♫ Doll

"I admit, I'm being stupid,

But I'll keep our past memories and stand alone."

Junhyung always wanted a little sister.

He envied his friends who took pictures with their cute, younger sisters during holiday. He wanted to show that he could be a great and amazing brother for her.

When he was six years old, he received a surprising birthday present from God. On the very same date of his birthday, her mother gave birth to a beautiful angel.

She was named Inhyung, referring to Junhyung's name. Her name also meant 'doll' and Junhyung liked the name. He said that she was cute and beautiful like a doll.

His eyes were shimmering when he stared at his young little sister. Every night he would stay at her side, hold the little hand of an angel until she slept.

Junhyung spent every night with Inhyung, teaching her new words whenever he could. He was so happy when she could mention his name. He jumped in excitement, calling for his parent so they could hear her.

Since Junhyung always told her how much he liked her name, Inhyung always thought that her name was beautiful, just like what her older brother said. She liked it.

A name that she treasured for the rest of her life.

"Hearing the sound of the morning come, I fall asleep."

Junhyung loved his little sister.

Junhyung and Inhyung were inseparable. They were like twins. Junhyung was an overprotective older brother but Inhyung never complained about it.

He protected her like what a loving sibling did. He showered Inhyung with love and care so she would never feel lonely. Thanks to her, Junhyung never felt lonely too.

They shared same interests in hobbies including music and art. Their parent was so happy because both of them could get along so well even with the age difference.

Inhyung grew up to be a fine and beautiful girl. Guys tried to approach her even when she just entered the junior high school. Junhyung, who just graduated from senior high school, kept insisting that she should not care about the guys.

He would be there for her no matter what happened, unlike the boys who just liked her for momentary. For everyday they could be there for each other, just like what a family would do.

He promised her the time of forever when he didn't really understand what forever was...

...but Inhyung carved that promise in her heart.

"As always, perhaps you spent the day forgetting me.

How can you be okay with it so easily?"

Junhyung started to forget about his little sister.

He started to go for college and he was busy with his own life, new friends, and new environment. He was somehow popular that girls tried to get his attention from time to time.

No more spending Saturday and Sunday with Inhyung. He would go somewhere, meeting up with friends, going for a movie, or doing anything else but being with his little sister.

There were times Inhyung cried at nights, feeling alone after years with her loving brother. Meanwhile Junhyung went on with his life as if it was not an important matter.

Their sibling relationship started to waver.

"It was hard for me because I couldn't understand,

Why you left me, the one who never changed?"

Junhyung used to spend birthday together with his little sister.

It was Inhyung's sixteenth birthday. It's also Junhyung's twenty-second birthday. It's also the first time she celebrated their birthday separately.

Junhyung went on a date with a girl to celebrate his own birthday. He even forgot to wish her a happy birthday. He remembered it when he returned and his parent scolded him for being so ignorant towards Inhyung.

"Oh, come on, she is not a little kid anymore," Junhyung started to feel annoyed. "I have a life too! It's not like she is going to die without me!"

He didn't know that Inhyung was listening to their arguments. Her heart was broken into pieces to hear Junhyung's statement.

She couldn't help but to think what kind of mistake she had done until her brother changed like this. She couldn't understand. Not even for the slightest.

So she cried again that night in silence, too afraid that Junhyung would hear her cries and hate her for it.

"Just like this, we'll slowly forget each other,

So saying "I love you" will be useless."

Junhyung had forgotten the promise he made with his little sister.

Inhyung never changed. She always greeted her brother when he woke up. She would wait for him to return even when the midnight had passed. She would make breakfast for him even if he didn't eat it in the end.

She didn't want to change but Junhyung thought the opposite.

"Stop clinging to me like a puppy," Junhyung sighed in frustration when Inhyung asked if he wanted to go for a new movie this week. "Go have a life, Inhyung! I can't take care of you forever!"

Instead of the words 'I love you' he always said to her when they were little, Inhyung was crash by the harsh words from Junhyung, the rejection that torn her heart with imaginary knife.

Inhyung finally realized that maybe one day Junhyung would forget about her completely.

"I'm sorry.

I was a selfish person.

I tried to keep you by my side just because I loved you."

Junhyung left her little sister.

He moved to his own apartment during his third college year. Sometimes he returned just to visit his parent but never showed any interest to fix his broken relationship with Inhyung.

Inhyung never said any protest. She supported him for every decision he made even if he didn't care about it. She buried her sadness all inside, faking smiles everyday so her parent won't worry about her.

At first she really wanted Junhyung to realize that she was still there for him, like what a little sister would do but, slowly but sure, everything started to change.

"That's right.

I forgot the most important thing.

If I love you, then your happiness comes first."

