Warning: Character death, but not really. Still, character death…and a little bit of a sad/suicidal Kris.

Kris’ POV

Everything is blank. I have nothing, no one. I just breathe to survive. It’s cold now. It’s been cold for such a long time now. It feels like he’s here, but he’s not. He’s gone; I’m nothing but a waste of space. They’re sad and scared; scared I’ll do something stupid now that he’s gone. It’s too late for that.

The first time I saw him, he was just so amazing. Friendly, nice, kind, everything, he was just everything. He smiled so caringly at me that nothing hurt anymore. His smile was something I dreamed of. I dreamed of him.

We didn’t know each other until two months later, meeting at a party thrown by a mutual friend – who introduced us. He was younger by about three years and graduating from high school, when I was in my second year of university.

He made me smile so much. We would hang out, talk.

We did everything together once he was in university. He moved into my apartment, and that’s when we started to date.

Our first kiss was amazing. It was like in a movie. We were walking back from a long day and walked into an empty park. It was a warm, sunny day and we just finished ice cream and he stopped us. I turned to him with a confused look and he closed the space between us. His arms went around my neck, pulling me closer and down – into a kiss that I wasn’t expecting, but ready for. It was sweet; it tasted like his peach ice cream. It only lasted a minute, but it felt like hours. It was perfect. He was perfect.

We were happy. We spent three years together. We would sit – cuddled up on our couch in the living area, watching television. Every night we’d sit there, happily sitting there with linked hands and bodies connected in a soft embrace.

Then it happened. One dark, cold and rainy night happened. I was sitting on our cold couch, waiting for him to return to me so we could cuddle together. Then the rain started to get harder and I knew. He hated hard rain; it reminded him of his sad past. I stood and walked out of the apartment complex. I could see him, coming down the street with his bright yellow umbrella. I could see it from the lights of the streetlamps. I walked to the curb and he saw me, he waved happily and rushed to the curb of his side. I didn’t see it until it was too late. Until red dotted across his yellow umbrella and a car was stopped beside his unmoving and limp body. I dropped the matching umbrella I had and stepped closer. In a matter of second I was soaked in rain and he was lying there, gasping out in pain from being hit by a speeding car.

The ambulance ride was short but lasted for years – for me. The days I sat in that white and cold hospital room lasted for so long, too long. I would sit there, waiting for him to wake up and smile at me. Smile and be happy, so we could sit on our couch and cuddle happily. So we could kiss and so the world could stop.

It did stop. The moment the soft beep of his heart monitor picked up into a fast pitch and one long tone. Doctors and nurses rushed around me before they couldn’t do anything. He choked on his own blood. He died in his hospital bed before I could even understand what was happening to him.

He was gone.

I didn’t go home for two weeks. I didn’t want to sit in that cold and quiet apartment. I didn’t want to be reminded of him. Everything reminded me of him. The ice cream parlour we would often go to, the park we had our first kiss, everything.

When I finally returned to the apartment, it was in a layer of dust. It was silent, cold and tiring. I walked into our bedroom and looked at the small mess that was left. Clothes that were piled up from him checking his clothes out and passing them aside when he didn’t feel like they looked good. I smiled at remembering the moment. The apartment felt alive when I walked out of the room and looked at our warm couch.

I remembered the day we moved that couch into the apartment. Our mutual friends were throwing it out, and we decided to take it. The day we moved it in, it was a dusty old mess. We cleaned it and placed it in the living area, across from our small television. The first time we sat on that couch – we held hands. We weren’t dating, but we still held them though.

Memories, I lived off of the memories of us for another month before I ran out of food and I was back in that cold and empty apartment. I got rid of that couch; I pulled it apart and burnt it to ashes.

I didn’t buy more food. I missed classes for university for two weeks before anyone came to see if I was alive. I was, but only on the outside. They banged on the door and left when I didn’t answer. I sat dazed on our large bed – photos of us in front of me.

There was one photo – two months into our relationship and our first argument. I had found an old camera and I wanted to share the memories with him. He was still upset with me – and I knew the way to make him happy. I went out and bought him a small bowl of peach ice cream. When I returned and he saw it – after apologizing, he accepted the ice cream and we sat on our couch. I showed him the photos and then, I turned to him and flash; it was the first photo that I had of him.

I was turning into skin and bones. I hadn’t had a decent meal in months. I lived off of whatever I could find, and it wasn’t much. I would sit, stare out of the window and fade away. My eyes were blank, my skin was pale and I was thinner than ever. In a matter of thinking, I was dead. I only lived because I breathed.

The day I shut everything out, I went out. I went out and bought alcohol and drank away my mind, my memories and what I hopped; my life.

I remember walking onto the empty road, the blinding lights of a car before I was pushed and pulled over the hood, roof and boot. I dropped onto the gravel of the road. I could feel blood leaving my body. One last flash of his smiling face filled my mind before everything went black – and I hopped I was dead.

When I woke up, in a bright, white hospital room – friends greeted me. I smiled at them as the sun from outside turned the room into a warm and yellow tone.

“Kris, do you want to go to Tao’s graveyard today?” Baekhyun asked with a smile and I blinked at him.

“Who’s Tao?” I asked, Baekhyun’s smile dropped and his eyes grew wide.