another round of OCD-like cleaning) you have nothing to do. TV doesn't interest you, in fact you're pretty sure it'd upset you more. All there is on TV is various reality shows, music programs, and dramas. Each has one thing in common: idols. Right now that's not something you're pleased with. Those perfect girls with tiny waists and flawless skin would only plague you with horrible thoughts of Baekhyun leaving you. Being surrounded by those goddess-like girls with endless talent and his beloved Girl’s Generation sunbaes would tempt any boy. It’s haunting you that he’ll decide you’re not good enough, that your mediocre abilities and average appearance won’t appeal to him anymore.

Despite this you don’t say anything. The moment you tell Baekhyun how you feel about his being away is the moment you take away his dreams from him. He’s too considerate of a person to fulfill his own wants if it’s hurting you more than he realizes. He’d drop it all at once to ensure you don’t feel this way anymore. You couldn’t do that to him. It’d just hurt you more knowing it’s because of you he’s with you just to make you happy.

Another sigh escapes your lips. There’s just no way around this.

Sinking into the plump cushions of the pale couch you lay down to stare at your ceiling. Your eyes follow dust motes that dance in the air above you, carelessly floating as they please. It’s not very interesting but it keeps your mind blank. The mundane chore you put upon yourself to count every individual particle successfully keeps your mind far from any subject of Baekhyun or idols.

Your phone starts ringing breaking you out of your reverie. Blindly reaching for it your hand trails the smooth surface of the table until finding the vibrating contraption. Without looking at the caller you bring it to your ear with a bland “hello.”

“Hey.”

You sit up holding onto the phone like a lifeline.

“B-Baekhyun?”

“Who else?” he teases, a small laugh following. Oh God you’ve missed his laugh. You’ve missed his voice. You’ve missed him. You still miss him.

“A-are you-”

“Listen, I was actually calling because I have to tell you something important.” he cuts in quickly, almost rudely. You close your mouth taken aback by his curt interjection, waiting for him to continue. Before he does there’s a noise on his end that startles you to speak.

“Baekhyun, is there someone with you?” you ask, voice and phone shaking. There’s no way the high pitched giggle could be anything else. Someone is there with him, a girl. One of those impossibly surreal girls who kill your self esteem is there with him. She’s still giggling, the phone pulled away from Baekhyun as he speaks with her just to start another peal of ringing laughter. Your heart contracts painfully at the sound and you feel a horrible twist in your stomach.

“About that, I think it’s time we start seeing other people.” he says passively. You freeze, senses numbing and blood running cold.

“W-what..?” your voice is barely above a whisper. His words are still processing in your denial stricken mind. Did he just say you thought he said? The words you’ve been dreading for weeks on end, have they really come?

“Yeah, uh, I don’t know how to say this but, I don’t think we’re going to work out.” he muses distractedly. He’s probably wooing that model ready girl right now, burdened by brushing you off like a defective gadget he’s grown bored of.

“B-Baekhyun, I don’t understand… What-”

“Ugh, you’re really annoying. He’s not interested anymore, he’s got me now. So, run off and do whatever it is you normal people do, I don’t even remember what it’s like not being a trainee anymore. Anyway, don’t bother trying to call again. Keep an eye out for us when we debut! Bye!” the girl chirps into the phone, the line disconnecting.

W-what just happened..?

Baekhyun called you with a girl, probably leeched onto him, and broke up with you. Just like that. No prior warnings or calls just “I think it’s time we start seeing other people.” How could he do this to you? So suddenly and harshly all while showing off his new giggling twit to you over the phone.

Has his overwhelming schedule jaded him? Just a month away and he’s changed so much. His personality and tastes seems to have moved on without you to bigger and better things. But why does this have to happen? Why did he have to leave you? Really leave you? You don’t want this to happen. This can’t be.

Trembling violently you throw the phone across the room. It falls to the floor with two separate clatters alerting the force behind your throw ripped the battery from the phone. Ignoring it you wrap your arms tightly around your legs drawn to your chest and bury your head into your arms. Your entire body shakes with broken sobs, chest heaving painfully with the sadness you’d held back for so long.

You didn’t realize it’d hurt this much. You’d thought about this scenario so often but never did you imagine the heaviness of your heart, the horrible crushing gravity burdening you. A horrible lump like a dry swallowed pill in your throat makes breathing all the more difficult, your cries a mix of sharp hiccups and wails.

Minutes, maybe hours, even days could have passed and you wouldn’t have noticed. This is the worst feeling in the world and it refuses to cease. Endless tears stream down your face drenching your sleeves with the salt ridden liquid.

This is some kind of sick joke. It has to be. It can’t be anything else. Why?

Why?!

This is a nightmare.

This is a nightmare.

You hear your name.

No, no stop.

It’s his voice.

Just stop.

He’s calling your name, he sounds upset.

Why should he be? He has that new trainee to keep him company.

“-please wake up. Don’t cry, I’m here.” he pleads distressed. He sounds so close, voice by your left ear. It’s the side he’s usually on, the side he takes no matter what.

Wake up..?

Wake up.

Your eyes fly open, vision blurred. Regardless you still see the very distinct and unmistakable face of Baekhyun before you. Unsure exactly how or when you moved you briefly note you’re lying in bed but you pay it no mind.

Baekhyun’s here.

“Hey, I’m sorry I-” He’s cut off by you throwing yourself against him, a low grunt escaping his lips. Wrapping your arms tightly around him you bury you head into his chest and press as close as you physically can against him.

