Yixing and Joonmyun were bandmates. Really, that was all they were. Using the word ‘friends’ to describe what they were to each other would’ve been exaggerated and delusional. As far as Yixing knew, true friends were supposed to be able to confide in each other, share secret thoughts, and at least share a few inside jokes. No, that wasn’t it, they weren’t friends. The only conversations they had, despite being colloquial, always consisted in band talk, small talk. Everything Yixing knew about Joonmyun’s past and general interests, he’d learned them through other members. That mere fact spoke for itself.

 

That wasn’t to say that Yixing didn’t want them to be more than simple bandmates. In his mind, Joonmyun was already a lot more than that. The younger craved a closer relationship with the leader of K, on whom he’d developed a deep and inexplicable admiration since they’d been put in the same group. However, he had no idea how to go around with that wish. The circumstances never seemed to be in his favour.

 

Whenever the twelve members of EXO were reunited, if Joonmyun wasn’t busy discussing schedules and band matters with Kris, he was off somewhere looking after the members of his sub-unit, making sure they were up-to-date with everything, giving them advice on their future performances, etc. Yixing didn’t blame him for this, of course. Joonmyun took his duties very seriously, and he was just an extremely caring person in general. Yixing obviously loved that about him, but he would just often find himself wishing that he were the object of Joonmyun’s attention, even just for a bit. Joonmyun, being the sociable person he was, was friends with a lot of idols from the company. Even Luhan, Yixing’s roommate and one of his best friends in the group, was closer to the leader of EXO-K than he was. Coming to that realization hurt, but it also served as a wake-up call to the main dancer of the Chinese unit.

 

It was on a July evening, after Luhan had spoken to both Sehun and Joonmyun on Skype, that Yixing decided to speak his mind. He’d been bethinking the situation for a couple of days, and the current night’s events had only corroborated his reflection. “Luhan?” He asked from his bed, turning to face his friend’s.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“How come you’re so close to Joonmyun-hyung? Like when did you two become friends? He seems to like you a lot.” Yixing tried not to show his slight jealousy through his voice.

 

“You think so? Hm, I don’t know. It was before we debuted for sure, but I don’t remember exactly when or why. He’s a really nice guy, no doubt about that. Always there for everyone. Lately, though, he mostly comes to me when Sehunnie is feeling down and he’s out of ways to cheer him up.” Luhan giggled lovingly, referring to his boyfriend’s grumpy temper. “But I guess we do get along well...” He paused for a moment, looking at the ceiling in thoughts, and then turned to face Yixing again, “Why do you ask?”

 

Yixing was a bit caught off guard by the question, so he shrugged, even though the darkness didn’t allow Luhan to see his discreet movement. “I don’t know, I was just wondering.”

 

If Luhan suspected anything, he didn’t show it, rather leaving the subject at that and wishing his friend good night.

 

Yixing ended up resuming his long reflective process that same night. He concluded that yes, he and Joonmyun were in different sub-units and spoke different languages, but that definitely wasn’t reason enough for Yixing to content himself with the ‘bandmate’ qualifier. The fact that he was already good friends with Jongin and Baekhyun proved that his wish was totally conceivable. After all, lots of people had told him that he was a fun person to be around. On the other hand, you couldn’t find kinder than Joonmyun, he never rejected anyone. There was nothing scary about him (apart from the fact that the he made Yixing's mind go crazy whenever he stood before him, that is). If EXO were going to stay a group for a long time, the dancer couldn’t just keep admiring Joonmyun’s flawless personality from afar. He had to get closer to him somehow. He couldn’t really explain why, but he needed to.

 

~•~

 

When Yixing took this courageous resolution, however, he had no idea that the perfect opportunity would present itself so quickly. He had figured that he would start by talking to Joonmyun as much as he could on their next trip as a twelve-piece, sticking by his side backstage, simple things like that. It was safe to say that he wasn’t prepared to what happened on their first evening in Thailand.

 

Sehun had come to his and Luhan’s hotel room while they were both unpacking their stuff. He’d had a shy grin on his face and had gone to whisper something in Luhan’s ear as soon as he’d come in. The oldest had then asked Yixing, very carefully to make sure not to offend him, if he and Sehun could swap rooms just for that one night. The fairly new couple wanted to spend the night together since they couldn’t see each other as much as they would’ve liked to. Yixing had faked being unsure about this proposal at first, but truthfully he thought it was the greatest thing to happen to him in a while. They all always roomed with the same person, even when they traveled, which meant that Sehun shared a room with Joonmyun. This whole situation was ideal. The two rooms weren’t very far from each other and the manager-hyungs were already asleep, so they most likely wouldn’t notice. Moreover, Yixing would have to talk to Joonmyun this time, he couldn’t back away. The rest of the evening looked very promising, Yixing thought.

 

That was until he heard hardly muffled sobs coming from the room he was quickly heading to.

 

There was no way.

 

 It couldn’t be.

 

But the number on the door was clearly the one Sehun had given him.

 

But why in the world would Joonmyun be crying? That made no sense whatsoever. He was all smiles just a few hours ago.

 

Another sob, this one louder, quickly brought Yixing out of his contemplative state. There was no doubt it was him, and the Chinese boy couldn’t, wouldn’t bear listening to this any longer. Storming inside the room wouldn’t be the best thing to do in that situation, though, because they weren’t close enough and Joonmyun would probably be embarrassed as hell. Yixing didn’t want to risk making things more awkward between them, so instead he took hold of his luggage handle and started walking towards the lobby, deciding on coming back later.

