“Helen!”

I waved and smiled at my old friend calling my name. I knew my smile wasn’t even the ghost of what it used to be with my thinned face and the remaining bags under my eyes; but I still did it anyways. That’s what made people believe you’re okay. I pulled my tiny luggage with me as I walked to him.

“Hey! Glad you could come to fetch me up; I dunno how the busses might have changed in all these months. The world is so fast!” I joked, letting him relax even more as he didn’t hug me, just like before. He was never one to be too much into skinship. And I was sure I looked fragile enough to be broken the second he touched.

“Nothing dare change without you; they know you’d murder them.” He joked back, taking my luggage from me. For once, I didn’t complain. Being out of that Palace of Ice Queen was worth everything. I was more than sure I could never heal, isolated from the world and locked into a white room with people that made no sense or treated me like an ignorant child. Eww.

“Oh no; I’m done with that . Two murders are more than enough, if you ask me.” I joked again, my eyes unconsciously following the now familiar lines of the scars on his neck. I knew he had a bigger one on his left arm – the doctors had said it probably wouldn’t be the same again. It’s my fault.

He laughed it off; not wanting to dig into the memory of that night. I couldn’t blame him; he had almost died that night. All because of me. I had never stopped blaming myself even once about it; no matter how many times they both said it was me saving their asses – every time they came to visit me and I was sane enough to listen to them, of course.

“So you’re finally outta that nutspital.” he joked, walking towards the exit. Nutspital was a word that I’d invented for the mental institute when I was alone with myself in my mostly empty, white room.

“The place was driving me even crazier.” I said as we walked out of the garden of the institute. I took a deep breath of real air. I was free again. I hated this place to my bones, though the figure walking two steps away from us kept reminding me that it’s where I belonged. Still.

“How are you?” he asked with care in his voice. I realized he still couldn’t joke about that matter, though I just had. Joking about something is the best way to let it go; I had learned that by experience and was using it to the fullest; but he was being careful.

“Jay, please; I’m allowed outta that place, I must be sane.” I rolled my eyes; my mood growing slightly lighter the further we got away from the white building and the patients walking around in the garden like zombies.

“Sane doesn’t always mean okay.” Jordan said quietly, I couldn’t answer for a few seconds. We stopped next to his car. He turned to me without taking off the keys. I took a deep breath.

“I’m trying to be okay. I’ve been broken for too long; it’s time I return to real world.” I bared myself to Jordan. He had been such a loyal friend all this time; visiting me regularly and even dragging Marcus along with him most of the time. He had come to visit me the second he was able to get himself to a wheelchair without bleeding buckets. Now even though I had myself back and had my guards back up; I trusted him enough to tell him everything – except for one certain truth. And he deserved all of that trust.

“I’m glad you’re back.” He said with a smile and picked up his keys. “But seriously, you look pitiful.” He added with a light chuckle as he opened his door.

“Oh my, you’re so encouraging!” I joked, settling on the back seat comfortably.

“Hey, am I your private driver or something?” Jordan protested, looking at me through the rearview mirror.

“It’s a long drive to the city; I’m gonna sleep a little. This poor body needs rest.” I winked – which looked more scary than attractive with my face, I saw myself from the mirror as well. I’d hate mirrors it seemed. Then laid down on the backseat with a sigh. Jordan laughed and started driving.

“I’ll wake you up when we reach the city.” He informed me, I nodded and closed my eyes to refrain from looking at the figure sitting in the front seat.

Oh, also, the front seat’s still occupied by my dead boyfriend so I can’t sit there, I’m sorry Jay-jay. Though I knew he didn’t exist, I still couldn’t bring myself to do that.

“I’m here...” my poor Donghae said again, looking at me from the rearview mirror as well. I sat up and laid my head on the opposite side to hide from his pleading gaze. I still had a lot of broken shards to put back together, it seemed.

***

“No, I’m not letting you stay anywhere else for today. Come on, you’re just outta the hospital, we should at least celebrate a little!”

I considered it, looking at Jordan. My house was probably a mess, of dust and possible other stuff. I didn’t want to do any cleaning for now; and I wasn’t even sure if I’d want to go to that place the day I just got out of the institute.

“Do you have whisky?” I asked.

“You sure you’re allowed to take alcohol?” he asked back.

“Ahh... yeah, doctor said something about meds and alcohol; maybe I really shouldn’t drink.” I sighed. And to think I had also graduated from med school... no, well; I just really wanted a drink, that was all.

