♫ Mayday! Mayday!

Definition of Mayday:

noun

an international radio distress signal used by ships and aircraft.

Origin:

1920s: representing a pronunciation of French m'aider, from venez m'aider 'come and help me'

"After the rain stopped, the sky looks especially clearer,

As if it had never been bad the first place."

The sunshine comes through the window when I open the curtain. My eyes squint due to the sudden bright but I quickly adjust my sight with it.

Rain has stopped and I can see a beautiful spectrum of light appears in the sky. The blue sky is so clear that I barely notice it's raining just now if I don't see the water drops on ground.

I touch the cold window with my fingers, gazing at the clear, beautiful sky, wondering if this is just a dream and I will wake up with him, lying right next to me.

Just like what he always did. He would my hair and ask if I had a good sleep. He would smile and say that we should go outside to take a good look at the magical rainbow.

I close my eyes as the memories run in my head. The memories I have been locked up and buried inside just because I feel tears are going to fall down whenever I remember them.

Even after day by day, week by week, month by month, I still can't get over this loneliness, the feeling that once had disappeared when he was with me.

No matter how hard I tried, no matter how often I told myself that I could move on, I just can't.

Tears fall down when I know that I'm not dreaming.

"I bite my lips and slowly pace my breathing,

And I think about the memories I locked up for a while."

"Hey," an unfamiliar voice greeted me. A guy with red hair stood right in front of me with a gentle smile, "Do you mind if I sit next to you?"

I didn't say a word to him. I just wanted him to go away because I knew what he was going to try and I didn't need his help.

He must be a new volunteer in this orphan, the one they asked for help to take care of the children. The staffs had given up on me since I drew distance, built a high wall between me and them.

My family died in a plane crash and I was the only one who survived. I was only seven when that happened. My life never stayed the same due to the shock I experienced.

I became mute. I refused to talk. At first they thought it was normal but, I didn't know since when, I started to choose silence over words.

They tried to help me, they said, convincing me that I should start talking again but I didn't want to. Whenever I wanted to say something, it felt like everything was stuck in my throat.

Even after ten years, I was still scared of the world.

"My name is Hyunseung," he suddenly introduced himself, still locking his gaze on me. "Are you scared because of my red hair?"

I just looked away from him, hugging tight my teddy bear. The guy didn't bother and he stayed in silence, admiring the beauty of full moon that night.

After around thirty minutes, I started to feel uncomfortable. I stood up but I couldn't help myself to be curious at the man named Hyunseung.

"You're beautiful," he said to me with a charming smile.

For the very first time in my life since I was left alone, locked up in my own loneliness, I blushed because of his compliment.

I had no idea who he was or why he told me that I was beautiful. All I know was he looked like an angel who was sent from Heaven...

...for me.

"It’s alright, as I really think deeply, I fly away.

As I fly higher, at some point, tears fall."

Just like what I thought, he was a volunteer. He would come to the orphanage four times every week at night time for his shift. I found out that he was four years older than me.

Every child liked him. He always smiled and did whatever he could to make us happy.

Unlike the others, I always stayed far from the crowd, hiding myself behind something. However, just like magic, he always managed to find me and flashed me a smile as if he wanted to tell me that I didn't need to hide.

I didn't know when it started, we became close even without me saying a word. When I sat at the backyard to enjoy the quiet night, he would be there and talked about whatever.

I didn't feel lonely or scared when I was with him. He brought a warm feeling wherever he went and, maybe since the first time I saw him, I started to fall in love with him.

Love.

That word sound strange to me. I didn't know what I felt to him until the day I needed to leave the orphanage since I was too old already.

I left without any complaint. They told me that I should be ready to face the reality and my disability in speaking would be a problem if I didn't try to blend in the community.

They asked me if I wanted to stay with my grandparents from my father's family but I shook my head, didn't want to feel loss of family anymore.

What if they left me forever when I was with them? What would I be then?

"Can she stay with me?" Hyunseung proposed to the administrator of my orphanage. "I'll look for a job for her. It must be lonely if she is alone."

He resigned from his volunteer job and, that night, he held my hand on our way to his small but cozy apartment, the place where we started to live together.

Strange how I didn't afraid that he would do bad things to me. He insisted that I should sleep in his room while he would sleep in the main room with just a pillow.

"This is your new home," Hyunseung patted my head with a huge grin. "Not too big but I hope you will like your new castle, Princess."

"As if I’m following a set route every day.

The moment I open my eyes,

I face a reality that is without you."

Two years. He took care of me for two years without complaining. He helped me to work as an author since I always loved to write poems on paper, something I could do without my voice.

There were times he said that he really wanted to hear my voice but he never forced me to speak out. He told me that he would wait until the day I would call his name with my voice.

For two years, people always thought that I was his sister. He never said anything against it and my heart clenched in pain because of that.