 

The next 30 minutes were some of the most nerve-racking he’d ever had to experience. It was nothing similar to how he felt before a performance. There was no thrill, just dread. Hearing Joonmyun cry shouldn’t have affected him so much, but it did. He felt like crying now, too.

 

If that hurt, he couldn’t imagine how seeing him so sad and vulnerable would feel.

 

Despite his reluctance, Yixing eventually went back to the room.

 

He knocked three times, already sensing that he’d be an awkward mess from the moment the door opened.

 

“Sehun-ah? Did you forget your key again?” Joonmyun shouted from inside the room right before opening the door and revealing a fidgeting Yixing standing there with his luggage. The leader’s eyes were wide with surprise, “Yixing?” The traces from his previous crying however weren’t very noticeable, the contour of his eyes barely even red. “Is something wrong? Did you want to talk to me about something?”

 

“It’s not that. I… Well, you see, Sehun-ah came to my room and he asked if we could erm… swap rooms because he wants to be with Lu-Luhan-hyung.” Yixing stuttered, trying hard to look up from the ground every few seconds. “But it would only be for tonight.” He assured, hoping Joonmyun wouldn’t oppose.

 

Joonmyun’s lips formed an ‘O’ in recognition before curving upwards and turning into one of his unbelievably beautiful smiles. “Oh, sure, come in.” He took a step back and held the door open for his bandmate.

 

Amongst the things they discussed after that, Joonmyun told Yixing how glad he was that Sehun and Luhan were finally getting to see each other, because he had had to listen to the youngest talk about his boyfriend non-stop for a whole month, and he’d been a little fed up with Sehun’s constant grumpiness.

 

That small confession wasn’t much at all, but it was more personal than any other thing Joonmyun had ever said to Yixing directly, and it made the latter unusually pleased. Somehow, it was enough to give him enough confidence to address the topic he was genuinely interested in. He couldn’t pretend he hadn’t heard anything earlier and not even try to help Joonmyun out. He spoke quietly from his bed, “Joonmyun-hyung?” The older, who was getting into bed as well, lifted his head in Yixing’s direction. “I was just wondering… Of course you don’t need to tell me but, erm, is anything wrong?”

 

Joonmyun furrowed his brow. “What do you mean? No, everything’s fine, why?” His tone was defensive.

 

There was a short silence before Yixing gathered enough courage to explain, “I’m really sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to, but… I was heading towards here and, basically, I-I kind of heard you c-cry.” Yixing finally spluttered.

 

The oldest of the two lowered his head, the pattern of his bed-cover suddenly seeming very interesting. “Oh, that. That was nothing important. Don’t worry.” He wasn’t very convincing but the rapidity at which he said the words made it clear that he didn’t want to push the subject any further. Instead, he joked half-heartedly, “Who would’ve thought the walls to this room were so thin.”

 

Yixing sighed quietly and mentally punched himself for bringing up the subject in the first place. It was a bad idea. Now the atmosphere was very uncomfortable and Joonmyun probably wouldn’t want to speak to him again anytime soon. He turned his back to the room and brought his covers over his lower body, feeling even sadder than before.

 

It was about an hour later that Joonmyun unexpectedly spoke to him again. Yixing had thought that he was already asleep, but apparently he wasn’t. “Yixing-ah?” He asked, his voice unsure.

 

Yixing couldn’t remember any other time when the older boy had used this friendly formula when addressing to him. He turned to face the other. “Y-yeah?”

 

“Do you—” he trailed off, hesitant yet determined to get something off his chest, “Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough?”

 

It took the Chinese boy a couple of seconds to register what his hyung had just asked.

 

“Yixing?” He called, unsurely, apprehensively.

 

Why would Joonmyun ask something like that?

 

More than this, why would he ask him, Zhang Yixing, something as deep as that? “Not good enough for what?” He asked before he got lost too deeply in his thoughts.

 

“Nothing in particular. Just, not good enough in general.” His apprehension had given way to gloom.

 

“Erm, well... Yes, I have.” Yixing answered truthfully, and started biting on his nails.

 

“How do you deal with it?” There was genuine interest in Joonmyun’s voice, and Yixing had honestly never heard him so vulnerable.

 

“Good question.” He paused, trying to find something clever and reassuring to say. Joonmyun had never opened up so much to him before, and Yixing didn’t want him to regret doing it now. “I guess I try to remind myself of everything I’ve accomplished… How far I’ve come, how hard I’ve worked. If things happen, then I guess it’s because I deserve them. Somehow, somewhere, there must be someone who thinks I’m good enough.” Yes, that was somewhat of a good answer. And he’d managed to say it without sputtering. “Actually, we shouldn’t compare ourselves, but I’m well-placed to know that it’s easier said than done.”

 

“Right, it is…” Joonmyun sounded satisfied with Yixing’s answer, but there was still a clear hint of sorrow in his voice. He added, “But, if I’m allowed to ask, what is it that you’re insecure about? Does it have something to do with your career as an idol? Because I’d actually give a lot to be as talented as you.” When Yixing gave him a questioning look, he clarified, “You can dance, sing, play guitar...”

 

Yixing’s heart warmed at those words. He had no idea that Joonmyun thought so highly of him. “Thank you, but I’m not amazingly talented at any of those.”

 

“Well, I’m quite sure you’re more talented than me at all of those things. I’m just average. Pretty much everything about me is average.”

