that night i just went outside to stare at cloudless, dark sky.. i was so relaxing. i found great place to watch the sky and no one hasn't known bout that secret place.... till now.

i have to admit that i shocked first time when i saw him. i was dissapointed that i came for nothing, but then he saw and shouted me. 

i truly didn't want to go and stare at sky with him... so weird. i haven't ever seen him before in this area. i approached to him slowly and carefully.. 

" please, sit"  he told it with huge smile.

" um... t-thanks.. i think"

we were sitting like that and staring at beautiful sky without talking. When suddenly he.. 

" don't u think it's destiny? " he gently smiled and continued " that we met here.. im sure it's destiny" he smiled again and lay at the grass. i was continuing sitting and staring but not at stars yet... we had met there a few times. we haven't talked much but i liked be with him.

the last night when we met i haven't even noticed when i felt asleep.. and when i woke up he disappeared. from that time i have been comming here every cloudless night but.. he wasn't comming. i couldn't understand myself...  why i wanted to see him so badly? i didn't even know him... 

day passing by and he still didn't come so i decided to give up and forget bout him. after few days ago i was going to school i noticed him... he was smiling by his gentle and warm smile... then he suddenly turn back in my direction..  he saw me.. my heart was beating so fast.. and i run away... i couldn't control my legs i was running with all the strenght.

when i noticed i was at school already.  my surprise was so huge when i saw him at the building... i couldn't believe my eyes.  i told myself that was only my stupid imagination. after that i didn't see him at any break.. 

when lessons came to the end:

" yo, Ryeonggu ! How have u been?" 

"what are you doing here, Yesung-ah?!"

" i told ya before it's destiny kkkk " 

" u-umm..."

"  let's  go to eat something. " he grab my hend and turn back. " why are you not going? aren't you hungry?"

" .... where have you been till now?"

" at hospital "

"w-what..?! something serious?" he smiled again and told that he had twisted ancle. 

after eating we went to our secret place to stare at stars as we did before. it was great feeling. i could again share my passion with someone similar to me.  we was laying at the grass and watching sky..  almost without talk it was necessary. he was the first person that understand me clearly. i felt so confortable.

suddenly he sat and turn his back body to me. i couldn't even thought what will happened in the moment. he leaned over me and gently but passionately kissed me.. it was weird feeling that i haven't felt before.. and i know that it was wrong but i couldn't do anything with that fact i liked it.

" choahae. i like you since firt meet. be mine" he told and kissed me again but this time it was different..  it was only brush but i could have felt his warm lips. 

when i came to home i was still red even if outside wasn't cold...

mom thought that im sick or somethink thats why i stayed at home 2 nex days. i hadn't cell phone or his number either so i couldn't call and inform him about that situation.

when i came back to school he was waiting for me 

" sorry i was si..." i didnt finnish bcoz he suddenly hugged me. he was so warm and smelled so nice. i could stay like that for ages. i knew we were just  friends.. but... that last kiss.. it was propably nothing for him.. 

After lessons i was came back to home earlier bcoz i my granny was comming to us. when suddenly i was surrounded by some  guys.  they started slowly pushing me and hitting.

" wooow, who's that girl kkkkk" they laughted. " such a cute face, be my girl haha"

i was so afraid, i knew they played aroud bcoz i look realy girly... so i could understand them... i wanted go away but one of them  pressed me to the wall.. i couldn't move. i knew i was on the lost position...  but then someone took my hand and we started to run. after few seconds i realised that was Yesung. 

we were running holding our hands. when we stoped i was shaking so hard.. i couldn't stop... even my breath... 

" are you okay? Ryeowook...?" that time when i heart his soft and warm voice i started crying... i was so grad that he was that person who saved me.

i still remembered bout family meeting but  at that time i needed him so hard... i knew that i couldn't let him gone from now... even if....

We came to his house, i was still shaking. " sorry for the mess.. here, please sit and try to calm down." he was continuing. " are you sure you're okay? look at your face... how dare they did it to you" saing that he was my face.. that feeling was so pleasent, i was almost in tears. he noticed it... and started gently kissing my cheeks...