“I don’t care, you’re here.” you say shuddering with new tears. They’re happy tears though, not to mention relieved. He’s here with you, after so painfully long and not with some high pitched idol in the making.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t earlier.” he replies gently tucking your head under his chin. Holding you in his arms he runs a soothing hand along your spine. Crying into his shirt you hiccup and expel all your worries and relief. Baekhyun is nothing but comforting, murmuring soft words and singing with the lovely voice you’ve missed so much. The warmth of his body curving against yours helps to ease your aching sense of loss the nightmare burdened you with.

When you finally managed to calm down, at least an hour passing, Baekhyun gently pulls away to see your face. He doesn’t say anything, his eyes studying you like something precious, something that’ll disappear before he really gets a good look. You do the same, memorizing the slopes and beautiful complexion of his face. Slowly and cautiously he brings his hand up to cup your cheek, hands hesitant as if worried you’re going to shatter.

“I’m so, so sorry. Really, I didn’t realize the company would keep me back for so long. I asked about visiting weeks ago and they said it wasn’t a big deal and I could come. Becoming an idol is my dream but, I don’t know if I could stand being away for so long. Especially if I debut and started going on tours… I don’t think-”

“No,” you cut in, sounding almost harsh. Softening your words you continue. “No, don’t give up because of me, I’m fine, we’re fine. See? We’re together now and I can wait a little bit if it means you’re up on stage like you’ve always wanted. Don’t let me get in the way of your dream, I couldn’t live with myself if I did.” you say softly, more for his benefit than yours. Sure, you can wait but the real concern still hasn’t been voiced.

Will he wait for you?

He’s here now but, what about in a month? Or two? Five? What happens if he does fall for one of those girls? One of those glorified female idols, more talented than the girl trainees? What if he decides it’s not worth it to try and keep up your relationship anymore and just breaks it off one day? What if he realizes you’re not good enough for him and his new idol lifestyle? What if he forgets about you? What if you become just another girl in the sea of faces that’ll be following him one day? What if, what if, what if?

What if.

“I-are you sure..? You don’t look like-”

“Just promise me you won’t leave me!” you blurt on the verge of tears once more. Baekhyun’s mouth opens slightly in surprise but he quickly replaces it with a warm smile.

“Of course not, how could I?” he murmurs nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck.

“Y-you have to make sure you don’t get-get taken away by some-some girl that’s prettier than me and can sing and is always perfect no matter what and-” you choke on your words, unable to continue. As before he simply holds you close and murmurs consoling words, even singing to calm you. Clinging to him with as if meaning to never let him go, you bury your head into his chest hiccupping and sniffling.

“T-this isn’t how I wanted the day you got back to be…” you mumble upset with yourself that you wasted precious time with Baekhyun crying for hours on end.

“I don’t care, I’m happy just getting to hold you like this again.” he says kissing you lightly on the forehead. Despite being his girlfriend for well over a year the action still manages to bring a low heat to your cheeks.

“When are you going back..?” you ask reluctant but, you need to know.

There’s a beat of silence before Baekhyun replies.

“Tomorrow evening.”

Tomorrow? Tomorrow?  He’s been gone for almost a month and a day and a half off with you?

“That’s not fair… Why-why do you have to go so soon? I-this isn’t fair…” you half-shout trying your hardest to not cry, again. This really isn’t fair, it’s not to you or Baekhyun. Not to mention now you feel guilty, here you are, crying like a child and whining about his leaving tomorrow when he’s undoubtedly going to spend that day with you rather than his own family. Why can’t you just be a trainee too or something? Then you two could at least be together. Unfortunately you don’t have the talent, and in your opinion (which Baekhyun immediately shoots down), the face to pull it off.

“That’s what I thought, so, I was kind of hoping that you’d come back with me.” he says lifting your chin with a slim finger.

“Of course I want to! How would-I mean it’s not like I could stay in the dorms with you.” you mutter frowning. Otherwise you’d be there now.

“That’s why I got my own place.” he replies with a bright smile, one you’ve missed dearly.

“Really?! You mean I can move down there with you?! You’re not kidding? You’re being serious? I can stay with you? You-I-really, you mean-really-”

With an unwavering smile he gently presses his lips against yours that cuts off your excitement. Everything else on your mind disappears, the only thing you’re aware of the feel of his soft lips molding against your own. Only now do you realize just how much you missed him, the feel of his hand caressing your cheek, his arm keeping you close around your waist. It’s dizzying just how much of an affect he has on you, like an addict getting their hands on their beloved drug once more. Baekhyun is better than that though, far better. He’s your own type of drug, the sweetest kind that has no retributions with a hint of coffee. A furious red blush makes its way across your cheeks and your head is spinning when he pulls away, a dazed grin plastered to your face. His musical laughter is in your ear as he pulls you close with a renewed happiness, no longer just relieved to see you but truly happy to be back with you mirroring his high spirits.

“There’s that smile I missed.” he murmurs brushing his lips lights against your cheek with a smile. Face burning you let out a girlish giggle and blush a deeper shade of red.

“Well, get used to it. You’re going to be seeing a lot of it now.” you retort pressing your foreheads together. He laughs again, breath ghosting over your skin.

“I’m going to have to work harder now that I have someone to come home to. Need to make sure you stay impressed with me.” he jokes earning a jab in the ribs.

“You’re such a dork sometimes.” you chide rolling your eyes.

“Yet, you’re still waiting for me.” he replies with a cheeky grin.

“I’ll always wait for you, no matter how long you’re gone. Just promise you’ll come back.” All joking is put aside; you’re being serious. Searching his eyes desperately for the return of sincerity you wait for him to respond.

“Promise me I can always come back to you, even if I do debut and I’m gone for a long time. Promise me you won’t miss me too much and know I’ll always be thinking of you, not matter where I am. Promise?” he asks in return bringing his slender pinky up to you.

You smile and lock your own finger around his.

“Promise.”