 

Yixing couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you kidding me? Don’t say that, it’s not true.” Disapproval wasn’t only apparent in his words.

 

Joonmyun let out a long afflicted sigh and sat up at the head of his bed, resting his back against the wall. “7 years, Yixing. I’ve had to wait 7 freaking years before debuting! Can you imagine how long that is? I was never good enough. And now that I have debuted, it seems like everyone does better than me,” he began, voice louder and more desperate than before. Yixing sat up in his bed as well, frozen. He had to be imagining things. It couldn’t be the always cheerful, always confident Joonmyun speaking. This was so unlike him. “I’m not one of the popular members, it’s so obvious everytime we make public appearances. Besides, I honestly don’t bring much to the group talent-wise. I want EXO to be successful, I really do, but it’s so hard feeling like I’ve got no control over the band’s success whatsoever. It probably wouldn’t make a big different if I weren’t--”

 

Yixing interrupted him. He was fuming inside at that point. “Stop it, will you!” He stood up and went straight up to Joonmyun’s bed, sitting in front of the Korean. Yixing had to talk to him face to face if he wanted his words to sink in. “I’ve never heard such nonsense. ‘We are one’, remember? It’s not bullsh*t, you know? We form a unity because everybody brings something different and essential to the group, whether it’s on stage, in the studio, backstage, or even in the dorm. Your members would be so lost without you to guide them! And what would they do if you weren’t there to speak up for them in interviews? What about when a member gets scolded by management and you comfort them with nice, encouraging words? You’re definitely the best at that. I swear, Joonmyun, we wouldn’t survive a week without you. I’m pretty sure some of your members would’ve collapsed by now without you to support them. We all know how hard this industry is, and we need your experience.” He was moving his arms around while ranting. “Also, please stop saying you’re average because your voice is seriously amazing. It brings something unique to our songs.” Joonmyun looked like he was lost for words. “It really does, hyung, I mean it.” Yixing would’ve added something about how much above average Joonmyun's physical appearance was, and just how perfect the Chinese thought he was in general, but that probably would’ve been a bit too much.

 

Joonmyun stared at Yixing for a good thirty seconds after he’d finished ranting. His look was mostly one of gratitude. Yixing noticed the boy’s bottom lip quivering and he had to restrain himself from giving him a hug. Actually, it probably would’ve been the normal and nice thing to do in that situation, but when it came to Joonmyun, Yixing simply couldn’t. He couldn’t get too close to him, for fear that the weird things he was feeling would intensify.

 

Nevertheless, when Joonmyun wrapped his arms around Yixing, the latter couldn’t bring himself to pull back from the hug. He couldn’t gather the mental strength to do it, and he would probably never be able to. No, that wouldn’t be possible, not when hugging Joonmyun felt so right. The older had his face buried in Yixing’s neck and held onto the younger’s shirt very tightly. He muttered a heartfelt ‘thank you’, but didn’t let go. Yixing, who had been sort of frozen on the spot, heart racing in his chest, finally brought a hand up to sooth Joonmyun’s hair gently. The gesture usually would’ve seemed forced, since the two boys weren’t close, but in that moment Joonmyun looked extremely vulnerable, like he craved affection, any kind. So Yixing did as well as he could to comfort him. He decided he was doing a pretty good job at it after hearing Joonmyun’s breathing slowing down.

 

That night, as Yixing slept, his heart felt lighter than it had in months. He had finally crossed the bandmate boundaries, and couldn’t wait to see how that night’s events would affect their future interactions.

 

~•~

 

To start off the next day, Joonmyun asked Yixing a favour, which Yixing actually thought went without saying. “Yixing-ah,” he began nicely while putting his socks on, “about what we talked about last night, could you erm... not tell anyone? I’d rather not—“

 

“Of course, I wasn’t going to.” Yixing replied reassuringly, and Joonmyun sent an adorable smile his way, the first of many that week.

 

Indeed, that conversation in the hotel room seemed to have created some sort of silent bond between the two boys, something that definitely wasn’t there before. Wherever the group went during that trip, Yixing and Joonmyun would glance at each other, send each other understanding or encouraging smiles, depending on the situation. They would also often sit next to each other at lunch and have casual conversations; nothing special, nothing very different from before, except it felt different. They were clearly less distant now, safe for the fact that Joonmyun seemed to have developed a new shyness in front of Yixing. Perhaps it was the fact that Yixing knew a side of him that the others didn’t. Nevertheless, that shyness added to Yixing’s did make things slightly awkward between them at times. Because of that, Yixing didn’t quite know what to make of their current relationship, but at the end of that week he figured that it was overall satisfying. A sincere-awkward friendship was undoubtedly better than no friendship at all.

 

After that trip, however, the two units had had to separate again. It was commonplace by now, except that Yixing missed Joonmyun even more than he did before. From the first day, he found himself wondering what EXO-K were up to at the moment. He knew it wasn’t such a clever thing to do when his own group also had important duties to attend to, but he couldn’t help wonder.

 

On the other hand, it was obvious to Yixing that Joonmyun had much better things to do than think about him, which is why the latter didn’t expect the phone call he received on their second night apart.

 

“Hey you.” Spoke the voice, making Yixing’s heart-rate speed up.

 

“Joonmyun?” Yixing asked, surprise clear in his tone. “Did you mean to call someone else?”

