It was quiet.

Very quiet. 

The silence nearly shattered Chunji's heart for the second time that night. It was obvious that L.Joe didn't want to return to the way it was back then. When their relationship had never been defined, yet they both knew how the other felt. They protected each other and didn't need words to express their love for one another. Now it seems that they need much more than words for just their friendship to work out. 

It wasn't clear whose fault it was now. It could be Chunji's for not realizing what he had felt earlier and pushing away L.joe's feelings.. Then it could be the possibility that L.Joe didn't want to accept him anymore, even though he knew that he still had feelings for the man. It was past against present. 

Now, they weren't caught, stuck. They didn't know what else to do. Their decisions were opposing against each other. They didn't agree. Basically clashing. Now what?

Chunji POV

We seemed to get closer to the dorms, and I could do nothing about it. I couldn't stop it. Once those doors closed, will everything return back to the same way? Will L.Joe spend his time writing lyrics and composing songs in his room, while I fooled around with the rest of the guys. Ignoring him? I slowed my pace a bit, wanting to say something to him, but I didn't. He continued walking. Saying absolutely nothing. He was crushing me, and he didn't even know it. I was going to crash and burn, I was going to sink.  Do I deserve this? Is this how he felt all those years ago? Have I been so cruel as to make him feel not important enough? Have I been pushing him away that harshly...enough to make him think i didn't want him around me anymore?

L.Joe POV

I could feel his pain. I knew how he felt. The way he slowed his pace and fidgeted, how he looked up to the night sky with clouded eyes and a worried expression. I knew it all. I knew it all too well. He swallowed thickly, he was nervous. He was sad, anguish was all I could see. I knew how he felt, yet I couldn't understand it. Why was he acting this way, when he was the one to push me away in the first place? Looking at how I'm acting, it seems more of an act of revenge than anything else. But that's not what I wanted, I just want to understand. Then maybe we will be able to fix this mess that has been going on for too long.

*Flash back*~

We walked around the park more than once now, with a flower placed in Chunji's hair he laughed joyously and tried to place one in L.Joe's hair also. He smiled happily. They soon found a bench, a nice little area under a tall tree. They were happy like this, just in each other's company. They spoke no words, yet they were happy just being in each others presence. Chunji seemed to be oblivious to the fact that L.Joe was falling deeper in love with him everyday. He was oblivious to everything. The stares at fansignings, concerts and interviews, the roses that he would give him often, even the kisses he would place on his forehead at night. It all made him happy, but he didn't seem to understand the love that L.Joe was proclaiming. 

"Chunji, are we-....um.." L.Joe bit his lip as he started to ask a question. Chunji, with smiling eyes, looked over to him.

"Are we what?" he asked smiling softly. L.Joe never needed words to show what he was feeling, but right now he had to be sure of something.

"I mean...do you...." L.Joe stopped short of his sentence again. Chunji laughed softly. 

"Silly, can't you speak properly?" He asked ruffling the youngers hair. L.Joe smiled half-heartedly, still troubled by his question. "What is it that's troubling you? You can tell me anything, you know that don't you?" Chunji asked with a brotherly smile. A smile that scared L.Joe. Nonetheless, he nodded slowly. He hesitantly asked his question.

"Do you...like me?"

"Of course I do!" Chunji hugged L.Joe. L.Joe smiled with relief and hugged him back.

"Then are we in a relationship?" L.Joe exclaimed happily, pecking the older boy on the cheek.

"In a what?" Chunji asked startled. He moved away from the boy. "A relationship?? Did you think that I meant-" Chunji's eyes widened in realization. L.Joe just sat there, feeling that something precious has been ripped from his hands.

"Then why did you say you liked me?" L.Joe asked with wide child-like eyes.

"I thought you meant- as a-as a friend, I didn't know you meant...like that..." Chunji bit his lip and stared straight ahead.