"s-stop..!" i said even it if i liked it ...

" why, what's happened?"

" we both are boys, don't you see that?.... or maybe you like that them treat me like girl..?! " i didn't mean this, i truly wantet to dissapear in that moment...

" wha-at? what are you talking about?!! don't ya remember what i said last time? i like you and it doesn't matter that we both are boys. but i understand if you dont like me in the same way." saing that words he moved away from me.

" im sorry... i didn't want to hurt you... "

" it's okay.. just forget ." hearing that my heart was in pain. i  couldn't finnish it like that.

" no.. um... i mean.. i like you to... but... is it okay?"

" you're the reason that my heart is still beating... it's okay if you only like me"

that time i didn't understand what exactly he said. i was too happy that i had him. 

he approached to me again and our breaths united in one. i didn't want to end that. that awesome feeling that i haven't felt ever before. 

he kissed me deeply with passion, i was tasting his  raspberry-pink and delicate mouth. i was in heaven. he put me on the bed i liked him so much so i was prepared to do 'that'... or i just thought was. 

we was laying in bed and continuing kissing. we crossed our fingers. i thought he start to taking off my cloathes.. but no.. he just  put his head on my chest so i started to his soft hair. 

" um, Ryeo ah, don't you family meeting today?" when he said that i realised how late i was.

" ahhhh,  im dead ! ottokae... i have to go, sorry. see you tomorrow at school." 

" yeah! take care."

after that words i run to home with all the strenght. i was in huge troubles. 

i came to home and i was planning to explain somehow my lateness, but first i tried to take a breath. 

" yah, poor kid, where have you been till now?! didn't i say that grandmother is comming today? since when your father died  i have problems with you all the time!"

"im sorry mother. "

" why your outfit is so dirty? what did you do instead of come back home? ahh nevermind... go and change thouse clothes. dinner is almost cold. "

" yes mom."

few minutes later:

" annyeong haseyo grandmother"

"oh you finally came, Ryeowookie, sit down near granny. your mother wnat to tell us something."

"huh? what's that?"

" let's her say."

" well, im getting married. don't be suprised, you have known that im with someone."

i was able only nodded her. i was sitting with head down till the end of meeting. 

i went to room but why that time my all body just numbed. i was almost in tears. " why... why..." i was asking myself. " becouse she has someone?" no, i have known from long time what's the true, so that information wasn't shocking for me at all.. then why? yes... she forget that today's anniversary of the father death.

i couldn't stay at home today. it was to much mor me. i was missing my dad even more now. Yesung, i wanted so badly to see him right here, right now and i couldn't do anything with that fact.

" i'll sleep at my friend's house today. bye!" i yelled to mom and run quickly.

first i went to see my dad's grave. i spent there 2 or more hours i don't know...  after that time i went ahead. i hadn't any plan where i'll stay that night. after i realised my legs carried me under Yesung's house. i hadn't that much confidence to knok to his door. it was pretty late so i decided to sit on the nearest bench and wait to the daylight. 

i was sitting like that a few hours. it was so cold and late that's why i couldn't believe my eyes... in front of me was standing nobody else but Yesung. " ahh  such a shame.." i thought.

" what are you doing here? why don't you call to me to open the door? is something happened? "

" noo, um.. i just.. " i didn't have any idea what should i say to him. he grabbed my hand  and wanted to take me home.

"yah !  babo, how long are you waiting on that freezing weather?? did you wanted to freez to death?!! " he immediately took me home and brewed hot tea.  he was so nice to me as always. in few seconds i felt much better. 

" i prepared warm bath for you. here, take that clothes and go bath, you're shaking from cold."

" t-thank you... " i went to bathroom, it was so embarassing... he is always when i need him the most... i dressed his a little too big clothes.. smelled like him... it was so relaxing.

" kkkkkkkk, you look so cute."

"yah don't laught at me, kya."

" kkk arasseo. you're sleeping here. you must be tired so go and sleep."

"okay, thank you.. but how bout you? "

" im sleeping on the  floor."