 

“Actually, no. Am I not allowed to give my friend Yixing a call?” Joonmyun replied teasingly, though there was a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

 

Yixing flinched at the word ‘friend’, “Of course, it’s just... It’s the first time you do.” Yixing pointed out.

 

“Is it? Right, I’m sorry about that...” And he did sound sorry.

 

“Yeah, but it’s nothing to be sorry about. It’s not like I’ve called you before either.” He tried not to sound harsh, not to offend Joonmyun in any way, because really he was only stating a fact. “Thinking about it now, we’ve never talked that much before.” Yixing giggled out of awkwardness. This conversation was very quickly becoming uncomfortable.

 

“Hm you're right. I have no idea why to be honest. I was totally missing out.”

 

Wait. Did he really just say that or was it only the figment of Yixing’s imagination?

 

Either way, the younger had a silly grin plastered on his face. “I hope it’s not because I appeared cold or something like that.” Joonmyun worried.

 

Yixing retrieved his composure. “Oh no. I don’t really know why either—“, that was partly untrue, because he did know why talking to Joonmyun intimidated him, even though he would never admit it out loud. “—but that definitely isn’t the reason… So did you, erm, have something you wanted to tell me?”

 

“Well, I wanted to know how you guys were doing, basically.” He quieted for a moment. “And also I was bored and felt kind of lonely…” He admitted, hesitant.

 

“But aren’t the boys with you right now?”

 

“Yes, they are.” Joonmyun began, speaking up again apparently when he figured that he had to clarify himself. “They’re… doing their own stuff.”

 

“All right.” Joonmyun was well-allowed to feel lonely while being surrounded by people, and although it wasn’t quite a nice feeling for the Korean, Yixing didn’t exactly mind it if it meant that he got to speak to him on the phone. “Well then I’m really glad you called me.” That sounded a bit too heartfelt and Yixing almost regretted saying it at first, but then it ended up leading them to a forty-minute long conversation on various topics, such as their families, or the intense nervousness that they felt during interviews. Yixing found out that the leader of K was actually just as nervous as he himself was in those situations, except that Joonmyun’s will to do a good job as a leader forced him to overcome his stress. As for Yixing, when he was feeling nervous and was asked to speak in interviews, he tended to blurt out things that he shouldn’t have said. He would have to work on that.

 

After that day, talking became an everyday thing for the two boys. More often they did it in text messages, but also on the phone once in while. Sometimes there was a real purpose to Joonmyun’s call, sometimes there wasn’t. Either way it was always nice and never failed to brighten Yixing’s mood. When Joonmyun spoke to him, Yixing felt important, accomplished and mainly just plain happy. His content must have shown on his face one night after he’d spoken to Joonmyun, because Luhan questioned him about it. Yixing was getting out of the bathroom (not that he had anything to do there, he just liked the intimacy that the room provided), cellphone in hand.

 

“Who were you talking to?”

 

Yixing jumped at the voice. He hadn’t noticed Luhan entering their shared room earlier since he was too engrossed in his conversation with Joonmyun. “Jesus, Luhan, you scared me!”

 

Luhan laughed, turning his head from his laptop, “Sorry. Was it Joonmyun again?” Yixing nodded shyly in response. “What did you guys talk about?”

 

“That’s none of your business.” The truth was that Yixing and Joonmyun had been talking about Luhan and Sehun’s relationship, and how it could possibly affect the group. Although Joonmyun admitted to having been unhappy about it at first, he had eventually concluded that it didn’t make much difference for the group's image. Even if they dated girls, they would still have to hide the relationship very carefully from the fans. And although they had to try hiding it as best as they could, skinship between boys was very frequent in Korea, and especially in K-pop. So despite their relationship not being ideal, it wasn’t too worrying, for now at least. Hearing Joonmyun say that pleased Yixing for some reason.

 

Of course the younger didn’t want to explain this particular conversation to Luhan, but that wasn’t the only reason behind that slightly harsh answer. He didn’t mean to be rude, but he was genuinely very possessive of everything he shared with Joonmyun. He had craved a closer relationship with the older for so long, and now that he had it, he planned on keeping it to himself.

 

“Woah, no need to be rude, I was just curious.”

 

Of course Luhan was right. “I know, sorry. We just talked about random stuff…”

 

“The same random stuff you two talked about yesterday and the day before?” Luhan’s tone was hard to seize, but it sounded a bit like he was trying to make it sound innocent.

 

“I didn’t speak to him the day before yesterday.” Yixing corrected, going to sit on the sofa near the window.

 

“Whatever. You like him, don’t you?” Well, that was unexpected. Since when was Luhan so perceptive? Yixing felt a deep, searing blush spread across his face.

 

“No, I don’t.” He said with conviction, but Luhan gave him an all-knowing smile.

 

“Really?”

 

Yixing strongly didn’t want to admit it, but at the same it was so blatantly clear that what he felt for Joonmyun couldn’t compare to anything he felt for his other friends. Those dreams he had at night, the butterflies he felt in his stomach whenever he so much as heard his voice, they could only mean one thing. “All right, maybe I do… I don’t know, is it that obvious?”

 

“No, it’s not. Except to me.” He smirked. “So, you and Joonmyun, eh?”

 

“Please don’t give me that look; it’s embarrassing enough as it is. Plus he doesn’t even like me in that way so please don’t mention it again.” He shrugged off.

 

“How do you know he doesn’t?” Luhan asked, joining Yixing on the couch.

 

“Why would he? Whatever, I’m just really happy to be friends with him.” Yixing shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

 

“No you’re not.”

