He closed his phone and stared at the screen.

He still couldn’t believe that the man called.

Lost in the memory of the caller’s tearful voice saying his name over and over again, he found himself standing beside the door of a happy, noisy dance room.

“Changmin!!!” Eunhyuk greeted as he spotted the tall TVXQ member peak through the open door.

The rest of the SuJu team waved at him and invited him in, but the man refused.

Changmin let out a smile and shook his head as he gestured for them to continue whatever they were doing.

The 13 members of the group were scattered on the floor having their meal, cheerfully teasing each other and talking like they haven’t seen each other for a long while.  Changmin couldn’t help but drop his smile.

Familiar laughs echoed in his ears. He whipped his head around hoping to see where the sound came from. But it was all in his head.

He ran a hand through his hair as he walked away from the dance hall.

His eyes began to cloud with things he wanted, things he needed, things he missed- people he missed. Without realizing it, he was leaning his head on the hallway wall, tears threatening to fall on the ground.

There are things that he had said but he never meant. Usually these things were against his hyungs. Saying things like wishing to have never known Junsu or how Jaejoong isn’t his favorite hyung. He never meant those, he just liked saying it to get a reaction from them. But there was one thing he said which he couldn’t tell if he meant it or not.

“Do you have anything to say to JYJ?” the host says.

A cold “no” left Changmin’s lips.

Lie. He wanted to say so many things. So many words are knocking on his chest, begging to be said.

Yet, it was the truth too. After all that has been said against him and Yunho by other people, he didn’t want to have anything to do with the members who left. They indirectly ruined them.

“Changmin, are you okay?” a hand landed on his shoulder. He looked back and saw Yunho looking at him worriedly.

He looked front and inconspicuously rubbed away his tears, “Yeah, hyung, I’m just tired.”

He could never tell Yunho how he really felt about the situation. Yunho was already breaking in front of him, he couldn’t function well without Changmin, he gets lost, lonely and just needs someone to reassure him that he’s not alone. There was no way Changmin would allow Yunho to fall.

“We could take a break, how long d’you need. I’ll try to talk to the ch-“

“I’m good hyung… I’m okay.”

Yunho gave Changmin’s back a soft pat then let out a sad smile, “thank you.”

The younger man raised an eyebrow, “for what” he says.

Yunho turned around and took a step forward.

“You’re still here” words soft enough for only Changmin to hear.

His heart sank as he watched Yunho walk through the hallway.

“Hyung!” he called out “I’ll be out for a while, need a little air.”

Yunho just nodded at him.

Steps were getting harder to take as the cold breeze engulfed him.

“Changmin…” his own name left his lips mimicking the voice of the caller from earlier, “after all this time that’s all you could say.”

The TVXQ maknae continued to walk through the sunset lit street. Hood over head, jacket zipped up to shield him from the dropping temperature, his sweat pants barely being helpful against the cold. He kept walking with no actual destination. He didn’t care where he was, he’d find his way back somehow.

He then spotted a park, one that triggers memories he never wants to forget. And for a moment he thinks, he sees the person he wants to see gently swaying on the swing.

This was the park a block away from their first dorm, their first home, as the members of DBSK, Changmin remembers. When the schedules get too tight and they need air to breathe, when they need some time to forget that they’re idols, they come here and play like idiots.

As the memory fills his head, the figure on the swing remains too solid and real.

The person on the swing lifts his head and lets his eyes linger around the playground.

Changmin meets the man’s gaze.

Those eyes were too familiar and unique to forget.

“J-junsu hyung.” 

-end-

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