The week following was filled with awkward encounters and small conversations. L.Joe never explained to Chunji his feelings and Chunji, he never returned them. I suppose he never realized them in time. Their friendship was never mended and they stayed clear of one another. Chunji knew he had made a horrible mistake, one he would regret terribly. They rarely talked anymore, and soon enough they forgot about that day. As months went on, Chunji found himself missing the random gifts, roses and such. He missed his voice talking to him in the middle of the night, about nothing in particular. He just missed being with him, all the time, the feeling never left him. The thing he missed the most was the kisses he received on his forehead before going to sleep, now his nights were restless and tiring. He felt lonely without L.Joe around, and now he felt as though he would never get him back.

L.Joe isolated himself for the first few weeks, then he was back to his normal self, but he still kept to himself most of the time. Chunji would interact with him more often, but that was it. L.Joe would never come back. And Chunji knew that, but he could never accept it. L.Joe, however was feeling quite the opposite, he accepted the fact that Chunji never loved him, he lived like that for the longest time. He knew Chunji didn't love him back, so he decided that he would get rid of his worthless feelings, and he thought he did.

*End of Flashback*~

"Byunghun." Chunji called out his name.

"What is it Chanhee." He spoke his name out, in a tired tone.

"I'm sorry that I made you feel like that." Chunji used less words, it seemed like it always worked better with fewer words. However, L.Joe seemed to understand perfectly.

"It's okay.." He whispered. Chunji looked at him with pained eyes. He knew he hurt L.Joe, and he always felt guilty for it. He regretted every single word that was spoken that day. "Chanhee, you don't have to blame yourself for that anymore, it was my fault anyways, it was me who ruined our friendship back then."

"No, it wasn't. I was the jerk who pushed you away like you were nothing. Byunghun you were everything to me." Chunji stopped walking when he realized they were in front of the dorms.

"You were my everything too Chanhee, but why did you leave me like that? It was cruel Chanhee...you made me feel horrible, worthless even. I thought you were disgusted with me for the longest time."

"That's not true, you were too precious, I made a mistake Byunghun, I made a huge mistake." Chunji stepped closer to L.Joe.

"A mistake that was too big to fix? Did you even make an effort to apologize or clear up any misunderstandings?" L.joe asked, his eyes wide, and doe-like, just like that one day...

"You have no idea how many nights I've spent thinking about how to approach you again, but I felt terrible, I felt that I wasn't good enough to talk to you again...."

"And how do you think I felt!?" L.Joe asked, his eyes were beginning to sting, he knew what was going to happen.

"I'm so sorry for putting you through that Byunghun, I'm so sorry." Chunji held onto L.Joe's wrist and pulled him into his chest. "I'm sorry.." He whispered again to him. 

"You left me for so many years Chanhee, for so many years..." L.Joe said, his voice slightly cracking.

"I know....I know..."

"I was so lonely."

"Me too..."

L.Joe hit Chunji's chest.

"I hate you." He whispered. "I hate you so much Lee Chanhee...I hate you!" he repeated, tears slipping from his beautiful eyes.

"I love you Byunghun, I won't leave you again, I'm sorry..." Chunji brushed his fingers though the youngers hair with careful sincerity.

"Please forgive me." Chunji repeated like his life depended on it.

"You have no idea Chanhee...no idea..." L.Joe pushed Chunji away from him and stumbled into the dorm with teary eyes. Chunji stared at the empty spot in front of him. It seemed too far away now. There was no hope left. L.Joe hated Chunji, and Chunji loved L.Joe. It seemed they traded places now. One thing never changed, they both were suffering.

Chunji walked into the dorm, it was late, but Changjo was up drinking milk in the kitchen.

"Why was L.Joe crying?" he asked. Chunji looked guilty and walked to his room with no response. Changjo cast a worried glance his way, then headed to bed also. Chunji lay awake with L.Joe on his mind. Some things never change. 

He started to drift asleep...barely awake, he felt the lips of somebody on his forehead, he leaned into the person, he hadn't felt that kiss in a long time. He knew exactly who it was, but his mind didn't process it, and he shrugged it off as a mere dream. His sleep was peaceful that night.