 

The dancer of EXO-M gave his friend a ‘who-the-hell-are-you-to-decide-whether-I’m-happy-or-not’ look. “Yes, I am genuinely happy to be his friend.”

 

“All right, yes, but surely you wouldn’t mind being more than friends?” And Yixing didn’t know how to reply to that. He didn’t even want to think about it.

 

Joonmyun didn’t like him, and that was it. There was no need to talk hypothetically. Plus Yixing just knew that he would never confess. He could never risk doing that, for the sake of what they had recently forged. So, all in all, his love life was a lost cause. That was a depressing thought. However, he had had crushes before, and hopefully he wasn’t too far gone into this one and would be able to get over it. Hopefully.

 

~•~

 

Needless to say, a week later, things hadn’t gotten better on Yixing’s side. Perhaps being separated from their twin group wasn’t such a bad thing after all. Because, right now, as Joonmyun was hugging him tightly in the middle of the arrival place at Incheon airport, there was no more room for pretending. What Yixing felt was way passed a crush, as scary of an acknowledgement as it was. Everything, from Joonmyun’s smell to his warmth, his touch, made Yixing feel dizzy. It was all too much.

 

Even though it felt just as right as their hug in the hotel room had, Yixing wasn’t mad at Baekhyun for interrupting their accolade, because Yixing would’ve most likely ended up making a fool of himself by not wanting to let go of Joonmyun.

 

The following days didn’t give the pair the opportunity to spend a lot of time (alone) together. Trough photoshooting, recording and learning choreographies, there wasn’t much time left for parallel activities. One day, though, Joonmyun came up with a request for Yixing. He asked his bandmate if he would mind practicing their new dance routine with him in the SM dance studio in the evening. It probably was a genuine request, because Joonmyun was a perfectionist, but Yixing would rather believe that it was just an excuse for Joonmyun to spend some quality time with his newfound friend. Either way, Yixing was looking forward to their practicing hours in advance.

 

Their two hours in the studio ended up being the most fun that they had had together. Although it started seriously, the two of them repeating the choreography multiple times, they soon began fooling around. Joonmyun found out that Yixing was excellent at doing impressions of their bandmates. He didn’t fail any of them, but Sehun, Chanyeol and Kris were the funniest, according to Yixing himself and to Joonmyun’s uncontrollable fits of laughter. Another highlight of the night certainly was their dance-cover of SNSD’s Tell Me Your Wish. That song was a classic and Yixing couldn’t help pressing play as he scrolled down Joonmyun’s songs on his ipod. Once again Yixing took the challenge seriously, making sure not to miss a single move, but Joonmyun couldn’t exactly do the same. His embarrassed giggles, which were incredibly cute, prevented him to.

 

On their way back to the dorm, the atmosphere was light and cheerful.

 

Halfway through it, Joonmyun expressed his thoughts, a smile spreading across his face. “That was a so much fun. We should do that again sometime.”

 

“Sure.” Yixing agreed, trying not to sound too enthusiastic at the prospect and fighting a grin off his features. Their walk was silent for a moment, both looking deep in thoughts, but then Yixing stopped dead in his tracks, “I’m sorry for bringing this back but, well, I just want to make sure. Have you gotten over those ‘not good enough’ thoughts yet?” He asked, hopeful.

 

Joonmyun’s smile faltered a little bit, but persisted nonetheless. “Almost, I’m getting there. Now I really do believe that the band needs me. And I need them.” He looked deeply into Yixing’s eyes, as if trying to express a message. “Thanks again for what you said by the way… It opened my eyes. And thanks for worrying again now.” Joonmyun bit his lip, letting his gaze wander at each side of them. His modesty was incredibly endearing.

 

Yixing didn’t know what to say, so he stayed silent, and opted to offer Joonmyun one of his most sincere smiles, one that reached his eyes. When Joonmyun’s gaze came back to his interlocutor, they were outright beaming at each other.

 

“Has anyone ever told you how cute your dimple is?” The Korean commented, out of the blue.

 

The awkwardness between them had managed to dissipate a little bit throughout the last week or so, but in moments like this it was very hard for Yixing to remain cool and relaxed. So he decided that joking it out would be the best way to handle Joonmyun’s comment. “All the time, what do you think?”

 

“All right, what about your accent then?” Joonmyun smiled, unfazed by his friend’s response.

 

“What about it?”

 

“Has anyone ever told you how adorable it is?” No, no one had ever told Yixing that. And if they had, it probably wouldn’t have affected him nearly as much as hearing Joonmyun say it had.

 

~•~

 

About two days later, luck was on Yixing’s side again, Luhan having asked Joonmyun if they could swap rooms for a night. There was definitely a bit of Luhan’s mischief under that, because since the group wasn’t staying at a hotel, there was an available extra room in the dorm for the Hunhan couple to use if they wanted to. Surely Joonmyun was aware of this; however he hadn’t bothered questioning Luhan’s request for one second.

 

Aside from getting ready to sleep in two adjacent twin beds for the night, Yixing and Joonmyun had spent the nightfall together, discussing everything and anything for hours prior to sleeping time. Yixing was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed between them. With everyday passing, he became more comfortable around his crush, getting better at expressing his thoughts and sharing his story. Sometimes he still blurted out things that he regretted saying afterwards, but it was nothing major. He always got over his mistakes very quickly; the soft and collected words spoken by Joonmyun’s angelic voice getting him lost in a different trail of thoughts.