" yah ! are you lost your mind? u can catch a cold. i will sleep there. anyway it's you're bed."

" no way. goodnight.!

" don't be so stubborn. yah! " without thinking i said : " come here and sleep with me, bed is enough for two of us. "

"a-are you s-sure..?" 

" yes." 

when he lay down near me, i quicly regreted my decision. his heart was beating so fast, i can feel his warm and breath. i couln't focus on anything else but him... 

" why are you shaking? are you still cold?"

" n-n-no! everything is fine ! goodnight" i said that and kissed him. he smiled and hugged me. i could hear his heart now even more i put my head to his chest and relaxed. i knew that person who is laying  near me it that i truly love.

i wake up in his bed.. it wasn't dream.. just beautiful reality. i wasn't  happy like now for ages. 

"goodmorning, are you hungry? i made a breakfest. "

i tried to eat something but i couldn't focus..  Yesung was the only one who paid my whole attention. i  was able only to reciprocate his smile. 

" today is saturday so let's go somewhere and have fun ! maybe cinema and theme park? what do you think?"

" yeah ! it's great idea! " i was so happy it would be our first date. but i was also worried... i have never been on any date. how should i behave? 

" okay im ready, can we go?"

" yeah, sure." he took my hand and we went for a date.

first we went to the cinema. " do you want something to eat and drink?" he asked.

" no thanks , i can buy myselt."

" geez don't be silly. 2 cup od cola and 2 popcorns, please.  here, now we can go and watch the movie kk. "

after movie we has gone to theme park. the roller coaster was so scary. i was screaming like child, but i wasnt afraid becouse Yesung's hand was holding mine.

" let's eat something im so hungry! "

" yeah great idea, im also hungry. " he said that and he clutched his stomach. "ahh.... "

" w-what's wrong? are you hurt?"

" hah" he smiled. " it's okay i think my stomach isn't in good shape after that popcorn and roller coaster kkk. " he continued smiling.  

" okay so just come back home and i will cook porridge for you."

he ate what i made and seemed to feel better.

" thank you. " he stood up from chair and came to me. he hugged me tight, i also took him over. 

he started to  gendly kiss my neck and  whispered to my ear.

" i love you... i love you... Ryeowook ah. "

i couldn't move. my body was completely surrendered. 

finally he started to kissing my lips. that time this feeling was totaly different. still awesome but also strong and intensive. Yesung was great kisser. He started to take off my shirt... i was ashamed but i wasn't afraid becouse it was Yesung and i knew he won't hurt me. he took off all my and his clothes and our bodies united in one entity. " Yesungie ah... saranghae yo. " i couldn't say more... but i knew he understand me. 

since that night we spent every single day together.  i was sure we spend all life together. we will get older and graying together. even only thinking about that was making me happy.

Few days later Yesung's stomach problem came back but he didn't want to worry Ryeo and just ignored that fact.

it took few weeks more than he decided to go to hospital.

that time pain was too huge so he started worrying " you have a stomach cancer... " 

" ... so how will you cure it?"

" your cancer is advanced, we can't do nothing beyond pain relief, im sorry..."

" i can't belive it... " his body was shaking as never before. " how long time i have?" he asked fearful.

" less that 2 months. "

when he came out from the doctor, his whole body was still  shaking and first in his live he started crying of powerlessness. 

i wasn't thinking that he is dying.. but we was worrying about Ryeowook. how could he tell him that he is sick.

he has came  up with something.... i was thinking really long and finally he got the idea. 

" we should break up.."

" b-bwo?"

" let's break up.. i don't love you .. i was just playing with you but now im just bored"

" did i sth wrong? tell me !!  i was wrong. im sorry . please dont leave me..... i love you"

" im sorry... it's over"

" w-wait..!! "

that words were  the last one i heart from him before he left...

i was staying like that for a while.. i was so shocked. 

Yesung turn his head back and left quickly.. Ryeowook couldn't see his tears. but it was only one good way. he couldn't do nothing better or he just thought that.... 

