-----

Tears rolled down the young man's pale cheeks in dark streams of eyeliner, but to him, they were just dark, hellish shadows. He could hardly bear to look at his own reflection in the mirror, but he did anyways; more out of disgusted fascination than anything else. What he saw staring back at him with a tired, deflated gaze wasn't a person.

He was just Jui.

Jui the screw up.

He didn't have much to bring with him; only a few fresh outfits, basic hygiene products and his wallet, that didn't have any money in it.

He didn't have any prized personal possessions; only a worn stuffed tiger that he'd had as a child, and that now, he wasn't quite sure why he was bringing with him. Maybe someone else, someone who didn't feel as exhausted as he did, as defeated, would have felt a little different about the situation. Maybe they wouldn't feel as empty or as numb or as cornered.

But monsters didn't have feelings; they didn't have hope. Monsters were chased by everyone and everything who saw them; who wouldn't rest until they were killed.

And Jui was a monster.

No one would stop and listen to him. No one would make an effort to understand. It was assumed that a monster didn't have feelings; a monster only possessed the desire to destroy everything around them. Because a monster was a monster- a threat to the wholesome, loving communities of society- and monsters didn't have a place in them.

Even the sun would come at day break and make the monster cower back in fear and pain.

The was no room in the world for what couldn't be loved.

Jui locked the apartment room door on his way out, with his small bag in hand and left his key on the door mat. Maybe his mother would find it, maybe not.

Maybe she wouldn't notice he was gone.

Whatever happened, he didn't care. There was nothing to care about anymore. Nothing to nourish, nothing to foster...everything was dead, nothing more so than his own soul, and he knew that he was the one who had killed it.

Almost every heavy, sullen footstep was paired with a falling crystal tear, but Jui only slipped on his sunglasses as he left the apartment complex's lobby for the last time. He didn't think about anyone seeing him cry; maybe, the small sliver of (weak) humanity that he had left subconsciously hoped that someone would see his tears- that someone would see, for the first time in his life, that he was crying for help.

And maybe, someone would offer him a show of kindness. Just as simple smile or maybe an "are you okay?".

Even if he lied, it would be nice to know that someone had stopped to care.

He was stiff as he walked out into the crowded, yet cold street. He hadn't a destination, he didn't really know where he was going.

But he walked.

He passed the church that his mother devotedly attended, every Sunday. It was the very church that made him feel sick to his stomach and made his mind reel dizzingly, each time he went inside. Every time he went to mass (he didn't have much of a choice but to go diligently with his mother), he could feel the eyes of the other attendees burning into him. Eyes, who were quick to sparkle at righteousness and just as quick to shadow at sin, seared his flesh- melted the piercings right out of his ears, scoured the peroxide out of his bleached hair, beat, broke and reshaped him until he was right again; until he stopped dressing like a woman, until he came to mass fully participating in prayer and worship, with a good, God-fearing woman at his side and their children in the pews.

They tore the monstrosity right out of him, unaware of the burns they left, until he was pure again.

Because anyone could be saved if they wanted to be.

Jui didn't want to be saved. He didn't deserve to be saved.

A hideous, almost mental, laugh obnoxiously bubbled out of his throat before he could stop it, as he passed in front of the church. Several heads turned his way, with expressions as calculating and despising as though he had just yelled as loud as he could in a quiet study hall, with the intention of disturbing everyone around him.

But Jui felt heated exhiliration as eyes, Christian and non-Christian, torched him. It didn't bother him anymore; rather, it added more life to the vigor of his fiery disaccord. He cackled again- maybe he really was demonically possessed, as his mother thought he was.

But it was just so funny, so sadly, pathetically, tragically funny how the religious and non-religious could be at each others' throats over social values, yet stand so united in their disgust at someone or something unnatural.

Hey everyone! Come one, come all to gawk at Jui the monster! The gay, possessed, hateful, ungrateful, selfish FREAK!...

It was only when he had come to a deserted park, quite a ways from the main roads of the city, that he gave his body permission to be weak and collapse on a hard, cold stone bench.

It was only when he was alone that he began to cry, hard.

Sobbing and sobbing and sobbing and sobbing...

-----

Reita pulled his jacket around himself a little more tightly. Late autumn was just beginning to give way to the stark chill of winter and he could even see his breath puff out in front of him.

He appreciated the cold though, however wracking it was. It was sobering; helped him to focus on something other than the slight void he felt in his heart that had been gnawing away at him since he'd woken up (again), with only his puppy curled up beside him.

Reita had never really been in a romantic relationships. He'd had a few crushes before, been on a few casual "dates" that were really more friendly, than anything else, but certainly nothing as serious as having a live-in partner, or even a partner at all, for that matter.

Logically, he wasn't really missing or longing for anything that he'd ever experienced, but logic didn't stop him from wanting someone- his partner in life. His best friend. Someone who felt as attracted, both emotionally and ually, as he felt to them .

But, as he moved on through his twenties, he still hadn't found that and now wanted to, more than anything. All of his friends were either married or had a significant other. Some were even starting on their own families.

But Reita was still as single as he had been on the day that he was born and quite frankly, he was growing rather sick of it.

He was happy with his life, but on some days, being "forever alone" bothered him and it was on such days that he would go out for an aimless walk, for hours at a time provided he didn't have to go to work.

Just as he was doing, now.

He had just finished a round about the major streets surrounding his apartment building andII was heading to the nearby park, where he could think without disruption.

It was routine for him to finish his walk at the park and everytime he had been, he'd been the only one there.

Things were different this time, however, as someone occupied his usual park bench.

Reita would have been content to continue on his way and simply sit somewhere else, had he not caught what was definitely a muffled sob, followed by another, then another, as he neared the crouched figure.

He didn't want to intrude upon what might be a private moment, but his concern outweighed his sense of reserve and he hurried to the person's side.

"...Excuse me? um...miss?" Reita assumed that the person was a girl, by the fragility of the person's slender body and the length of their peroxide blonde hair.

But the face that looked up at him, that held such deep sorrow, yet childlike, innocent surprise, although feminine, held traits that were pungently masculine and Reita found himself staring face to face at the most gorgeous man he had ever seen in his life.

Heck, he was more beautiful than any of the women he had ever seen, too.

Reita found himself blushing and mentally kicking himself for doing so. This was obviously not an appropriate moment to be feeling attracted to someone, especially when that someone looked as helpless and distraught as a little kid lost at the supermarket.

Reita gulped, trying to pull himself together.

"Are you okay?" He asked hesitantly, settling for kneeling down next to the pretty man, as he wasn't sure if he was welcomed to sit beside him or not.

-----

Jui was vaguely aware of ice cold tears running down his cheeks. He'd been so shocked by the (very handsome) man's sudden appearance and actual attempt to reach out to him that tears had stopped forming, almost immediately.

He studied the stranger with curiosity, feeling his heart tremble a little to find that the man had his hair dyed blonde and his ears pierced, just as he did. He even had a fashionably selected strip of cloth tied over his nose, in obvious attempt to set his own style, be it against the grain or not.

It wasn't that Jui thought that he was the only person who dressed unconventionally; it was just that he was once again reminded of why he was a dirty outcast in the only sense of community that he had ever known.

"I mean...you're not hurt, are you?" the sl