 

The more time he spent with the boy, the hardest it became to find him any flaw. What could have perhaps been described as flaws by other people, Yixing found them to play a big part in Joonmyun’s perfection. Like the funny way he waved at fans wherever they went, as if he were a respectable queen or something. Or the way that Joonmyun was so deeply concentrated in his singing that he often looked in pain. These things, and a plethora more, were what added to his already incredible charm. That was not to mention his kind and calm temper, and his ever cheerful personality.

 

It was safe to say that Kim Joonmyun was perfect, and that Zhang Yixing was in love.

 

So in love it hurt.

 

Yixing shifted in his bed, trying to find a comfortable position and to get his mind off Joonmyun so he could finally get some sleep. That wasn’t easy considering how physically close the love of his life was right now.

 

Actually, no. Who was he kidding? He could never really call him that since his feelings were unrequited. It was hopeless, so he’d better get these thoughts out of his head as soon as possible if he didn’t want to end up crushed.

 

But then again, he was already crushed, so how much worse could it truly get?

 

Yixing felt confused, overwhelmed, defeated. He could feel his eyes sting, tears struggling not to escape. He let out a heavy sigh, in which his desperation could be heard.

 

Then he heard Joonmyun turning over in his bed. “Are you awake?” Damn. So Joonmyun hadn’t been sleeping, contrary to Yixing’s belief.

 

“Y-yeah.” He really shouldn’t have said anything at all because his voice actually cracked and it was obvious that something was wrong.

 

“Yixing?” No reply. “Yixing?” Still no reply.

 

The Chinese dancer didn’t want Joonmyun to find out what state he was in. He didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of him, and most of all he didn’t want to explain to him why he felt the way he did. He was awful at lying. Acting subtlety, he could do, but lie bluntly, no.

 

His hope not to appear vulnerable in front of Joonmyun went straight out of the window when the latter got up from his bed to walk towards Yixing’s and slip under the boy’s covers to check up on him more closely. Yixing shifted a little to his left, away from Joonmyun’s body, managing to keep his face hidden in the pillow as he did so. That only brought Joonmyun’s worry further.

 

“Yixing-ah, come here. What’s wrong?” He asked gently, moving closer and pulling very slightly on Yixing’s shoulder to make him turn around. When it didn’t work, he brought his hand up to soothe his friend’s hair tenderly, his small fingers intertwining with Yixing’s short locks.

 

That was all it took for Yixing to give in, for him to lose it completely. He turned around slowly, face shattered and red. The sight of Joonmyun’s concern was too much; what he’d tried to restrain for the past seconds came out. He started sobbing quietly, face in hands. Then he laid the back of his head down on his pillow, and Joonmyun immediately reached around his shoulder, placing a safe hand on Yixing’s upper arm, making the Chinese move even closer to nestle his head between Joonmyun’s chest and left shoulder. Yixing could feel the older tracing small circles on his arm, the delicate gesture giving him goosebumps.

 

His sobs continued, but at least he felt safe there, head resting on an angel. He had never been this intimate with Joonmyun before, yet for some reason he was feeling calmer rather than more anxious.

 

He supposed that the Korean had this positive effect on him.

 

Besides, Joonmyun didn’t even ask any more questions after that, figuring that letting Yixing know he was there for him was sufficient. That boy truly was perfect.

 

~•~

 

It was the 24^th of August and EXO were invited to Super Junior’s Yesung birthday party. They often got invited to these events organised by SM, and they could basically decide whether or not to go. Joonmyun was close to some members of Super Junior, having trained with them, and so he decided to go, and Luhan, Sehun, Jongdae, and Yixing tagged along. Over the previous days, the whole group had noticed Yixing and Joonmyun’s new proximity. That was to expect, seeing as they spent most of their free time together.

 

Yixing constantly tried to keep the depressing thoughts out of his mind, and he did succeed whenever Joonmyun was by his side. How he felt the rest of the time was another story.

 

It was 11pm by then and the five boys were hanging out outdoors, away from the loud music and obnoxious flashing lights. When the conversation hit a low-point, though, Luhan, as the very good friend he was, took it upon himself to drag Sehun and Jongdae subtly away so that Yixing could have a precious moment alone with Joonmyun.

 

“Jongdae, what do you say if we go back inside to get some punch? I’m thirsty.” Jongdae was oblivious to Luhan’s antic and nodded without hesitation. “Sehunnie, you’re coming too.” He stated, taking Sehun’s hand and dragging him towards the building. Yifan may have been the leader of EXO-M, but Luhan also had a lot of power over his fellow bandmates, without even really trying. He glanced at the pair over his shoulder, a self-satisfied expression gracing his baby features.

 

Joonmyun and Yixing turned to each other, shrugging, then started walking on a catwalk, not caring where it headed to.

 

“So…” Joonmyun trailed off. “The weather’s nice tonight, isn’t it?”

 

Yixing scoffed.

 

“What?” Joonmyun demanded, almost offended.

 

Yixing’s laugh faded, but his sly grin didn’t. “Nothing, it’s just that I thought we’d passed the weather-talk stage by now.”

 

Joonmyun’s eyes travelled to the ground, a shy smile forming on his lips. “I know. It was a genuine comment...”

 

“Sure it was.” The Chinese smirked, thinking of how particularly adorable Joonmyun was tonight. Thinking about it, though, he looked and sounded more nervous than he usually did.

