Love Sick

It had been a year now that Yongguk had left. Himchan could still recall that day perfectly, seeing all the details when he closed his eyes. He slumped onto the couch, once again playing the memory in his head.

“How long will you be away?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know how long they’ll need me there.”

Himchan sighed softly, watching his lover pack his bags. He had a bad feeling about this. This wasn’t the first time Yongguk had to leave for his job but he couldn’t shake the bad feeling he had about this particular trip.

“Where are you going again?”

“America.”

“Ah, yeah…”

He didn’t really forget. How could he with Yongguk being so excited to actually go to the United States for once. It was way further than his usual trips. The furthest Yongguk had ever been from Himchan was maybe Australia. Yongguk closed his bag and smiled at his boyfriend.

“I’ll call you when I get there. I promise.”

“You really promise? Don’t hesitate to call, okay. I won’t care if you wake me up.”

Yongguk chuckled and wrapped his arms around Himchan. “I really promise.”

He then kissed him but there was something off with the kiss. It didn’t feel like usual. It was more like a ‘goodbye’ than a ‘see you soon’. But Himchan tried not to pay attention to that and followed Yongguk downstairs where the taxi was already waiting.

“Have a safe flight.”

Yongguk nodded and gave Himchan his signature smile. A wide grin with his gums showing. Himchan smiled weakly back and waved him out when he left.

Yongguk didn’t call. He didn’t show any sign of life until he had been away for four months. He then called in the middle of the night, saying he was most likely never coming back. They had offered him a job and he couldn’t say no as it had always been his dream to work in America. Himchan had silently wished that Yongguk would’ve suggested him to join him in America but Yongguk didn’t even give a hint about him wanting Himchan to be there too.

He then later learned from a mutual friend that Yongguk had met someone in America and lived now together with that person. They had been in contact for a couple of months before Yongguk had gotten the offer to go to the United States. And it seemed that he had gotten that opportunity thanks to the person he had met during a meeting, when the other one was visiting South Korea for his job.

The hurt and betrayal Himchan had felt upon hearing that news led to drinking until passing out and closing himself off from everyone. It took him several months to pull himself together – with the help of his friend – and several others to take the courage to throw the stuff Yongguk left at their place out which led to this moment. All Yongguk’s possession’s were piled up in their garden, consumed by red flames in front of the window. A camera was positioned in front of the window so that once most of the things were burned up, Himchan would come in view, on the other side of the window. Himchan smiled a little as he opened his eyes and watched the flames dance, knowing he might look a little crazy with the lights of the fire lighting up his face but maybe by sending this to Yongguk, just maybe, will he feel a tenth of the pain he had caused to him.