It is an accident; a major car crash deep in the hours of the night after Woohyun’s solo filming of Immortal Song II, with vehicle parts missing, metallic debris flying and blood staining rough asphalt and ripped leather seats. It isn’t planned, is typically unavoidable and unforeseen. It is an accident.

Sunggyu wishes so much that he was there in Woohyun’s place instead.

•

Woohyun is rushed into the ER. Family, company staff and members are called and together, they sit in deathly silence along the blindingly lit corridor, fluorescent lights buzzing eerily above their heads and fingers tangled with one another’s, breaths caught in throats that are choked with stifled tears.

The operation theatre indicators flicker a little before they fade from red to maroon and Sunggyu pushes himself off the wall he has been leaning against, nails digging deep into the palms of his hands.

“We did all we could but he might not wake.” The leading surgeon says with eyes that are clouded with guilt, voice pitched to a silent plea for forgiveness. His quiet admission cuts through the silence like a finely sharpened blade.

Woohyun’s mother begins to cry and she turns to her husband whose own face has contorted, etched with lines of unmistakeable pain. INFINITE stands at the sides, stunned in disbelief, unable to comprehend.

There’s blistering pain in Sunggyu’s chest and his throat tightens, tears burning at the corners of his eyes even as he tries to be strong for the sake of s. But this is Woohyun. And without Nam Woohyun, Sunggyu thinks he is nothing.

•

He is kept in the hospital for as long as they can remember and INFINITE resumes activities upon orders. Life has to go on, their sajangnim says and they agree because they have all worked too hard, sacrificed too much to give this up. They agree because they have to do this; for Inspirits, for INFINITE, for Woohyun.

But the boys change.

Myungsoo develops strange, unstable mood swings – shifting abruptly between charming smiles and affectionate words to brooding silences and cold, blank stares. Sungjong gradually talks less and less, sharp edges of bones increasingly pronounced under shining white spotlights.

Dongwoo’s laughter sounds forced and empty as if he is merely laughing for the sake of laughing – lacking genuine amusement and happiness. Sungyeol’s once full cheeks are now sunken in, mischievous grins replaced with faded smiles. There are dark circles gathering beneath Howon’s eyes, curved shadows visible even under multiple layers of BB cream – a result of endless nights spent dancing tears away.

And then there is Sunggyu, who loses himself altogether.

•

Sunggyu visits Woohyun as often as he can, which is almost every other night in that same sterile, white room. There’s a chair at Woohyun’s bedside that Sunggyu always sits on when he comes. He’s also fallen asleep on that same chair more times than he can count and when he wakes, it is with stiff joints and cramped muscles.

But it’s okay, Sunggyu thinks. Anything’s okay so long as he can be by Woohyun’s side.

Sunggyu talks to Woohyun all the time even though he isn’t sure if Woohyun can hear what he’s saying. He tells Woohyun about what he has done, about how the members are, about what they have achieved, about how much he misses him – how much he needs him back.

Woohyun’s absence is a gaping chasm, growing wider and digging deeper by the day. It is bottomless and dark, a blackhole that swallows all the light. It hurts so ing much.

•

INFINITE wins more than a couple of awards at MAMA that year and the boys are understandably ecstatic. There’s an overwhelming amount of tears and ruined eyeliner but for the first time in a long while, they are tears of happiness; tears of gratitude.

It is on this night that they visit Woohyun as a whole group of six with intentions to celebrate. And it is on this same night that the doctor pulls them aside to encourage the unthinkable.

•

There is a soft sound of confusion from Dongwoo as he tilts his head to one side, shooting a glance at Howon who is equally perplexed, neither quite sure if they have heard right. Sungjong inhales sharply and Myungsoo turns deathly pale, fingers tightening their hold around a frozen Sungyeol’s wrist.

“What?” Sunggyu half demands, voice louder and higher than he originally means for it to be. The doctor winces and shakes his head apologetically. “We think it might be best if we let him go, should he remain comatose.” He repeats softly and something in Sunggyu snaps.

He stands abruptly, plastic chair falling over with a muted crash as he does so. “I’m sorry.” The doctor says as he reaches over to clasp Sunggyu’s shoulder but he flinches away with barely concealed repulse, turning around to exit the office.

•

Twilight once again finds Sunggyu by Woohyun’s bedside, fingers curled around cold, spindly ones. “Woohyun-ah, what do I do?” He wonders aloud, trembling lips pressed gently against smooth knuckles. “They’re telling me to let you go.” Sunggyu’s breath hitches and he sounds strangled, voice distorting as he chokes on painful sobs.

Howon, who stands by the door, clenches his fists and turns away, leaving the room silently while Sunggyu sheds tears that are long overdue, staining white hospital sheets. Howon’s own cheeks are wet by the time he gets to the hallway where the rest of INFINITE are sitting, bent over with elbows on their knees and clasped fingers to their foreheads. He adopts the same position as his brothers have and together they pray.

Please don’t take Woohyun away, please let him wake, please, please, please.

•

“Gyu-hyung?” A whisper tickles Sunggyu’s ear and the leader shifts just a little, mumbling incoherently for just another five more minutes. There is a warm chuckle, one that is painfully familiar and it has Sunggyu scrambling up into a sitting position immediately, sleepiness fast forgotten.

“Hey,” Woohyun greets him, lips quirked in an adoring smile and Sunggyu stares, not quite sure what he should be feeling, how he should be responding because here Woohyun is, conscious and rid of complicated tubes and breathing aids. As if nothing had happened.

Sunggyu swallows thickly, fingers reaching up to brush the side of Woohyun’s face, palm curving to accommodate a soft cheek. “Woohyun.” He finally whispers and the younger boy raises an eyebrow. “Woohyun, Woohyun, Woohyun.”

He is crying again before he knows it, warmth streaming down his face like a broken dam. Woohyun smiles, a pained lift of the corners of his mouth as he gently wipes away Sunggyu’s tears. “Don’t cry, Gyu-hyung.” He says quietly and Sunggyu ignores him, sobbing even harder.

•

“You don’t look very pretty with your tiny eyes all swollen, you know?” Woohyun tells him knowingly and Sunggyu snorts. “Shut up.” He retorts halfheartedly and Woohyun laughs. Sunggyu smiles at the sound of it – so happy, so carefree, so beautiful.

But all good things come to an end.

“I have to go, hyung.” Woohyun’s voice is barely audible, less than a whisper. Sunggyu closes his eyes and pretends not to hear him, fear gripping at his chest. “I have to go.” Woohyun repeats, louder this time and there is a sad smile on his face when Sunggyu not quite willingly turns to look at him.

Where, Sunggyu wants to ask but he doesn’t because deep down, he already knows. He already knows but Sunggyu doesn’t want it to be true, needs for it to not be true. Sunggyu avoids Woohyun’s gaze, eyes downcast and Woohyun’s shifts a little, pulling his leader into the warmth of his arms.

“Hey, throw lots of hearts for me, okay?” He begins to say. “Tell my parents and the boys that I love them, okay?” Sunggyu whimpers quietly in reply, hands around the white cotton of Woohyun’s shirt.

“And always know that I love you, okay?” Woohyun’s voice breaks and Sunggyu squeezes his eyes shut, gut twisting and the corners of his eyes burning. He feels gentle fingers brushing his hair and soft lips pressing a chaste kiss to his temple. “Goodbye, Gyu-hyung.” Woohyun whispers and there is a note of finality in his voice that shatters Sunggyu’s heart.

“Be happy.”

Author's note; This has been living in my notes ever since, I don't know, January? Haha. First time publishing angst, tbh. Tell me what you think?