 

“Whatever.” He commented before his expression changed abruptly to one of excitement. “Oh! Do you know if it’s still that time of the year when you can see loads of shooting stars?”

 

Yixing shrugged, knowing what his crush was talking about despite not being more informed.

 

Joonmyun took Yixing’s right wrist, his grasp tight but not painful in the slightest, and the dancer soon felt this part of his skin getting heated. “Come here, let’s see if we have any luck.”

 

And he dragged his friend to a relatively big grass expanse, sitting on it first and then lying down to face the starry sky. When the two of them lay on the grass, Joonmyun let go of the other’s wrist, only to drop his hand right beside Yixing’s. That way, the back of their hands was touching lightly, making the dancer’s heart-rate quicken dangerously.

 

“How long does it usually take before seeing something?” He asked, not letting himself get carried away by the proximity of their respective hands, bodies, heads.

 

“Two minutes, fifteen, thirty, or we might not even see anything. That’s the cool thing, you never know. It makes seeing one all the more special.” Yixing turned his head to contemplate the other’s sparkling smile. Thankfully, the object of his affection didn’t notice.

 

As beautiful as the sky was that night, the sight of Joonmyun’s side profile was way more interesting to Yixing. He reluctantly turned his head back to the stars, and the two of them stayed like that for a couple of minutes.

 

“Oh my god!” Joonmyun expressed at the same time as Yixing shouted “Wow!”

 

“Did you see it?!” Joonmyun asked excitedly. “It was huge!”

 

“I know! Are you going to make a wish?” Yixing was just as excited as Joonmyun. Plus it wasn’t very often in his life that he’d seen shooting stars.

 

“I’ve already made one.” Joonmyun announced, and Yixing’s grin widened.

 

“What is it, Hyung?”

 

“Can’t tell you,” He paused without looking away from the sky and added, matter-of-factly, “If I do, it won’t happen.”

 

Although Yixing was curious, he knew very well that one did not simply divulgate the nature of their wish. “Fair enough”

 

Another silence, and then, “Xing-ah?”

 

“Yes?” The following interaction happened very quickly. Yixing turned his head to the right, only to find that Joonmyun had turned his head as well, making their faces only a few inches away from each other. They locked gazes for a long, tense moment. It was hard to tell what the other was thinking, and why the atmosphere was so tense in the first place. In the midst of this moment, he caught Joonmyun’s gaze flickering quickly across his mouth. His mouth. He gulped.

 

Why was Joonmyun looking there just now?

 

Was the night even supposed to be this hot?

 

He didn’t have time to process anything that Joonmyun was already sitting up, looking ahead at nothing in particular. “Hyung?” Yixing propped up on his forearms. Did Joonmyun really want to tell him something, or did he just enjoy teasing him? It wasn’t like him to act like that.

 

In the end, the leader cleared his throat, “Do you ever wish time would just stop?” Odd question. It sounded a lot like his ‘do you ever feel not good enough’ question, except this wasn’t as upsetting. “Like the moment you’re in is way too perfect and you just never want to let it go?”

 

Why was he asking this now? What was he referring to? Yixing was still sprawled on the ground, his mind filled with all sorts of questions. He wanted to say something, anything, but Joonmyun sounded like he hadn’t finished talking.

 

“Because that’s how I feel whenever I’m with you.” Yixing saw Joonmyun bite his lower lip and lower his gaze, but that’s the last thing the Chinese noticed before he fell into a dumbfounded state.

 

Saying these things to someone who was in love with you should’ve been illegal.

 

“I-I—“

 

“It’s all right, don’t say anything. What I’m going to tell you is going to sound ridiculous, I know, but I’d really appreciate if you could not speak until I’m finished.” When Yixing didn’t give any signs that he’d heard him, Joonmyun turned to glance at him briefly. Yixing was stunned, but managed to nod mechanically, too curious to hear the rest. Joonmyun looked away again, took a deep, apprehensive breath, and resumed, “The reason why I wish time would stop is because, when I’m with you, I feel so… good. Good is an understatement, though. I feel so invincible. Like absolutely nothing can go wrong.” He paused for a moment, trying to find the courage in him to continue, “I know it hasn’t been very long, but I honestly feel like we’ve been friends forever. Everything is so natural when we’re together. I don’t really know how to say this but, the thing is, I’m used to caring about people more than they care about me, so it was sort of a revelation to me when you comforted me that first night in Thailand. For once, I felt important, like I truly mattered. And I don’t feel this with anybody else. It’s just you.”

 

Joonmyun’s gaze moved down to his converse shoes, and he started playing with the laces. “I guess what I’m trying to say is... I love everything about you, and everything about the way you make me feel. I’d say more, but I’m sure I’ve already made you embarrassed enough and—“

 

Yixing cut him off; sitting up quickly to reach Joonmyun’s level, grasping him by the chin to make him face him, and placing a peck on his soft and small lips. Never in a hundred years would Yixing have imagined doing something as crazy as this. He would have never had the guts to do it under any other circumstances. But these weren’t just any circumstances. They were sat on the grass with no one around, and the one person he loved more than humanly possible had basically just confessed to him. That made no sense. It wasn’t sane for his heart to beat so fast.

 

As he pulled away, trying hard not to pass out from the overflow of feelings, his eyes were still shut. When he dared opening them again, his nervous expression was met with Joonmyun’s contrasting one. Shock was written all over it, eyes wide and lips slightly pursed. “You kissed me.” He whispered, barely audible.