I felt so selfish because I wanted him to see me as someone special.

"I'm going to Tokyo next week," Hyunseung announced one night during the dinner time. He put down his spoon and smiled at me, "Will you come with me?"

My eyes widened in shock upon his statement. He knew that I had trauma about plane then why did he still ask me that?

I shook my head and stormed to my room. Hyunseung knocked the door and muttered softly, "Tell me if you don't want me to leave."

I never did tell him not to leave.

As if nothing happened, we lived on the week till the day he was going to leave to Tokyo. I accompanied him to the airport, still without saying a word.

My heart screamed, wanted him to stay and never left but my voice still couldn't leave my lips. Hyunseung just stood there, with a small smile on his face, waiting for me to say something.

"I need to leave now," he stated when the announcement that his plane was going to board could be heard. "I'll see you in two weeks."

When he turned around, I pulled his sleeve, the last attempt I made for him to stay. He looked suprised but, just like when we met for the first time, his lips turned into a curve.

Hyunseung cupped my cheek and pressed his lips on mine. He kissed me for seconds which felt like forever before he pulled away and whispered, "I love you."

Once again, he told me to wait for him. He wanted to ask me something once he returned.

I just nodded, thinking that two weeks would pass quickly. I would wait for him and told him the same thing he just whispered to me.

With my own voice.

"It’s alright, I think I’ve gotten used to it now.

I try to laugh once and suddenly my breath is cut short."

He never returned.

The plane Hyunseung took met an accident due to the storm. The night I heard about the news, it felt like my world just collided, broken into pieces.

It's impossible. He was there just this morning, whispering 'I love you' to me. Just after I thought I had found my perfect happiness.

His best friends helped to take care of his funeral but I was like a body without a soul. I couldn't even cry anymore when I saw his body was buried, a sign that he would never return tothe world.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to stop everyone from saying goodbye to him. I wanted him to return and listen to me so he would know how much I always loved him.

Day by day passed with me, living without any desire to live on anymore.

What was I without Hyunseung?

"So I’m endlessly calling mayday,

Until I have no strength left.

I crumble down at the sharply piercing separation."

I started to live with my grandparents and they were worried sick about me. Everything became worse because I once tried to lock myself in the room, hoping that I should just die.

This separation was too cruel. Why did the fate let me to meet Hyunseung, to love him, to be loved by him, just to take him away from my life?

Why couldn't people I loved stay?

"Mayday, I earnestly shout out so it can reach you

I hold tight the ended love and fall down"

Forty nine days after the accident, I left my grandparent's house, leaving a letter for them. I returned to the small apartment, the place which hold dearest memories of me and Hyunseung.

I cleaned every corner of the apartment and, after I was done, I hugged his pillow tight.

Finally I cried.

I didn't care if people would hear me or think I was crazy. I cried my heart out, feeling regret was engulfing my heart.

I loved Hyunseung so much yet I couldn't tell him.

Not anymore.

"I wandered endlessly to the entrance of the world,

And I let go of the hand that you extended to me.

It is my reality that is beyond my capacity"

I walk out from the apartment, holding a red umbrella in my hand. The rain has stopped but I just want to walk under the umbrella, enjoying the smell of the rain by myself.

My feet lead me to nowhere. I walk and walk as far as I can. I don't feel tired at all even after the sun has set and moon takes over its place.

It's almost eight when I finally stop my steps. I am standing at the green field at the side of the town. Hyunseung once brought me here because the night view looks so beautiful from here.

I look up and reach out my hand as if I'm trying to grab the stars.

"I’m endlessly calling mayday, I’m once again far away.

The speeding skies are more dazzling,

And I hate it even more for that.

I look up and I shout out again."

"Hyunseung..."

After almost ten years, finally I say something. It's his name and a tear follows after the word.

"Hyunseung...," I repeat his name. "Hyunseung... Hyunseung... Hyunseung..."

As if he is there, I keep calling out his name endlessly. It's like if I keep mentioning his name, he will come and smile at me.

"Hyunseung...," I let the umbrella to hit the ground. I don't care about anything anymore. "Hyunseung..."

I fall on my knees and clutch my shirt. It feels like someone is ripping my heart from inside. It's so painful that I can't breath. Cold wind hits me without mercy but I ignore it.

"I love you..."

"Mayday, I want someone to please hurry,

And take me to you.

Someone please save this love,

That is still remaining."

Where am I?

It feels like I'm floating somewhere. I open my eyes to see nothing but white. I look around to find something or someone familiar but there is none.

I extend my hand to hold on something but a hand takes mine. The person intertwines our fingers together and I am familiar with this warm feeling.

"I can hear you."

I smile when I hear his voice. A voice that I really want to hear more than my own voice. A voice that I've been missing like crazy. A voice of someone I really love.

This time I can tell him... with my voice that he always wanted to hear.

"I love you."