“Still, you’re coming with me.” Jordan said, ending the conversation by himself. When he pulled me out of the car and locked the car after, I didn’t resist. I had no complaints with having a little company. I had been alone in the middle of a crazy crowd for far too long.

“Doesn’t seem like I have a choice.” I said jokingly, walking to where I knew his old apartment was before him.

“No, no, that’s not the place.” He stopped me by putting a hand on my shoulder. I turned around.

“You moved out?” I asked, slightly confused.

“The landlady was being a total about the rent.” He shrugged, walking to another apartment across the road. This one was considerably larger and was definitely higher. There were two guards at the door and inside the building, there was a reception desk. Everywhere was covered in shiny marble with some plants here and there. Everywhere screamed luxury.

“You can afford here?” I asked as we went into the elevator. Inside was large enough for ten people to fit comfortably and one wall was made of glass so I could see the city view as the elevator rose.

“Easily, with a little help. I decided it’s not so fun without company.” He said mysteriously as the elevator rose comfortably to 23th floor.

“You finally got married or something?” I joked. He wasn't one to love people in his house; he must have changed after that incident, I thought.

“You wish.” He chuckled. The elevator made a small ding, indicating we had arrived and the doors opened.

“Why? The women around aren’t good enough for you?” I teased again as we got out. He just laughed at this and opened the door. The instant it was open, the voices gushed out from inside.

“You take off that or I swear one day I’ll rip off all your closet.” I heard Marcus’s annoyed voice. It was so familiar that it made me smile.

“You can’t even bear to get into my room; I’d like to see you try.” A voice I didn’t recognize replied nonchalantly. Was there a party?

“Oh when I’m done with that room, it won’t be so terribly nauseating anymore either.” Marcus retorted.

“Oh, why don’t you shut up and continue your hacking? You’re being annoying!” the other voice said.

“Cuz I’m out of wine.” Marcus said simply. I turned to Jordan as I took off my shoes.

“Is there a party I don’t know of?” I asked. 

"Nope. This bickering has been the usual routine for a while now. It gets fun listening to them." Jordan answered me as we went inside his apartment and took off our shoes. The people inside didn't seem to notice anyone had come - which was weird in my opinion, considering they were all from FBI and all that stuff. 

"Well I knew you were made for each other with Marcus, but a ? Tsk tsk tsk." I joked. He simply laughed and went inside. I followed him in a little cautiously.

"Look who I brought." Jordan called in, making both heads turn to us - in weird angles. Marcus was sitting on the couch - probably with his laptop on his lap - and had tilted his head back to look at us since his back was facing us, he was looking at us upside down. The other guy was a cute faced blonde asian and was currently busy fixing the ends of his... or her... pink night dress. I couldn't make out the gender, that was one thing; but really, Jordan was great at finding asian friends for himself. 

"Ah!! Isn't this our little crazy saviour!" Marcus beamed, jumping off the couch, "Did you run away from the hospital or soemthing?"

"Yeah; I murdered all the crazy people inside and ran away; since you weren't coming to save me anytime soon." I joked back as he came to hug me. I patted his back, "Missed me much?"

"I didn't have enough time to, I somehow got myself another pain in the while you were gone." he grinned, pulling away. I didn't remember him being so smiley and cheerful before. It was new. 

"Oh shut up, you'd die and rot without me." the blonde I didn't know retorted. His voice indicated he was a guy; but I still couldn't be sure. That pretty face made everything a mess for me. I decided to introduce myself when no one did. 

"Hello, I'm Helen Ward." I said with what I thought was a polite smile. When he smiled back, I almost gave in to my remaining teenage insticts to squeal. 

"Vincent Lee. Nice to meet you, I've heard a lot about you." he replied with that overly cute smile of his. 

"Don't fall for his ways, Helen; he tends to trick girls with that pretty face of his." Marcus said before I could reply. 

"Yah, how are you speaking about me; she'll believe you!" Vincent pouted at Marcus. 

"She sould! You're a predator; I'm only protecting her!" Marcus chuckled, the light of his laptop shining on his face, "I don't remember telling you about her."

"You don't. Jordan does. Unlike you, some people have conscience." Vincent retorted instantly. 

"Do you bicker like cat and dog all the time like this?" I asked. If they really were like this all the time, I was going to feel sorry about all the cases they were working on. Or something like that. 

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i'M not sorry about updating for so long and i'm not sorry about the crappy chappy. apparently i'm not a loyal writer and i realized, no matter how hard i try, i won't be good enough. so, don't like? don't read. thank you very much.