 

“I did.” Yixing said simply, his wet cheeks turning red. Somewhere along Joonmyun’s speech, he must have started tearing up, but he couldn’t remember when, and right now it didn’t really matter.

 

Joonmyun looked hopeful and contemplative for a moment, but then his expression turned into one of resignation and he let out a long breath. “You… You don’t have to do this just because I said all those things. I just wanted, needed, to tell you before you leave for China again. But I’m used to liking people more than they like me, it’s really no big deal, I swear—“ There he was again, rambling, absolutely clueless. Yixing didn’t know if Joonmyun’s thickness when it came to the love topic had something to do with previous experiences or just a blatant lack of self-confidence.

 

He laughed lightly, “You really don’t get it.” And he pressed his lips to Joonmyun’s again, this time with more ardour, attempting to transfer his adoration for the other into the kiss. Feeling Joonmyun starting kissing back was certainly the most wonderful and poignant sensation that Yixing had ever experienced. Their lips moved in synch, slowly, tentatively.

 

Yixing eventually gained confidence, and proceeded to move closer to Joonmyun and wrap his arms around the Korean’s torso. Joonmyun followed suit and wrapped his frail arms around Yixing’s neck, deepening the kiss as he did so. It was only when Joonmyun parted his lips, opening the way for Yixing, that the latter really acknowledged the intimacy of their interaction. It was overwhelming, to say the least, but it was everything he’d ever wanted; full of love and mutual understanding. It was perfect.

 

After a couple more minutes, almost as if nothing happened, the two boys went back to resting their heads on the ground and watching the beautiful stars above. Joonmyun’s hand was warm in Yixing’s.

 

~•~

 

“Congrats, Xing.” Luhan was coming out of the bathroom, hair wet from his morning shower, and was walking towards Yixing. The younger was putting on a plain shirt, messing his hair funnily in the process.

 

“What for?” He furrowed his brow in confusion.

 

“Come on, don’t give me that look, I saw you and Joonmyun-ah yesterday.” He smirked. To be frank, that was all Luhan seemed to do lately.

 

“You-you did?” Oops. Yixing didn’t think anyone had seen them, because they had actually been the ones joining their bandmates inside the party hall around midnight. Still, he couldn't fight a small smile off his face.

 

“Yes,” Luhan’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink, “And I must admit that I’m impressed. I never thought for one second that you would actually confess, no offense.”

 

None taken. He couldn’t agree more with Luhan, but there was a twist, “I didn’t, well not really.” He didn’t even let Luhan phrase his perplexity that he was already out of the door, urging to go see a certain someone.

 

Noting that Joonmyun wasn’t in his shared-room with Sehun, Yixing ran downstairs. Jongin, Kyungsoo, Minseok, Jongdae and Joonmyun were in the kitchen, chatting and eating breakfast. The latter’s face completely lit up when he saw who had just come in.

 

“Hey guys” Yixing greeted quickly, and ran straight up to Joonmyun, taking him by the hand and dragging him back upstairs. It probably wasn’t the most polite, nor subtle thing he’d even done, but at the moment he couldn’t care less.

 

As soon as the door to Joonmyun’s empty room was closed, Yixing turned to his now-boyfriend, wrapping his arms firmly around the other’s waist. Joonmyun’s arms automatically went up to Yixing’s shoulders, encircling the younger’s neck tightly. There was literally no space left between their standing bodies.

 

A playful glint lit Joonmyun’s eyes, “Good morning.” He mumbled near Yixing’s ear before pulling back slightly so he could leave a couple of light kisses on his boyfriend’s cheeks and jawline. For the time being, Yixing closed his glittering eyes so he could focus on the delicious contact of Joonmyun’s soft lips on his own flushed skin.

 

Remembering something, Yixing pulled back a bit more, taking care not to remove his arms from around his lover. "So, I brought you here because I need to tell you this. Luhan-hyung knows about, you know… us.” He smiled lovingly, somewhat shyly. He didn’t mind Luhan knowing but wondered if Joonmyun would.

 

“Oh, that’s cool. Actually Jongin, Kyungsoo, Jongdae and Minseok know too. I told them, I’m really sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” He truly looked apologetic, and that amused Yixing greatly because it was clearly nothing to be sorry for. Yixing couldn’t seem to ink it inside his head that Kim Joonmyun really did love him in that way.

 

It felt surreal, worthy of a dream.

 

He hadn’t actually voiced the oh-so-important three words yet, despite having told Joonmyun that he felt the exact same way after the boy’s confession the night before, but he had a feeling that now would be the perfect time to do it. So Yixing leaned forward and shut his eyes before whispering a heartfelt “I love you”, and closing the gap between their lips for good.

 

Joonmyun titled his head to the left. Yixing reflected his action, and then placed a gentle hand on the Korean’s cheek, soothing it gently with his thumb. It wasn’t a rough kiss, but it certainly was an emotional and intimate one. If someone were to enter the room and see them, that person would surely feel uncomfortable and out of place.

 

Not parting their lips once, the two boys sat up at the end of the bed before the Chinese took control of the exchange and made them lie down on the mattress, face to face, legs tangled and lips dancing in synch.

 

When they broke apart to inhale a much needed breath, Joonmyun took the opportunity to say, “You know, last night, the shooting star? This is what I wished for.”

 

Yixing smiled, letting the dimples that Joonmyun adored appear on his cheeks, and sealed their lips for another genuinely passionate kiss.