He came back to home and called to his dongsaeng. 

" Donghae ah... hyung is here... "

" oh hyung.. nice to hear from you. something is happened? "

Yesung didn't answer him.. tears prevented it to him.

" okay hyung? are you at home? im going to you. stay just where you are!! "

Donghae came to Yesung and he told everything to  his dongsaeng. He tried to cheer hyung up. He was trying not cry beside of him. 

"im here. i'll stay with you, hyung. " saing that he hugged Yesung. " we'll go tomorrow to hospital together. "

He was laying in hospital bed and waiting for painkillers. 

Donghae was sitting hear him till he felt asleep. 

Next day:

" Donghae ah could bring me photo frame from flat?"

" yes hyung, of course..  tell me everytime when u need something i'll do it."

1hour later

" it's the frame.. anything else hyung?"

" thank you.. i don't need anything more."

While he took the frame he started crying quietly. He knew that he will never see his precious Wookie again. "

" hyung what's wrong??? are you hurt?!! im gonna go to doctor, please hold on!"

"im okay... "

" so what's happened....?"

" i lied the person i loved the most... but it was better choise than seeing his tears after my death.. i know i choose good."

" hyung........... you should meet him and tell the true.  you don't have much time... hyung im begging you..."

" enaugh Donghae ah, it's enaugh. im too tired. "

" .... im so sorry that i can't help you."

2months later:

i decided to go to Yesung's house and talk with  him. i was sure i was over him and we could talk calmly. i just wanted to know why he broke up with me so suddenly. 

i was knocking but no one answered me so i entered to flat.

"who are you?" he said to me. i had no idea that someone could be here... i tried to calm and smile.

" oh.. um.. im just Yesung's friend, Ryeowook. you must be his boyfriend, nice to meet you." even if i said that.. i was praying that im wrong.. that he isn't his new boyfriend... i didn't want to hear that so badly...

" what are you talking about? hyung died last month.. i am here to take his stuff." .... but that kind of answer i have never expected. no, no, no it couldn't be true.... ! "but did i hear right? are you Ryeowook? yeah it must be you. "

" w-w-what did you say right now....?!?!?" i was shocked as hell. i couldn't belive in his words... 

" im sorry, he was incurably ill..."

" he lied me... ? he couldn't  have lied me!!" tears started to run down of my cheeks. i couldn't stop that..  

" ... but it's the true. he wanted to protect you... he never stopped loving you.. till death he was thinking about you all the time." 

" how could he be so selfish?! it's too much... " i felt on knees. i wanted to die at that moment.

" please understand him... i was watching how he is dying... he my hyung....  you're not only one who is hurt right now. "

he was right. totally right.  how could i treat him like that? his brother died... but my heart was bleeding too... 

" hyung..he didn't want me to ever say about it to you.. but i totaly understand your feeling right now.... here."

he has got me a photo frame with our picture.. me and Yesung.. he was smiling so brightly... i started cry even more at that moment. he died.. everything was over now. i was holding tight that picture. i wanted to keep his smile forever. 

i spent more that one week in bed. i couldn't deal with his death.. it was so unfair.. only one who deserve to die was me.. not him... 

i went to bathroom and did it.. i slit my veins. whole bathroom was covered by my blood. i faint. now i could die and be with him. 

when i woke up i was laying in hospital bed.. first i was angry that  mother saved me, but after i thought that was Yesung. he wanted to say me that i have to live...

after i recovered i have gone to east sea. i was sitting on the sand dune and the waves was calling me... but my thoughts about Yesungie were stronger that time.

" how could you just die like this? it make no sense... now i just even can't say that i hate you.. and forget about you...  how to live... you have given me everything and picked up. you were my happiness, smile.. my everything. in second life... if we meet each other... please be healthy and stay with me forever.. but this time don't tell me lies... don't protect me in such selfish way. becouse otherwise it's not love. from now i will always protect our love and memory about you. thank you for being my first and only one love."R

" sorry for hurting you.. next time.. i never gonna live ya. it's our promise."Y

" saranghae" R&Y 

 Fin ~