Junhyung thought he would be alright without his little sister.

Every night Junhyung spent his time with his girlfriend, his friends, and his hobbies. He enjoyed his freedom since his parent never really restricted his life.

Every night Inhyung would pray for nothing but her brother's happiness. She started to forget about her selfish but simple wish, to have her brother's love back.

All she wanted was Junhyung to be happy.

Even if it meant she couldn't be with him.

"It's okay

I'll be here like this, without any relation to you

I'll be able to protect you from afar."

Junhyung knew nothing about his little sister.

While he was waiting for his graduation day, Inhyung was busy preparing surprise for Junhyung. She knew that he won't be impressed since he had a girlfriend to make him happy already but, still, she wanted to be a good sister.

She worked as a part-time animal mascot at a park during day time and she worked as a part-time waiter during night time at a small night club.

Her parent had told her that she didn't need to work that hard but she convinced them about how much she wanted to give something special for Junhyung wit her own hard work.

"It's alright if he forgets...," Inhyung said to herself, "...as long as I remember."

"I love you,

and this will never change.

Even if your place is empty, I will continue loving only you."

Junhyung never thought he would lose his little sister.

Two weeks before his graduation day, he received a call from Inhyung, asking him if he would come home later for an early celebration she had prepared for him.

Junhyung refused without thinking twice. He didn't want to change his plan just for Inhyung. She was on her way back to home after buying the graduation present for Junhyung.

She felt so sad after the call that she didn't pay attention at where she was heading. She crossed the road when the light was still green.

A truck hit her, throwing her body metres away. Blood was everywhere and she was brought to the nearest hospital but everything was too late.

Inhyung took her last breath that night.

Before her parent came.

Before Junhyung arrived.

"For awhile I'll cry because of the pain and even search for you,

But don't mind me."

Junhyung lost his little sister.

Forever.

He always thought nothing could separate family. He forgot about Death. He never thought his ignorant, cold attitude would give such a big impact in his family.

He thought Inhyung was alright because she never said anything, so he didn't mind her.

He flew back to his hometown right away after his father called him. He didn't believe what he just heard; Inhyung had died.

When he arrived at the hospital, his mother was still crying. She ran to him, crying in his hug, sobbing uncontrollably, "S-She was so happy... S-She was waiting for you to come back..."

Junhyung held the urge to let the tears fell down, comforting her mother who kept rambling about how happy Inhyung was when she knew Junhyung would be graduated.

He also found out that his sister worked really hard to buy him something as the graduation present.

It's the thing Inhyung kept holding on even when she's dying.

"I'll miss you,

And I can't do anything about that,

But I won't give you hard time."

Junhyung realized how much he loved his little sister.

But it's too late.

He couldn't hold his tears anymore when he knew that Inhyung met the accident right after the phone conversation they had.

If only he agreed to return to meet her, would she be alright now? Would she smile at him like what she always did? Would she be there to tell him that she loved his brother?

Junhyung cried in regret.

Every moment he spent with Inhyung crossed his mind. The moments he could never repeat again. The moments he wanted to embrace. The moments he used to treasure.

He hated himself for ignoring Inhyung. He hated himself for being so selfish, for being such a jerk just because of a momentary happiness as young adult.

Junhyung forgot that Inhyung was always there for him...

...yet he never realized it until she was gone.

"For awhile I'll cry because of the pain and even search for you,

But don't mind me,

It will only last for a while"

Junhyung always loved his little sister.

"Junhyung, are you going with us to the beach this week?" his friend at office tapped his shoulder. "Let's have fun this summer!"

He unconsciously touched the silver ring he wore on his thumb, the one Inhyung bought for him on the night she met the accident, "Ah, I'll pass."

His friend gave him a disbelief look, "Seriously? It's your birthday this Saturday! The ladies will be there! Don't worry!

Junhyung just smiled at his friend, "My little sister's eighteenth birthday this Saturday. I must celebrate it with my parents."

Junhyung stood up and walked out from the office. He looked up at the sky and his lips turned into a small smile, imagining that Inhyung must be smiling if she was there with him.

One year had passed since Inhyung's funeral. Junhyung continued his life but he changed. He treasured every moment he could have now.

A promise was not just mere words.

A life was a gift.

Sometimes when he was walking around the city, Junhyung would see someone who looked like Inhyung but he finally realized it was just his imagination.

Inhyung was gone forever, the reason why he understood what 'forever' meant now.

"Inhyung," he smiled to the sky. "We'll be together again one day."

"Forever."

"It will only be a momentary goodbye."

* * * * *

This story is based on "Doll" (인형) by Shin Hyesung ft. Lee Jihoon.
I heard this song for the first time when Leeteuk and Yesung sang it during Super Show.